She left me, didn't see it coming

[burnt]

Perhaps your ex went through something as traumatic as your heartbreak. Perhaps she gave all of herself in her past to someone, only watch another person rip her faith apart.

 

Perhaps the reason she was as cold as she was was because of a heartbreak that made her the "realist" that she was with you. Perhaps she failed to see what sort of damage her words/actions did to you permanently, because she was concerned about her own emotional safety--in whatever way she defined it.

 

Perhaps your current gf is loving you as innocently and naively as you were loving your ex once. Perhaps you, by being so guarded and being so secretive, are setting your current gf for the kind of life altering heartbreak you experienced.

 

Yes, pain and heartbreaks happen to teach us a lesson.

You trusted the wrong person. Don't take that anger and hurt out on a new person, who might genuinely be loving you with all her heart.

 

If you are going to be with her, give her a chance with your whole heart. Because one day you could wake up to realize what your ex did to you, you did the same to another person. Will you be ok with that self awareness?

[Fever of love]

Also people can't be replaced. You just learn to recognize that they aren't what you need.

 

Yeah our exes replace us easily enough though. In my case it took her 4 weeks after a 22 year relationship. She's fine, I'm still grieving more than I can really bear and hovering round Loveshack, sill thinking she is irreplacable, for the good reason that we have 22 years of shared memories.

 

 

Don't take that anger and hurt out on a new person, who might genuinely be loving you with all her heart.

 

If you are going to be with her, give her a chance with your whole heart. Because one day you could wake up to realize what your ex did to you, you did the same to another person. Will you be ok with that self awareness?

 

And this as well Burnt, I can't even see myself even dating again, because how could I impose this unbearable baggage I'm now meant to carry for life on another person?

 

I'm just not wired for this. Anyway that's just me, OP. We're all in the same boat. Its' a difficult thing to get your head around.

[wishyouneverleft]

You guys are great, thank you for your replies. I highly appreciate the responses. You all have valid points. I do have feelings for this woman, but its not the "head over heels" love that I felt for my ex. Yes I know I'm being selfish, but it was either this or go into an abyss I wasn't ready for, and quite frankly I don't think I would of survived. I'm not leaving this one, I'm loyal and owe her so much. Matters of the heart are so fickle and I'm seeing so many disappointments around me from fiances breaking up at the last minute, infidelity between couples that were together for ages, marriages I thought were going to ride into their golden years fall apart, to my generation's justification for every little immature technique they use to deflect emotional bonds and walk away from relationships at a moment's notice. If this doesn't work, I'm done. I don't want to hurt anyone, nor be hurt again.

 

Like they say, "It is better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all". I did it, it was blissful, but that intense feeling is something I can live without and the love I have for my current gf that allows me to focus on my career is what I need right now. Is it wrong? Only time will tell, and karma will judge.

[Nothingtolose]

@wishyouneverleft, I like this idea - if you don't mind, I'm going to use your thread and do the same, since I'm particularly struggling this week not to contact my ex (we have been NC for 2 weeks). I had a cry this morning over some of the good memories that popped up in my head, so let me remind myself of some of the bad, and the very bad....

 

- Shouted at me and was extremely verbally abusive 3 days after my Grandpa died (whom I was very close with), because I asked him (very nicely) if he could come home (after being out with his friends drinking for 3-4 hours), as I did not want to be alone in the house. Told me I should not be so surprised/shocked that "an old person had died".

 

- Did not know how to have an argument like a grown man, and instead always resorted to verbal abuse and name calling - even during a romantic dinner by the beach in one of our vacations, which he managed to ruin.

 

- Could not go a single evening without weed - to the point of taking his vaporizer with him to every event/ dinner etc we went to

 

- If he ever had to go without weed for whatever reason, he compensated by drinking copious amounts of beer - even in the morning, before any food, justifying that it was "the weekend" for example

 

- Had no goals or ambitions in life. Couldn't even answer when i asked him what his goals and dreams were - basically had none.

 

- Total slob. Threw his clothes all over the floor/anywhere, never helped me clean unless I constantly nagged, never helped with dinner voluntarily, was never proactive in helping with anything that would make my life a little easier

 

- Still regularly pampered/spoiled by his mother, which is the reason why he cannot function as a grown man at the age of 36

 

- Was never excited about marriage or kids or building a life together. Those dreams were mine, and mine alone.

