Finding out the truth

[mrhagendasz77]

Hi. I dumped my gf of 6 months recently for seeing her ex, at his place, while telling me she was with her friends.

She only admitted when she couldnt do otherwise. Of course she cried, she says she met him as a friend, blabla. I noticed the day she met him she were wearing sexy outfit, lol.

Although she pretends nothing had happened and she swears me she never cheated, writing huge mail full of love déclaration, i dont believe.

 

I wondered about a way to give her a last chance of believing her. This way will be to meet her (we have to give back stuff anyway) ask her for the truth then ask her for her phone, and write 2-3 messages to the guy, something like :

-You really dont have a girlfriend ?

-I feel guilty toward mine after what happened

 

I think his answer will pretty much enlight me. (I know hé answers text quite fast).

 

I dont like to do that kind of things but seems to be thé only way to know the truth.

What your opinion ? Thanks

[stillafool]

It really doesn't matter what he says. The point is your gf lied to you that she was with her friends when in fact she was with him in her sexy outfit. That is pretty much all the proof you need that she betrayed you. She isn't over him no matter what she tells you.

[Space Ritual]

 

I wondered about a way to give her a last chance of believing her.

 

She showed you who she is...and that she is more than happy to lie to you and bang her ex.

 

That was the one and only chance, and she blew it like she just blew him

 

That's all you need to know. Anything else is just self torture. Get a friend to get your stuff from her or consider it a loss. Do NOT see her again or she will cry the crocodile tears and you'll take her back like a putz...and she'll do it again. Maybe not with her ex...but she WILL do it again.

 

If you don't shut the Bakery Down, why would she stop eating Cake?

 

You have a chance to not be a sucker a 2nd time. Many of us were...and it doesn't get any easier the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time. And there WILL be those times as long as you keep letting her off the hook and "wanting to believe".

[Gr8fuln2020]

Hi. I dumped my gf of 6 months recently for seeing her ex, at his place, while telling me she was with her friends.

She only admitted when she couldnt do otherwise. Of course she cried, she says she met him as a friend, blabla. I noticed the day she met him she were wearing sexy outfit, lol.

Although she pretends nothing had happened and she swears me she never cheated, writing huge mail full of love déclaration, i dont believe.

 

I wondered about a way to give her a last chance of believing her. This way will be to meet her (we have to give back stuff anyway) ask her for the truth then ask her for her phone, and write 2-3 messages to the guy, something like :

-You really dont have a girlfriend ?

-I feel guilty toward mine after what happened

 

I think his answer will pretty much enlight me. (I know hé answers text quite fast).

 

I dont like to do that kind of things but seems to be thé only way to know the truth.

What your opinion ? Thanks

 

You need to move on and your idea is simply a bad one. Your scheming says something about you that is not kosher.

[mrhagendasz77]

Thanks guys.

 

Damn, that's hard. I have been seeing a lot of girls 3 years before meeting her, and she was really spécial for me that's why i put myself on a ltr. I knew she was a little fragile and wrecked (she is young and has a really harsh and shadow past) so i knew she was not the most stable girl, and i think i brought her a lot.

This breakup was the hardest i ever did, she spent the whole night crying in front of me. We shared unique things and moments and i think we loved eachother.

 

Do you really think there is not a possibility she changes even after this ordeal ? I was considering giving her a second chance if she struggled for it.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Thanks guys.

 

Damn, that's hard. I have been seeing a lot of girls 3 years before meeting her, and she was really spécial for me that's why i put myself on a ltr. I knew she was a little fragile and wrecked (she is young and has a really harsh and shadow past) so i knew she was not the most stable girl, and i think i brought her a lot.

This breakup was the hardest i ever did, she spent the whole night crying in front of me. We shared unique things and moments and i think we loved eachother.

 

Do you really think there is not a possibility she changes even after this ordeal ? I was considering giving her a second chance if she struggled for it.

 

Of course this is 'a chance.' There isn't anything you've shared that would indicate that your situation is any different from SO MANY other failed attempts to clean-up after discovering that your gf, in a pre-meditated fashion, opened herself to cheating on you, if she hasn't (difficult to tell). She dressed up each time she met him. She was trying to influence, impress, entice her ex and lied about it all.

 

The problem with this relationship is her AND you. You show that you are willing play games and willing accept unacceptable behavior.

[Darren Steez]

There's a saying that goes "Love should have brought your a$$ home last night"

It means before having sex or planning to meet someone and then lying if you are in love then you won't go through with it.

