How to overcome anger towards bullies?

[NightRogue]

So back in HS, I had some "friends", who used to really tease/bully me and got me really upset and I hung around cuz I though I could give them the benefit of the doubt but now I realize they are just giant jerks, as even when we went off to uni for first year(I'm in second now), there was a group chat i was in and they were in it too and they still continued with those offensive jokes(though I did stand up for myself).

 

So the topic was brought up one time and this one guy said he didn't feel bad about it at all and my brother and I called him out on it. So then he told us he was sincerely sorry but then told me he doesn't feel bad or care how I felt at all and when I said it was hard to get over it due to that, he told me to grow up and time has passed, which I feel he has no right to do.

 

Anyhow, it came up again when my brother decided to deal with it and this guy has the nerve to tell him to shut up about it and says he did everything short of writing a letter to our mother when he didn't do anything except give a fake half assed apology and he acts like he's done so much, which just infuriates me honestly. I'm feeling angry towards him being a bully and his lack of remorse but I know it's not healthy. How can I overcome this anger?

Edited November 14, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[carhill]

In a way I agree that putting the past in the past and moving on is the healthy path, though I do respect what I term the 'red tapes' from those eras as valid.

 

What I believe happens, some of which I covered tangentially in MC when I happened to have the ear of a psychologist, was strong emotionally imprints were formed in the mind with trigger words or actions and those emotional imprints resurface when triggered by otherwise innocuous events not connected to targeted threats or harassment.

 

I learned a bit about it dealing with trigger words and sexual actions having been married to a rape victim. Stuff I would do or say that was completely loving or innocent could be and was perceived through the lens of those old red tapes.

 

Anyway, back in the day the words were backed up by fists or weapons so I had to learn to hurt people to stop the bullies, something I hated doing. I have no idea if they went on to live their lives oblivious to the damage they did. Some I ran into later in life appeared perfectly normal and peaceful and respectful people. No one would ever know, maybe not even them, the carnage they wreaked in their youth. Does the past matter? IDK, maybe not.

 

My best advice to you is work through this as a young man so you don't develop a diminished respect for the sanctity of human life. It's easy to do when beat upon. Trust me. Work through it, see them for who they really are, practically nothing in the realm of human existence and go on. Respect that you may get triggers in the future. Accept that. It's OK.