What makes someone come back

[newmoon]

That might be your experience but not everyone is shallow and self centred enough to run to an ex because of self pity. I believe genuine regret and remorse can be at play in these situations.

 

I don't typically believe in continuing to play a record that's broken, but I've had one girl in my life who I still think of often, after almost two years with no contact. No matter how I try and rationalize it in my head I still find myself wishing she would call me. Never had any others do that but for some reason I feel like I would take her back if she asked...

 

what do you classify genuine regret and remorse as? it's self-pity. it's sitting around wishing you'd done it differently or regretting that you didn't do better by someone, or missing what you had and wanting it back. you haven't acted on it, which is awesome b/c if you do reach out in that instance it's one-sided and selfish.

[Cookiesandough]

I think your guy seems mad at you from what you've said so he would need time to cool off and forget, and begin to just think of you as a commodity. Not likely he'll do that, it's easier to look at new women.

 

And there go all my hopes n dreams

Edited November 1, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[KBob]

what do you classify genuine regret and remorse as? it's self-pity. it's sitting around wishing you'd done it differently or regretting that you didn't do better by someone, or missing what you had and wanting it back. you haven't acted on it, which is awesome b/c if you do reach out in that instance it's one-sided and selfish.

 

So if this is your opinion I'd imagine you have never forgiven anyone for anything they've done to wrong you?

 

There is such a thing as making a mistake and wanting to fix it. And if both parties are down to reconcile, where's the harm?

[newmoon]

So if this is your opinion I'd imagine you have never forgiven anyone for anything they've done to wrong you?

 

There is such a thing as making a mistake and wanting to fix it. And if both parties are down to reconcile, where's the harm?

 

you're correct. i'm one of those people that doesn't forgive an ex and doesn't want to hear from anyone again after they've exited my life or done me wrong. if both parties want to reconcile then the person reaching out should probably the wronged party?, or the person who was cheated on/dumped/abused and not the one looking to fix their mistake. i'd think the greater forgiveness would have to come from the person who was hurt and not the one who created it, so if they are willing, then yeah, reconcile away. but how can you be sure if someone is open to that? others like me exist:) and we'd take great pleasure in slamming the door in an ex's face.

[HiCrunchy]

This is such an interesting thread. Makes me think that you never really know what is gonna happen in life.

 

And I heard so many people say after 6 months they don't come back.

Life is nuts!

 

I'm curious. Was this ex a dumper?

[No_Go]

Men often contact our exes after a breakup because we know it will be easy sex. Nine times out of ten, if a girl hears from her ex, this is why.

 

Yeah - and same for women I know my easiest (and perhaps safest) source of easy sex is an ex lover. I've never had an 'unavailable' ex

[No_Go]

A guy friend of mine dated a lady while in grad school and then married some other woman. After 7 years they divorced and he immediately hopped on the previous one - he got her pregnant like in the month the divorce was finalized. The fun part is that the two chics share a friend circle... I find it a little off but if they don't mind being in his rotation... I guess it is all cool.

[Cookiesandough]

I dunno how people do it

Edited November 2, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[HiCrunchy]

I wouldn't even think about a 6 month rule when it comes to this stuff. I have had two different exes come back after 10 years.

 

10 years! I would hope by that point I would have forgotten of their existence.

Damn, now what is going through these people's minds? Some sort of midlife crisis probably.

[SolG]

Hey Pops, my exH is currently seriously seeing a woman he dated a few years before we married. He's a good looking, personable man with an established career and a **** tin of assets. He's dated regularly since we split.

 

He noticed her divorce on SM, and after a respectable period of time made contact. This is closer to 30 than 3 years after the fact! Why? Because despite them breaking up all those years ago for valid reasons, he still had very fond memories. And a bit of residual 'what if?'.

 

Not all men who contact an ex are just after an easy lay.

[Popsicle]

And there go all my hopes n dreams

 

You're funny, Cookie.

 

So if this is your opinion I'd imagine you have never forgiven anyone for anything they've done to wrong you?

 

There is such a thing as making a mistake and wanting to fix it. And if both parties are down to reconcile, where's the harm?

 

I know I've done things wrong in my life and wanted to be forgiven.

 

I'm curious. Was this ex a dumper?

The 3 year ex was the dumper. The 7 month fire ex, I was the dumper.

Generally, my exes don't come back, so this took me off guard.

 

 

Hey Pops, my exH is currently seriously seeing a woman he dated a few years before we married. He's a good looking, personable man with an established career and a **** tin of assets. He's dated regularly since we split.

 

He noticed her divorce on SM, and after a respectable period of time made contact. This is closer to 30 than 3 years after the fact! Why? Because despite them breaking up all those years ago for valid reasons, he still had very fond memories. And a bit of residual 'what if?'.

 

Not all men who contact an ex are just after an easy lay.

Thanks SolG. Yeah I know. I'm not on Facebook, only LinkedIn, so my exes don't get to follow me and my life on social media. With your guy it can't be anything but fond memories and a bit of residual "what if?. I see that.

Edited November 2, 2017 by Popsicle

[No_Go]

Oh SolG story reminded me for another acquaintance of mine. He dated a woman in college, they broke up. He married and divorced twice. She married as well but her husband died few years ago.

 

So here they are in their 60s (40 years after they first dated!!) and they are dating again. He actually told me something in the lines that he wants to be his last wife (joking about his 2 failed marriages). He’s definitely not just after sex, I see him working on her house all the time.

 

So... you never know when someone can pop back into your life.

[HiCrunchy]

Yeah - and same for women I know my easiest (and perhaps safest) source of easy sex is an ex lover. I've never had an 'unavailable' ex

 

I have. He always said “ it wouldn’t be good for us” or

“It’s not a good idea”

He was a male dumper, so it happens

[HiCrunchy]

 

The 3 year ex was the dumper. The 7 month fire ex, I was the dumper.

Generally, my exes don't come back, so this took me off guard.

 

Maybe u just need to wait another 3 years lol. It worked the last time

[CptInsano]

I wouldn't know. Not one came ever back, nor did I want those back I broke up with. I also never had sex with an ex.

 

In other words, there is nothing that will make me come back.