Nasty mother

[chinadiary]

My mother has always been a bit of a *******. I know that sounds harsh, but it's true.

 

When I was younger, she wasn't very touchy feeling or kind and I grew up having been taught that 1) it wasn't OK to express emotion or 2) to cry or 3) to hug or show affection. I've overcome some of it but not entirely.

 

She was a variable grandmother to my daughter. She could be nice but equally, the dark side could come out too.

 

As she aged, she seemed to get a bit better, probably because she realised she needed her family more than they needed her.

 

HOWEVER:

My daughter has recently accidentally become pregnant. She decided she wanted to keep it, despite the boyfriend doing a FAST runner. Things are a bit of a mess because she was working overseas at the time and due to having hyperemisis gravidarum (extreme sickness) had to return home to the UK after a hospital stay overseas.

 

I also work overseas (different country) and of course, she can't live with me, because no health cover.

 

This has meant, that in the short term, my daughter is relying on friends and family for somewhere to stay.

 

My mother has decided my daughter is a scrounger and is being nasty about her to all and sundry.

 

IF my daughter didn't need to stay at her grandmothers at times, this wouldn't be such a problem, but because of her sickness, sometimes she has to. Can't rely on friends ALL the time.

 

YES, I understand things are a bit of a mess. But no one is perfect. My mother had a VERY dodgy background after she and my father divorced. Random boyfriends dragged home. Very lax childcare, sometimes NO care. Marriage to an alcoholic. 3 of us living in one bedsit at one point.

 

I'm not sure what to do. My daughter is very hurt by her grandmother. But equally needs to rely on her at times. I want to tell my mother to **** off, stop being such a judgmental person, but really, I can't SAY that to her, much as I'd like to. She's still my mum.

 

Help?????

Edited November 2, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[newmoon]

since it's your daughter, and soon to be your grandchild, i'd be more focused on helping your daughter. why can't you give your daughter some money to stay in a different place on the nights she cannot stay with friends? or help her get an apartment? it sounds like she's homeless? if your mother is so difficult to deal with you should encourage your daughter to just rely on the friends or better yet, rely on herself and do something to improve her own situation. being surprise pregnant and living from sofa to sofa doesn't sound like she's got her act together. i think your mother likely has valid opinions despite her history with you and her own lifestyle.

[chinadiary]

She had a full time job and apartment in China, where she was living and working. She had to return to the uk due to having hyperemesis gravidarum. That is pregnancy sickness, involves vomiting up to 10'times a day. She was hospitalized in China as she was dangerously dehydrated and in danger of kidney failure. The U.K. Is safer for her medical care.

 

Her extreme ill health is also why she can't help herself. Hard to do that when you can't even keep water down without vomiting. We thought it would begin to ease off at 12 weeks, but she's 16 weeks now with no change.

 

I'm not in a financial position to pay for an apartment for her. She could easily live with me but wouldn't have medical care where I am as I also live overseas. I can't give up my job and go back to the uk at short notice. I have a years contract until June 2018.

 

As I said, it IS a difficult situation, but surely family should support in these cases, not make life harder?

[Jasmine17]

Some of these members can be so quick to judge, cold-hearted, and mean. I am sorry about how your daughter is being treated by her grandmother. It's not as if your daughter knew she would become so sick if she became pregnant. Is there any government or non-profit agency assistance she can get? There may be an agency or help for women who are pregnant to help them get their own place.Then eventually she can get on medication, for example, and get a job again or find employment after she has the baby. And congratulations on your grandchild!