Talking to your SO about yourselves

[Mysterio]

Do you talk about your relationship with your SO as time goes by. Or only issues. Be it finances/sex/family.

 

Do you get what I mean and does it make you grow together or is it a pain.

[GemmaUK]

Do you get what I mean

 

Well no, you haven't explained what you mean so it'd be pretty tough to communicate in the way you may want if your partner isn't aware of it..

 

We're not mind readers.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Do you talk about your relationship with your SO as time goes by. Or only issues. Be it finances/sex/family.

 

Do you get what I mean and does it make you grow together or is it a pain.

 

I get what you mean.

 

Although I have never done it, I've often thought that it would be a great idea in relationships to have a set appointment every week to just discuss the relationship, how both are feeling, etc. Otherwise, unless you're a Grade A communicator, you can get lazy about relationship issues and not want to rock the boat.

 

An alternative would be bi-monthly couples counseling, which I'd be all for in any relationship because I love counseling .

[Mysterio]

Some people need space some want to always be with their partners.

 

I think I would talk about our relationship if I was with a woman and we were steady.

[Cookiesandough]

I feel like that could drive me crazy. I think the relationship when it's good should just sort of speak for itself. Hopefully not many issues arise, but when they do, communicate to resolve

[basil67]

But what if everything is going along swimmingly and there's nothing to discuss? Frankly, I think my husband would go running to the hills if I tried this on him. I'd find it a pain in the rear end too.

 

In our house, we discuss things when they need to be discussed.

[Mysterio]

Sometimes people are not aware of issues. I feel its best to be open. Like if they need space after work and they don't want to come home right away. Or they want to get dinner as soon as they come home.

 

My ex wanted me to txt her everyday. I thought that was too much. I need affection from my woman on a regular basis. Not sex everyday but affection. I don't want to go 17 weeks and not kiss etc.

 

Thats what I mean. Sometimes I think a couple need individual friends time.

[Cookiesandough]

Sometimes people are not aware of issues. I feel its best to be open. Like if they need space after work and they don't want to come home right away. Or they want to get dinner as soon as they come home.

 

My ex wanted me to txt her everyday. I thought that was too much. I need affection from my woman on a regular basis. Not sex everyday but affection. I don't want to go 17 weeks and not kiss etc.

 

Thats what I mean. Sometimes I think a couple need individual friends time.

 

Oh you mean like talk to each other? I thought you meant something like "This relationship is good. I like it." "So do I."

 

If you mean communicate with each other, I agree with you.

 

Each person has different amounts they require and if it's not compatible it will probably doom the relationship, unfortunately.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

But what if everything is going along swimmingly and there's nothing to discuss? Frankly, I think my husband would go running to the hills if I tried this on him. I'd find it a pain in the rear end too.

 

In our house, we discuss things when they need to be discussed.

 

Hahaha! Understood.

 

But not all people find it easy to communicate, so if you're that type, I've always though setting aside a specific time to do it might be a good idea. As I said, I've never done it, but I can sometimes be a conflict avoider/people please, so I see where it would be beneficial for me.

[RecentChange]

Sometimes people are not aware of issues. I feel its best to be open. Like if they need space after work and they don't want to come home right away. Or they want to get dinner as soon as they come home.

 

My ex wanted me to txt her everyday. I thought that was too much. I need affection from my woman on a regular basis. Not sex everyday but affection. I don't want to go 17 weeks and not kiss etc.

 

Thats what I mean. Sometimes I think a couple need individual friends time.

 

Yes, actually we talk about these sorts of things all the time. To understand each others needs and wants.

 

My husband is an extreme extrovert. He needs tons of social time - so he gets that. He goes out and hangs with friends often, watches football, mountain bikes, goes down to the local brewer - even little road trips with his buds.

 

We communicate and I understand he needs those things to be happy.

 

Meanwhile I can be more of a lone wolf. I love solitude. I go on long hikes or horseback rides by myself.

