CryForNoOne Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 Another thread, which had nothing to do with this topic, reminded me of relationships back in high school. One that came to mind was a skinny gawky girl I was very good friends with in junior high school. For anyone who grew up in the 80's, she really had the Sarah Jessica Parker "Square Pegs" look going. Braces, glasses, she read a ton of fantasy novels, had mermaids and unicorns in her bedroom etc... Somewhere around age 14, she got contacts, lost the braces, and really blossomed. Being tall, she looked much older than her actual age by 15. She started dating this 20 or 21 year old goth guy, who looked like Robert Smith from the Cure. I'm fairly certain he was sleeping with her. In retrospect, I think that was beyond the age of consent in any state so it was full on statutory rape. But it wasn't exactly like he was some 40 or 50 something creeper. None of us viewed it that way (except we were jealous that cool "college guy" was stealing a girl our age), nor did it seem her parents did anything other than "disapprove". Have views about these things changed or were we just oblivious teenagers back in the 80s? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 Another thread, which had nothing to do with this topic, reminded me of relationships back in high school. One that came to mind was a skinny gawky girl I was very good friends with in junior high school. For anyone who grew up in the 80's, she really had the Sarah Jessica Parker "Square Pegs" look going. Braces, glasses, she read a ton of fantasy novels, had mermaids and unicorns in her bedroom etc... Somewhere around age 14, she got contacts, lost the braces, and really blossomed. Being tall, she looked much older than her actual age by 15. She started dating this 20 or 21 year old goth guy, who looked like Robert Smith from the Cure. I'm fairly certain he was sleeping with her. In retrospect, I think that was beyond the age of consent in any state so it was full on statutory rape. But it wasn't exactly like he was some 40 or 50 something creeper. None of us viewed it that way (except we were jealous that cool "college guy" was stealing a girl our age), nor did it seem her parents did anything other than "disapprove". Have views about these things changed or were we just oblivious teenagers back in the 80s? I think views have definitely changed/parents have become smarter. One of my best adult friends was 13 when she had her first boyfriend, a 20 year old. Now that her own daughter is approaching 13, she's horrified at the memory! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 Hum... I was in high school in 1993-1997.... My bestie was this tall, blond, stacked rich girl who turned heads everywhere - she was often getting approached by guys in their 20's. And among us girls that hung out? We usually agreed that any guy who wasn't in highschool, but tried to pick up on high school girls was a loser. Why can't he get girls his own age? Why is he trolling high school girls who can't even drive yet? I am glad we had this foresight, and self regulated before any parents had to get involved. 14 and 20 something? Ugh... In my opinion teens should be dating their peers, 4 Link to post Share on other sites
pebbles15 Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 My only question is..whats the hurry?? Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 I've thought about this a lot. Once my best friend and I turned 14, we didn't date anyone under age 18, and 21/22 was our oldest. Her parents were fully aware (and highly disapproved so we did a lot of sneaking around), but mine weren't because I lied to them. They were ok with 18 because some of them were seniors, or graduated a year prior, so every guy was 18. Like CO mentioned, now that my own daughter is 13 and I'm remembering what I did at her age, I'm petrified! lol. I think things have changed because back then you never really heard the term sex offender, now you can get emails when one moves into a 10 mile radius. If a parent had an issue, dad would go beat the snot out of the guy. Now you have him arrested. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 I was willingly with guys who were older than I was and so were my friends. The older guys had money and we could do more fun things with them than with boys our own age. We didn't sleep with all of them but if we did hook up it wasn't a big deal. Mostly we were just hanging out and partying though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted November 7, 2017 Author Share Posted November 7, 2017 I've thought about this a lot. Once my best friend and I turned 14, we didn't date anyone under age 18, and 21/22 was our oldest. Her parents were fully aware (and highly disapproved so we did a lot of sneaking around), but mine weren't because I lied to them. They were ok with 18 because some of them were seniors, or graduated a year prior, so every guy was 18. Like CO mentioned, now that my own daughter is 13 and I'm remembering what I did at her age, I'm petrified! lol. I think things have changed because back then you never really heard the term sex offender, now you can get emails when one moves into a 10 mile radius. If a parent had an issue, dad would go beat the snot out of the guy. Now you have him arrested. So I'm not imagining things. It sure seems like in our day it was frowned upon but not much else happened. Now, everyone goes into full freak out mode and a 19 year old could be labelled a sex offender for basically being a loser that can't get a GF his own age. 13 and 20 crosses the line for me, but 15 and 20 I'm not sure. This is a difficult subject because I imagine my own daughter and it's all very disturbing. But I must say as a teenager, my perspective was totally different. I got to know Rob (the guy I mentioned above) and we actually became friends later. In a strange twist of irony, after he broke up with her, he and I still hung out and and boy did she hate that. He wasn't creepy at all though. A few years later and nobody would have thought twice about either his relationship with her or with me... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 Heh, my best friend was married and had two kids by the time he was 19 and that wasn't uncommon in my demographic. People grew up fast in the old days and in the rural areas and it was common to be a working man with a family at a young age and girls, yup, got pregnant at a young age, 14-15 not rare. My mom's sister, one of eight girls, was courted at 16 by a 26 yo war veteran, married at 17 and stayed married until her husband died in his 80's, so well over 50 years. Now, if they were having sex and I have no idea but knowing him he was a horndog even in his 70's, was that statutory rape? Did they really care? When I was younger, I don't think I met a father who thought any man of any age was good enough for his daughter Men were evil creatures with penises. Of course fathers didn't want to be reminded that they were evil creatures with penises ogling anything in a skirt. Oh, the hypocrisy! Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 I think about this a lot these days, probably because I have a 14 year old and ewww, thinking about what I was doing then is kinda creepy. I was really only into older guys from the minute I started having sex at 15. First guy was 19 and I we were crazy about each other. I don't think anyone saw anything wrong or creepy about it then. My mother loved him and totally knew we were having sex. I can't imagine feeling ok about that for my kid. Second boyfriend was 22. I was still only 15. He was already a recovering alcoholic. I was crazy over him, I think he just wanted to ****. He broke up with me after the first time we hung out with his friends. I think seeing it through their eyes made it more obvious how weird it was and he was pretty mortified. But the worse couplings for me were legal. Im not sure what the age of consent was in my state but I feel like 16 is pretty standard? Are there higher ones? Anyway, when I was 16 I started a pretty serious relationship with a 31 year old. We werent actually that far off in some ways. I had a lot more sexual experience than he had and I was already living on my own. But still... Ugh. At 17 I had a fwb-type thing with a guy who was 39 and also had a sexual relationship w a 42 year old. Ive been thinking about this last guy a fair amount lately because he was a pretty famous actor in the 70's and I still see him in stuff here and there. I keep wondering if all this Hollywood sexual misconduct stuff is making him think of me at all. lol At the time I never felt victimized in any way by these guys. And, in fact, I kinda think they were safe choices for me -- those later ones were already so old that they were relatively calm. But both as a mom and as a single person dating in my 40's (and, let me tell you, this is a true thing about the young guys chasing older women!) I have to really struggle to feel ok about those guys. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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