Complicated relation

[Codww2]

I have been in a relationship for 10 months with a 18 year old girl and i’m 22. She lives in a very strict family where dating is not allowed and she is not even supposed to talk with boys. But i met her 10 months ago and we connected and she decided to finally make a big step in her life. She decided to finally date someone behind the back of her family.

 

The first time we met eachother was magic. We were so in love. We have been through a lot these 10 months and 2 days ago she told me she is uncertain about her life(including us). I have to state that she is 24/7 at home, because she cannot go out with her girlfriends or something like that. She has 3 older brothers and 3 older sisters. She basically only goes out of the house if she sees me or goes to school. All here siblings are already married and live their own life. But she told about us to her youngest sister and that sister already met me and she was liked me. After a while she told her otjer sister that she is ‘texting’ with me. And her sister became mad at her and told her that my family is no good blablabla.

 

She told her to never go out with me. Even though she said this she is still doing this. When we are together she asks for my affection and can’t keep off me. She also has no girlfriends where she share her love life with. Because her current girlfriends she cannot trust with this big secret. So 2 days ago she said she is uncertain, she told me that sometimes she just sees me as her best friend (not boyfriend). Before this she would call me everyday multiple times, I think out of boredom but she says because she wanted my attention. After she told me that she sometimes sees me only as her best friend, i told her to think about what she said as it didn’t really make me happy.

 

How can i as her boyfriend be seen as an best friend where there is no love connection?. She went to sleep and i thought about it and the next day i tried to end it as i though she fell out of love and she didn’t see me in the way as before. When i said this to her, she began crying and saying that she couldn’t live without me and that i had become a part of her life. So i decided to give it a shot, but i changed my approach with her and tried to not give her as mich of attention as before. Today we talked again about this and she told me that she feels like there is something missing in her life.

 

She is struggling about the fact that she never can say to her sister (that didn’t accept me) what we do when we go out or just that we are in a relationship. We live in religious families, but her family is very religious because her brother is a priest. She hates the fact that she has to lie when her sister asks her if she has been going out with me or overall she hates it when she lies to her family about her relation.

 

Maybe that’s the reason she is soo confused but i really think that she fell out of love. Because if she was in love these things wouldn’t even matter. But i really don’t know what to do.. She even tells me howmuch she loves me. The last time was just 3 days ago...

 

Someone please help me..

Edited November 13, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[d0nnivain]

All her life she was taught to act in a specific way. Everything she is doing with you flies directly in the face of that tradition -- she's lying, dishonoring her parents, sneaking around etc. You are the embodiment of her rebellion. Part of your allure has nothing to do with you & everything to do with the idea that you are forbidden fruit. No wonder she's mixed up.

 

Why not ask what you would have to do to be able to court her properly out in the open with the parents' blessing? Then set about doing just that. Anything else --especially this continued sneaking around -- dooms your relationship to failure.

 

In addition if you have been together for 10 months, odds are she was 17 when you met & you were 21. That is a significant life difference. It also is some indication that she is more mature then you are. As she continues to grow into adulthood, where you started, she is now outpacing you which makes you even more unattractive. She may be figuring out she has outgrown you.

 

The siblings who have met probably constantly tell her to dump you & threaten to tell her parents. This adds to her stress. It's a lot of pressure for an 18 year old to bear alone.