Crying over my ex.... why?

[What-2-Do]

He'll love it. My ex took my kids on a cruise a few months ago and they loved it.

 

My brother did with his kids over the summer and they had a blast!!!!

[BaileyB]

This is the most sensible thing you've said in all your posts in this thread!

 

Agreed. I can't say that I'm surprised by this development... I'm just waiting for your girlfriend or exwife to come around offering sex and the promise of reconcilliation... you will probably flip flop once again... I say, it will happen before New Years.

Edited December 26, 2017 by BaileyB

[What-2-Do]

Agreed. I can't say that I'm surprised by this development... I'm just waiting for your girlfriend or exwife to come around offering sex and the promise of reconcilliation... you will probably flip flop once again... I say, it will happen before New Years.

 

Anything is possible but right now I'm focused on ME. I start my new job next week and the timing couldn't be better. I have a to to learn so I will be able to put most of my focus on the new job.

[What_Did_I_Do]

when we get home she had a "present" for me. When she saw that I was with my g/f she freaked out and threw the present at me and slammed the door. WTF.... For whatever reason I grabbed the "present" and put it in my g/f car and drove home. When my wife threw it the box opened and I got to see what was inside the box. This is where my night went to crap. Inside the box was 3 Christmas Poems in frames that I wrote to my wife back in 2001, 2002, and 2003. I know it's corny but it was something I did every Christmas for the first 10 or so years we were together.

 

We get home and my g/f opens the million gifts her mother got her. Then, I'm going to bed and she asks "so, what did your wife get you?" Needless to say I panicked and just said nothing important. She wanted to know where it was and I wouldn't tell her. Needless to say I put it away as I didn't want to deal with it. I ended up telling her and she went in and opened the box and the crap hit the fan. She was so mad and she smashed all the poems and went all crazy.

 

Needless to say at this point I'm done. I can't and won't be with someone that's crazy. I've never seen anything like it in all my life. I'm also sad that something that was so important to my former life is completely destroyed and can never be replaced. I haven't told my wife yet but I don't know what the hell she was thinking in giving them back to me on Christmas. That was kind of a low-blow I think. Not sure if she was being sentimental or she knew that it would break us up. So, my Christmas ended with 2 crazy women. haha

 

 

 

OP, you are stringing both women along which is causing the craziness. You have not set out a clear path and each woman is hoping or expecting a future with you. Buying your W a present gives hope, living with or near your g/f and spending your days with her is giving her hope. Your wishy/washy indecisiveness is fuelling the fires. Of course everything is going to blow up in your face. How can it not? Are you expecting both women to be calm and reasonable while you vacillate back and forth? Not going to happen. You are the trigger in on all of this.

 

Yes, the best course of action right now is to be on your own. Explain to both of them this is what you are doing. Please don't leave them hanging if you do choose this course. Be honest. They both deserve at least that much.

[BettyDraper]

Anything is possible but right now I'm focused on ME. I start my new job next week and the timing couldn't be better. I have a to to learn so I will be able to put most of my focus on the new job.

 

I'm very pleased to read that you are focusing on yourself and your son.

This is not the time for any romantic relationships right now. Time to go into monk mode. No dating or sex with anyone....especially your ex or your girlfriend who is immature and volatile.

 

Best of luck with the new job.

[What-2-Do]

I'm very pleased to read that you are focusing on yourself and your son.

This is not the time for any romantic relationships right now. Time to go into monk mode. No dating or sex with anyone....especially your ex or your girlfriend who is immature and volatile.

 

Best of luck with the new job.

 

Thank you. Its been an interesting couple of days for sure. I haven't told my wife any of what happened with the g/f as I know it will make her think it's an open invitation. I went to the gym twice yesterday to keep my mind off things and today instead of having my son from 4-7pm I picked him up at 9am and will spend the entire day together. We just ordered pizza for lunch and after lunch we're going bowling. I have him again tomorrow and I'm going to do the same and grab him in the morning and spend the entire day with him.

 

All I really need to do is make it thru until Tuesday of next week when I start my new job so I just need to keep myself busy.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Thank you. Its been an interesting couple of days for sure. I haven't told my wife any of what happened with the g/f as I know it will make her think it's an open invitation. I went to the gym twice yesterday to keep my mind off things and today instead of having my son from 4-7pm I picked him up at 9am and will spend the entire day together. We just ordered pizza for lunch and after lunch we're going bowling. I have him again tomorrow and I'm going to do the same and grab him in the morning and spend the entire day with him.

 

All I really need to do is make it thru until Tuesday of next week when I start my new job so I just need to keep myself busy.

 

Have you been in contact with the GF? Are you actually officially broken up?

[sandylee1]

I think if my STBXH brought the OW near my house.... is also be mad. Talk about rubbing your face in it.

