Is it right for me to be angry?

[kelli]

I'm a 25 yr old woman who has been friends with a 30 yr old man for almost 9 months. When we first met,which was at work, he said he liked me and thought I was a wonderful person. After a few months, we both got jobs with different companies. We communicate by phone and e-mail on a daily basis. In the beginning, he gave me the impression that liked me as more than a friend. He would compliment me and say things like, "I was crazy about you the first time I saw you". We live 30 miles apart, and over the past 8 months I would see him about once month; he would come over my house and we would talk. We have kissed a few times, but nothing further than that. I would ask him why don't we hang out sometimes as friends and why doesn't he date. His answer was he didn't have an excuse, he just didn't make the time and that he prefers to chill on the weekends because he works over 50 hrs a week, and that he is concentrating on himself right now.

 

We both acknowledged that we like each other, but nothing is happening. I'm upset because I felt he gave me mixed signals. He says to be patient with him, but at this rate I will be waiting forever. I'm thinking of severing contact with altogether. I feel this is a relationship of convenience. Am I right?

[sparkle]

If you're attracted to him and want to date, drop him a few obvious hints. And if he tells you to be patient and wait for him, or doesn't do anything about it, just scratch him off your list for now, and go out and have fun with other guys. Don't put your life on hold by waiting around for this guy.

 

His feelings may have changed, or he may be interested in someone else. All I know is if he was as interested in you as he claimed, he definitely would've done something about it by now. Trust me. He definitely would've made a move by now if he wanted to date you. Guys don't wait around for 8 months. Maybe he is working a lot, but it's not that difficult to have a personal life/date women he wants to as well. He's just keeping you around and stringing you along for his own convenience.

 

If you can remain friends with him and forget about your feelings, that's great. But if you can't, don't lead yourself on. Don't waste any more of your time hoping that he'll come around. He won't. There are lots of other guys out there that would be willing to date you and spend time with you.

[Ed]

I don't see anything convenient about this relationship, at all.

 

You could fill a book with possible reasons why he does not want to persue an upgrade to the relationship. Whatever his reasons, it still leaves you with the same decision to make.

 

People give mixed signals all the time. Sometimes people give what they think is a very clear signal, we just don't interpret it that way. You may be getting upset because he is not giving you the signals you want him to give.

 

I don't see any reason to cut off ALL communication with him. However, you probably should cut back enough to give you time and energy to look for someone else to date.