Wife wants to separate

[Fair]

Just let her leave and go away and lick your wounds. It's probably a blessing in disguise.

[nyclion]

Thanks for checking in, Just a Guy. I would say that things are going a bit better, but overall the outlook is uncertain.

 

I manned up and pulled the 180. Started sleeping in my son's top bunk bed. Stopped asking about the future, just focused on my kids and my own stuff. Exercised more. Bought new clothes. Told her that I was not going to wast my effort trying to change her mind anymore. Signed myself up for individual counselling. Again said that I was not planning to move out. Her ears pricked up after about a week - didn't take long for her to want to understand what was going on.

 

She says now that whereas before she was 100% sure about separating, now she is no longer sure. She is still trying to figure it out and decide what is best for the family. She sees big changes in my priorities: I leave work earlier, prioritize my home life more, get home to read to my kids every night when I am not travelling for work.

 

We are still not healed yet. My individual counsellor is helping me develop strategies and work on myself. My wife harbors a deep well of resentment for the early years where the kids were young and I did not prioritize my family. We still fight but now on average once per week, which is less than before. I get stressed when we are always late for stuff. She can react badly to small things that trigger old feelings. She says that she still feels hopeless for the future, hopeless for us. We were intimate once which was the first time in many months.

 

She sees the change in my priorities. But she needs to see durable change in my ability to connect emotionally with her and put her first.

[Marc878]

As you've found if you chase they move farther away.

 

Don't make that mistake again.

[MJJean]

Did her change of heart happen before or after you started making noise about putting the house on the market? Before or after you canceled the credit cards and informed her she'd be responsible for half the marital debt in the divorce?

 

Maybe I'm a cynic, but I highly suspect she's started to realize the financial implications of divorce, that you won't be paying for her **** during some magical long separation, and that is her motivating factor.

[lolablue17]

Did her change of heart happen before or after you started making noise about putting the house on the market? Before or after you canceled the credit cards and informed her she'd be responsible for half the marital debt in the divorce?

 

Maybe I'm a cynic, but I highly suspect she's started to realize the financial implications of divorce, that you won't be paying for her **** during some magical long separation, and that is her motivating factor.

 

But if that is true, than she would have told him that she wants to reconcil. Letting him think that she is not sure doesn't work for her benefit. For example, he might meet another women and than it's too late for her.

Edited January 12, 2018 by lolablue17

[nyclion]

OP back here! Some major developments... I've caught my wife cheating.

 

Since the last post, things started to get better, calmer. I was going to individual therapy and so was she. We spent time together. But then she started going to salsa lessons on a saturday afternoon, then pretty soon she was hanging out after the salsa class with friends that she made there. This progressed to staying out late and going to salsa dances at the weekend. I offered to go with her but she was not interested.

 

I quickly got suspicious. Coming home late, a few times she stayed past 1am. So I realised that findmyiphone would show her GPS location. Mostly it checked out, but a couple of times I could see some deceit. I was challenging her, saying that I suspected an affair, but she denied it. She must have twigged as she turned off location services on her phone. Also became VERY possessive of her phone.

 

So yesterday I looked at the browsing history on our shared computer and found search terms for bondage, sexual excitement etc from about a week back. So I went full Colombo and downloaded an spy tracker app (I had her apple ID) and VOILA, could read all her whatsapp messages.

 

Conversation threads with FOUR different guys of a sexual/romantic nature. One was R-rated, two were PG-13, and the other PG. Confronted her last night when she arrived home at 2am.

 

Over the course of today she has quickly gone from barefaced lying / denying, through minimizing and blaming, to crying, having a panic attack, and asking for another chance for our relationship. She admitted having a sexual relationship with one of the guys - but she could not deny it given the content of the whatsapp. Says she only slept with him once - I do not believe her. Also says that she did not sleep with the other 3 - again I have very high doubts.

