Completely Broke

[dannyStL]

Yes Danny, there are SOME relationships that survive infidelity.

 

But I want to explain some things to you. Do you KNOW why she decided to come back. I can assure you it is not your sexual prowess.

 

More than likely, the other guy dumped her. So that makes you PLAN B guy. Number 2. Can you live with that?

 

If he had not dumped her she would still be with him, I just want you to understand that.

 

So I guess if you are going that way I will give you the basics.

 

1) You as the Betrayed Spouse get full and complete access to all forms of communication. Access to all computer and email accounts, all passwords to everything, phone location, everything.

 

And just as a test, tell her this and ask for her phone immediately and start going through it. Odds are that you will find pictures, and texts that she has been sending to OM. Check the dates, and see when the last on was sent.

 

If she does not agree, then she has to leave and file for custody. Because she is not "really" wanting to reconcile. She is stringing you along for the next guy that she likes.

 

2) She has to quit her job if this guy still works there. If she does not, she leaves and you file for custody.

 

3) There is to be no communication with the OM or any man of any kind for any reason.

 

4) You get to track her phone and know of her whereabouts at all times.

 

Now, do you think she will agree to that, because is she does not, you are wasting your time.

 

 

She has given me total access, there are no pictures on either social media, or her phone. There hasn't been any calls or texts between the two in a couple weeks (also confirmed by checking call logs through Sprint). I have a tracker on the car, she is not going anywhere out of the ordinary.

 

 

I want to believe this is real, she is all about hugs and kisses right now. She has even gone as far as to take off work the last two days to spend them with me alone (her idea). I am ready to walk away from everything job, mortgage, bills, and just give up, I don't know how I will handle this if this isn't real.

[BarbedFenceRider]

You don't spend christmas with the family and text other guys...Sorry, it's not real! You enjoy the ability to get your "rocks" off almost all the time. The bad thing is, you supplanted real emotional bonding with sexual encounters. Again, a no-no. She is using your agreement to sex as a way to manipulate the situation. she is even telling you the truth and yet you don't see it the way everyone else is.

She is a morally bankrupt person and will give up sex to have a roof over her head and some financial security. Kinda like a prostitute, just sayin'.

She does not value you or the kids but as a catch all for her disaster of a life. That is sad....

And again, I will repeat. DISEASE is real bro. I read another thread of a guy that had the same deal with his new wife. She had multiple partners and ended up with a drug issue as well. Anyways, he breaks up with her and goes to the doctor....You guessed it. Venereal disease. He had it for long enough time that now the doctor is repeatedly checking him for cancer.

[ChatroomHero]

She has given me total access, there are no pictures on either social media, or her phone. There hasn't been any calls or texts between the two in a couple weeks (also confirmed by checking call logs through Sprint). I have a tracker on the car, she is not going anywhere out of the ordinary.

 

 

I want to believe this is real, she is all about hugs and kisses right now. She has even gone as far as to take off work the last two days to spend them with me alone (her idea). I am ready to walk away from everything job, mortgage, bills, and just give up, I don't know how I will handle this if this isn't real.

 

 

Sounds like she went covert like on FB or another phone you don't know about.

 

 

First, getting involved with a sh*tty person does not reflect on you. Second, you talk about rubbing her feet and doing things for her and frankly, she has not earned those things. The house is in your name, whatever happens you sleep in your bed and she can sleep on the couch. Stop buying her things and cooking breakfast. If the two of you go out to breakfast, don't pay her bill. You are rewarding her for using you.

 

 

She keeps talking to guys and lying to you. You rub her feet. How is that working?

 

 

Frankly you hold all the cards but she has you convinced she does. Either man up and do what is best for you or accept that she owns you and she can betray you daily and you just take it. It's really not hard, it's one or the other. Either way it is YOUR choice. I know which one I would make.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Danny, you have'nt answered my question. Has she shown signs of true remorse? Blues Power and others will let you know about the markers for True Remorse. If they are present, you are on solid ground if not, you are walking into quick sand. Warm wishes.