 

You talk about a 2nd chances and yet she gave up maybe 1000 chances to say no and change her mind not only just to meeting the guy but also and very probably them having sex, then repeatedly lying after.

 

Cheating is not a mistake, cheating is a series of choices that are well thought out and then acted on, so her choice to plan to meet the guy, get dressed, wear the outfit go to his house then lie to you the next day about meeting girlfriends those are her decisions. She's only shocked that once you found out you actually had the balls to end it with her. If she didn't respect then she did at that point.

 

I suggest you stay broken up and date other girls who won't cheat on you.

 

You gave her a chance by putting yourself out there for her and she screwed you over. The question is how much value ad respect do you place on yourself?

[Space Ritual]

 

Do you really think there is not a possibility she changes even after this ordeal ? I was considering giving her a second chance if she struggled for it.

 

Young Man,

 

The problem with your line of thinking is that you assume that she would put in the actual work necessary in order to become a safe partner. That is not a overnight process, and in most cases it takes YEARS for someone to be able to do it. Hell, when this happens to married couples it is rare anyone really puts the work in...how would you expect some little horny cooze to do it?

 

I am not saying it is impossible, however, given your young ages, the amount of temptation that floats around on social media and everywhere else, and the constant need for people to be validated in modern culture, the chances of her doing that work is about as likely as finding Hitler and Elvis working at a McDonalds in Argentina.

 

Walk away......

[Space Ritual]

Cheating is not a mistake

 

Not according to my ex..she accidentally Tripped and Fell onto other men's penises with regularity...so much in fact I thought she had a severe case of Vertigo with all that equilibrium issue with the tripping and falling...LMAO!

 

 

(I can laugh about it now, 30 years later...I did not laugh about it back in the 80's)

[mrhagendasz77]

Well thanks.

I think you are right. I'll go into the painful grieving process and accept this relation is lost.

[lolablue17]

You can consider getting back to her only if you can forgive her for having sex with her ex. Can you?

 

Now, here's the paradox. If you can forgive her for the cheating, you want her to be honest from now on. But she still denies that she's slept with him, so even if you forgive the cheating, she is still lying to you. Either way, no, it can't be fixed.

 

Don't be impressed from her crying. The tears are mostly because she lost, she go caught as a liar and a cheater, and she can't bare this image of herself, The only way she can fix that ugly image is through you. She needs your approval. This is why she is so obssesive about it.

[LadybugLucy]

I wondered about a way to give her a last chance of believing her. This way will be to meet her (we have to give back stuff anyway) ask her for the truth then ask her for her phone, and write 2-3 messages to the guy, something like :

-You really dont have a girlfriend ?

-I feel guilty toward mine after what happened

 

I think his answer will pretty much enlight me. (I know hé answers text quite fast).

 

I dont like to do that kind of things but seems to be thé only way to know the truth.

What your opinion ? Thanks

 

 

Why do you think she would be willing to give you her phone so you can contact her ex? She lied to you about seeing the guy, do you really think she would be okay with you contacting him? Also, if you did contact him, what makes you think he will answer you?

 

If you feel like you need to see her phone and contact her ex, then you clearly do not trust her. If you don’t trust her now, could you trust her if you did get back together? You should be able to trust her without verifying her story through her ex. Contacting him is honestly a bit creepy.

[mrhagendasz77]

ok, it's been a week now from the break up, becoming more and more harder.

 

She try to call me, sent text, letting lot of voice message in which she seems distraught.

I sent her a mail to make her remember what she has done and why i broke up, and that i was done.

She then went to my parent's home, knowing i was there, on sunday evening, so i couldnt avoid the confrontation. She left after 1 hour. We were still at the same point.

She then sent to me a bunch texts during the whole night telling me of all our memories and such. I sent 2 cold text at the very beginning and went NC.

Then those 2 previous days where the same, she sent lot of text at the morning, then sometime mail, voice messages, asking to meet or letting her hear my voice. She know she did **** but swears she never cheated.

I sent to her a new mail, saying i cant forgive what she did, felt betrayed, didnt meant to make her suffering but that i would suffer most if i would have stay and that i was blocking her now to let us space.

She then sent me bunch of mails telling me that she was falling, she were doing ****, and how do i do to feel nothing, etc. and even delirium like pretending she's taking heroin again and was going to get interned in next days (then she admitted it was false in the next mail) etc.

 

I havent mention she has a horrible past, lost her dad at a young age, spent most part of her adolescence taking drugs and on clinics to get healed of her addiction. But she is very clever and refined, has lot of culture and passion. True she has a very dark sexual past too, to be euphemistic about it..

Actually she has very few friends and i think her only support now are her sisters and mother.

