Looking for insight into how to have a good (potential) marriage

[kassy]

I would really appreciate any advice you have about how to have a successful marriage and how to keep the sex alive even after years and decades?

 

I just figured you guys would have some great insights for someone who is dating someone who feels like they are the right person (I'm 36, he's 41 and divorced with two kids if that matters)

[Cullenbohannon]

I am wondering the same thing. I am not afraid of the marriage, but I probably should stop reading some of these threads or i will change my mind.

[Steve51]

You figured wrong. I dated a girl starting when I was 15. We were inseparable and madly in love with each other. We wanted to spend every night together. We got engaged at 18 and everyone said it would be a marriage made in heaven. She cheated on me and we broke up.

 

I tried something different the next time, I lived with my girlfriend and after a year she too cheated on me. The third time was a charm though.

 

I saw my wife on a train, talked to her, stalked her until I followed her to her bank, asked her for a date and three weeks later we were engaged. We had nothing in common as far as interests, education or even height. She is 4' 11" and I am 6' tall. Two days ago we celebrated or 45th wedding anniversary. Go figure.

[Simple Logic]

One of the best way to keep your marriage is to have mutual long term goals. Keeping the sex alive is more complex because hormone changes for both you is 15 years away.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Kassy , read William's post above. Marriage is a difficult business if the two partners in it still think they are single and can do as they choose while the other has to lump it. Compromise is the name of the game and instead of arguing about things discuss them threadbare if need be. The main thing is that one must have a deep commitment to one's partner and the marriage. If that is not there then chinks in the relationship will follow fast. As far as sex is concerned, you have to find a comfortable middle point depending on who has a higher libido and who the lower. Never let sex become a reason for resentment as that will lead to cheating. If it ever comes to having to lead as sexless life then it is better for the person who is missing sex to ask for a divorce and move on rather than cheat on his or her partner. Have fun in your marriage. Good luck and the very best of wishes.

[kassy]

One of the best way to keep your marriage is to have mutual long term goals. Keeping the sex alive is more complex because hormone changes for both you is 15 years away.

 

Thanks for the reply! What kind of mutual long term goals do you mean?

[kassy]

Hi Kassy , read William's post above. Marriage is a difficult business if the two partners in it still think they are single and can do as they choose while the other has to lump it. Compromise is the name of the game and instead of arguing about things discuss them threadbare if need be. The main thing is that one must have a deep commitment to one's partner and the marriage. If that is not there then chinks in the relationship will follow fast. As far as sex is concerned, you have to find a comfortable middle point depending on who has a higher libido and who the lower. Never let sex become a reason for resentment as that will lead to cheating. If it ever comes to having to lead as sexless life then it is better for the person who is missing sex to ask for a divorce and move on rather than cheat on his or her partner. Have fun in your marriage. Good luck and the very best of wishes.

 

Thanks a lot for the reply. We aren't getting married yet, but it's just a relationship unlike any I've ever had and I think it's a keeper. I really appreciate your comments and the other posters.

[d0nnivain]

Continue dating your spouse even after marriage. Especially with kids in the picture, you have to find time for just the two of you.

 

 

I married later in life after living with somebody else for 10+ years. I had to learn how to function as a team. Decisions effected both of us. We had to make spending rules because I needed to learn how to deal with "our money"

[central]

Recent research shows that dating for longer (3 years or more) before marriage significantly increases the chances of staying together long term. That's probably because you know your potential spouse much better, and there has been time for deal-breaker problems to come to light so you can move on if necessary.

 

 

For a marriage to work well and last, a high level of compatibility is necessary (including sexual compatibility), combined with an attitude that you want the best for your partner and will do whatever you reasonably can to ensure their happiness - and they must reciprocate that behavior.