[dannyStL]

Hi Danny, you have'nt answered my question. Has she shown signs of true remorse? Blues Power and others will let you know about the markers for True Remorse. If they are present, you are on solid ground if not, you are walking into quick sand. Warm wishes.

 

 

 

I'm not sure what the signs of true remorse are. She hugs, kisses, and tells me sorry for hurting me constantly, this is a drastic shift from a month ago.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Danny, what she is doing right now is love bombing you which is not the same as true remorse. Ask folks like deadsoul and Jennings and read up the thread by LovinDKT3 and DKT3's own thread to find out what true remorse is. Blues Power and others will also tell you what it implies. All I can say is that your wife has to do a lot of heavy lifting to do, be prepared to answer any and all questions you may have, be patient with you when you are having anger episodes and not give up on supporting you through all your mood swings for as long as it takes. She has to have the stamina to last a very long time opening herself up and making herself vulnerable to you. If she can do all that then it is possible for you to truly reconcile with her as that will be true remorse. Warm wishes.

[dannyStL]

Hi Danny, what she is doing right now is love bombing you which is not the same as true remorse. Ask folks like deadsoul and Jennings and read up the thread by LovinDKT3 and DKT3's own thread to find out what true remorse is. Blues Power and others will also tell you what it implies. All I can say is that your wife has to do a lot of heavy lifting to do, be prepared to answer any and all questions you may have, be patient with you when you are having anger episodes and not give up on supporting you through all your mood swings for as long as it takes. She has to have the stamina to last a very long time opening herself up and making herself vulnerable to you. If she can do all that then it is possible for you to truly reconcile with her as that will be true remorse. Warm wishes.

 

 

 

I have read up on love bombing, and it could be that, I'm cautious about everything now. We spent the entire weekend together and had more talks. I told her how bad I hurt, she said she was sorry over and over. She gave me access to her phone, emails, and everything else. I told her if she wanted to leave we could work through that and remain cordial, for us and the kids. She said she loves me and the kids and wants to keep our family together. It's weird because I thought that's what I wanted, but now I am second guessing that. I am still very depressed, and barely making it to work. I started taking anti-depressants and sometimes I have a good moment, but its quick to be crushed by anxiety.

[BrokeInside]

I have read up on love bombing, and it could be that, I'm cautious about everything now. We spent the entire weekend together and had more talks. I told her how bad I hurt, she said she was sorry over and over. She gave me access to her phone, emails, and everything else. I told her if she wanted to leave we could work through that and remain cordial, for us and the kids. She said she loves me and the kids and wants to keep our family together. It's weird because I thought that's what I wanted, but now I am second guessing that. I am still very depressed, and barely making it to work. I started taking anti-depressants and sometimes I have a good moment, but its quick to be crushed by anxiety.

 

 

Hey danny, dunno if you remember me but we got some similar story (cheating wife, find out, the i love you more than anyone part and finally the breakup).

 

I'm not going to advice you anything but we are finally separated with my ex wife and many times, i'm asking myself if i was not more happy with her, even with all the cheating part.

 

It's been more than 3 month that we did breakup and officialy divorce since few days.

The first month was the worst of my life.

Then i did come back to life but everyday is painful for me and for my kids.

 

They ask for their mum often, they are sad for the most part and life being a single dad is more hard than i ever imagined. You need to work, have money, keep kids busy, make them lunch, take them out, it's very, very difficult and i feel alone, tired and sometimes depressed.

 

My ex wife, even if she was what she was, i still deeply love her and i missed her so much, everyday, every night when i'm sleeping in my big appartment... alone

 

So i'm not going to tell you : you should divorce her or stay with her, just think and keep thinking and overthinking about it.

 

If she show some honesty, why not ? Maybe she is deeply in regret , i don't know. Give you sometimes, don't rush anything and the answer will come. If she gives you access to everything, well it's a good thing.

 

Anyway, guys like us are trapped, because we love the other one and i guess they don't love us like we love them so it's a lose/lose situation, we're going to be miserable for sometimes in one way or another.