 

It's hard. Sometime i feel in my right, and sometimes i feel crual and that i would just relieve the pain to her and accept to meet her and even share a night.

 

thanks for reading me

[Superchicken]

Hey mr hag..

 

 

If she's under 20 years old, man, yeah, it sucks, but dude, she is very young, and the young do stupid things with ZERO to little thought of the consequences.

I did so many stupid things, that now I look, and I get shivers thinking about them.

So, second chance ?, maybe..

First, there needs to be honesty from her.

She needs to tell you the truth of that night when she wore the sexy stuff.

Tell her, you give her one chance to tell the truth, and regardless of what she says, you will "Try" to restart your relationship, but only if she confesses.

Maybe throw in a little bullsheet into the mix by telling her that you found out more about that night, and you are giving her one more chance to tell the truth to your face. Or, what the hell, let her write it down and you read it if she cant face you..

 

 

Either way, unless she tells you the truth, maybe let go..

But, again, she's young, and she wont forget this incident for the rest of her life.

 

 

So, allow a little time for her to sweat a little more..

Don't let the fat lady sing yet.. give her a Mc Donalds voucher and let her get fatter !!!, no singing on this day..

 

 

Good luck.

 

 

Oh, forgot.. What do YOU want to do.. Don't allow me or anyone else to make your decision. We can only suggest. In the end, do you want to give it another try ?. Do you think she is worth it.. Think about it.. Its your life, and maybe your wife you are deciding on.

 

 

Ted.

[mrhagendasz77]

Thanks for your insight. She is 22. She didnt go at his place on a night, she went there at an afternoon. Maybe i should have mentionned it. But on the counterpart, she didnt mentioned me to him, letting him think she was single, and it was her that took contact with him. Looked like to me she knew him from her past in clinic and was not totally over. I asked her be honest about what happened and she said she has never cheated.

Now she went NC till yesterday night. if she struggle more, maybe i'll give it a second chance.

[Space Ritual]

I havent mention she has a horrible past, lost her dad at a young age, spent most part of her adolescence taking drugs and on clinics to get healed of her addiction. But she is very clever and refined, has lot of culture and passion. True she has a very dark sexual past too, to be euphemistic about it..

Actually she has very few friends and i think her only support now are her sisters and mother

 

So what?

 

Many of us have dark pasts. By the time I as 22 years old, I'd been in jail multiple times, been shot and stabbed, and had shot one person myself.

 

Yet all of that never made me stick my dick in somebody else when I was dating someone.

 

I was pretty much the poster boy for violent behavior, but at least I never cheated on anybody. I wonder if that was something The Joker could have hung his hat on....

 

Boo effing hoo. Delete this chick from your life and if she shows up at your doorstep again have her removed by the cops.

 

 

Give her an opening, and she is gonna follow you around like a fart in a windstorm.

[BluesPower]

Thanks for your insight. She is 22. She didnt go at his place on a night, she went there at an afternoon. Maybe i should have mentionned it. But on the counterpart, she didnt mentioned me to him, letting him think she was single, and it was her that took contact with him. Looked like to me she knew him from her past in clinic and was not totally over. I asked her be honest about what happened and she said she has never cheated.

Now she went NC till yesterday night. if she struggle more, maybe i'll give it a second chance.

 

If you give her another chance you will regret it.

 

The other thing you should know is that addicts are never healed. They may get sober but they are never ever healed.

 

Further, how big a deal do you think it would be for a woman (girl really) who has a dark sexual and drug past to have sex with her ex and lie to you about it? Answer, not very hard.

 

She just thought you would not find out and if you did she thought that you would be too weak to break up with her.

 

She is not worth it, you cannot save her and it is not worth the trouble...

[Space Ritual]

If you give her another chance you will regret it.

 

The other thing you should know is that addicts are never healed. They may get sober but they are never ever healed.

 

Agree 100 percent.

 

I have been clean and sober for almost 25 years now. Most people would say "Wow, really? So you must be cured".

 

BP, you are so right. I will always be an alcoholic and an addict.

 

To this day I always have to be cognizant of my surroundings. It is very hard for people who struggle with it to come around the the notion that we are one bad day away from disaster. I dabbled with that for a couple of years until I got sick of saying I was gong to have 1 drink with my friends and the next thing I knew it was 2 days later and I was broke, drunk and higher than a kite. I will always be on the precipice of it. I had to learn a whole new set of coping skills that didn't involve, drugs, drink, or violence.

[Chi townD]

What was her reasoning for going there and if it was innocent like she said, then why did she have to lie about it?