cre8r Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 What do you do when your girlfriend wants you to commit to her but doesn't tell her ex husband that she's had a boyfriend for the past 7 years. Her ex will occasionally call her and it's not unusual for them to talk for an extended amount of time. It doesn't bother me if they talk but when he says that he loves her, that should be the time for her to tell him that she's with me. She gives me reasons such as "he's just drunk or I don't want him to know my business" or she "only tells the people that are important to her about me". On a related note, whenever we've argued, she's told me that her ex is a better man than me. I was very committed to her a few years back but this is only one instance among others that have made me think twice about her behavior. At this point, I hit the road and I'm in no mood now or the foreseeable future to go back. Any words of encouragement would help tremendously. Thanks to all for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 I wouldn't tolerate it. If they were in NC at all I would't demand to tell about me. But when they talk from time to time, I wouldn't have stayed any longer If she hided me from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 Creator indeed;) Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 Am I reading this right? She has hid you from him for the past 7 years? That is ludicrous. He hasn't moved on, but neither has she. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
KBob Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 On a related note, whenever we've argued, she's told me that her ex is a better man than me. If a woman said that to me I would dump her on the spot. Why do you put up with that? Your girlfriend has no respect for you, ditch her. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BarbedFenceRider Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 Uh, 7 year POA. Sorry, but by her comparing you to her ex, she has given boundaries to you own relationship. She sounds very controlling. I would be out looking for someone else. And I would be upfront with her, tell her exactly why.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 He's still calling her after seven years!?!?!? And she says he's better than you? Yeah. Get the hell out of there!!!!!!!!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 What do you do when your girlfriend wants you to commit to her but doesn't tell her ex husband that she's had a boyfriend for the past 7 years. Dump this chick with extreme prejudice. That's what I'd do. And I'd have done it about 6 years and 11 months ago. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 She's been sleeping with him for the past 6 1/2 years. Run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trip2TheSky Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 Unless they have kids together she has no reason to keep in touch with her exH. Her behaviour is unnacceptable and she does not deserve you after she concealed contact for an entire 7 years and keeps you a secret. Time to find a women who is committed to you, because she is nothing but disposable waste for making you suffer through that. Link to post Share on other sites
rickwman Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 Sorry you are experiencing this. Sounds like the 'EX' isn't an ex. Honesty and understanding each other's expectations are very central to an honest and trusting relationship. Can she be honest with you about her ex? Is she still in love with him? Sounds like this is baggage that you do not want to be involved in anymore. Don't let jealousy, strife, judgementalism, unforgiveness to enter into your mind or heart. I'll pray and stand with you that you will find postive answers and brighten your future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cre8r Posted November 8, 2017 Author Share Posted November 8, 2017 Sorry you are experiencing this. Sounds like the 'EX' isn't an ex. Honesty and understanding each other's expectations are very central to an honest and trusting relationship. Can she be honest with you about her ex? Is she still in love with him? Sounds like this is baggage that you do not want to be involved in anymore. Don't let jealousy, strife, judgementalism, unforgiveness to enter into your mind or heart. I'll pray and stand with you that you will find postive answers and brighten your future. Thank you RickWman, your prayer may have worked. I got a call from her tonight and she seems to be more receptive about my concerns. I was willing to walk away from this relationship, something she's not used to and something that took her by surprise. Thank you and thanks to everyone else for their support. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 If you can’t commit to a relationship in 7 years, I would think really hard if it is at all possible in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 Regardless of her suddenly being receptive...she says he's a better man than you during arguments....why do you tolerate it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 (edited) Thank you RickWman, your prayer may have worked. I got a call from her tonight and she seems to be more receptive about my concerns. I was willing to walk away from this relationship, something she's not used to and something that took her by surprise. Thank you and thanks to everyone else for their support. I am bout to dump a turd in your punchbowl of hope. You are a fool to think she had a Eureka moment that totally changed her thinking between November 5th and November 9th. And on top of it that you are actually willing to walk away from the relationship. You've had almost Seven years to do so. Only now you threatened this, and she came around? I don't think so. Was she all full of Fireworks about this on Guy Fawkes Day and then came around as a fuse burned into a dud by Thursday? I get it that you would like this to not have been a wasted seven year effort, but to think otherwise is delusional in the extreme. You would like someone to tell you something,in fact anything, that will back up your hope that this is all just a big misunderstanding and that almost a decade of miscommunication will come to an end as she proudly announces to her ex that she needs him in her life no longer. It won't happen. I'm sorry, it just won't No one keeps such things from an ex unless they have a vested interest in keeping them around for one reason or another. As in she is happy to carry on in 2 relationships because you probably have allowed it. The only thing that will come of this is that she will hoodwink you into thinking all is well while she looks for other avenues to stay in contact with her ex. Stevie Wonder could draw a diagram on this one. Wake up. Edited November 9, 2017 by Space Ritual 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 Wait, what? 7 years??? I can't imagine any normal situation where a woman who has moved on would hide her new bf from her ex for that long. I think exes can remain friends to some degree, but not if they are at a point where they are having to keep a secret like that.... How about the rest of your lives together, do you know her family, her friends? How ingrained are you in her life at this point? Because just the fact that they are still friends, and he manages to not even know about you after 7 years baffles me. I mean you'd figure in a normal relationship some sort of grapevine would get back to him. A mutual friend, something??? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 Do you have problems with low self esteem, codependency? Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 cre8r, I know you probably feel a bit taken aback by the veracity of our replies, but please understand most of us in one form or another have felt intense pain as the result of really bad relationships and infidelity. What we want is for people like you to get out of pain as fast as possible. Non eof us like to see someone in pain. But Seven years of such shenanigans suggests that you may be quite codependent on your GF. Please refuse to accept such behavior from those that purport to love you. I was on another site reading about some poor guy who just found out his wife had been carrying on an affair for 15 years literally under his nose. Could you imagine that? That's more than twice the amount of time of your relationship. Just think about hat. And while you are at it, please consider your own best interest by bailing on this GF if yours today. Link to post Share on other sites
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