 

- Had no interest in travelling, exploring the world, seeing other cultures.

 

- Didn't like anything that required any effort. If it was up to him, every weekend would be a combination of video games, smoking, drinking, cartoons on tv.

 

- Always drawn towards loser friends, and gravitated away from the friends who actually took care of themselves, exercised, had goals and dreams, and could be a positive influence. Only wanted to surround himself with people who had addictions, and had accomplished nothing in life.

 

- Was a terrible listener. Hated deep conversations, and anything that required him to really participate. Wanted conversations to always be shallow, and often made me feel like an annoyance for wanting him to interact.

 

- Was unwilling to compromise and watch anything/any movies he didn't like

 

- Sided with his best friend when the guy was being a jerk to me. Does not know the meaning of being a team, and being a real partner.

 

- Completely unwilling to take ownership of his actions, or any accountability for the demise of our relationship.

[wishyouneverleft]

She wouldn't tell me what bothers her until she exploded

 

She almost dropped me off at my aunts on a Saturday because she was so stressed out, which would of been cutting our dinner short. This was when I flew just to see her for a weekend, and the flight was more than 5 hours. This is going back again to the lack of communication. I would of said lets eat in, or changed plans to appease her.

 

Lacked communication

[wishyouneverleft]

How many people feel like something died inside after a breakup? That when you think about the ex, you don't want her back, but you miss the person you thought you knew? Like you're mourning a ghost?

 

I'd be fine one second, and then a song, or something someone says triggers a memory followed by the feeling of loss.

Edited November 27, 2017 by wishyouneverleft

[Beachead]

I definitely felt like this with an ex of mine 3 years back.

 

During that period of time, I realized that most of the people I kept in my life were not really good for me and I let go of a lot of people. The lack of love, and the lack of effort. Even something as simple as a call every now and then would have been nice but there was just no love on their end.

 

I went into my second relationship feeling a lot of ways about this. I told her about the people that hurt me in my life and what I had been through and she assured me she wouldn't do the same. At the time, she was the one person I spent my time with. She told me she loved me, I felt happy with her. Then she went off to med school and we began a Long Distance Relationship. After 3 weeks, she became cold and distant and it only grew worse over the course of 3 months. It hurt a lot and her behavior made me miserable but this was during a time I still had patience and love in me to understand and fight for the people I cared for. The night before she was supposed to come back home, she broke up with me on whatsapp. It wasn't so much that she had ended that hurt but the way she did it. The disrespect. I had given so much of myself to her and that was all I got at the end. Some would say, worse has happened to others and they are right but to me, this was a big deal. It broke me. She didn't really care much for my being upset and was rude. She would message every few days whenver she felt like it and I would respond because I had hope we could work things out. After a month, she started talking about how she didn't want to know that there was someone thinking about her overseas while she was studying and I don't know..I felt something in me snap.

 

It was like I had finally reached my threshold of forgiving and understanding another person's perspective. I was tired of people screwing with me and I was done being this guy. I definitely changed after that. I stopped caring about what others wanted. Started saying no to people, started keeping to myself. Became angrier and would tell people off if I felt like I was being pushed. I also don't physically feel the same nor do I sleep as well as prior to that situation. The rebound situation I had with my recent ex happened as a result of who I became.

 

You could say I died that night.

Edited November 27, 2017 by Beachead

[wishyouneverleft]

I definitely felt like this with an ex of mine 3 years back.

 

During that period of time, I realized that most of the people I kept in my life were not really good for me and I let go of a lot of people. The lack of love, and the lack of effort. Even something as simple as a call every now and then would have been nice but there was just no love on their end.

 

I went into my second relationship feeling a lot of ways about this. I told her about the people that hurt me in my life and what I had been through and she assured me she wouldn't do the same. At the time, she was the one person I spent my time with. She told me she loved me, I felt happy with her. Then she went off to med school and we began a Long Distance Relationship. After 3 weeks, she became cold and distant and it only grew worse over the course of 3 months. It hurt a lot and her behavior made me miserable but this was during a time I still had patience and love in me to understand and fight for the people I cared for. The night before she was supposed to come back home, she broke up with me on whatsapp. It wasn't so much that she had ended that hurt but the way she did it. The disrespect. I had given so much of myself to her and that was all I got at the end. Some would say, worse has happened to others and they are right but to me, this was a big deal. It broke me. She didn't really care much for my being upset and was rude. She would message every few days whenver she felt like it and I would respond because I had hope we could work things out. After a month, she started talking about how she didn't want to know that there was someone thinking about her overseas while she was studying and I don't know..I felt something in me snap.

