Recent-grad should I live with my parents? (Independence vs savings)

[Tallgirl91]

Hey,

 

I’m a recent college grad and moved back in with my parents this past September. Originally I decided to do this because my parents urged me to because they want me to have an established savings account. Thought this was a good idea but I am seriously missing my independence! Everytime I go somewhere my mom interrogates me and I have a curfew. I do go out and drink occasionally (2 drinks at most and never to the point of being tipsy and I NEVER drink and drive) and if I come home with the smell of wine on my breath my mom lashes out at me. Also, I’m not religious and my parents keep giving me lecturers and yelling at me about becoming “close with god”... it’s very stressful. I’m not making very much (27,000/year after taxes) but I live in Ohio so the cost of living is relatively low plus I have zero college debt. I think I might want to move out but am bummed that I won’t have a large savings before doing so... What should I do?

Edited October 30, 2017 by Tallgirl91

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You have no college debt and a decent job. Get a roommate, move out, and have fun .

[d0nnivain]

I'm a big proponent of saving money but not at the expense of your mental health.

 

 

Start by having a conversation with mom about boundaries. Offer to pay some kind of rent but remind her that you are not in high school anymore & that your relationship with God hasn't changed other than her behavior is causing you to contemplate breaking the commandments about honoring thy father and thy mother.

 

 

If she isn't willing to back off, start researching roommates & learn to budget. If you don't splurge you should be able to get an apartment, eat reasonably well if you cook at home & still save a little.

[MajesticUnicorn]

Hey!

 

I graduated in May 2016 and I was in a similar situation. I had to decide between living with my parents, and moving out and getting my own place. I was fortunate in that my parents are very laid back and would let me do my own thing, but ultimately I ended up moving to my own place. However, looking back, I wish I would've lived at home and saved money. I'm now moving to a new city, and in hindsight living at home for a year and a half really wouldn't have been that bad and I would have way more savings to fall back on.

 

I think there are a lot of things you should consider before making this decision. Do you plan to stay in Ohio long-term, specifically in the town/city where you are currently located? If you have plans to move away in the near future, I would recommend toughing it out and living with mom and dad. A lot of my friends feel the same way too, because once you move out and are tied down to a lease that limits your ability to move elsewhere should an opportunity arise.

 

However, if you are settled and plan to stay in Ohio, I say start researching places and see if you can find anything affordable. You may not have as much savings, but you will get that independence you are looking for. But also consider the added costs of moving out - I don't know if your parents provide groceries, toiletries, etc. for you but that is another thing you'll have to pay for on top of rent.

[GunslingerRoland]

$27K/year sounds low even after taxes, but it all depends on what the cost of living is where you are... are you expecting any increases to your financial situation soon? Because if not, you'd might as well bite the bullet and figure out how to afford to live on your own now. Yeah it would be nice to have some savings, but month to month, you'll have to figure out a permanent budget anyway.

[JustGettingBy]

As someone who's around your age (or, if your username means what I think it means, same birth year), I'm still living at home because I'm the kind who would rather live at home a little longer then move out forever instead of bouncing back and forth for years. Keep in mind that if you live on your own now, you may be forced to move back in later anyway.

[d0nnivain]

Moving out won't be easy. After taxes you probably take home somewhere around $1600 per month, which is rent alone in many cities. Now add in car payments, car insurance, your share of any health insurance, call phone bill, cable bill, electric, food & you don't have much (anything) left for savings, going out, buying gifts, emergencies. Do you think you can actually find someplace safe to live for around $700 per month? If not, living on your own might not work.

 

 

Do make a budget for yourself before you move out to know what you are dealing with.

 

 

Perhaps getting an apartment & a part time job would be best.

[Miss Clavel]

Hey,

 

I’m a recent college grad and moved back in with my parents this past September. Originally I decided to do this because my parents urged me to because they want me to have an established savings account. Thought this was a good idea but I am seriously missing my independence! Everytime I go somewhere my mom interrogates me and I have a curfew. I do go out and drink occasionally (2 drinks at most and never to the point of being tipsy and I NEVER drink and drive) and if I come home with the smell of wine on my breath my mom lashes out at me. Also, I’m not religious and my parents keep giving me lecturers and yelling at me about becoming “close with god”... it’s very stressful. I’m not making very much (27,000/year after taxes) but I live in Ohio so the cost of living is relatively low plus I have zero college debt. I think I might want to move out but am bummed that I won’t have a large savings before doing so... What should I do?

 

 

 

what are you spending your money on?

 

rent

electric

cable

internet

phone

car insurance

water

food

 

figure it out, what you need per month and then stay at home until you have first, last and security for a place of your own, cuz, honey, you need one. and then save up twice what your monthly bills are so you have a "cushion".

 

remember to add in your health insurance and ask around for the location of the nearest dollar store.

 

you can scrimp on food and clothes if you put your mind to it and you can control the amount you spend on gas.

 

make sure you look for a place that is "gated" or has some security. before you sign a lease ask about the ratio of singles to families with kids.

 

maybe you could stop going out and drink wine in the shower? you can tell your mom your going to get close to god over at the church and duck into a movie and drink wine from a mini bottle? you went to college, figure out how to get your mom off your back and get away from her, pronto, cuz she sounds borderline, sorry.

 

once my orphans finish college, they are adults in my eyes and all i care about is their safety. what they drink, where they go, what time they come in and who they are with is no longer my business.

 

i'd suggest you tell your mom that but, it won't do any good. the key to saving your relationship with your parents is to have only one, and it locks the front door of your new place.

 

good luck

[HiCrunchy]

Girl, are you living my life right now?

I am a similar thread to this one, but I didn't get many replies. Maybe my title wasn't clear enough idk.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/familial/family/642221-how-do-i-get-my-parents-see-me-adult

 

I am having a similar problem although it is a bit more than yours.

I've called the suicide hotline twice cause of the stress. I am so tired.

 

But if you can afford it, you should move out. But I might be projecting here.

 

Good luck

[snowboy91]

Hey,

 

I’m a recent college grad and moved back in with my parents this past September. Originally I decided to do this because my parents urged me to because they want me to have an established savings account. Thought this was a good idea but I am seriously missing my independence! Everytime I go somewhere my mom interrogates me and I have a curfew. I do go out and drink occasionally (2 drinks at most and never to the point of being tipsy and I NEVER drink and drive) and if I come home with the smell of wine on my breath my mom lashes out at me. Also, I’m not religious and my parents keep giving me lecturers and yelling at me about becoming “close with god”... it’s very stressful. I’m not making very much (27,000/year after taxes) but I live in Ohio so the cost of living is relatively low plus I have zero college debt. I think I might want to move out but am bummed that I won’t have a large savings before doing so... What should I do?

 

It's always a dilemma, independence is incredibly important. I've been out of home since I was 18 (8 years) and don't regret it at all, wouldn't want to move back home (I do get along with my parents very well... but they live 2 hours out of the city, there are zero jobs and... just no.). I try to recommend to some of my friends to do it, but unlike Ohio, Melbourne is incredibly expensive to live in so lots more people my age live with their parents.

 

Look around at cost of apartments or share houses, then try to put together a basic budget. What do you spend your money on? Include fun stuff (like going out for drinks, etc). Work out how much you are saving every week if you stick to the budget. You might be surprised. Sure it's less than if you were at home, but think about the freedom you get...