[BluesPower]

Hey danny, dunno if you remember me but we got some similar story (cheating wife, find out, the i love you more than anyone part and finally the breakup).

 

I'm not going to advice you anything but we are finally separated with my ex wife and many times, i'm asking myself if i was not more happy with her, even with all the cheating part.

 

It's been more than 3 month that we did breakup and officialy divorce since few days.

The first month was the worst of my life.

Then i did come back to life but everyday is painful for me and for my kids.

 

They ask for their mum often, they are sad for the most part and life being a single dad is more hard than i ever imagined. You need to work, have money, keep kids busy, make them lunch, take them out, it's very, very difficult and i feel alone, tired and sometimes depressed.

 

My ex wife, even if she was what she was, i still deeply love her and i missed her so much, everyday, every night when i'm sleeping in my big appartment... alone

 

So i'm not going to tell you : you should divorce her or stay with her, just think and keep thinking and overthinking about it.

 

If she show some honesty, why not ? Maybe she is deeply in regret , i don't know. Give you sometimes, don't rush anything and the answer will come. If she gives you access to everything, well it's a good thing.

 

Anyway, guys like us are trapped, because we love the other one and i guess they don't love us like we love them so it's a lose/lose situation, we're going to be miserable for sometimes in one way or another.

 

But even with this... and believe me I Know It Is Hard.

 

With time, you too will get better. When you have a wife that is really not remorseful or if you cannot get over it, It is better to divorce.

 

Because you BrokeInside actually have your self-respect. You don't have to worry is she is still cheating or not, because you should not care.

 

Guys I know how hard all of this is, but you can do it one way or another.

 

But at the end of the day, on thing no one can take from us is our self-respect. I have mine and you both need to keep yours...

[dannyStL]

Hey danny, dunno if you remember me but we got some similar story (cheating wife, find out, the i love you more than anyone part and finally the breakup).

 

I'm not going to advice you anything but we are finally separated with my ex wife and many times, i'm asking myself if i was not more happy with her, even with all the cheating part.

 

It's been more than 3 month that we did breakup and officialy divorce since few days.

The first month was the worst of my life.

Then i did come back to life but everyday is painful for me and for my kids.

 

They ask for their mum often, they are sad for the most part and life being a single dad is more hard than i ever imagined. You need to work, have money, keep kids busy, make them lunch, take them out, it's very, very difficult and i feel alone, tired and sometimes depressed.

 

My ex wife, even if she was what she was, i still deeply love her and i missed her so much, everyday, every night when i'm sleeping in my big appartment... alone

 

So i'm not going to tell you : you should divorce her or stay with her, just think and keep thinking and overthinking about it.

 

If she show some honesty, why not ? Maybe she is deeply in regret , i don't know. Give you sometimes, don't rush anything and the answer will come. If she gives you access to everything, well it's a good thing.

 

Anyway, guys like us are trapped, because we love the other one and i guess they don't love us like we love them so it's a lose/lose situation, we're going to be miserable for sometimes in one way or another.

 

 

 

This is a very interesting perspective, thanks for sharing. Since mine has "recommitted" to our relationship, she has been overwhelmingly loving (possibly love bombing). We haven't fought, spend all our free time together, and most of the time it feels amazing to have things back to semi-normal. I can say the best times are at night when we shut the rest of the world out and cuddle in bed together. I feel like my heart is being repaired when I lay beside her. We have had some long deep talks about what happened, and I realized I wasn't as loving as I should have been either. Despite all this I keep what blues power and others are saying in mind. I have lost trust, and in the morning when I have to leave her, I become pretty deeply depressed. I have come to realize I am depressed because I can't keep an eye on what she is doing. I'm starting to realize checking her phone, and wanting to know her every move is making me crazy. I have her back, but this is still extremely hard. Its still extremely hard to go to work, I'm just getting the minimum done, and when I'm home I really just want to go to bed. I started taking anti-depressants and they really don't make me happy, but just numb, and really tired. I know the kids are happy, maybe that should be my focus.

