How do I stop beating myself up?

[biddibom]

I met a man on okcupid over the summer and we only dated for a few weeks. (I can't believe I STILL CARE!)

We talked for hours online, and spent 3 long dates together that stretched into the late night because we didn't want to go home/away from eachother.

I felt like for the first time in my life, I had met someone I could confide in. I felt very safe with him, and he encouraged me to talk about some private/personal things, almost like a therapist. We'd just sit there and hold eachother... nothing sexual happened. He was so smart, too. He has read so many books, and has unbelievable amounts of knowledge.

I wondered why he was into me at all. I quickly felt a very deep connection with him.

Well, by the 3rd date, this magical feeling started to evaporate. He wondered why I wasn't at the fair the next day even though we didn't set up a time to meet. Then he told me he'd be ready in 30 minutes, and I had no idea he actually wanted me to meet him there right then. Some hours passed, and he sent a rather frustrated text about things closing soon and not wanting to pay "exorbitant prices" for less than 1 hour of time there.

I apologized and he just said "okay"... and he made a joke about me looking "overdressed" when we met up in person.

I felt like at this point all the teasing and mean jokes started. He thought it was funny that I couldn't spell the name of a pokemon, he made sexual jokes that I didn't enjoy, and after discovering my fetishes, asked me to bite him continuously.

Things became an absolute nightmare later on that week. He asked me why I said I don't enjoy texting in one of my match questions, and I told him I do appreciate calls for important things. I secretly hoped he'd just call me anyway to make me happy, or plan our next date. Instead I was just asked if I wanted to "hang out" via text.

Well, as the week went on, I worked an awful job cleaning a stadium and the next day I had an upset stomach from nerves/food poisoning/gas and threw up all day. I had to go to the ER because by midnight I was so dehydrated I was dizzy and I couldn't keep any water down.

I told him in a message that I was very sick and couldn't "hang out" the following day. All he said was "Oh, that sucks :("

 

I just snapped. I panicked and ended it, but not without a fight. He accused me of thinking we were already in a relationship, and basically made me feel stupid and crazy.

 

I was confused and hurt, and all of my attempts to end it peacefully/possibly reconcile were completely ignored.

 

Part of the reason this hurts so bad is that he knows a lot of my friends in real life. He is considered a "good guy" by everyone. I couldn't tell anyone about this and be taken seriously.

 

I feel like I really did deserve it because I am just so freaking stupid.

I can't get my mind off of it. It was the worst thing I've ever experienced in dating. I just needed to vent/cry online and I'm curious about other's experiences in situations like these.

[WonderWoman911]

To me this guy seems childish, selfish and insensitive. It's too much friction between the two of you and it's only been a few weeks you've known him. I would definitely let this go and stop beating yourself up about this. And even though he's considered the "good guy" if you were to tell your friends about your experiences with this guy, they should believe you...if they're your "friends". I don't understand why they wouldn't take you seriously. But things will be alright. There's more fish in the sea.