 

I called the guy this morning, told him she was 39 and married ~13yrs with 2 kids, and that if we get divorced I plan on naming him in the court papers (not sure if that is possible but he seemed to get the message). Any how I don't care about him. The worst thing is that in all these whatsapp chains my wife seemed to be the initiator.. pushing a work conversation into something more personal / sexual.

 

Her rationale was that I ignored her too many years, then when I started to try really hard for the relationship it was too late. She wishes that she still has feelings for me, but she can't. She promised never to contact this guy again, and wants us to have more time to figure things out and give a last chance for the kids to make it work. Frankly I don't believe a word coming out of her mouth - she's just scared about being on her own. Also she is scared about me telling all her/our friends.

 

I've reached out to a realtor to value the condo, and also scheduling a meeting with a divorce mediator for Friday.

Any advice here??

[Marc878]

OP back here! Some major developments... I've caught my wife cheating.

 

Since the last post, things started to get better, calmer. I was going to individual therapy and so was she. We spent time together. But then she started going to salsa lessons on a saturday afternoon, then pretty soon she was hanging out after the salsa class with friends that she made there. This progressed to staying out late and going to salsa dances at the weekend. I offered to go with her but she was not interested.

 

I quickly got suspicious. Coming home late, a few times she stayed past 1am. So I realised that findmyiphone would show her GPS location. Mostly it checked out, but a couple of times I could see some deceit. I was challenging her, saying that I suspected an affair, but she denied it. She must have twigged as she turned off location services on her phone. Also became VERY possessive of her phone.

 

So yesterday I looked at the browsing history on our shared computer and found search terms for bondage, sexual excitement etc from about a week back. So I went full Colombo and downloaded an spy tracker app (I had her apple ID) and VOILA, could read all her whatsapp messages.

 

Conversation threads with FOUR different guys of a sexual/romantic nature. One was R-rated, two were PG-13, and the other PG. Confronted her last night when she arrived home at 2am.

 

She's a serial cheater and you only know "the tip of the iceberg".

 

Over the course of today she has quickly gone from barefaced lying / denying, through minimizing and blaming, to crying, having a panic attack, and asking for another chance for our relationship. She admitted having a sexual relationship with one of the guys - but she could not deny it given the content of the whatsapp. Says she only slept with him once - I do not believe her. Also says that she did not sleep with the other 3 - again I have very high doubts.

 

All cheaters lie, hide and deny. You'll only get what you can prove. She's trickle truthing you.

 

I called the guy this morning, told him she was 39 and married ~13yrs with 2 kids, and that if we get divorced I plan on naming him in the court papers (not sure if that is possible but he seemed to get the message). Any how I don't care about him. The worst thing is that in all these whatsapp chains my wife seemed to be the initiator.. pushing a work conversation into something more personal / sexual.

 

Mistake here. You should have informed his wife without warning. Tell her.

Her rationale was that I ignored her too many years, then when I started to try really hard for the relationship it was too late. She wishes that she still has feelings for me, but she can't. She promised never to contact this guy again, and wants us to have more time to figure things out and give a last chance for the kids to make it work. Frankly I don't believe a word coming out of her mouth - she's just scared about being on her own. Also she is scared about me telling all her/our friends.

 

Typical cheaterspeak. You made her have an affair? Nope, she's justifying her actions and now wanting to keep you on the hook as her plan B

I've reached out to a realtor to value the condo, and also scheduling a meeting with a divorce mediator for Friday.

Any advice here??

 

Dump her as fast as possible and get your life back. You've wallowed in this quagmire of infidelity long enough.

 

The only one that can keep you in this is you.

[Marc878]

You sound like you may have codependency issues. See and IC and fix that or you'll be dragging this piano around the block for awhile.

 

She's been cheating all along. She's smarter than most. whatsapp is used a lot by experienced cheaters. Better realize that because she knows you and your weaknesses. Which means she'll be trying to manipulate and play you going forward.

 

Hard 180 if you're smart.

[BluesPower]

OP back here! Some major developments... I've caught my wife cheating.