 

It was like I had finally reached my threshold of forgiving and understanding another person's perspective. I was tired of people screwing with me and I was done being this guy. I definitely changed after that. I stopped caring about what others wanted. Started saying no to people, started keeping to myself. Became angrier and would tell people off if I felt like I was being pushed. I also don't physically feel the same nor do I sleep as well as prior to that situation. The rebound situation I had with my recent ex happened as a result of who I became.

 

You could say I died that night.

 

 

Jesus Christ, our paths are so alike. My Ex broke up with me through Whatsapp too! That level of disrespect, and after blocking her there, she calls me the next day twice and once I didn't answer, e-mails me asking about picking up a package she ordered to my house.

 

I'm completely on-board with you. My perspective is that my karma for my past sins created this present. I feel the train left and I with it went my heart. My ex was the one that I felt was my soulmate, my one true love. This one I'm with is my last shot at having a relationship, she helped me get through the "one" that dumped me and I owe her so much. I do have feelings for her, but it'll never be like what I have for my ex. I rather have it that way. I never want to feel that head over heels love again. I so passionate about what we had I saw things I never saw before with a woman, the family, the house, children, the "other life" that everyone talks about exists beyond grinding in a career to get to the top.

 

I'm learning to live with this pain, this loss. I loved a ghost.

[Beachead]

Jesus Christ, our paths are so alike. My Ex broke up with me through Whatsapp too! That level of disrespect, and after blocking her there, she calls me the next day twice and once I didn't answer, e-mails me asking about picking up a package she ordered to my house.

 

I'm completely on-board with you. My perspective is that my karma for my past sins created this present. I feel the train left and I with it went my heart. My ex was the one that I felt was my soulmate, my one true love. This one I'm with is my last shot at having a relationship, she helped me get through the "one" that dumped me and I owe her so much. I do have feelings for her, but it'll never be like what I have for my ex. I rather have it that way. I never want to feel that head over heels love again. I so passionate about what we had I saw things I never saw before with a woman, the family, the house, children, the "other life" that everyone talks about exists beyond grinding in a career to get to the top.

 

I'm learning to live with this pain, this loss. I loved a ghost.

 

It's unfortunate that you had to go through that as well but I am atleast glad that we share that experience and know we are not alone. I know what you mean

 

For me, after that, I didn't see myself falling for anyone again. But I did..and those few months were truly amazing with this girl. She was a good person. She made me smile and laugh. She did sweet things for me. She made me want to be a better person and for a short period she was a good person for me. Her ex and their drama was the red flag that I chose to ignore because of hope that we could pull through. I also knew if this failed, I wouldn't be capable of feeling that amazing "Cloud 9" kind of feeling I had with her ever again. I have taken too much damage. Unfortunately, my little fairy tale ended, reality came and she returned to her ex and vanished out of my life.

 

It's a very slow heal.

Edited November 28, 2017 by Beachead

[Physx]

I get exactly where you are coming from as far as the "mourning a ghost" statement. My ex girlfriend was a compulsive liar. As such, I really didn't know much at all about her. I don't know what was the truth and what wasn't, as I found out about so many, many lies after wasting three months of my life with her.

 

I miss the fun times we had, the moments we shared, the laughter, the chemistry, but none of it was real. It was with someone she pretended to be - not the person she actually was. The person I know she is now is a person I would never want to be with. However, I can't help but miss her company. Certainly doesn't help since I moved fairly recently and haven't made many local friends yet. There are lots of empty spaces in my life now that she used to fill. While I miss it, I certainly wouldn't want her to fill those gaps again.

 

The highs and lows are completely normal. I have the same thing. At times, I will be happy I got away from such a heartless soul after three months rather than three years. Other times, I will miss the smallest little stupid thing about her or that we did together. The best I can say is the lows will decrease in time, and doing your best to fill in those "gaps" will help expedite the process.

[DannyCA]

I know what you mean. In all honesty, something does die when two people break up: the potentiality of that certain life. Even if two people reconcile and successfully make it work the second time, you are no longer those same two people (hopefully for the better). And with that being said, something did die, the potentiality and the two former selves of that couple.

