Ex Dumper Angry I am trying to move on?!

[outlandish]

Thanks for the feedback. I wasn’t perfect in our relationship but I was good to her and treated her very well, I was loyal, helped bring her daughter here, helped with everything as she is a very dependant person. The way she left wasn’t good and the way she treated me whilst I was suffering for many months after was horrible. BUT, for some reason I find myself feeling sorry for her, perhaps due to her upbringing and I know there is a nice person in there. I also know she will be gettin messed around by many guys and nobody will love or treat her how I did, I think she sees that herself now hence the contact she keeps making. It is hard for me to ignore or block her as that seems quite spiteful and I’ve always been there for her, she doesn’t have many friends or family supporting her. Everyone says I should not talk to her and tell her I am happy as I am with my current gf especially considering how she dumped me but for whatever reason I can’t bring myself to cut her off completely. Perhaps I am trying to be a clutch for her until she finally does move on or maybe she is just boosting her ego when she feels like it and trying to disrupt what I have now. I wonder if she would be doing the same if I was still suffering, single and begging her back!

[ThreeRainbows]

Thanks for the feedback. I wasn’t perfect in our relationship but I was good to her and treated her very well, I was loyal, helped bring her daughter here, helped with everything as she is a very dependant person. The way she left wasn’t good and the way she treated me whilst I was suffering for many months after was horrible. BUT, for some reason I find myself feeling sorry for her, perhaps due to her upbringing and I know there is a nice person in there. I also know she will be gettin messed around by many guys and nobody will love or treat her how I did, I think she sees that herself now hence the contact she keeps making. It is hard for me to ignore or block her as that seems quite spiteful and I’ve always been there for her, she doesn’t have many friends or family supporting her. Everyone says I should not talk to her and tell her I am happy as I am with my current gf especially considering how she dumped me but for whatever reason I can’t bring myself to cut her off completely. Perhaps I am trying to be a clutch for her until she finally does move on or maybe she is just boosting her ego when she feels like it and trying to disrupt what I have now. I wonder if she would be doing the same if I was still suffering, single and begging her back!

 

 

No, she wouldn't. She doesn't care about anyone but herself.

 

 

As for me, if I was your girlfriend, and I knew you were texting your ex, I would be gone.

[Normm]

If keeping LC with his ex boosts his ego and helps him ween off her for good, I don't think it's a problem.

 

He said he feels sorry for her so it sounds like the contact might actually be helping him get over her.

 

 

Staying in contact with an ex that dumped you is like constantly ripping the scab off of a healing wound.

 

 

 

Staying in contact with an ex that dumped you while you're involved with someone new is very detrimental to the new relationship.

[guest569]

I totally understand that you feel sorry for her and want to help but she needs to start helping herself and building a support network for herself rather than depending on you. I'm sure she will understand if you put it gently that you are moving on and she should do the same. You don't have to rub her face in it or be harsh. Just say that you would rather not be in contact for a while out of respect of your new relationship. If she doesn't understand then too bad.

[outlandish]

Just wanted to update this thread and say that I dropped her stuff back that had been at my place for over a year (a car worth of things). She asked if I had kept it and if she could have it. I had held onto it for over a year since she left me as I didnt feel right throwing her things out. It was difficult and sad, she cried and sent some loving messages after I left the brief meeting. I have moved on now but it did make me feel extremely upset, I think I feel for her and what she lost depsite the way she treated me over the years and the fact she dumped me over a year ago. She has always kept contact since, gave mixed signals and maybe now is the closure needed for both. She knows I have someone now and I am moving into another home.

 

 

Any opinions on why she would cry when seeing me and send messages about loving me and my family after I left? I am asking because I am concerned for her and want her to be happy. Perhaps her reaction was normal I guess.

Edited September 20, 2018 by outlandish

[preraph]

If she wants you back, well, she better spit it out because you've humiliated yourself numerous times laying it on the line with her. I HOPE she gets that if she doesn't want to get together, she needs to leave you alone so you can move on, but at some point, you are the one who is going to have to block her and just decide to do it rather than humiliate yourself by leaving her access to play with your heart. I think if I were you, I'd be tempted to put it in an email and say, Look, you rejected me multiple times when I asked if you wanted to get back together, so if you want to get back together, you need to say it out loud and soon, and if you don't, you need to say so out loud and soon and then leave me alone so I can move on.

[robbysurfs]

Im going thro same thing girlfriend of 2years broke up with me in june and has sent me a lot of mix messages since then. I tried to reconcile with her a few times but she wasnt having it. She even asked if we could be friends which I never responded to. I have blocked her on all social medias and went NC. Last time she messaged me it was to congratulate me on something I had posted on social media and ended it by saying "I just want you to know you are loved by me" Ugh, so confusing but I did not respond to that or any of her messages and who knows I may of messed up by doing so but I want to set a president that I am a man and I am not taking the consolation prize of being her friend after getting dumped by her. Soooo for me its about needing her to make the first move not a half attempt. In my experience if someone wants you they will go out of there way and make themselves available and known.