 

Since the last post, things started to get better, calmer. I was going to individual therapy and so was she. We spent time together. But then she started going to salsa lessons on a saturday afternoon, then pretty soon she was hanging out after the salsa class with friends that she made there. This progressed to staying out late and going to salsa dances at the weekend. I offered to go with her but she was not interested.

 

I quickly got suspicious. Coming home late, a few times she stayed past 1am. So I realised that findmyiphone would show her GPS location. Mostly it checked out, but a couple of times I could see some deceit. I was challenging her, saying that I suspected an affair, but she denied it. She must have twigged as she turned off location services on her phone. Also became VERY possessive of her phone.

 

So yesterday I looked at the browsing history on our shared computer and found search terms for bondage, sexual excitement etc from about a week back. So I went full Colombo and downloaded an spy tracker app (I had her apple ID) and VOILA, could read all her whatsapp messages.

 

Conversation threads with FOUR different guys of a sexual/romantic nature. One was R-rated, two were PG-13, and the other PG. Confronted her last night when she arrived home at 2am.

 

Over the course of today she has quickly gone from barefaced lying / denying, through minimizing and blaming, to crying, having a panic attack, and asking for another chance for our relationship. She admitted having a sexual relationship with one of the guys - but she could not deny it given the content of the whatsapp. Says she only slept with him once - I do not believe her. Also says that she did not sleep with the other 3 - again I have very high doubts.

 

I called the guy this morning, told him she was 39 and married ~13yrs with 2 kids, and that if we get divorced I plan on naming him in the court papers (not sure if that is possible but he seemed to get the message). Any how I don't care about him. The worst thing is that in all these whatsapp chains my wife seemed to be the initiator.. pushing a work conversation into something more personal / sexual.

 

Her rationale was that I ignored her too many years, then when I started to try really hard for the relationship it was too late. She wishes that she still has feelings for me, but she can't. She promised never to contact this guy again, and wants us to have more time to figure things out and give a last chance for the kids to make it work. Frankly I don't believe a word coming out of her mouth - she's just scared about being on her own. Also she is scared about me telling all her/our friends.

 

I've reached out to a realtor to value the condo, and also scheduling a meeting with a divorce mediator for Friday.

Any advice here??

 

Well, you are number 1,000,001 LS member... that has come back to tell us your wife was cheating. Congratulations.

 

When will people start to believe that we know what we are talking about when we tell you guys that she is cheating.

 

BTW, you caught the latest affair not the one she was in when you first posted.

 

So what is next for you??? You should divorce her like yesterday but you will probably be a weak man and give her another chance, but you should not. Now you know what you are married to...

[Marc878]

Your wife has told you and now shown you she doesn't love you. You should believe her.

 

Now she wants to work it out for the kids? Nope. She wants the comfortable life but will continue to have sexual affairs. She a cake eater. She only wants you for your checkbook.

 

Do not jump into marriage counseling. It's only to keep you on for her comfortable life. Nothing in it for you.

 

If you think all of a sudden she'll wake up and be the woman you've always wanted you're naive.

 

You are the one that should now awaken and livin the reality of what you have

[Marc878]

Oh, get an STD test. You have no idea where her other man has been.

 

He could be screwing hookers, etc.

[PegNosePete]

Now she wants to work it out for the kids? Nope. She wants the comfortable life but will continue to have sexual affairs. She a cake eater. She only wants you for your checkbook.

Exactly! She has proved that she is much more skilled at lying and cheating than most. Should you give her another chance? Hell no!

 

She wants to "work on the marriage" while putting her ducks in a line, building up a nest egg off the radar, getting as much legal advice as she can, putting herself in the best possible position for the divorce that she knows is coming. She is playing you like a cheap violin. Staying for the kids means you'll be funding her lifestyle while she is off with other guys.