 

As for me, my break up from 4+years ago had the biggest impact on my life to date. It gave me the initial push to get me to where I am now. I used to feel pretty down when something would remind me of her, now it doesn't hurt even a fraction of what it used to, but it just feels a bit odd now (especially now since she just got engaged). It's almost like I moved on, but I can't forget completely. And now I just kind of live my life with a soft and minimalistic lingering pain, but I don't let that stop me from doing what I need to do.

[Beachead]

I know what you mean. In all honesty, something does die when two people break up: the potentiality of that certain life. Even if two people reconcile and successfully make it work the second time, you are no longer those same two people (hopefully for the better). And with that being said, something did die, the potentiality and the two former selves of that couple.

 

As for me, my break up from 4+years ago had the biggest impact on my life to date. It gave me the initial push to get me to where I am now. I used to feel pretty down when something would remind me of her, now it doesn't hurt even a fraction of what it used to, but it just feels a bit odd now (especially now since she just got engaged). It's almost like I moved on, but I can't forget completely. And now I just kind of live my life with a soft and minimalistic lingering pain, but I don't let that stop me from doing what I need to do.

 

That helps to hear. My recent ex and I broke up and she returned to her ex. It's been almost 4 months. I'm pretty sure they're going to get engaged within the next year. Because I still have feelings and still want her back..it's extremely difficult to deal with the thought. But, it's good to hear that you were able to eventually get to a point where it didn't affect you anymore. Gives me hope that perhaps I will okay.

[carhill]

I happened to experience death (of a family member I'd cared for) and divorce at the same time. Pretty similar grief processes, looking back on it. Took a few years to substantially recover and still there are lingering dead zones years down the road. Part of life I guess.

[DannyCA]

That helps to hear. My recent ex and I broke up and she returned to her ex. It's been almost 4 months. I'm pretty sure they're going to get engaged within the next year. Because I still have feelings and still want her back..it's extremely difficult to deal with the thought. But, it's good to hear that you were able to eventually get to a point where it didn't affect you anymore. Gives me hope that perhaps I will okay.

 

It's been a pretty shi*** road, but it definitely had its ups and downs. I'm gonna be honest with you, it took a hell of a long time to finally feel ok, but I got there. You're not gonna feel ok tomorrow, but you'll definitely get there.

 

It's strange to think that it hurt more to see her announce her new relationship 2 years ago than it hurt to see her announce her engagement last week. Maybe it just because of the time, maybe it's because I am in the best place in my life to date, maybe it's a combo of both.

 

But I will say I think the fact that we basically switched places is what makes me feel ok seeing her engagement. It's almost like she literally adopted my way of thinking and I hers from 4+ years ago. And at this point in my life I couldn't imagine having that same train of thought. It's almost like she's cashing in and now is engaged

[Beachead]

It's been a pretty shi*** road, but it definitely had its ups and downs. I'm gonna be honest with you, it took a hell of a long time to finally feel ok, but I got there. You're not gonna feel ok tomorrow, but you'll definitely get there.

 

It's strange to think that it hurt more to see her announce her new relationship 2 years ago than it hurt to see her announce her engagement last week. Maybe it just because of the time, maybe it's because I am in the best place in my life to date, maybe it's a combo of both.

 

But I will say I think the fact that we basically switched places is what makes me feel ok seeing her engagement. It's almost like she literally adopted my way of thinking and I hers from 4+ years ago. And at this point in my life I couldn't imagine having that same train of thought. It's almost like she's cashing in and now is engaged

 

Oh it must have definitely been a miserable road. How did you feel in the beginning? And the first year?

 

I swear even just this morning, I woke up, and it was such a battle to fight off my separation anxiety from her. Thoughts running wild. Pain in my chest. There's this anger and disbelief of how could I allow myself to choose this person and let her run me into the ground like this. Even though it's been almost 4 months, days like today make me feel like I've gotten nowhere.

 

I'm just glad to hear you got to the point where you felt okay.

[DannyCA]

Oh it must have definitely been a miserable road. How did you feel in the beginning? And the first year?

