Highndry Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 I felt like I was doing well, then the last few days have been brutal again. For some reason when I think of getting out and dating all my thoughts go to her and I get depressed. The winter doldrums are setting in, and I'm a person who used to love the winter. I'm not doing so well lately. In fact, I went out today to run errands hoping to put a smile on my face and interact with people only to find I couldn't wait to get the hell out of the stores and go back home. I can't believe as a grown man I am feeling like this. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Soak Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Oh hun, my greatest empathy to you. A wise person once said "fake it til you make it". Pretend you are over her and in time it will feel natural. These feelings are natural, just let them ride through time. It's true what everybody else says here: time heals all wounds. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Fever of love Posted November 16, 2017 Share Posted November 16, 2017 I felt like I was doing well, then the last few days have been brutal again. For some reason when I think of getting out and dating all my thoughts go to her and I get depressed. The winter doldrums are setting in, and I'm a person who used to love the winter. I'm not doing so well lately. In fact, I went out today to run errands hoping to put a smile on my face and interact with people only to find I couldn't wait to get the hell out of the stores and go back home. I can't believe as a grown man I am feeling like this. No advice to offer, I can only say I totally relate to every single sentence you have written though. You're not alone. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted November 16, 2017 Share Posted November 16, 2017 I felt like I was doing well, then the last few days have been brutal again. For some reason when I think of getting out and dating all my thoughts go to her and I get depressed. The winter doldrums are setting in, and I'm a person who used to love the winter. I'm not doing so well lately. In fact, I went out today to run errands hoping to put a smile on my face and interact with people only to find I couldn't wait to get the hell out of the stores and go back home. I can't believe as a grown man I am feeling like this. Yeah, I've been feeling the same way too today. I am hoping that I can snap out of it. I am tired of being tired. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MarvelFan1 Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 I'm in the same boat, so don't sweat it dude. I've been split from my ex for just over 6 months now, and I have good and bad days or weeks, but I can't get past her at the moment, though I have come a long way. I keep thinking about going on the dating scene, but I feel like I would be betraying her, and I don't want to hurt her... even though we're not together, now that is some messed up stuff right there. I know she is back on dating sites, as people have seen her profile on them, but if someone had just broke up with you, saying you were no good for them, like I did to her, wouldn't you want someone or anyone to want you too? I miss sitting next to her on her sofa snuggling, long chats and being together in bed, during the cold winter. Christmas is fast approaching, and last year we had a really good one, and now I'm spending it with my family. I broke up with her for the right reasons, but nostalgia is a real arse kicker. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 The holidays can be hard . I've always loved winter, too, but for some reason this year I feel the winter doldrums, too! Makes me feel old. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
chinadiary Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 I feel like I would be betraying her, and I don't want to hurt her... even though we're not together, now that is some messed up stuff right there. Exactly how I feel. And I was dumped. Ironic. His ex wife had an affair and he found it hard to trust me. Yet here I am, still loyal when he doesn't want me. FML Link to post Share on other sites
Hoosfoos Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 What makes it worse is all this s#itty Christmas music that they are playing in the stores - ALREADY. Link to post Share on other sites
sdraw108 Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 I know the feeling. The other day I interacted with a girl who seemed nice and when I imagined following it up, my ex popped into my mind and I felt on the verge of tears. At the same time I have feelings of anger towards her, because she spent the last 3 months lying and cheating. It's an unpleasant place to be in when you simultaneously love and miss someone, but also hate them for treating you badly. In the past the thing that has always helped the most is dedicating my energy into a new project that interests and motivates me. This works in a way that trying to date too early doesn't, because it doesn't feel like you're replacing the thing you don't want to let go of. But, like dating, your brain gets to do and think about things it enjoys and so the "replacement" just kind of happens anyway. Ultimately, for me, that helps me fill the hole and get past the loss. At the moment I'm in that early stage of loss where I can't find the motivation to get started on keeping busy with things. I'm hoping to kick myself into action soon. Link to post Share on other sites
wishyouneverleft Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 I felt like I was doing well, then the last few days have been brutal again. For some reason when I think of getting out and dating all my thoughts go to her and I get depressed. The winter doldrums are setting in, and I'm a person who used to love the winter. I'm not doing so well lately. In fact, I went out today to run errands hoping to put a smile on my face and interact with people only to find I couldn't wait to get the hell out of the stores and go back home. I can't believe as a grown man I am feeling like this. Sorry to be nosey, but how old are you Highndry? I too feel pathetic that in my 30s I'm going through all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Art Vandelay Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Sorry to be nosey, but how old are you Highndry? I too feel pathetic that in my 30s I'm going through all of this. I'm in my early 50s, I'm the dumper, and after over 2 months I'm STILL going through this. There's no need to feel pathetic. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Same here, and I'm 50ish. I've been apart from The Addict for nearly 8 months. I read somewhere that the year of firsts is the hardest, and this holiday season will be "the first" after our breakup. So what if you went back home and moped...at least you tried to get out and be social. Keep trying. That's all we can do. Link to post Share on other sites
trustyourself Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Yup. Either 5 months or 11 months if you don’t count a two week reconciliation and I still miss her every day. She got hold of me a few weeks ago. She is just as lost and confused as before. But she is dating someone new now. I told her we couldn’t be friends, and not to contact me if she is with someone else. In a way it was cathartic to know she is having a hard time letting go too. This is the hardest time of year for me. No nearby family, and all my friends go away for the holidays. Makes it so much worse! Guess I’m eating Chinese food for Christmas! Haha 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chinadiary Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Over 50 here too. 2/4 months, apart from a mistaken interlude. Still feel like death would be preferable. Link to post Share on other sites
wishyouneverleft Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Over 50 here too. 2/4 months, apart from a mistaken interlude. Still feel like death would be preferable. I feel the same way too, until the chest pains kick in from all the binge eating. Then life sets in and I tell myself and whatever invisible force is out there that I'm just kidding. Lol, heartburn can be very misleading at times, but a real eyeopener if you're wishing for death. But there are times that I wish this pain would stop, and yes other dark thoughts start clouding your mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wishyouneverleft Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 I'm in my early 50s, I'm the dumper, and after over 2 months I'm STILL going through this. There's no need to feel pathetic. Thank you! By the way, how is Vandelay industries doing? Love the reference 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chinadiary Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 I don't know what is worse. Winter, when the weather mimics my emotions, or feeling like you're broken when it's summer and everyone is happy. Link to post Share on other sites
MickeyBill Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 I am in my late 50s and it hurts as much as it did when I was in school. Breaking up and rejection is painful and just when you think you are getting over it, you aren't. We dated for about 6 months, and we were in a pretty good place heading for a better relationship. She went on a long planned family trip- we didn;t last more than 3 weeks after she returned. Since it's the tech age, after a half sentence of "reasons" she ghosted me, I have no idea what happened why. I need closure... My head knows it is over, my heart doesn't yet It just sucks but not forever...hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
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