 

What you should do now:

- Re-read the advice the lawyer gave you back on page 1 of this thread

- File for divorce

- Forget about "divorce mediator" and use a proper divorce lawyer

- Tell her that tomorrow you will be filing for divorce

- Tell her that you won't be moving out until the finances of your marriage are resolved

[salparadise]

 

Over the course of today she has quickly gone from barefaced lying / denying, through minimizing and blaming, to crying, having a panic attack, and asking for another chance for our relationship. She admitted having a sexual relationship with one of the guys - but she could not deny it given the content of the whatsapp. Says she only slept with him once - I do not believe her. Also says that she did not sleep with the other 3 - again I have very high doubts.

 

She is only going to admit the part that is undeniable. But it doesn't really matter now... you know what she's done, what she's capable of, what she's made of.

 

The worst thing is that in all these whatsapp chains my wife seemed to be the initiator.. pushing a work conversation into something more personal / sexual.

 

Her rationale was that I ignored her too many years, then when I started to try really hard for the relationship it was too late.

 

Of course she's blaming it all on you! If she can get you to buy into that narrative (even just a little) then she can continue banging those other men and at the same time taking no responsibility and thinking of herself as pure as the driven snow... the victim.

 

This is what you've been dealing with all along, you just couldn't see it because of your love and dedication. She's a manipulating mindphukk.

 

I'm sorry that you're going through this. Cheating puts it into a new dimension for you emotionally, but hopefully it will give you the volition to put yourself first, start a new life, and let her deal with the consequences of her actions. And part of that is to NOT aid and abet her in keeping her dirty little secret while she promotes the narrative about it being all your fault.

 

It's a tough place to be right now, but it will get better as you keep moving forward. I'm glad you've been in IC. I hope you also have some good male friends and family that you can depend on for support. Good luck with it all.

[road]

Yes WW's only admit to what their BH can prove. She has been

cheating before the first MC visit.

[BluEyeL]

I’m sorry this happened to you. I think you should file for divorce but if you could possibly hide some money first do it. My husband hasan exwife who stayed home and she absolutely cleaned him in the divorce. Years later she still has no Jonah’s is living off of the alimony/maintenance.

 

The law is absolutely screwed up for this day and time , the person who is working gets punished and the lazies get encouraged to continue to be parasites. It’s not like we are 100 yrs ago when women couldn’t work and had no other options. But until the laws get updated to the 21st century you need to be very careful how to save as much as you possibly could.

 

No matter how much you’ll lose financially, on the long term it’s worth it . And yes next time don’t neglect your partner emotionally and also don’t marry someone who doesn’t work.

[JuneL]

Personally, as a woman, I’ve always been financially independent (and have helped support my parents financially). However, there are plenty of men who would very much prefer to have a stay-at-home wife and who are capable of being the sole provider. I see nothing wrong with that; it’s their preference and their choice. However, if you choose that, either get a prenup or make peace with the fact that you have to pay alimony. Sorry for the digression.

 

I’m sorry this happened to you. I think you should file for divorce but if you could possibly hide some money first do it. My husband hasan exwife who stayed home and she absolutely cleaned him in the divorce. Years later she still has no Jonah’s is living off of the alimony/maintenance.

 

The law is absolutely screwed up for this day and time , the person who is working gets punished and the lazies get encouraged to continue to be parasites. It’s not like we are 100 yrs ago when women couldn’t work and had no other options. But until the laws get updated to the 21st century you need to be very careful how to save as much as you possibly could.

 

No matter how much you’ll lose financially, on the long term it’s worth it . And yes next time don’t neglect your partner emotionally and also don’t marry someone who doesn’t work.

[standtall]

Your wife has checked out of your marriage...you should too.

[BluEyeL]

Personally, as a woman, I’ve always been financially independent (and have helped support my parents financially). However, there are plenty of men who would very much prefer to have a stay-at-home wife and who are capable of being the sole provider. I see nothing wrong with that; it’s their preference and their choice. However, if you choose that, either get a prenup or make peace with the fact that you have to pay alimony. Sorry for the digression.