 

I swear even just this morning, I woke up, and it was such a battle to fight off my separation anxiety from her. Thoughts running wild. Pain in my chest. There's this anger and disbelief of how could I allow myself to choose this person and let her run me into the ground like this. Even though it's been almost 4 months, days like today make me feel like I've gotten nowhere.

 

I'm just glad to hear you got to the point where you felt okay.

 

And there's going to be even more days where it feels like you've gotten nowhere, but that's when you need to realize it just takes time. I remember the first year was the hardest, especially because thats when she contacted me the most. It was only this last year that she stopped contacting me.

 

But I digress, you just need to remember it takes time and that's really just it. I remember the users here on LS told me "stop following up on her, work on yourself, and let time heal your pain". I always fought it, begging people to tell me the secret to feeling better immediately. It doesn't work like that. But only now do I know this.

 

I'm curious what are you doing to help you move on?

[Beachead]

And there's going to be even more days where it feels like you've gotten nowhere, but that's when you need to realize it just takes time. I remember the first year was the hardest, especially because thats when she contacted me the most. It was only this last year that she stopped contacting me.

 

But I digress, you just need to remember it takes time and that's really just it. I remember the users here on LS told me "stop following up on her, work on yourself, and let time heal your pain". I always fought it, begging people to tell me the secret to feeling better immediately. It doesn't work like that. But only now do I know this.

 

I'm curious what are you doing to help you move on?

 

To be honest, apart from teaching music, I haven't done much of anything in the past month. Only just today, did I go back to the gym. It's been a lot of ups and downs.

 

Back in August, I got laid off, few days later, me and her broke up, week and a half after, I had surgery that put me out of commission physically for a good 2 weeks. But, fortunately I had been applying for new jobs prior ot that so I ended up landing an interview and getting the job around those 2 weeks I was healing. Started working, started school, continued teaching music on the side and it felt like things would get better with time but they didn't. My mood really went downhill over the weeks and it most certainly affected my job performance. They let me go last month. After that, I just stopped caring and started questioning where my life was going and what I wanted out of it. It was like I had no energy to handle anything but the simplest day to day tasks.

 

Emotionally, It took me about 2 years to finally free myself from my previous ex and that situation I described in the above post. I finally got to a point where I accepted the end and moved on. I was in a good place early on this year. I just wanted to focus on myself and be left alone. Truly didn't see myself being with anyone again. Then I met this girl and things took me by surprise. Before I knew it, I had fallen for her. Like the OP talked about, something in me had died but somehow this girl and the way she treated me brought it back to life. Then it ended..with me clearly being a rebound.

 

It wasn't just relationships though. I'm tough. It took a lot more than that to bring me down. There were a lot of things outside of it that happened to me and my family, that were out of my control pertaining to divorce, separation, health, death. Having to accept what I had no control over was normal to me.

 

But, I think I'm losing my resolve.

 

I feel like I've been pulling myself back up and giving myself a motivational speeches over and over again. Telling myself it'll be okay. Being my own best friend and cheering myself up. I see all my friends and family and old classmates and workmates get engaged and married and here I am. When I met this girl, there was this hope..until it ended.

 

Sorry for the massive post. Guess I just needed to let it all out.

[wishyouneverleft]

To be honest, apart from teaching music, I haven't done much of anything in the past month. Only just today, did I go back to the gym. It's been a lot of ups and downs.

 

Back in August, I got laid off, few days later, me and her broke up, week and a half after, I had surgery that put me out of commission physically for a good 2 weeks. But, fortunately I had been applying for new jobs prior ot that so I ended up landing an interview and getting the job around those 2 weeks I was healing. Started working, started school, continued teaching music on the side and it felt like things would get better with time but they didn't. My mood really went downhill over the weeks and it most certainly affected my job performance. They let me go last month. After that, I just stopped caring and started questioning where my life was going and what I wanted out of it. It was like I had no energy to handle anything but the simplest day to day tasks.

 

Emotionally, It took me about 2 years to finally free myself from my previous ex and that situation I described in the above post. I finally got to a point where I accepted the end and moved on. I was in a good place early on this year. I just wanted to focus on myself and be left alone. Truly didn't see myself being with anyone again. Then I met this girl and things took me by surprise. Before I knew it, I had fallen for her. Like the OP talked about, something in me had died but somehow this girl and the way she treated me brought it back to life. Then it ended..with me clearly being a rebound.