[BluesPower]

This is a very interesting perspective, thanks for sharing. Since mine has "recommitted" to our relationship, she has been overwhelmingly loving (possibly love bombing). We haven't fought, spend all our free time together, and most of the time it feels amazing to have things back to semi-normal. I can say the best times are at night when we shut the rest of the world out and cuddle in bed together. I feel like my heart is being repaired when I lay beside her. We have had some long deep talks about what happened, and I realized I wasn't as loving as I should have been either. Despite all this I keep what blues power and others are saying in mind. I have lost trust, and in the morning when I have to leave her, I become pretty deeply depressed. I have come to realize I am depressed because I can't keep an eye on what she is doing. I'm starting to realize checking her phone, and wanting to know her every move is making me crazy. I have her back, but this is still extremely hard. Its still extremely hard to go to work, I'm just getting the minimum done, and when I'm home I really just want to go to bed. I started taking anti-depressants and they really don't make me happy, but just numb, and really tired. I know the kids are happy, maybe that should be my focus.

 

No, your healing should be your focus...

 

And all the sex and affection is actually call hysterical bonding. Google it.

 

Further, you do have to keep an eye on her. I also, sorry to say, have my doubts as to whether or not the affair has stopped. Or, that is will not start up again.

 

You said that you guys talked. But what I hear is that she/you have said that YOU have not been loving enough. Wrong answer.

 

From the start, everyone has said that you are not to blame for her cheating, never were, never will be. She could have just filed for divorce. She did not cheat because of you, she cheated because she wanted to.

 

Is she going to go to counseling, are you? Have you guys talked at length about the affair, the sex, the lies, the betrayal, the deception, the complete and utter lack of any type of respect for you or your marriage?

 

What will you do if you find out that they are still seeing one another. How do you know he did not buy her a burner phone.

 

Besides sex and affection, what has she done to start earning your trust back. What has she done to get you to take her back, besides BJ's on demand. Anything?

 

I am betting not. Danny, often times I really don't want to write the things I have to write to men and women like you. I wish that I was wrong sometimes. But you need to understand some things.

 

You are number 2 in her heart. Sorry but it is true. You were not good enough to keep her from cheating before, why are you good enough now? You are her choice because he dumped her? Or did they just take it underground until things cool off?

 

You are letting her back into your life way too easy, she has no consequences for what she has done. She is libel to do it again.

 

Tell us how she is showing you that she is a changed woman. Tell us what she is doing to make you feel safe. Did she have an STD test? Have you?

 

To some of us buddy it really looks like you are trying to sweep everything under the rug. This is such a bad idea.

 

What is she doing to heal you and your marriage?

[BrokeInside]

This is a very interesting perspective, thanks for sharing. Since mine has "recommitted" to our relationship, she has been overwhelmingly loving (possibly love bombing). We haven't fought, spend all our free time together, and most of the time it feels amazing to have things back to semi-normal. I can say the best times are at night when we shut the rest of the world out and cuddle in bed together. I feel like my heart is being repaired when I lay beside her. We have had some long deep talks about what happened, and I realized I wasn't as loving as I should have been either. Despite all this I keep what blues power and others are saying in mind. I have lost trust, and in the morning when I have to leave her, I become pretty deeply depressed. I have come to realize I am depressed because I can't keep an eye on what she is doing. I'm starting to realize checking her phone, and wanting to know her every move is making me crazy. I have her back, but this is still extremely hard. Its still extremely hard to go to work, I'm just getting the minimum done, and when I'm home I really just want to go to bed. I started taking anti-depressants and they really don't make me happy, but just numb, and really tired. I know the kids are happy, maybe that should be my focus.

 

 

I understand every word.

 

Even when i was with her and she was doing the loving bomb thing, i was like a ghost when i was not with her.

 

Everytime trying to think if she really loves me, if this is fake, if she still contact the guy ... and it's was like an never ending stuff, depressing and mentally exhausting too ...