 

I completely agree.

[Just a Guy]

Wow S2B, sometimes I wonder if you're a woman or a man when I read your posts! I guess you know how to call a spade a spade and use your language skills to great advantage to drive home your point. I have to say that bitter as your pills are to swallow, they have an undeniable ring of truth to them and whoever they are directed towards would do well to take them to heart.

 

Nyclion, the ball is well and truly in your court now. There are no more ambiguities,, grey areas or doubts to be resolved. You either man up and take decisive action or take the lion out of your moniker and replace it with p...y because then you can reconcile any thing that you do then, to go with your moniker. You have been given excellent advice by the collective group wisdom on this forum. It is now up to you to do something about it. Warm wishes.

Edited February 27, 2018 by Just a Guy

[Just a Guy]

Hi S2B, exactly what I had in mind. By the way, I know you're a woman from the many posts I've read. It is remarkable how your candour comes through in your posts. I respect that. Good for you and keep that up. Warm wishes.

[nyclion]

So, after interrogating my wife a few times, she admits she has cheated on me with the following. I saw the whatsapp chat conversation for each one.

1. A one-night stand in August when she was abroad visiting her mum (foreign cellphone number on the whatsapp so this checks out)

2. A one-night stand with an ex-boyfriend from 17 years ago who she met for dinner when she was abroad in a different country for a conference in November (cellphone number for another foreign country on the whastapp, so this checks out also)

3. Recent affair with a guy she met salsa dancing. She said she met up with him 5-6 times over the last month or so, and slept with him twice. This broadly checks out based on when she was late home from the salsa class. This is the dude I called and spoke to last weekend.

 

She swears that there was nobody else. I am not sure what to believe. Perhaps there was another affair last year, but I never got the sense at the time. For the recent affair, it was so obvious, I knew something was up when she started staying out late. I was even accusing her of an affair before I found the messages. It was never like that before.

 

So I have kicked her out our bedroom and she is sleeping in the top bunk in my son's room. I also went to see a divorce lawyer for a free consultation which was very helpful (I already spoke to different lawyer last year).

 

I actually don't feel upset about any of this now. I realized that I already grieved this relationship last year when she said that she didn't love me and wanted a separation. And the last 3 months I have been trying so hard on the relationship and she has been not reciprocating. That wore me down and already exhausted the last emotions that I had. So I am calm. I haven't been upset.

 

Now the weird thing is my wife is pleading with me to try again. She is crying every morning and every night. She is having panic attacks. Her psychiatrist had to put her on some type of tranquilizer on top of the anti-depressants that she is already taking. She is texting me long messages about why we should try again. The kids are asking why is mom crying all the time. Her eyes are always puffy and she cannot do anything.

 

I emailed the realtor to come value the condo so we could prepare for a sale. My wife emailed the realtor back and told her not to come because we didn't need it.

 

I contacted a divorce mediator and got some times for an appointment. My wife said no because she thinks we should try again.

 

She says that she looked for attention elsewhere because I had not been emotionally connected to her for many years. But being caught/confronted made her realize that she loves me and wants to fight for the relationship. She thinks if we both put in effort at the same time then it could work (rather than just one of us trying and the other not, which is how it has always been the cycle in the past). According to her, she feels terrible and ashamed about what she has done. But now she realizes that she still has love for me.

 

My children are my world - she knows how to pull my heart strings and say that it is the best for the children to stay together.

 

In November she had asked me to move out and separate. Now I talk about divorce and she pleads no. This does not make sense to me. She is fighting me on it.

 

I told her that she will be taken care of financially and would not fight her on alimony. And that I would not fight her on majority custody of the kids. I need to travel a lot for work so would aim to have them about 1/3 of the time with me if we divorce. I even offered to try to figure out some creative solution where she stays in the apartment with the kids for a few years, so we don't need to unsettle them, but she is not interested.

