Completely Broke

[BluesPower]

I can't let go, as angry as I am she is returning home to our house every night. I check the phone bill and she is talking to the guy for at least an hour a day. I spent last night cooking her dinner and laying in bed with her rubbing her feet and back, only to have her wake up 4 hours later and say "are you going to be sleeping in here every night now" in an angry tone. Next thing I know she throws a pillow at my face. Now she wants to go get breakfast together. Yesterday I thought I was beginning to have this licked, today I feel I was set back days on end. Not to mention I only slept an hour last night because I laid by her and stared at her for 8 hours straight (creepy huh). Now she is getting ready for work, the kids are gone to school, and I took off work because I'm wired from not sleeping. I am going to be sitting her all day thinking about her while she works with this guy. I think I'm going nuts. Ohhh and she got paid, she worked 40 hours of straight time and 60 hours of overtime in a 2 week period, so she really was working when she said she was, of course he works there too at lest 2 days a week, and works from home the other 2.

 

Danny, why brother, why...

 

Why do you think people like me and other take the time, quite a bit in fact, to write to people like you, to help you deal with the crisis in your life.

 

So you will do the above? Rub her feet???? Do you think her other boyfriend rubs her feet after he is finished screwing her?

 

Are you still under that delusion that she is not have sex on a daily basis with her OM?

 

What are you thinking? KICK HER OUT OF THE HOUSE, TODAY.

 

Not in may, NOW... You think the things you are doing are going to convince her to love you?

 

Do you realize that she is laughing at you with her other man. Joking about what a weak twit you are, what a weak man you are?

 

Oh, no, she would never say those things about me... Yeah right.

 

I have done all I can do here. I am out...

[aliveagain]

I can't let go, as angry as I am she is returning home to our house every night. I check the phone bill and she is talking to the guy for at least an hour a day. I spent last night cooking her dinner and laying in bed with her rubbing her feet and back, only to have her wake up 4 hours later and say "are you going to be sleeping in here every night now" in an angry tone. Next thing I know she throws a pillow at my face. Now she wants to go get breakfast together. Yesterday I thought I was beginning to have this licked, today I feel I was set back days on end. Not to mention I only slept an hour last night because I laid by her and stared at her for 8 hours straight (creepy huh). Now she is getting ready for work, the kids are gone to school, and I took off work because I'm wired from not sleeping. I am going to be sitting her all day thinking about her while she works with this guy. I think I'm going nuts. Ohhh and she got paid, she worked 40 hours of straight time and 60 hours of overtime in a 2 week period, so she really was working when she said she was, of course he works there too at lest 2 days a week, and works from home the other 2.

 

Stop playing the game. The only reason she comes home every night is because her ducks are not going to be in a row until May, she still needs you until then. You can't compete with a fantasy so for your own mental health stop trying. Talk to a lawyer, you need to understand your rights, you need to know how to protect your rights to your children and you need to protect your finances. Everything you give her is going towards building her new nest with her boyfriend. You need to tell her that you are not going to be friends with her once she leaves. In her wayward cheating mind she thinks she will still be coming over to hang out with you and the kids telling you how happy she and her affair partner are and the three of you will be the best of friends.

 

You can't nice her back and you can't be friends. She has put you in second position, take yourself out of infidelity and get back your respect, talk to a lawyer. Please quit making yourself so available, get out of the house, do things with friends. How can she see what life without will be like if your always there? Initiate the 180 for your own piece of mind.

[BarbedFenceRider]

Nope! Stay till may? Pleeeeze! Pack her bags and walk her the f- out! Anyone who can just say such hurtful and stupid things does not deserve a roof over their head. What does she say about the kids? Is she going to visit them? Or what exactly is the plan? I missed that part....

[dannyStL]

So we had breakfast today, and after breakfast rode to get her car washed, and order a cake for my daughters birthday this weekend. While we were cruising together she decided to invite me to go to Texas with her and the kids for 5 days over Thanksgiving to visit her sister. I got all excited and called around looking for someone to watch the dogs. I found someone and called her back telling her we were good to go. She was happy but said "I'm still moving out in May, so don't get any ideas". I was floored to say the least, why invite me to a place that a week ago you said there was no way I was going to? We would be spending 120hours straight together if I was to go, that seems insane for someone that wants to leave me and the kids. As far as the kids when the split happens, she plans to leave them with me, I assume she will pick them up on weekends at times. I'm actually happy that she doesn't want to take the kids.

[magnesium]

Danny you have received so much good advice to get rid of this woman. She is your enemy. You are so lost right now and you can't see it.

