My gf is pregnant but all we do is fight constantly

[rickwman]

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Honesty and understanding each other's expectations are very central to an honest and trusting relationship. It seems she isn't as honest as you are at this time. Maybe you are seeing 'red flags' that are warning about your future with her. Have you spoken with a counselor, pastor or minister that can offer you wise and long-term, effective advise? Don't fill your mind with guilt, condemnation, judgement or unforgiveness. It's poison! I'll pray and stand with you that your future is bright with the woman that fulfills your needs and may she experience peace as well.

[jerrygordon3]

I'm dating someone who is trying really hard to make things work. Shes pregnant. Shes living with me. But I had broken up with her becuase she was constantly going out drinking and acting shady at times. Then we decided to work on things because she pretty much begged for me back. a week later she takes a pregnancy test and guess what. So I'm happy, and she had to move out of her place so I said she can stay/ keep her stuff at my house for the time being. So she has a history of having meltdowns. screaming, threatening, freaking out, and more often than not it starts from some irrational insecurity or because I disagreed with her on something stupid or she thinks I was insulting for saying something like, " well, youve been having this pain for almost a year and you still havent gone to the doctor." and shes like" well will you go with me" and shell kind of go back and forth with me on it or something like this, it ends in sobbing, screaming, and since shes moved in with me we fight literally every day. I work night shifts at the hospital, i got home at 8, was laying in bed, and she came in and started stirring up trouble, and then an hour later while ive been trying to sleep shes in the other room demaning that i get up and " fix this now or we are over".. so more or less after like 3 days of constant fighting and her getting on me about everything i started to get emotionally freaking eshausted. I strted losing interest in dragging out argyements and checking out, sort of trying to just end the conversation. getting sick of deflecting. so now im " checking out" and she " can tell".... so we fight more. she starts talking about how I dont want to talk about the pregnancy and then we fight more and she wants an abortion. she literally said through tears the other day that she was going to drive the oceanside pier and throw herself down the stiars and kill herself and our baby... She devastated and sobbing, upset, and im starting to really really check out. am I in the right? shes broken up and i more or less ended things this morning... but a life with this???? i feel crazy and upset because i know shes sad. But we've been fighting literally everyday for hours usually sometimes like 5 plus a day... shes always bitter, negative, upset about something... its been two weeks, maybe three, and im like super over it but because shes been so upset the last week and crying, pleading with me to be the old me again... I feel bad, terrible even.. But it just doesnt stop... now there is a reason for us to be fighting because I've actually been totally dismissive the last 4-5 days, but it was like 10 days of non stop fighting!!... Like im exhausted, and it hasnt stopped,.. she finally seems like shes checking out too but because shes tired of sobbing or ebing upset but I CAN NOT make this person freaking happy!! do i try harder or just suck it up and walk away??

Edited November 12, 2017 by jerrygordon3
becuase

[coolheadal]

I don't want to sound rude but is that your kid she's carry inside her? You said you were happy after the doctor news? It's like you left doubt in our minds here. You have to deal with a woman like this who wants to have abortion over threats for you do things. You have to work at wee morning hours I do the same thing you do go in at 3 am get out between 8 to 9 or later.. But that's not important you can stay-up if you really wanted to. Try to make her feel good about things. She's by herself at night when your at hospital. Then when you come home she's there for you. Kiss her hug her tell her how much she means to you. What are doing and saying to her? Doesn't sound like your happy with her. If she wants to argue you leave the room you leave the pad (apartment). Need to get away from her. Stop doing what your doing. She will relax. She seems to have some mood swing issues. Oh boy you got that to deal with also. With child and going out drinking that's not for the baby. That needs to stop. Don't want the baby to come out with issues that can't be fix. Never drink while with child. Take her out for breakfast She needs some time with you you can sleep later in afternoon or evening.. She has to understand you need sleep or get a shift change if you can. Or go to another hospital to work. If you want o make her happy and can't seem too there is issue with you. She we already with child and not cooping so well with it. You have allowed to live with you because? She begs to come back to you? What's really going on here with you and her? How did you two meet? She's with child who's child is it? Yours or someone elses?