 

Even so she keeps pleading with me, saying that now she realizes that she still has feelings for me. She showed me an email that the OM had sent her today, to check on her. She is offering me full transparency on her phone - email, text, whatsapp, everything.

 

She seems genuine (or like a great actress). She says that she may have lied about the things she was doing, but she has never lied before about her feelings. However it smells like ballsheet, because if I hadn't caught her then she'd probably be lying and going out with him again tonight. Also I suspect at least part of this is, she does not want to ruin her image with the kids /mutual friends / community finding out.

 

Is this normal reaction for cheating women when they are caught? Do they just lie to keep the husband? They realize what they are going to lose? It is possible that the shock of discovery could really bring them back to their senses? Or do they just start cheating again after 3, 6 months or whatever timeframe when the relationship starts failing again? Does true remorse exist and what does true remorse really look like?

[BluesPower]

So, after interrogating my wife a few times, she admits she has cheated on me with the following. I saw the whatsapp chat conversation for each one.

1. A one-night stand in August when she was abroad visiting her mum (foreign cellphone number on the whatsapp so this checks out)

2. A one-night stand with an ex-boyfriend from 17 years ago who she met for dinner when she was abroad in a different country for a conference in November (cellphone number for another foreign country on the whastapp, so this checks out also)

3. Recent affair with a guy she met salsa dancing. She said she met up with him 5-6 times over the last month or so, and slept with him twice. This broadly checks out based on when she was late home from the salsa class. This is the dude I called and spoke to last weekend.

 

She swears that there was nobody else. I am not sure what to believe. Perhaps there was another affair last year, but I never got the sense at the time. For the recent affair, it was so obvious, I knew something was up when she started staying out late. I was even accusing her of an affair before I found the messages. It was never like that before.

 

So I have kicked her out our bedroom and she is sleeping in the top bunk in my son's room. I also went to see a divorce lawyer for a free consultation which was very helpful (I already spoke to different lawyer last year).

 

I actually don't feel upset about any of this now. I realized that I already grieved this relationship last year when she said that she didn't love me and wanted a separation. And the last 3 months I have been trying so hard on the relationship and she has been not reciprocating. That wore me down and already exhausted the last emotions that I had. So I am calm. I haven't been upset.

 

Now the weird thing is my wife is pleading with me to try again. She is crying every morning and every night. She is having panic attacks. Her psychiatrist had to put her on some type of tranquilizer on top of the anti-depressants that she is already taking. She is texting me long messages about why we should try again. The kids are asking why is mom crying all the time. Her eyes are always puffy and she cannot do anything.

 

I emailed the realtor to come value the condo so we could prepare for a sale. My wife emailed the realtor back and told her not to come because we didn't need it.

 

I contacted a divorce mediator and got some times for an appointment. My wife said no because she thinks we should try again.

 

She says that she looked for attention elsewhere because I had not been emotionally connected to her for many years. But being caught/confronted made her realize that she loves me and wants to fight for the relationship. She thinks if we both put in effort at the same time then it could work (rather than just one of us trying and the other not, which is how it has always been the cycle in the past). According to her, she feels terrible and ashamed about what she has done. But now she realizes that she still has love for me.

 

My children are my world - she knows how to pull my heart strings and say that it is the best for the children to stay together.

 

In November she had asked me to move out and separate. Now I talk about divorce and she pleads no. This does not make sense to me. She is fighting me on it.

 

I told her that she will be taken care of financially and would not fight her on alimony. And that I would not fight her on majority custody of the kids. I need to travel a lot for work so would aim to have them about 1/3 of the time with me if we divorce. I even offered to try to figure out some creative solution where she stays in the apartment with the kids for a few years, so we don't need to unsettle them, but she is not interested.

 

Even so she keeps pleading with me, saying that now she realizes that she still has feelings for me. She showed me an email that the OM had sent her today, to check on her. She is offering me full transparency on her phone - email, text, whatsapp, everything.