 

I was once where you were, but the difference, between us, Danny, is that I didn't know loveshack existed at the time. I only discovered this website after I finally grew enough balls to cut her out of my life, and only after that did I start getting real clarity for the first time (and I discovered this website which filled in ALL the gaps).

 

The wife you thought you knew is gone forever. It's time to start over. Protect yourself and your kids. Lawyer up now.

[BarbedFenceRider]

I had a buddy in college that was in the same boat. She made him take her to Las Vegas and then while there broke up with him, changed rooms with theOM! lol WTF?! He was crushed. Had to be the longest red-eye flight home in history...

 

GET OUT NOW! KICK HER TO THE CURB! She thinks your the cuckhold...

[dannyStL]

I am floored! You guys are completely spot on with everything you have said! I officially found the text and facebook posts between the two. She is ****ing her co-worker, but he doesn't know that she is ****ing me at the same time LOL! I feel so ****ing free now, and you were right, she talked **** on all the nice things I had been doing for her. I am a little shocked that a woman I thought was so close, could turn to a complete stranger and start talking ****. NOW ITS TIME TO HAVE FUN! She talked to him about her taking a vacation to Texas to see our newborn nephew, what he doesn't know is that she has invited me! I'm going to go, on her dime, and I am going to take pictures the whole time and post them on Facebook! Oddly, I feel liberated!

[elaine567]

I am floored! You guys are completely spot on with everything you have said! I officially found the text and facebook posts between the two. She is ****ing her co-worker, but he doesn't know that she is ****ing me at the same time LOL! I feel so ****ing free now, and you were right, she talked **** on all the nice things I had been doing for her. I am a little shocked that a woman I thought was so close, could turn to a complete stranger and start talking ****. NOW ITS TIME TO HAVE FUN! She talked to him about her taking a vacation to Texas to see our newborn nephew, what he doesn't know is that she has invited me! I'm going to go, on her dime, and I am going to take pictures the whole time and post them on Facebook! Oddly, I feel liberated!

 

OK, but you are not really liberated are you?

You still have a huge problem on your hands.

Stop messing around taking pics and posting on FB and go see a lawyer and sort out your finances and rights as YOUR KIDS are going to be depending on YOU and by the sound of things ONLY YOU.

[Art_Critic]

He isn't going the TX, she is playing both of you...

 

Don't stoop that low as it will bite you when it comes time to be in front of a judge to deal with child support and visitation.

Remember that you are not married.

 

Time to go get legal help and listen to them on how to protect yourself an how to exit this relationship with the best possible outcome for the children

[afoolto no end]

Danny now you know, it's time to get your protection in place, see a lawyer, change your accounts, go along with her saying she will be gone, make it easy for her to leave.

You can even file for divorce have her served, I bet this co-worker never sighed up for keeps...hence the note.

When he realizes your out, he will be scared knowing she is his problem.

My guess is he will bolt, sit back watch the show explode for her.

Affairs are only good in fantasy land when that reality slaps it in the face it's a whole other story.

I think while she is agreeable you get the custody of your children signed up.

She is classic, feeling confident playing both ends of the stick in case it doesn't work out.

Just live your life, make her believe you have moved on yourself, go out, look good all the time, smell good.

My guess is she is doing a lot of comparing be better than him, in every way.

As far as getting revenge or playing games never a good thing, your better than that. You can post photos of your family on your page. But no comments,

You be the better person for your kids, eventually that will be important for you to act like the better parent even though your life is being ripped apart....

For now, just sit back, watch it explode.

I think your wife is going to learn a huge lesson about affairs.

Giving up everything for someone not worth squat.

Truth brings clarity.

[dannyStL]

I appreciate your words. I noticed on the call logs tonight that she has been trying to teach him and he's ignoring her, so she is here with me. I sm slowly selling things around the house to build an escape fund. I am keeping all the equity in the house. She is going to be lucky if the guy allows her to move in with him and his two kids in their 2 bedroom apt.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I am floored! You guys are completely spot on with everything you have said! I officially found the text and facebook posts between the two. She is ****ing her co-worker, but he doesn't know that she is ****ing me at the same time LOL! I feel so ****ing free now, and you were right, she talked **** on all the nice things I had been doing for her. I am a little shocked that a woman I thought was so close, could turn to a complete stranger and start talking ****. NOW ITS TIME TO HAVE FUN! She talked to him about her taking a vacation to Texas to see our newborn nephew, what he doesn't know is that she has invited me! I'm going to go, on her dime, and I am going to take pictures the whole time and post them on Facebook! Oddly, I feel liberated!

