chinadiary Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 I recently split up with my long term (11 years) partner. Prior to him, I had 2 other LTR. I haven't really been single since I was 16 years old (and I'm 50 now). I don't know how to be single. I'm not comfortable being single. How do I learn this? I've been in a relationship my entire adult life. It isn't that I lack confidence, or that I'm dependent. I've worked overseas for the last 5 years and have been financially independent for 30 years. But... I don't know how to cope without having a love interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Buriall Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 You've been so busy your whole life chasing something that wasn't there in the first place that you don't even know how to live with yourself. This means you have alot of work to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Buriall Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 If you search everywhere, yet cannot find what you are seeking, it is because what you seek is already in your possession. Lao Tzu Link to post Share on other sites
Aayla Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 Not being able to cope without a love interest is in itsef a form of dependency because it means founding your entire well being in having or not having a relationship. Maybe the key is to recognize that just because we are inclined to be in relationships doesn't mean that it is essential to our existence and that we cannot find happines in other ways. There is of course the social pressure of "having to have someone" too, although we don't want ot admit it to ourselves. You probably didn't do the work on yourself when you were younger (in terms of learning to be happy by yourself) and are now finding it difficult to manage. I would recommend reading "The art of loving" by Erich Fromm. It's a good read to understand where does our necessity for relationships (both platonic and romantic) come from. Once you do the work on yourself, the rest will fall into place and maybe you will also connect with others in a more sane way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buriall Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 Not being able to cope without a love interest is in itsef a form of dependency because it means founding your entire well being in having or not having a relationship. Maybe the key is to recognize that just because we are inclined to be in relationships doesn't mean that it is essential to our existence and that we cannot find happines in other ways. There is of course the social pressure of "having to have someone" too, although we don't want ot admit it to ourselves. You probably didn't do the work on yourself when you were younger (in terms of learning to be happy by yourself) and are now finding it difficult to manage. I would recommend reading "The art of loving" by Erich Fromm. It's a good read to understand where does our necessity for relationships (both platonic and romantic) come from. Once you do the work on yourself, the rest will fall into place and maybe you will also connect with others in a more sane way. Culture is not your friend and i dont think this is something she can learn from reading a book. It ll get her going for sure though Link to post Share on other sites
Aayla Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Of course she'll not learn life from a book, but sometimes inspiration makes us take the first step, Lao Tzu. Link to post Share on other sites
Buriall Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 @Aayla more like Lao Aayla Link to post Share on other sites
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