 

She even wrote me a long letter where she was explaining that i was the only one and she did never love the other one ...

 

It's kinda tricky because you never know if they lied to protect themselves or if they are afraid to deal with the consequence of their ****ty behavior.

 

Anyway, in my case, everything was pure bull**** and it didn't take so much time before the "real" her came back.

 

I'm really sad when i'm reading your situation because i know how it is mentally exhausting to deal with it and you feel stuck.

 

I'm also concerned with the anti depressant stuff, i don't think it's healthy, it can bring more pain in the long run. You can stay with her or leave but right now : you need to take back control of you, YOU are the most important person right now, YOU are the one who were hurt, you need to take care of yourself.

 

And Bluespower, you and some other veteran on this forum are the real good guy. I think i did already say this in other topics, but you are true blessings for guys like us. Thank you for your time and your wise advice.

[dannyStL]

I understand every word.

 

Even when i was with her and she was doing the loving bomb thing, i was like a ghost when i was not with her.

 

Everytime trying to think if she really loves me, if this is fake, if she still contact the guy ... and it's was like an never ending stuff, depressing and mentally exhausting too ...

 

She even wrote me a long letter where she was explaining that i was the only one and she did never love the other one ...

 

It's kinda tricky because you never know if they lied to protect themselves or if they are afraid to deal with the consequence of their ****ty behavior.

 

Anyway, in my case, everything was pure bull**** and it didn't take so much time before the "real" her came back.

 

I'm really sad when i'm reading your situation because i know how it is mentally exhausting to deal with it and you feel stuck.

 

I'm also concerned with the anti depressant stuff, i don't think it's healthy, it can bring more pain in the long run. You can stay with her or leave but right now : you need to take back control of you, YOU are the most important person right now, YOU are the one who were hurt, you need to take care of yourself.

 

And Bluespower, you and some other veteran on this forum are the real good guy. I think i did already say this in other topics, but you are true blessings for guys like us. Thank you for your time and your wise advice.

 

Yes! Thanks to you, Blues, and everyone else on here. My only salvation has been this board. I feel so alone at times, it's good t hear everyone's perspective. I want to leave to some extent, but I also feel like I've partly gotten my life back. When we are together everything is perfect, it's when she's out of my sight I can't function. I'm curious how did you find out your wife wasn't serious and didn't mean what she wrote?

[Cephalopod]

Yes! Thanks to you, Blues, and everyone else on here. My only salvation has been this board. I feel so alone at times, it's good t hear everyone's perspective. I want to leave to some extent, but I also feel like I've partly gotten my life back. When we are together everything is perfect, it's when she's out of my sight I can't function. I'm curious how did you find out your wife wasn't serious and didn't mean what she wrote?

 

 

 

 

Do you want to spend the rest of your life being her parole officer? Always watching over your shoulder? Always waiting for the day when you come home and her **** is gone? Is that your idea of a fulfilling life?

[dannyStL]

Do you want to spend the rest of your life being her parole officer? Always watching over your shoulder? Always waiting for the day when you come home and her **** is gone? Is that your idea of a fulfilling life?

 

 

Of course not, but I also don't want to throw away 13 years. People make mistakes, God knows I've made some, but I never cheated. Over the course of 13 years we have had two amazing kids, and countless amazing times together, and as a family. If she is serious I think I should consider giving her another chance, because she is family, and sometimes people do stupid ***T. She has balled her eyes out to me apologizing for what she did, I don't know whether to believe her or not, but there are people who make it through this kind of stuff. I don't really know what I want, I guess.

[BrokeInside]

Yes! Thanks to you, Blues, and everyone else on here. My only salvation has been this board. I feel so alone at times, it's good t hear everyone's perspective. I want to leave to some extent, but I also feel like I've partly gotten my life back. When we are together everything is perfect, it's when she's out of my sight I can't function. I'm curious how did you find out your wife wasn't serious and didn't mean what she wrote?

