rosarita84 Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 Every now and then my husband will make comments about how another woman is "fat" or "old" or "gross", the list goes on. This weekend he called an absolutely gorgeous woman "flabby". This woman's body type is very similar to my own and I took offense! Furthermore, he added that he prefers petite, skinny women. Of course, his comment and my reaction were after several drinks which doesn't help anything. However, I am still baffled. He got very defensive when I called him out and proceeded to tell me I am crazy and irrational and whatever problem I had with his comment is my fault. I'll give him that, I probably should have just stopped listening after the 2nd beer of the day. Am I crazy for being disconcerted? If my husband prefers a petite, thin woman (which I am not, but healthy) where does that leave me? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 I think he's trying to tell you that you've put on a few pounds 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 Either your husband is a very light weight drinker, or he's just using the alcohol as an excuse if he is saying horrible things after 2 beers. I mean most adult men would be able to drive after about 4 or 5 beers. Anyway, he may have an alcohol problem. And it sounds like he doesn't have a lot of respect for women. Even if you stay in shape you will get "old", so how does he plan to handle this? 12 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 I agree with Gunslinger. Your husband has very little respect for women AND he's far too opinionated. Next time he does it, ask him why he makes rude comments about strangers. Don't make it about you, make it about his general rudeness. It's also OK to say that you don't want to be a party to his insults and would appreciate if does not do it when you're around. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 Try talking to him sober. Perhaps he didn't understand that you interpreted his remarks as a lame way of telling you that he doesn't find you attractive, which is a very hurtful thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rosarita84 Posted October 30, 2017 Author Share Posted October 30, 2017 I tried talking to him the next morning, he expected an apology from me and took absolutely zero responsibility for his harshness. I'll try talking to him again tonight. I'll just let him know that he needs to keep negative comments about other women to himself because it makes me feel insecure. That's fair. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rosarita84 Posted October 30, 2017 Author Share Posted October 30, 2017 even if I have I am 5'7", 140 lbs. That's healthy, normal and I'm OK with it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rosarita84 Posted October 30, 2017 Author Share Posted October 30, 2017 Also something to worry about. I won't be 33 forever. Brace yourselves, 40 is coming... I'm not going to be one to fight the aging process, bring on the gray and wrinkles because I'll be attractive regardless. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 even if I have I am 5'7", 140 lbs. That's healthy, normal and I'm OK with it. You are quite trim. I'm trying to get back down to 140 at the same height. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 So is this beer drinker a fitness nut? Is he Adonis? What gives him the room to judge? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rosarita84 Posted October 30, 2017 Author Share Posted October 30, 2017 He is in great shape and naturally athletic. I don't know why he is so judgmental of how some women look. I can only imagine what he must think about my weight. I usually don't have a problem with myself but I guess he found a trigger. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 Rosarita, is he usually dismissive of your feelings? Or is issue out of character for him? Link to post Share on other sites
chinadiary Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 Also something to worry about. I won't be 33 forever. Brace yourselves, 40 is coming... I'm not going to be one to fight the aging process, bring on the gray and wrinkles because I'll be attractive regardless. I love this, keep that confidence! Your husband sounds like my ex. I was 17 years younger than him, and still young enough to be pretty when we got together. Yes, I was plump, but I looked good. He would call me lumpy, tell me I shouldn't eat stuff etc. He was skinny, but a smoker with bad skin and not an attractive man. The arrogance. Our bodies are our own. If they don't like them, they should leave. Someone that only has negative things to say about others is NOT a happy or nice person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rosarita84 Posted October 30, 2017 Author Share Posted October 30, 2017 He has made little comments here and there but never blatantly called me unattractive or overweight. Link to post Share on other sites
chinadiary Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 It's seems like the implication is there. But this is you. He married you. Is there another reason he may be unhappy? Link to post Share on other sites
Almond_Joy Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 I was with a trainer once, it was very discouraging. He thought because he reshaped his body everyone who didn’t was lazy, he was so condescending and belittling if you weren’t clamoring to “get into shape”. I know everyone’s different but folks that are really into fitness I find are hypercritical of other folks’ bodies. It was truly inspiring to see you post that you embrace the aging process. Self confidence really is the only way to rebuff a mentality like your husband’s. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rosarita84 Posted October 30, 2017 Author Share Posted October 30, 2017 This one time he asked me if I wanted to go to the gym and I declined. He lifted my T-shirt, nodded at my stomach and said "Are you sure you don't want to go?" Of course I had a meltdown. He said he was "only trying to motivate me." Link to post Share on other sites
chinadiary Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 That makes me despair of marriage. Is your only value your hotness? You sound intelligent sexy to me. Is he maybe heading for midlife crisis? Link to post Share on other sites
Almond_Joy Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 This one time he asked me if I wanted to go to the gym and I declined. He lifted my T-shirt, nodded at my stomach and said "Are you sure you don't want to go?" Of course I had a meltdown. He said he was "only trying to motivate me." ^^^no, a lot of them get some muscle and call their cruelty “motivation”. Keep your confidence, at 5’7 140 you probably have a body that most normal folks men and women alike would appreciate. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 I think I'd be more concerned about how derogatory he was about women. He seems very judgemental. That can't be nice for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 My eldest son's father was like that too, very derogatory towards women. I laughed my butt off when he lost his hair prematurely, and developed a beer belly. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 This one time he asked me if I wanted to go to the gym and I declined. He lifted my T-shirt, nodded at my stomach and said "Are you sure you don't want to go?" Of course I had a meltdown. He said he was "only trying to motivate me." I'm not a lawyer, but I think you are legally allowed to stab your husband for that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I'm curious how long you've been married and more importantly, how long this has been going on? I'm with the camp that says he seems to be dropping hints about your weight and looks. He sounds super shallow and just plain rude regarding his observation of women. Beers or no beers. Drunk words are sober thoughts. Remember that. As far as your take on your aging process, YOU GO GIRL! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 A friend of mine was visiting with his wife....His wife made a comment to him about how good I looked, and why can't he do something about his "big gut and double chin" ...Another time I saw a pic of a couple I know on social media....People commented on how the guys face looked, because it looked like he was straining...She said he was trying to hold his fat stomach in... Women do it as well...I was kinda shocked...The friend and his wife are divorced now(not over that issue, though).. I dunno...I just think some people say things about others, purposely in earshot of their own SO to make a point about what they like or don't like...It winds up, in their mind, as being far less hurtful then saying it directly to the actual person...It's not tasteful, but I have seen it done tons of times on both sides.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rosarita84 Posted October 31, 2017 Author Share Posted October 31, 2017 I sat him down and told him to keep his negative comments about other women to himself and he seemed to take it OK. We'll see I guess. Thanks for your input, everyone Link to post Share on other sites
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