[CKJD]

OP, this is really unfair on your new partner. You have been with her for 6 months and you're still prioritising a dead relationship from your past. You may have been wonderful to the person who abandonned you but can you really say the same for your new relationship? If your current (not new) girl asked you about this what would you tell her? You're giving your girl reason to drop you and not reflect on how wonderful a partner you are...tread carefully...you're better than this, man.

[Mardelis]

Any opinions on why she would cry when seeing me and send messages about loving me and my family after I left? I am asking because I am concerned for her and want her to be happy. Perhaps her reaction was normal I guess.

 

 

You've got someone new, to whom you are committed, right?

 

 

If so, then it's time to stop thinking about why she's crying and why she's sending loving messages and stop being concerned for her and wanting her to be happy.

 

 

 

As another poster said it's unfair to your current girlfriend.

 

 

 

If you can't or won't give up on the ex- which means completely cutting her off- then consider breaking up with your new girlfriend so you can focus on whatever your exgirlfriend might be saying or doing.

 

 

I'm surprised your girlfriend puts up with this- if I was with a girl who kept getting love letters from an ex, who still showed a lot of concern and caring for their ex I'd cut her out of my life because I don't share. I'd think any self respecting person would do the same.

[outlandish]

Update - she is still contacting me on and off, she has asked to get back together saying she has changed. I told her I would find it hard to trust her to which she took great offence. I am still with my amazing partner but worry about my ex and how she is doing, am I doing the right thing, will I regret cutting her off completely and fully focusing on where I am now. If I dont contact my ex she gets upset at me but I have to tell her I am with someone else and it is unfair, which to be honest is hard because I dont want to hurt her depsite this time last year after she left me, she blocked me, contacted me when she felt like it, turned down my pleading / begging, was happy being "single", didnt want me to take her and her duaghter for an xmas meal, etc. Seems like time either made her realise or me moving on with a great new partner, getting a house, doing well, etc, did. SO CONFUSING. I know, I brought this on myself by staying in touch but really am scared of if I am doing the right thing. For the record, another partner of 5 years left me around 8 years ago then regretted it and done the same thing my ex is doing trying to win me back for years. This is almost the same scenario and I am annoyed I got myself in this situation. Any advice?

 

 

P.s. I know it is not fair on my current partner but I feel trapped. I was dumped, begged the dumper back for months but she didnt want it, I met someone else who is GREAT and now the dumper wants me back over a year later. It's like it was all a game and I am the loser either way :-(

[basil67]

BLOCK HER. For the sake of your amazing girlfriend and your own sanity, just block. Don't don't tell her what you're doing, don't wish her farewell or good luck. Just BLOCK

 

If your current girlfriend sees what's been going on, she would very likely dump you....and rightly so.

[outlandish]

She has contacted me saying she is sorry and she is a loser and realises how bad she was to me. I accepted her apology and told her I forgive her but why oh why do I feel so damn bad for her?!? It literally breaks my heart to think she is so hurt despite her dumping me!

[basil67]

She has contacted me saying she is sorry and she is a loser and realises how bad she was to me. I accepted her apology and told her I forgive her but why oh why do I feel so damn bad for her?!? It literally breaks my heart to think she is so hurt despite her dumping me!

 

I take it you still haven't blocked her? You need to get a handle on this before you lose your girlfriend.

[outlandish]

I haven’t blocked her but I know I have to. I’m feeling extremely down recently and I think it is because of talking with her when I know I shouldn’t. I don’t want her to hurt even more if I do block her but at the same time it is making me ill. Rock and a hard place, I wish she just dumped me and never came back. I am so confused if she actually wants me or is just enjoying it, whilst I really wish I could just move on and be fully focused on my partner.

[StrangerThanFiction]

This is what's going to happen if you don't block her. You will lose your current wonderful girlfriend and when you go to your ex and try to take her up on wanting to get back together she'll have an excuse as to why you can't be together again. Rinse, wash, repeat the last year and you'll be here for another year talking about the same issues with the same woman...up until she meets someone else and then she will disappear from your life so completely you'll wonder if she ever actually existed.

 

You have been allowing this woman to emotionally manipulate you for so long now. C'mon dude, it's long past time to sever the leash. You can't help her by staying in contact with her. As others have said, you staying in contact with her is merely providing an ego boost for her and she's using your good nature for her own selfish ends. You know what the biggest ego boost for her would be? Your current relationship ending because of her and I can guarantee she won't be there at the end of it.

 

She may say she wants you back, she doesn't. If she did she would've gotten back together with you a long time ago. She knows things with your girlfriend are progressing and she doesn't want to lose her crutch. The kindest thing you could do for her is to cut her completely loose. You said she's a dependent type of person so you need to allow her to stand on her own two feet otherwise she is going to keep you stuck in this emotional whirlpool until she gets bored with it and peaces out completely. If talking to her doesn't make you feel good then why are you doing it?? You don't owe her anything after the way she's treated you for so long. I understand you want to do the right thing, and the right thing for all involved is to let her go so you can all find your own happiness.

 

If you can't let her go, then dump your girlfriend and pursue your ex. If you don't then you are just using your current girlfriend the same way your ex girlfriend is using you: as a crutch. You need to decide which woman has the priority in your life and put all your energy into that one. Trying to juggle both will end up with you having neither. Good luck, man.