Wife wants to separate

[Marc878]

She's a random serial cheater. She's woke up to reality. Her tears are for herself not you. She doesn't want her cake taken away.

 

Her cheating is your fault is the age old cheater script. Nothing more.

 

Dump her fast

[MidlifeMama]

He said, she said. She cheated (a lot)..it's all out there now.

 

She is sorry, take her apology. I say this because she may be sincere and you will be able to forgive (later) and know there was love for you. She may very well feel very bad and realize her life has crashed and what she is actually missing.

 

Look at your role in the marriage. I'm not saying it gives her a pass to do what she did, I am saying you will not be able to come to terms with some things if you walk away only blaming her and looking at her as a cheater.

 

Your kids mean the world to you, and remember that is THEIR MOTHER. That to me says you need to try to come to terms with some things before playing the blame game because it doesn't sound like you're angry enough yet, but just wait.

 

I think she is saying all the things you wanted a little too late and maybe all the things she wanted you to give her are also a little too late?

 

If the marriage is going another round to try, it's going to be quite brutal, I think. If things haven't really hit yet, they will if you guys start trying again. You have to look ahead how that will look and feel. Will you be able to not see the cheating in your head if you stay and sleep with her again? That will always be there. I guess many couples can work through that but it has to be very difficult to do.

 

After everything, are you willing to be someone she needed before, now?

If the answer is yes, go for it, work your butts off to try. If you are uncertain, then get the divorce. Do not allow her mental manipulation to sway you. Be as matter of fact and protect your kids as best you can, but stop allowing her emotions to rule you. Serve her, move out.

[Marc878]

You only know the “tip of the iceberg”

[BluesPower]

He said, she said. She cheated (a lot)..it's all out there now.

 

She is sorry, take her apology. I say this because she may be sincere and you will be able to forgive (later) and know there was love for you. She may very well feel very bad and realize her life has crashed and what she is actually missing.

 

Look at your role in the marriage. I'm not saying it gives her a pass to do what she did, I am saying you will not be able to come to terms with some things if you walk away only blaming her and looking at her as a cheater.

 

Your kids mean the world to you, and remember that is THEIR MOTHER. That to me says you need to try to come to terms with some things before playing the blame game because it doesn't sound like you're angry enough yet, but just wait.

 

I think she is saying all the things you wanted a little too late and maybe all the things she wanted you to give her are also a little too late?

 

If the marriage is going another round to try, it's going to be quite brutal, I think. If things haven't really hit yet, they will if you guys start trying again. You have to look ahead how that will look and feel. Will you be able to not see the cheating in your head if you stay and sleep with her again? That will always be there. I guess many couples can work through that but it has to be very difficult to do.

 

After everything, are you willing to be someone she needed before, now?

If the answer is yes, go for it, work your butts off to try. If you are uncertain, then get the divorce. Do not allow her mental manipulation to sway you. Be as matter of fact and protect your kids as best you can, but stop allowing her emotions to rule you. Serve her, move out.

 

MM, I just have to disagree...

 

Some men can get past a level of cheating. But really, she has been cheating for a long time.

 

And her reaction to getting CAUGHT, is the standard cheaters reaction.

 

This man, the OP, has buried his head in the sand for too, too long.

 

You know, if he was denying her sex, or being abusive, maybe he could understand. But this is not the case here. She has no attraction and absolutely no respect for him based on her behavior.

 

She is still lying to him even now, as she only admitted to what he could prove at the time.

 

Would you respect a man, or have any attraction to him, if he took her back after this level of cheating and lying.

 

From all indications, he was a loving, albeit too loving and blind, husband that was there for all aspects of the relationship.

 

Maybe she lost attraction because he was a weak man at the time, if so she could have ended the relationship like anyone should do in that situation, but she did not take the high road.

 

No, he needs to divorce her and try to build a new life...

[PegNosePete]

Is this normal reaction for cheating women when they are caught?

Why on earth are you sitting there wondering what is normal and what is not for a cheating spouse?

 

I'll tell you what is normal for a man who discovers his wife has had multiple affairs: you see a lawyer and you file for divorce. And you stop wondering whether the fluff coming from her mouth is "normal" or not because it matters not one iota. All that matters now is getting rid of a cheating wife from your life as quickly and efficiently as possible.

 

It is possible that the shock of discovery could really bring them back to their senses?

Senses? She is totally in her senses. She knows exactly what she is doing. She has done it multiple times after all. If she was not in her senses then it might have been just one, right? But 3 guys... that you know of? And believe me, there are many, many more.

 

Or do they just start cheating again after 3, 6 months or whatever timeframe when the relationship starts failing again?

The best indicator of future performance, is past performance. She has cheated 3 times (that you know of). Do you really believe there won't be a #4? If you believe that then I have a bridge to sell you.

 

Does true remorse exist and what does true remorse really look like?

It looks like "oh no what a horrible mistake I've made, I'll never do it again".

 

But she did it again. And again. And again. And again.

(And again and again that you don't know about yet)

 

True remorse does exist but it doesn't look anything like this.

[Just a Guy]

Hi nyclion,, so what are you going to do now? Your wife's infidelity is now well established and folks on here were right when they said she had been cheating way back when. Her problems are now not your problems. Let her face the reality of a life with less rather than with more. Her picnic should now be over and she should be getting ready to deal with the brass tacks of her situation. You should be filing for divorce and having her served. You are now responsible only for your children and yoursrf now so get cracking. Warm wishes.

[kenpatric]

It is all about a passion to anticipate each other over years that keeps a marriage going on. Once that passion is lost, everything is lost. You may have missed seeing that your wife is losing her interest in you. The warmth and delight you used to enjoy being around her, is no more there.