 

Well, she was playing the perfect part and a day, i asked her for some access for a messenger account. This start an argue "it's personnal, blabla", and the next day, she was the same person she was during month,leave and told me some horrible stuff, cried for her lover and this was kinda shocking and devastating.

 

Even today, i don't know where the truth is, if she ever loved me or if this was only a twisted thing from her part.

 

And for the sex, we were very close, many times per day, so when i tell you our situation looks like, it seems so similar.

 

But i want to reassure you, three month later, even if it's hard, i can sense that i'm truely healing and if i can fix the money part, i will be happy. You can heal from stuff like that, it's difficult but you can, i was in some very dark place, was empty for days, weeks or maybe even month. I cannot work, talk and i was in some autopilot mode to do the mustdo things. I ve got very dark thought in my head, everyday, at some point, it did not leave me and every night, this was the nightmare stuff, i was dreaming about her, sometimes we were together, sometimes she was with the other guys... and every morning, i was feeling very bad.

 

But today i just want to live, do some stuff with the kids, watch them growth, enjoy the tiny thing in my life, so you heal if you want to heal.

 

The only thing who really bother me is i don't know if i can date another woman again after all this stuff, i feel disfunctionnal, my trust in anybody is gone. My character did change, to a friendly guy, i'm now a "don't give a **** about anything" guy.

 

I really feel like another person, she took many thing from me and broke many part, the dreaming part about "grewing old together" is dead with anybody. I don't trust love anymore and i feel this is like a gigantic lie.

[standtall]

Well Danny, after reading this entire thread, I'll chime in my 2 cents. Sorry if it hurts.

 

You are, and always will be her number 2 safe backup plan. If the other guys would have had her and her baggage, she would be gone. Women do not love and desire men they do not respect...she does not respect you. You are fine until someone else comes along that she thinks will have her....That's it.

[Rockdad]

This isn't over by a long shot. I view there is no stability in the relationship by either adult. Wife bounces in and out and all over the place then Danny follows along hanging on for dear life.

[Lowrider93]

Hey Danny

Both you and I know that these guys your wife was seeing and messing

around with were not anybody you would consider as respectable men

and they dropped her after they got what they wanted,

So if she was fishing from the bottom of the barrel, what was she

thinking you were (chum) or chump.

Sorry bud,but you have to realize that this is a total reflection on her.

 

Stay strong

[dannyStL]

Well it looks like it might work out afterall, we attended out first counseling session tonight and she apologized and took blame for everything.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Danny, sorry to say this but your painting your SO's infidelity as a mistake is the biggest mistake you are making. Infidelity is never a 'Mistake'! It is always a 'Choice'. She made the choice to cheat on you. It didn't work out for her 'This time' so she is back bawling her eyes out and apologising etc. However, she has NOT addressed the problem ( Flaws within her) that lead her to cheat on you. Those flaws remain in place. Right now she needs a place to park herself so she is back in the nest that she was so ready to abandon. A year or two down the line when she finds someone else who will have her lock, stock and two smoking barrels she will be gone in the blink of an eye and you will be left wondering who the magician was who pulled the trick to make her disappear. She is sweeping things under the rug and you are gladly helping her do so by accepting all her falsitudes.

 

You should check out with folks like deadsoul and Jeffries as to what true remorse is and what it entails. Read up 'LovinDKT3' thread. She was divorced by her husband DKT3 yet she proved that she was remorseful for what she had done enough for DKT3 to be convinced to take her back. There are others on here who can give you a clear picture of what true remorse entails. Get that from the others in point form and use it as a template for assessing whether your SO is complying with the template or not. Whatever she has displayed so far are just sops to satisfy your immediate concerns. There is no depth to her so called sincerity. If you are happy with that then go along with it. However, be sure this decision of yours is likely to hurt you down the line so that you go into this reconciliation with your eyes open. Best of luck.

[BarbedFenceRider]

Just so we are ALL in the same page here.....Actual remorse is not just "taking the blame"..

 

She cannot expect for 3 to 4 sessions with a generalized counselling session and be like "oh, okay, that's that now lets move on..."