Edited November 12, 2017 by coolheadal

[guest569]

That sounds awful, sorry you're going through this. Her threat of suicide is very worrying, do you know her friends or family and are they aware of her situation/ mental state? I don't blame you for checking out. Without hearing her side of the story, I still feel that she is not treating you right. It must be tough being with someone so unstable. I was curious to know how long you have been together and how long has she been behaving this way? You seem conflicted even though you have made the decision to break up. Are you 100% certain about breaking it off? Being certain and confident in this decision is crucial given that she is going to beg you to come back or change her tune.

[coolheadal]

That sounds awful, sorry you're going through this. Her threat of suicide is very worrying, do you know her friends or family and are they aware of her situation/ mental state? I don't blame you for checking out. Without hearing her side of the story, I still feel that she is not treating you right. It must be tough being with someone so unstable. I was curious to know how long you have been together and how long has she been behaving this way? You seem conflicted even though you have made the decision to break up. Are you 100% certain about breaking it off? Being certain and confident in this decision is crucial given that she is going to beg you to come back or change her tune.

 

Who's child is she with? Even if it was his shouldn't break off things because o her behavior she's the way she is? She has no one else to trust. He can't cope with her unstable behavior. He offered her to stay in her house. But as the sound of things it's not his child with carry within her.

[guest569]

Who's child is she with? Even if it was his shouldn't break off things because o her behavior she's the way she is? She has no one else to trust. He can't cope with her unstable behavior. He offered her to stay in her house. But as the sound of things it's not his child with carry within her.

 

The relationship seems completely dysfunctional - yes they may be hope to salvage things but I would not sign up for a lifetime of meltdowns and abuse. Baby or not.

 

It would need professional help I think, and she is not interested in seeing a doctor.

 

Given that she has been out drinking and "shady" and they had broken up previously I would want a test if I was OP to confirm.

[coolheadal]

The relationship seems completely dysfunctional - yes they may be hope to salvage things but I would not sign up for a lifetime of meltdowns. It would need professional help I think, and she is not interested in seeing a doctor.

 

Given that she has been out drinking and "shady" and they had broken up previously I would want a test if I was OP to confirm.

 

Meltdowns there are more women today with those behavior traits, I am not ashamed to say I've dated those type. They never end well, I can only tolerate so much from a woman like that. No matter what you do she wants to argue. But learning what she's doing is very important to understand her better. With child and drinking is a big NO. The baby will be born with issues. She not listen and doesn't want to see the doctor. That's her problem, no one can tell her differently.

[jerrygordon3]

she hasnt been drinking at all since she found out shes pregant.

[salparadise]

She sounds BPD to me. Check out Downtown's 18 Warning Signs and see if it seems to fit. You can also look at all the threads Downtown has participated in to get an idea of what other's have experienced.

 

The degree of instability with the continual splitting and suicide threats is about as bad as I've heard of. You can't allow this to continue. She may need hospitalization if she's actually suicidal. Are these empty threats or do you believe she's in danger? You should err to the side of safety if she's making statements of intent or having ideations.

 

The pregnancy is a major complication, of course. If she's drinking and drugging, that has to stop. If she carries to term and it's yours, you will be tied to her for the next 18+ years, or indefinitely depending on how you look at it. From what you describe she doesn't sound like she'd ever be able to care for a child. Not even close. If she's wanting to terminate, I can't say that I'd be opposed in your situation.

 

I think you need to get her into psychiatric/medical services and out of your house... and hopefully out of your life, but... as you know, it's complicated now.

[coolheadal]

she hasnt been drinking at all since she found out shes pregant.

 

Is that your child Jerry she's carrying within her? Or is that another mans kid? If it's another man where the heck is he lurking?

[jerrygordon3]

Yes it’s my child. We had a good night last night. This morning we talked. It just seems like we fight too much and it’s constant.

[BaileyB]

Is this the third thread you have started asking the same question?

 

The answer remains the same. This is not, and will never be, a healthy or happy relationship for you. This woman is unstable.

 

She clearly needs professional help. And you, need professional health to learn why you are attracted to these volatile, dysfunctional relationships and to learn how to develop healthy boundaries.

Edited November 12, 2017 by BaileyB

[sandylee1]

I'm sorry to sound unsympathetic, but she's been a nightmare gin the beginning and you shoulf have ended it months ago, when she was drinking, screaming and accusing you of all sorts.

 

Those were the warning signs. You should have see them and walked far away.

 

You're in for a lot of turbulence with this woman for the rest of your life now that she's having your baby.

 

I'd be wanting to ensure it is your baby after het earlier shenanigans and texting other guys