Nothingtolose Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 And I guess tonight is one of those nights. It's been almost 2 months. I finally walked away after months of begging him to go to counselling for his addictions to pot and booze (plus many other issues which affected our relationship), and he has done nothing to try and get me back, or fight for us. I know I made the right decision, but now that enough time has passed for me to realize it's really over, reality is hitting and I'm not coping so well. I started an entrepreneurship program right after the break up, to try and launch my own business. Between my full time job and about 25 hours of assignments a week for this program, I've had very little time for a social life, which feels really isolating. I'm tired, exhausted, and at times I feel like I have no one to turn to. Some days I scream and cry until I have no tears left, then I sit down at my computer again and try to keep it going. I miss him, even though we had plenty of fights where he was verbally abusive and did not treat me with the respect I deserve. I miss the notion that I had a potential "future" with a partner. All my friends are either engaged, or married, or getting pregnant...and at 33 I'm starting over again, navigating this crazy world of dating. Sometimes I'm just fine, going on about my day, then all of a sudden I'm hit with the realization that I may never actually get to have a child, which has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember, and the thought of it is almost too painful to bear. It's a Saturday night, and I'm home, on my own, trying to get assignments done. I've cried more times than I can count. I can't remember ever feeling so alone. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 Sometimes I'm just fine, going on about my day, then all of a sudden I'm hit with the realization that I may never actually get to have a child, which has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember, and the thought of it is almost too painful to bear. I'm sorry you're feeling so down tonight, and for this part I quoted in particular. This must be such a difficult part of a relationship ending as an adult . Being a divorced mother is no picnic either, but I don't think it compares to what you're feeling . I hope tomorrow brings more peace and hope to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nothingtolose Posted November 12, 2017 Author Share Posted November 12, 2017 I'm sorry you're feeling so down tonight, and for this part I quoted in particular. This must be such a difficult part of a relationship ending as an adult . Being a divorced mother is no picnic either, but I don't think it compares to what you're feeling . I hope tomorrow brings more peace and hope to you. Thank you. I'm so glad you get it, because a lot of people don't. They tell me I still have "plenty of time". The thing is, I have literally no room for error anymore. I have to basically make sure the next guy I get into a relationship with is the right partner, because wasting another year or two with another Mr. Wrong would make it even harder for me to be a mother down the line. So I need to ensure I filter out the wrong guys very quickly, meet the right guy, and that the relationship progresses at a steady pace fairly quickly, so that I have time to get to know him, get engaged, married, babies. It's a lot of pressure, both on me and on the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
fieldoflavender Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 There's a lot of ways to have children. There's a lot of children without parents who would love to have someone take care of them. I would rather not have the stress of that weighing me down. It used to make me sad - now I feel free not worrying about it. I am pretty okay with adopting a child. Except I don't really want to at this point - I'm okay with everything at this point. The fear of having a child with the wrong man scares me more than anything to be honest - it means I would never rid myself of the person if there is a child attached. And if they turn out to be scum, well that's just lovely. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 The fear of having a child with the wrong man scares me more than anything to be honest - it means I would never rid myself of the person if there is a child attached. And if they turn out to be scum, well that's just lovely. ^^^^ This, Nothingtolose! You surely don't want to be married to a guy with addiction issues to substances and have children with him! Which, I'm sure is one of the reasons you broke up with him. Great judgement there! I was divorced when my kids were young and reared them as a single mom. It was not easy, I'll tell you, for many reasons. For most people I know life has not turned out the way we thought it would. However, there are many joys in life and I have personally discovered many wonderful things about life I never counted on. The biggest one is a personal relationship with God. For all of my dreams that have gone unanswered because of my faith in Him I believe with all of my heart and soul that my life is just as it is supposed to be and the best it can be given the choices I've made. In other words, even though things have happened and continue to happen to me from time-to-time, as they do to most people, that may seem unfortunate to others, I am content and even joyful as I know all things have come through the hands of a God who loves me and is working things out for my best good! Had I had what I deem to be a perfect life I don't believe I would have ever felt the need to get to know God and would have missed the most amazing gift life has to offer! Yes, more amazing than the children I have whom I love with all of my heart! They are second in line to my love for Jesus Christ! I don't mean to preach to you and had no intention of writing about Him as I began to post. But, He has brought me so much peace and contentment in the midst of broken dreams that I cannot help but share what He can do! And He has also taken me to heights I would never have dreamed I could achieve, and made me a person that was beyond my wildest idea of whom I could become! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nothingtolose Posted November 12, 2017 Author Share Posted November 12, 2017 There's a lot of ways to have children. There's a lot of children without parents who would love to have someone take care of them. I would rather not have the stress of that weighing me down. It used to make me sad - now I feel free not worrying about it. I am pretty okay with adopting a child. Except I don't really want to at this point - I'm okay with everything at this point. The fear of having a child with the wrong man scares me more than anything to be honest - it means I would never rid myself of the person if there is a child attached. And if they turn out to be scum, well that's just lovely. I guess you are right. I think I need to make the decision that I'm going to have a child, whether or not I meet a man, and that I don't need to depend on a guy to make that happen. Obviously raising a child with a partner would be preferable, but it's better to raise one alone than with the wrong man (or an addict, for example, who would set a terrible example). I'll be honest and say this is not how I expected life would turn out. I've always been the relationship type, was never huge into partying or getting wasted, if you'd asked me when I was younger, I would have probably said I'd be married with kids by 27. I have made poor choices in men over the years, and am certainly paying the price for that now, have learned a few lessons the hard way for sure. I need to stop beating myself up over it though and take it as learning experiences, and now I definitely know what I want/can't tolerate in a partner. There are many ways in which I could have a kid, whether it's through sperm donation, or freezing my eggs, or adoption...and am not opposed to either of these. I think I just need to let go of the notion that I need to do it with a partner, and free myself of this worry to be able to feel at ease with being single. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
toomanyquestions123 Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 OP, dont feel bad about your age please. Actually i am feeling the same. i am 27 and if my ex fiancé have not broken up i would be married in 1 month. Now since i am single again, the idea that i need to get healed from my breakup, look for the right guy and avoid choosing the wrong one, falling for each other, getting engaged and then getting married is freaking me out. I mean i wanted to have kids before 30 now i doubt i will have this. I am now obsessing with the idea of age. But in order to live with it and be happy, i decided I want to learn to live by myself, enjoy my own company and not to get obsessed of the idea of making a family. I think i started believing in fate. If its meant to be that i will make a family it will happen. PLUS if i live in a place where i can adopt or freeze my eggs i would definitely do it, too bad those are all not available where I live Link to post Share on other sites
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