 

Does she see what she loses from you when you leave? Or does she only feel the roof over her head disappearing?

 

How is she managing working through your pain that SHE caused? What do you consider the "heavy lifting" to be done on her part.

 

Has she truly looked into your eyes and said will all conviction, "I love you".

 

Always watch the eyes....They are the window to the soul. THey will give away true thoughts more often than most....

[dannyStL]

Hi Danny, sorry to say this but your painting your SO's infidelity as a mistake is the biggest mistake you are making. Infidelity is never a 'Mistake'! It is always a 'Choice'. She made the choice to cheat on you. It didn't work out for her 'This time' so she is back bawling her eyes out and apologising etc. However, she has NOT addressed the problem ( Flaws within her) that lead her to cheat on you. Those flaws remain in place. Right now she needs a place to park herself so she is back in the nest that she was so ready to abandon. A year or two down the line when she finds someone else who will have her lock, stock and two smoking barrels she will be gone in the blink of an eye and you will be left wondering who the magician was who pulled the trick to make her disappear. She is sweeping things under the rug and you are gladly helping her do so by accepting all her falsitudes.

 

You should check out with folks like deadsoul and Jeffries as to what true remorse is and what it entails. Read up 'LovinDKT3' thread. She was divorced by her husband DKT3 yet she proved that she was remorseful for what she had done enough for DKT3 to be convinced to take her back. There are others on here who can give you a clear picture of what true remorse entails. Get that from the others in point form and use it as a template for assessing whether your SO is complying with the template or not. Whatever she has displayed so far are just sops to satisfy your immediate concerns. There is no depth to her so called sincerity. If you are happy with that then go along with it. However, be sure this decision of yours is likely to hurt you down the line so that you go into this reconciliation with your eyes open. Best of luck.

 

 

 

So I shouldn't work on it?

[Cullenbohannon]

So I shouldn't work on it?

 

No you should not. Your story is not about love or remorse or regret.

It is about value. She does not value you, and you do not value yourself.

 

She can buy you with sex. Doesn't matter that she gave that away freely. You still think it means love. Some are worthy of forgiveness. Some are not. (4 guys in the last 30 days)

 

Nothing will change if you dont perceive yourself as a man with high value. Look in your mirror. Is this really your life? Is this the best you can do? Do you have so little faith in yourself? This isn't about your wife. This is your story and your life and your self respect.

 

So the answer is no. Don't stay and "work it out" Separate now and work on YOU. Tell her you have worked too hard, raised your children and loved her. Tell her that you are a strong faithful man who respects himself. Tell her you choose not to accept a future of fear.

 

Then walk out that door.

Edited January 12, 2018 by Cullenbohannon

[Just a Guy]

Hi Danny, I wrote a considered and detailed post pointing out the traps and minefields ahead of you that you are likely to succumb to. Cullen has also given an excellent wrap up of the reasons you should not try reconciliation at this point of time. You and your GF are not ready for it. As Cullen has said you have to first learn to value yourself. That means too, that you learn to respect your self. Only people with self respect can expect others to respect them. Once you start respecting yourself, your WGF will start respecting you. Only then will she be ready to display true remorse. Without that you could go to Hell and back but you would not get true reconciliation. The amount of work that the two of you have to do is tremendous before true reconciliation can happen. The most important thing is that both of you have to be on board for this to succeed. Currently your WGF is NOT on board.

 

In view of the above and my previous post, your response came across as rather flippant to me. It seems to indicate that you are resenting the advice being given to you which runs counter to your great desire to just reconcile with your WGF and get things back to business as usual. If that is what you want then go ahead but do not say later that people did not warn you. If you read extensively on this forum you would notice that those who ignored the warnings offered by folks on here in good faith later came back and sheepishly admitted that they were wrong and the forum members were right. The collective wisdom of this forum is just amazing. So friend, your choice of action is entirely up to you. No one can force you to tale a path you are loath to take. All we can do is wish you the best going forward.

Edited January 13, 2018 by Just a Guy