 

She seems genuine (or like a great actress). She says that she may have lied about the things she was doing, but she has never lied before about her feelings. However it smells like ballsheet, because if I hadn't caught her then she'd probably be lying and going out with him again tonight. Also I suspect at least part of this is, she does not want to ruin her image with the kids /mutual friends / community finding out.

 

Is this normal reaction for cheating women when they are caught? Do they just lie to keep the husband? They realize what they are going to lose? It is possible that the shock of discovery could really bring them back to their senses? Or do they just start cheating again after 3, 6 months or whatever timeframe when the relationship starts failing again? Does true remorse exist and what does true remorse really look like?

 

It is exactly what they all do... it is actually a text book response.

 

So Bingo on your last paragraph.

 

So like we all said, when you started this thread, when she wanted to separate there was another guy the she wanted to be with.

 

Does that time frame coincide with anything you have found so far? And I mean as far as affairs, not one night stands???

 

So, Rule number one: They only confess to what you can prove at the time. So you can PROVE these THREE GUYS!!!!! How many others has there been that you cannot see on her phone? 5, 6, 15???? Who knows.

 

Rule number 2: They are and cannot be remorseful at this point in time. Remorse, is something that you don't even understand yet, and there is no way that she even has a concept.

 

No, she is not remorseful, what she is... is still a lying cheater, that has absolutely zero respect for you, and absolutely zero love.

 

Right now, you are seeing panic mode. You see no matter how much you think you will take care of her, after the divorce, there is no way that her lifestyle will be the same after the divorce, that is what she fears.

 

She also fears the public humiliation of having her affairs exposed.

 

Is the salsa guy married? Cause if he is his wife should know.

 

So, how long do you think it will take for her to start sleeping around again?

 

If you really want to know how deep this goes, schedule a polygraph, and don't tell he about it. Then, you show up and tell he that you are taking her to eat or what ever. When you get to the parking lot, then you tell her she is about to take a poly to see if she has told the truth.

 

THEN you will get a further confession more than likely. Then make her take the test anyway. That will give you some more information.

 

I say divorce but that is your decision.

 

Oh and blaming you for her cheating is also a standard move. When she say that YOU were not emotionally connected, that is her justifying her affairs. What is actually happening with her is right out of the cheater had book. Blame you, cry a lot, throw you off the scent, and then get right back in the game.

 

There is a lot more to know about what she has been up to.

 

So what do you want to do???

[DKT3]

My theory is only women who feel they are in control of the marriage will cheat. Being found out in most cases means they lose control. So, by using that theory I would say your wife is looking to regain some control.

 

However, there is a chance that she really has snapped out of it upon being found out, it does happen.

 

One thing I'm confident in, proceed with the divorce, in doing so her real intentions will reveal themselves in her actions going forward. Offer no soft landing (other than the ones you have already).

[Popsicle]

Well it doesn't sound like you're in love with her anymore either. Really.

 

And as much as you'd love to stick it to her financially, that simply is not going to happen. She will have to downgrade her lifestyle a little bit and start working, but she's not going to be penniless like you're salivating for her to be. She will be fine and YOU will be fine too.

 

I hope you find peace and happiness in the near future.

[Popsicle]

Oh, so she's been cheating. Tisk tisk.

 

Well, personally, I think it's just as damaging to a marriage for a husband to cut off the emotions (be it due to work or whatever he throws out) as cheating. You men can ignore it, deny it, say it's not important, downplay it, whine about it or pitch a fit all you want but it's the truth. It's just as important as sex. Just trying to educate you brutes.

 

Since I think you both have committed wrong and are pretty much on even keel in terms of hurting each other, I think you can try to reconcile and turn your marriage around, and maybe even be something great, but you both have to first accept that you had a part in the deterioration before you can move to the next step. It doesn't sound like either of you are there yet, and will probably just go out guns ablazing and stomping on hearts.

 

No one usually wins like this but one thing's for sure - you will successfully divorce.