 

At first he was concerned about "leaving me at home" when he went out and socialized - I communicated to him that I LIKED my "me time" that creates, and I understand he needs it - go do you boo!

 

And same for me, he knows I need my out in the hills / horse time, and gives me plenty of leeway to have it. Because I have communicated to him how its important to me.

 

I am more touchy feely than he is - I have communicated how touch is important to me, and he accommodates that. He has communicated to me how sometimes he needs space - and I accommodate that.

 

People aren't mind readers, and often we may assume that the other person may need the same things we need - but those assumptions are often wrong. Thats why communicating is always the best option.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Yes, actually we talk about these sorts of things all the time. To understand each others needs and wants.

 

My husband is an extreme extrovert. He needs tons of social time - so he gets that. He goes out and hangs with friends often, watches football, mountain bikes, goes down to the local brewer - even little road trips with his buds.

 

We communicate and I understand he needs those things to be happy.

 

Meanwhile I can be more of a lone wolf. I love solitude. I go on long hikes or horseback rides by myself.

 

At first he was concerned about "leaving me at home" when he went out and socialized - I communicated to him that I LIKED my "me time" that creates, and I understand he needs it - go do you boo!

 

And same for me, he knows I need my out in the hills / horse time, and gives me plenty of leeway to have it. Because I have communicated to him how its important to me.

 

I am more touchy feely than he is - I have communicated how touch is important to me, and he accommodates that. He has communicated to me how sometimes he needs space - and I accommodate that.

 

People aren't mind readers, and often we may assume that the other person may need the same things we need - but those assumptions are often wrong. Thats why communicating is always the best option.

 

Awwww <3. I want your relationship <3.

[RecentChange]

Awwww <3. I want your relationship <3.

 

It's been a work in progress we are pretty good at talking things through now though.

 

We both used to get in a tizzy worried that the other wanted all the same things. Now we are better at saying this is what I need, and hearing what the other needs.

 

Down to when we are having dinner (which sometimes will be separate to accommodate each other - and that's okay!)

[Mysterio]

I think if more people talked about their relationship with each other. I think that a lot of problems could work out better. My friend DT told me he wished him and his GD would have slowed down living together and having kids. Because he does not talk about stuff like that. H has to live with that. Plus that she has not finalized her divorce from hubby #1.

 

I think my buddy S could have prevnted his upcoming divorce, if he was more open with his wife.

 

This is the score with me right now. Any woman getting involved with me. I don't want to have kids and I want to stay in my city and those are the two major things with me at the moment. I have close friends and family and see them on a regular basis. I love going out to Rock concerts, the big movies and I like being out and about. I am not a home body. Working out at the gym as well.

Edited November 9, 2017 by Mysterio

[No_Go]

???

 

Well occasional affirmation is fine.Too much: drives people crazy because it is a *symptom* (that the parties need to convince themselves things are okay - ie insecurities).

 

If you don’t communicate your needs in a LTR the resentment that grows is catastrophic, saying it from bitter experience.

 

Oh you mean like talk to each other? I thought you meant something like "This relationship is good. I like it." "So do I."

 

If you mean communicate with each other, I agree with you.

 

Each person has different amounts they require and if it's not compatible it will probably doom the relationship, unfortunately.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

It's been a work in progress we are pretty good at talking things through now though.

 

We both used to get in a tizzy worried that the other wanted all the same things. Now we are better at saying this is what I need, and hearing what the other needs.

 

Down to when we are having dinner (which sometimes will be separate to accommodate each other - and that's okay!)

 

Sortof off topic, but one of my BFFs just got married for the first time at age 46. Her new hubby, also first time marriage, is also in his late forties. So, they are both very, very set in their ways. But, my friend is seriously the most amazing woman I've ever met (think Ellen but with way less money and more Christianity lol). I don't know her new hubby that well yet, but from what I've seen, he is as awesome as she is. One of their greatest strengths, and possibly greatest struggles, is that they are both CRAZY communicators. Like crazy good lol. I wonder if they'll ever just be able to relax together without analyzing every part of their relationship lol! To my point, though, they took a two week honeymoon (beach vaca.) and mutually agreed beforehand that they were really going to need their alone time to just sit and read or just in general be alone, and that neither should take that personally lol! They are very much alike, but I think the key is in totally respecting the needs/wishes of the other person <3.