 

KEEP YOUR COOL. Act as if she's got her iPhone on "record" every single time you talk. You don't want to mess anything up with regard to child custody.

[Marc878]

Thanks for the post, I hear everything your saying, and have already started preparing my finances for the end result. Whats jacked up is she wants to stay in the house until May, and she wants to be my friend. She says she loves me, I am the father of her children, that we will always be in each others lives, blah blah blah, but she is calling this ****tard every day. I am angry, and my anger has me on the verge of doing **** I shouldn't. If she would just leave it would be better, I wouldn't see her ****. The problem is she wants to stay until May telling me that the kids need to finish the school year. I explained that the kids will be ****ed up no matter what time of year it is. For 13 years we told them what was happening to their friends, would never happen to us, that we were a team, all B.S. I offered to sell the house and give her half the equity $50,000 and she could go on her way, she freaked out and said "do whatever the **** you want then". Why, if you don't love me, would you not take the $50,000 and leave? We live in a neighborhood that is highly desireable, so our house would be sold in less than 30 days. I hurt because of all that we shared, and now all that sharing seems like a lie, and how can a woman leave her kids?

 

Pure and typical cheater script. And you are in deep denial.

 

Better wake up. Her actions tell you the truth but you refuse to believe it.

 

If he's married inform his wife without warning.

[Marc878]

Stop with the mr nice guy. Put her ass on the couch

[Marc878]

I can't let go, as angry as I am she is returning home to our house every night. I check the phone bill and she is talking to the guy for at least an hour a day. I spent last night cooking her dinner and laying in bed with her rubbing her feet and back, only to have her wake up 4 hours later and say "are you going to be sleeping in here every night now" in an angry tone. Next thing I know she throws a pillow at my face. Now she wants to go get breakfast together. Yesterday I thought I was beginning to have this licked, today I feel I was set back days on end. Not to mention I only slept an hour last night because I laid by her and stared at her for 8 hours straight (creepy huh). Now she is getting ready for work, the kids are gone to school, and I took off work because I'm wired from not sleeping. I am going to be sitting her all day thinking about her while she works with this guy. I think I'm going nuts. Ohhh and she got paid, she worked 40 hours of straight time and 60 hours of overtime in a 2 week period, so she really was working when she said she was, of course he works there too at lest 2 days a week, and works from home the other 2.

 

Better wake up. You are doing the "pick me dance" trying to nice her back and all that does is lower your status and creates even less respect for you.

 

Obviously you aren't listening to very good advice.

 

You are going to get more of what you've already gotten.

 

Better change your strategy.

 

She a very typical cake eating cheater. Nothing special at all. They always follow the same pattern.

[Nothingtolose]

oh my goodness, I know you already got a lot of advice here from the guys, but as a woman, I am appalled at how this woman is treating you...please get out, I know it must be SO hard after being with someone for 13 years, but do not go to Texas with her, you need to kick her to the curb and keep some of your integrity, do not allow her to keep playing these games with you, you sound like a good man and there will be women out there who will be able to recognize that...this woman is not who you thought she was.

[elaine567]

I am keeping all the equity in the house.

 

Can you actually do that?

Even although you are not married the law may still apply and she will no doubt have rights after living together as man and wife for the past 13 years, and you have children together too.

Assume nothing, consult a lawyer before you do anything.

We have had men here kick cheating women out to find they had no legal right to do so and some have found themselves on the wrong side of the law too when they tried to forcibly remove their wives/parters.

Do not listen to those here who would wind you up.

Getting angry and seeking "revenge" will do you no good here in the long term. You have children together you need to be civil for their sake.

 

Be calm and cool, know your rights and act accordingly.

Yes she may be stupidly loved up and be acting impulsively but you have to consider that she may be way ahead of you in this game.

You need to be clever here and letting your emotions get ahead of you will do you no favours.

[Mittens]

Can you actually do that?

Even although you are not married the law may still apply and she will no doubt have rights after living together as man and wife for the past 13 years, and you have children together too.

Assume nothing, consult a lawyer before you do anything.

We have had men here kick cheating women out to find they had no legal right to do so and some have found themselves on the wrong side of the law too when they tried to forcibly remove their wives/parters.

Do not listen to those here who would wind you up.

Getting angry and seeking "revenge" will do you no good here in the long term. You have children together you need to be civil for their sake.

 

Be calm and cool, know your rights and act accordingly.

Yes she may be stupidly loved up and be acting impulsively but you have to consider that she may be way ahead of you in this game.

You need to be clever here and letting your emotions get ahead of you will do you no favours.