 

It wasn't just relationships though. I'm tough. It took a lot more than that to bring me down. There were a lot of things outside of it that happened to me and my family, that were out of my control pertaining to divorce, separation, health, death. Having to accept what I had no control over was normal to me.

 

But, I think I'm losing my resolve.

 

I feel like I've been pulling myself back up and giving myself a motivational speeches over and over again. Telling myself it'll be okay. Being my own best friend and cheering myself up. I see all my friends and family and old classmates and workmates get engaged and married and here I am. When I met this girl, there was this hope..until it ended.

 

Sorry for the massive post. Guess I just needed to let it all out.

 

 

Don't apologize!

 

It helps me know we're all experiencing this and I'm not some sort of outcast that was stupid enough to completely give oneself to someone that didn't deserve it. I too had the same issue, almost got let go in August, I was on probation for a while. There were times I had to leave the office to cry in my car, or would have break downs while I was on a conference call. I had to regress to an older ex from before and settle down with her to help me through this. I gave up on the head over heels love. What she offers is what I need right now and honestly, from all my colleagues in my field, execs that are passionate about their line of work seldom can hold onto a woman that truly understands them. Women want the "hard working, dreamer, that's a go getter, and doesn't settle for less", but when they realize the hard road that lies ahead for a man like that, that's still in the making, they bail. They want the finished product, and from what I see and have heard after countless conversations with colleagues, most women just can't really put up with the struggle when a man is starting from the bottom.

 

I can't tell you how many women I've lost because of my drive, but they really didn't matter. However, this one I gave my all, I made time, I almost gave up everything and moved to another location just to be with her. I don't do drugs, never did, but this high, the feeling I got from that relationship is something I never want to feel again. It was so blissful, two kindred souls meshed, the feeling that nothing else matters, just making her smile. The surprises, the gestures, the heart racing every time I had her in my arms. It was that Great Gatsby scene, every day. Every time I looked at her, I felt a warmth and passion that no woman ever made me feel. Tears build up when I type this, but I'll never allow that back in. She's reached out, but I can't fall for that again.

Edited November 30, 2017 by wishyouneverleft

[DannyCA]

To be honest, apart from teaching music, I haven't done much of anything in the past month. Only just today, did I go back to the gym. It's been a lot of ups and downs.

 

Back in August, I got laid off, few days later, me and her broke up, week and a half after, I had surgery that put me out of commission physically for a good 2 weeks. But, fortunately I had been applying for new jobs prior ot that so I ended up landing an interview and getting the job around those 2 weeks I was healing. Started working, started school, continued teaching music on the side and it felt like things would get better with time but they didn't. My mood really went downhill over the weeks and it most certainly affected my job performance. They let me go last month. After that, I just stopped caring and started questioning where my life was going and what I wanted out of it. It was like I had no energy to handle anything but the simplest day to day tasks.

 

Emotionally, It took me about 2 years to finally free myself from my previous ex and that situation I described in the above post. I finally got to a point where I accepted the end and moved on. I was in a good place early on this year. I just wanted to focus on myself and be left alone. Truly didn't see myself being with anyone again. Then I met this girl and things took me by surprise. Before I knew it, I had fallen for her. Like the OP talked about, something in me had died but somehow this girl and the way she treated me brought it back to life. Then it ended..with me clearly being a rebound.

 

It wasn't just relationships though. I'm tough. It took a lot more than that to bring me down. There were a lot of things outside of it that happened to me and my family, that were out of my control pertaining to divorce, separation, health, death. Having to accept what I had no control over was normal to me.

 

But, I think I'm losing my resolve.

 

I feel like I've been pulling myself back up and giving myself a motivational speeches over and over again. Telling myself it'll be okay. Being my own best friend and cheering myself up. I see all my friends and family and old classmates and workmates get engaged and married and here I am. When I met this girl, there was this hope..until it ended.

 

Sorry for the massive post. Guess I just needed to let it all out.

 

 

No man it's good you are venting! It sounds like you had a pretty rough year. It's shi*** to think of difficult trials as blessings in a way, but the strongest people come from them. Cliche but damn true.

 

You said it took you two years to free yourself from the previous ex and be in a good place. This situation is no different even if you tell yourself it is. You said the way she treated you brought you back to life, but in reality that was all you. You made a choice to feel rejuvenated. All she did was give you the initial push.

