omgWHYME Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 WHY CAN'T I GET OVER THE FACT THAT HE CHEATED!!!! I ALWAYS THROW IT IN HIS FACE NOW ITHINK HE HATES ME. WHERE ALSO IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP. HELLPPPPP Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 What kinds of things cause you to end up becoming upset enough that you feel it warrants you bringing up his error that apparently you agreed to forgive him for? Can you not get over it for fear that he will in fact do it again or is it something else? Maybe figuring out why you can't get over it will in fact help you figure out how you can begin to get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
sburtug03 Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 To be honest it sounds like this relationship has too many problems thrown at it, i.e. its long distance and he has cheated. Its a recipe for disaster. In order to make an awful problem such as cheating work you need to spend much more time together, which long distances do not permit. Do you want this relationship to work? If your answer is a 100% yes, do exactly that, if not, its time to say goodbye and stop putting yourself through it. To make your relationship work time between the two of you is essential. Spend a full week with one another either on holiday, at one of your houses, etc. The week does not have to be expensive at all, the importance lies with what you do with your time. The week will help you connect again and help bring that trust back. I hope it works out either way, Luv Samantha x Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 to be honest i dont think that a person who cheats on someone deserves another chance.as for forgiving him i dont think you ever trully will because it will always be there in the back of your mind. to barby dont take this the wrong way but i think she has every right to feel upset and angry about it.probably the reason she got back with him is because she really likes him or loves him.its obvious why she cant get over it.because he broke that trust.only time can really stop the hurt and anger. if he really does like you or love you and he wants to be with you for the rest of his life or whatever he should prove how much he loves you,also by explaining why he felt the need to in the first place.maybe it is because of the long distance.if it is then maybe this relationship should end because relationships are not very good when you are a long way from each other. try talking to him and tell him to explain things and ask him if he really think things would work and if he things they would if he would ever do this again.if he thinks there is even the slightest chance you should break it off before you or him get hurt even more good luck Link to post Share on other sites
New_Wife Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 My husband and I ran into a small trust issue before we got married. It wasn't cheating (thankfully) but it was a betrayal of trust. What our counselor told me has stuck with me ever since. I'll paraphrase as best I can: In order for the person who has been hurt to heal & forgive, they need to feel that they have truly been heard and understood. The wrongdoer needs to empathize with the pain caused & own up to the wrongness of the action. Then trust can be rebuilt. I don't know what healing steps you guys have taken, but perhaps that would help? A long heart to heart? Link to post Share on other sites
Author omgWHYME Posted August 19, 2005 Author Share Posted August 19, 2005 see the thing is he cheated b4 he left for the army. (Thats why its a long distance relationship) i mean i really do love him its just im sooo hurt like how could he do this to me. i feel betrayed i told him everythng my deepest secrets and he just steps all over me. Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 It is hard to trust again after that. You need to make a choice...YOu will either forget it and do not accuse him ever or leave if you cannot deal. In my head(since my ex cheated) every thing that was shady or sounded weird, I assumed he was doing something and that carried with me to the next guy. You have to just trust him if you love him and do not accuse unless you have proof. You do not deserve to be cheated on and it sounds like he gets mad at you for this and he is the one that casued it(but they never see it that way, do they. ) Good luck. Just try and stick to a decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Iluvsiamese Posted August 22, 2005 Share Posted August 22, 2005 NewWife, I agree with what the counselor said, but only to a degree. This works for people who are truly committed to the relationship and who truly want to work together to solve the problem. However, there is no shortage of people who will listen, admit their wrongdoing, swear on their mother's grave that they will never do it again, cry, apologize and so on.........and then proceed to repeat their behaviour. Soooo, how do you know if someone is truly committed or not? I can forgive once, twice is definitely a no go. But I'd really rather not have to have the second go round if I can avoid it and this is where we all run into the problem of trust. We have forgiven, taken them back but can we really trust them not to hurt us again? And to some degree, the lack of trust is in ourselves. Having been fooled once, we don't really trust our own judgment when it comes to reading others. I wish that there was an easy answer to this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 the better question is why are you still with someone who cheated? Link to post Share on other sites
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