 

I agree with Elaine. If your partner is joint owner with you, you won't be able to keep all the equity unless she agrees to that. My ex H tried that back when I told him I wanted a divorce in 1993...in the end, I got all the equity and he got the house. He ended up better off in the long run as the house is now worth 10 times what we paid for it.

[dannyStL]

House is in my name only

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

House is in my name only

 

You're going to see an attorney, right?

[dannyStL]

I checked her phone last night and it appears she told her friend she broke off the affair because she doesn't want to bring that drama to her family. She still talked about moving out in May, but it appears the guy wouldn't give her the relationship she wanted, he didn't want to be seen in public with her, and didn't want to acknowledge the relationship at work. This is an interesting development to say the least. We leave for Texas in the morning, I figured I would go and try to give my kids one last good holiday. My 12 year old daughter started crying tonight and told me she knows something is wrong. She said she hates her mom and knows she is breaking up the family. Me being me, I told her that her mom loves her, and there has been no decisions made. I told her that her mom and I are going through a rough spot, and were trying to work things out. I told her she can talk to me and the school counselor anytime she wants. I feel terrible lying to her, telling her everything is going to be ok. Anyway, long story short I know she still has feelings for the guy, and they work together, so I could never really trust her again. My mind tells me to sell the house, but my heart tells me to work it out. I cant afford the house without her salary so I am going to have to move back to where I grew up (****hole) and the kids are going to have a culture shock. I haven't had a chance to consult an attorney yet, but I have managed to save up a $1000 retainer.

[MilitaryMan]

Going through it too. I gave it over a year, did what I could but she still wants to hang out with that guy after everything that happened. I’m dropping the separation papers next week. I learned that if she wants to go, let her go. It will be the best in the long run because you will honestly never trust her again and do you really want to live life questioning her every move?? I’m in the exact same post man and enough is enough. You can’t hold on to something that she doesn’t want. It took me awhile to realize that and I wanted things to go back to normal so bad. Point is I deployed and she changed while I was gone. The best thing you can do now is be there for your children and cut her loose emotionally to move on with your life. It will save you a lot of heartache in the long run yrust me on that one. BTW are you from St Louis?

[dannyStL]

I'm sitting here struggling. I go back and fourth between letting her go, and fighting for the family. The jacked up part is she's still talking to him, so what am I fighting for? A life with 0 trust? I have three more days on vacation with her then a 13 hour trip back to town. I think at that point I'm going to do the 180 and see where the chips fall. I'm tired, sad, mad, and falling behind at work. I don't know how to whip this, I think mainly because I can't remember how to be single. I have reconnected with some old friends and am going to church with them next week. I was invited by my brother in law to drink tonight, but avoided it like the plague, because it will only end in something bad. I can't imagine the feelings I have now compounded by booze. She actually texted her friend that she hates me and the kids, how can a mother hate her children?

[dannyStL]

Going through it too. I gave it over a year, did what I could but she still wants to hang out with that guy after everything that happened. I’m dropping the separation papers next week. I learned that if she wants to go, let her go. It will be the best in the long run because you will honestly never trust her again and do you really want to live life questioning her every move?? I’m in the exact same post man and enough is enough. You can’t hold on to something that she doesn’t want. It took me awhile to realize that and I wanted things to go back to normal so bad. Point is I deployed and she changed while I was gone. The best thing you can do now is be there for your children and cut her loose emotionally to move on with your life. It will save you a lot of heartache in the long run yrust me on that one. BTW are you from St Louis?

 

I just don't get it, you and I are both out working and fighting for our families only to get women who say they want something different. My girl is upset that life is hard, bills, kids, etc. I make twice what the guy she's seeing makes, and he is divorced with two kids. She thinks this guy isn't going to have the same if not worse problems?

[Marc878]

I'm sitting here struggling. I go back and fourth between letting her go, and fighting for the family. The jacked up part is she's still talking to him, so what am I fighting for? A life with 0 trust? I have three more days on vacation with her then a 13 hour trip back to town. I think at that point I'm going to do the 180 and see where the chips fall. I'm tired, sad, mad, and falling behind at work. I don't know how to whip this, I think mainly because I can't remember how to be single. I have reconnected with some old friends and am going to church with them next week. I was invited by my brother in law to drink tonight, but avoided it like the plague, because it will only end in something bad. I can't imagine the feelings I have now compounded by booze. She actually texted her friend that she hates me and the kids, how can a mother hate her children?

 

You can fight all you want but it takes two. If she's not in you are wasting your time.

 

Better wake up