[RecentChange]

Well occasional affirmation is fine.Too much: drives people crazy because it is a *symptom* (that the parties need to convince themselves things are okay - ie insecurities).

 

Hum, I like affirmations. I guess we don't day "gee don't we have the best relationship ever", but we do say that we appreciate each other. That we are lucky to have each other.

 

And the little things "thanks for doing the dishes" etc. we say those every day. Again - work in progress stuff. At one point I was doing practically all the household chores and that wasn't working for me any more. So I told him I needed more help, and more acknowledgment of what I do around here.

 

And he listened! Started doing more chores without being hounded, and if I came home to a freshly vacuumed house - you bet he heard about. "Hey, place looks great, thank you so much for picking up and vacuuming"

 

And he thanks me specifically for the things I do around the house. It lets me know he noticed and appreciates the effort.

 

Sand mutually agreed beforehand that they were really going to need their alone time to just sit and read or just in general be alone, and that neither should take that personally lol! They are very much alike, but I think the key is in totally respecting the needs/wishes of the other person <3.

 

Hahaha like I said work in progress.

 

For instance we used to get in this crazy tail chase…. I would ask “what are your plans? Are you going to be home for dinner?”

 

And he would interpret that as “I want you home for dinner” – and get worked up about trying to get back in time yadda yadda. He says he will be there, meanwhile its getting later, and I am getting hangry.

 

But the thing is, I didn’t CARE if he was going to be home for dinner I was just trying to figure out if I would be cooking for two, or just feeding myself – and honestly often I would prefer the latter!

 

But him being him – Mr. social, he assumed he should join me for dinner. Me Ms independent, I kinda would rather a dinner to myself so I can eat the funky things I like. And me being me, I was assuming he would be insulted by “don’t come home for dinner, I didn’t want to feed you any way” - so I would try to delay dinner for him.

 

Eventually we figured out how to verbalize that “honey, I don’t mind if you aren’t home for dinner – I rather eat my weirdo food any way. Stay out, and enjoy yourself!” Its not that I don’t like cooking for him, but I didn’t want him to feel obligated to join me. Don’t take it personally boo!

 

Which was a relief for him, because he assumed I would want him home – and I get my me time. We are just different in some ways.

[CptInsano]

[...]

Eventually we figured out how to verbalize that “honey, I don’t mind if you aren’t home for dinner – I rather eat my weirdo food any way. Stay out, and enjoy yourself!” Its not that I don’t like cooking for him, but I didn’t want him to feel obligated to join me. Don’t take it personally boo! [...]

 

Yes, those types of talks are indeed very necessary and hard to do without. Even if you don't talk about your relationship in general, making sure that you are clear about your expectations and needs helps a lot.

[No_Go]

Well expressing gratitude is a whole other game -

it is normal and respectful thing to do.

 

I meant more like the type of statements of affirmation 'Aren't we the greatest couple in the world' and alike.

 

 

Hum, I like affirmations. I guess we don't day "gee don't we have the best relationship ever", but we do say that we appreciate each other. That we are lucky to have each other.

 

And the little things "thanks for doing the dishes" etc. we say those every day. Again - work in progress stuff. At one point I was doing practically all the household chores and that wasn't working for me any more. So I told him I needed more help, and more acknowledgment of what I do around here.

 

And he listened! Started doing more chores without being hounded, and if I came home to a freshly vacuumed house - you bet he heard about. "Hey, place looks great, thank you so much for picking up and vacuuming"

 

And he thanks me specifically for the things I do around the house. It lets me know he noticed and appreciates the effort.