 

You know with my ex that just got engaged, she was the only one I ever truly loved, the only one I actually saw a future with, etc. I think the biggest problem I have with completely letting her go (I've completely let go of my other ex's) is the fact that I never thought she could be replaced. In a way it still terrifies me a bit to think that the raw, mutual, and powerful love we shared could end and be replaced. The fact is, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart, is there are a million girls who would be better suited for me than her.

 

I guess at the end of the day man it's just all about choice. I'm in the same boat as you seeing all of my friends getting married and having kids. It's not a race. It's the same as that saying moms always tell their kids "if all your friends were jumped off a bridge would you?" Lol in retrospect, all of those mom sayings are so true haha.

 

When you truly care about someone and the two of you BU, it's always going to feel awful. But I think you know what you need to do.

[Beachead]

Don't apologize!

 

It helps me know we're all experiencing this and I'm not some sort of outcast that was stupid enough to completely give oneself to someone that didn't deserve it. I too had the same issue, almost got let go in August, I was on probation for a while. There were times I had to leave the office to cry in my car, or would have break downs while I was on a conference call. I had to regress to an older ex from before and settle down with her to help me through this. I gave up on the head over heels love. What she offers is what I need right now and honestly, from all my colleagues in my field, execs that are passionate about their line of work seldom can hold onto a woman that truly understands them. Women want the "hard working, dreamer, that's a go getter, and doesn't settle for less", but when they realize the hard road that lies ahead for a man like that, that's still in the making, they bail. They want the finished product, and from what I see and have heard after countless conversations with colleagues, most women just can't really put up with the struggle when a man is starting from the bottom.

 

I can't tell you how many women I've lost because of my drive, but they really didn't matter. However, this one I gave my all, I made time, I almost gave up everything and moved to another location just to be with her. I don't do drugs, never did, but this high, the feeling I got from that relationship is something I never want to feel again. It was so blissful, two kindred souls meshed, the feeling that nothing else matters, just making her smile. The surprises, the gestures, the heart racing every time I had her in my arms. It was that Great Gatsby scene, every day. Every time I looked at her, I felt a warmth and passion that no woman ever made me feel. Tears build up when I type this, but I'll never allow that back in. She's reached out, but I can't fall for that again.

 

I've lost my breath at work and felt massive surges of chest pain and anxiety. I know exactly what you mean when you step out to cry. I know how much it takes out of you. Had to step out myself for a few minutes to get myself together. You have to remain composed in front of everyone while inside you feel like you're drowning. Why does your ex reach out still? What does she want? What could she possibly have to say after leaving you like that?

 

To be honest, I wished my ex would reach out. I wish she called and said something. It's hard to accept that a person can just turn their back on you after moments together. Guess I was easy to forget.

Edited December 1, 2017 by Beachead

[Beachead]

No man it's good you are venting! It sounds like you had a pretty rough year. It's shi*** to think of difficult trials as blessings in a way, but the strongest people come from them. Cliche but damn true.

 

You said it took you two years to free yourself from the previous ex and be in a good place. This situation is no different even if you tell yourself it is. You said the way she treated you brought you back to life, but in reality that was all you. You made a choice to feel rejuvenated. All she did was give you the initial push.

 

You know with my ex that just got engaged, she was the only one I ever truly loved, the only one I actually saw a future with, etc. I think the biggest problem I have with completely letting her go (I've completely let go of my other ex's) is the fact that I never thought she could be replaced. In a way it still terrifies me a bit to think that the raw, mutual, and powerful love we shared could end and be replaced. The fact is, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart, is there are a million girls who would be better suited for me than her.

 

I guess at the end of the day man it's just all about choice. I'm in the same boat as you seeing all of my friends getting married and having kids. It's not a race. It's the same as that saying moms always tell their kids "if all your friends were jumped off a bridge would you?" Lol in retrospect, all of those mom sayings are so true haha.

 

When you truly care about someone and the two of you BU, it's always going to feel awful. But I think you know what you need to do.

 

Yea, I know. I know there must be compatible ones for me too but the truth is I'm not sure I can take anymore damage like this trying new people out just to find them. Even thinking about someone new is too hard for me.

 

After everything we went through, all I got was a sorry and hope you understand, when she left. And all you can do is swallow the betrayal and go on like nothing ever happened. Hope her ex was worth it.

Edited December 1, 2017 by Beachead