Falsly accused - what do i do ??

[Frustrated66]

What to do???

In our most recent mediation session to settle our divorce, my ex-wife accused me of assaulting her 10 years ago and is demanding compensation for this as part of our settlement.

While some elements of the story are true, the majority of the events she describes have been created by her unmedicated bipolar imagination, and are full of fictions and illogical statements. She has even conceded this on previous occasions. I have sort legal advice that concluded that I was assaulted by her on the day in question, not the other way around. And this is only one of the many occasions during our marriage when she struck me, or threatened to jump out of a second story window, or actually jumped from a moving car, etc, etc during our marriage. While she has since been diagnosed and medicated for bipolar, she did not consistently follow through on the treatment required during our marriage, stating it effects her artistic abilities. Needless to say, this inability for her to take responsibility for her own actions is the cause of our relationship breakdown.

So, my issue is I am flat out angry with her right now !!!!

But my real issue is what do I do ? I do not want to be bullied and extorted to paying compensation for a crime that did not happen. So, do I challenge her to take the issue further, or take it to the police myself, in an effort to have the facts come out, putting both of us, and my son, through the legal fall out that would occur? Do I argue it through the divorce process, where the only winners will be the lawyers who rack up the legal fees as it goes back and forth, or do I pay the blackmailer to keep the peace?

[healing light]

Honestly, I think you need the advice of your legal team on this one. I would explain what really happened and ask them for their guidance. This is why you pay them. Are any of her inconsistencies with her mental health issues documented in her medical files? Anything on record anywhere? Perhaps you can get ahold of them to make your case stronger.

[PegNosePete]

But my real issue is what do I do ? I do not want to be bullied and extorted

In this kind of situation it pays to be pragmatic and not get emotionally involved. I know it's difficult since being accused of something, your natural reaction is to defend yourself. But honestly the best reaction here is to roll your eyes and sigh.

 

The point of mediation is to make an agreement out of court. This isn't a court, you don't have to prove anything. If you want, you can just say "no, I didn't assault you and I'm not paying you any compensation". Then fold your arms and refuse to discuss that issue any more, no matter what she says. But a better approach would be to say look, let's not get bogged down on details and too much breakdown of the offer. At the end of the day it's about trying to find middle ground. If you don't accept her proposal and she doesn't accept yours, and there is no middle ground which you're both happy with, then mediation has failed and you might as well stop.

 

Sometimes it is better to "pay a blackmailer" or in this case give her slightly more, because it's the cheapest way out of the situation. Giving her $1000 will almost certainly be cheaper than going to court. But make sure it's a part of the whole deal, you need to ask her for a full and complete financial settlement proposal rather than saying fine I'll give you $X for this and $x for that. You should NOT agree to individual items, only a complete and final package.

 

Personally I wouldn't use any billable lawyer time on this. The point of mediation is to avoid high lawyer fees. If you're paying a lawyer anyway then you might as well negotiate through lawyers rather than mediation.

Edited November 10, 2017 by PegNosePete

[d0nnivain]

First you find out what the statute of limitations on criminal assault are. If you are past that point you do nothing. You do not involve the police. You deny the allegation but you do nothing to escalate the situation.

 

Next you look at how much she wants & if she is wiling to sign a general release in exchange for a payment. Factor in your lawyer's hourly rate & see if making a small payment in exchange for a general release where you admit nothing is cheaper than fighting.

 

If she's as unstable as you claim there is value in putting this behind you.

[somanymistakes]

Try to stay calm, that's the most important thing.

 

Her emotion are all over the place, and her sense of what is real gets confused. If you get caught up in arguing with her, it will only escalate.

[Rockdad]

I'm not at all surprised at the dramatization of the event. I experienced such things when I was in your position at the divorce table. I actually believe that my ex believed what was invented in her mind.

 

I desperately wanted to settle it now and not in a court house with a sitting judge. I followed my Atty's advice to play it cool albeit I was at full boil and offer her some settlement. He told me it's funny how money seems to cool them down and get the matter disposed of. Going to court will be costly and you can lose more than what you have offered on the table currently.

 

As it was said it is a very emotional time. You can choose to defuse this or escalate the fight. I chose the latter as I had 3 little boys I didn't want going through anymore. I knew they were hearing to much from there mother on a daily basis.