 

I know you've said it's because she wanted your son home...but imagine your wife had cheated....left you for him...then comes over to your house and he's in the car...having spent the day with YOUR son

 

Even the most calm person would see red.

 

Your GF didn't need to know what the gift was...but jealous as she is...she insisted. That's her immaturity.

 

Somehow I don't think your done with the GF. A bit of seduction and an apology will keep her in your life.

 

I'd so love to be wrong on that.

[whichwayisup]

I will kick your butt if you end up back with the gf or back home with your wife.

 

Both relationships are over.

 

Time to focus on you and your healing. Finding "you" again as a single independent guy. Spend time with your son and be the best dad to him. Leave women and dating behind and find enjoyment on your own and with men friends.

[BaileyB]

I think we will all kick your butt if you go back to your wife or girlfriend (assuming that you have told her it's done).

 

Time to focus on work, getting yourself together, and spending time with your son.

 

Good luck!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

My money's on him already being back with the GF, but not the wife.

[sandylee1]

Lol at all these virtual butt kicks you guys are giving W2D....

 

Getting back with your wife after reflection, time...individual and couples counselling wouldn't phase me so much (like that matters) .. but the GF...is a door that should remain shut.

 

And if you know you never will get back with her.... then you need to tell her that too.

 

I know none of us have a crystal ball and the truth is you probably can't say for certain you won't reconcile.

 

W2D - Do your respective families know your divorcing and why?

[BettyDraper]

Lol at all these virtual butt kicks you guys are giving W2D....

 

Getting back with your wife after reflection, time...individual and couples counselling wouldn't phase me so much (like that matters) .. but the GF...is a door that should remain shut.

 

And if you know you never will get back with her.... then you need to tell her that too.

 

I know none of us have a crystal ball and the truth is you probably can't say for certain you won't reconcile.

 

W2D - Do your respective families know your divorcing and why?

 

The problem is that W2D's wife has shown that she will only change her behavior to get what she wants in the short term. For that reason, I don't think that going back to her is a wise choice but that isn't my decision. It's quite common for long term couples to reconcile.

 

I agree that the girlfriend is not a suitable long term partner for W2D.

She's too immature and emotionally unstable.

[What-2-Do]

A mutual friend of my wife and I was trying hard to get us back together by playing match maker. She didn’t know the situation with my gf but just felt we needed to get back together. I’ve had time to think over the past few days and emotions are all over the place. I wish my wife would go back to her old self but unfortunately I think she will only change to @win” me back and then go back to her old ways.

[MJJean]

A mutual friend of my wife and I was trying hard to get us back together by playing match maker. She didn’t know the situation with my gf but just felt we needed to get back together. I’ve had time to think over the past few days and emotions are all over the place. I wish my wife would go back to her old self but unfortunately I think she will only change to @win” me back and then go back to her old ways.

 

This is one of those things that only time can reveal. Honestly, if you were to try reconciling and she reverted...well, it wouldn't be the first time a couple tried separation, reconciled, realized it wouldn't work, and divorced.

[sandylee1]

A mutual friend of my wife and I was trying hard to get us back together by playing match maker. She didn’t know the situation with my gf but just felt we needed to get back together. I’ve had time to think over the past few days and emotions are all over the place. I wish my wife would go back to her old self but unfortunately I think she will only change to @win” me back and then go back to her old ways.

 

And if that happened you can know you gave it a chance...without forever wondering "what if".

 

She can't keep asking for reconciliation after you've given it a chance and she's reverted to her old ways.

 

Usually the betrayed spouse has this dilemma of should I give it a chance. Not the wayward spouse.

 

If you didn't love her anymore, then I could understand why you wouldn't want to....but you do.

[What-2-Do]

And if that happened you can know you gave it a chance...without forever wondering "what if".

 

She can't keep asking for reconciliation after you've given it a chance and she's reverted to her old ways.

 

Usually the betrayed spouse has this dilemma of should I give it a chance. Not the wayward spouse.

 

If you didn't love her anymore, then I could understand why you wouldn't want to....but you do.

 

I'm so emotional about this and it's driving me crazy. This makes perfect sense. Even though I'm not seeing my g/f for lack of a better term I know it would still hurt her if I went back. But, I know in the back of my mind I will always wonder what would have happened.

[elaine567]

If you do go back to our wife you will have to be a bit more tactful and careful as regards bringing up the gf, than you were about bringing up the wife to your gf.

Your wife is a BS and although she will be soooo glad you have returned she will still a lot of support as regards the fact you cheated on her.

You cannot steam in there and go "oh not all this again" as nothing is worse for a BS than a WS not accepting his wrong doing.

I think you will both need IC and MC to weather this storm as getting back together is just Step one on a long journey.

[georgia girl]

I guess I am confused...

 

What to do cheated on his wife, left her for the other woman and then had the gall to show up on Christmas with the BS son and OW in the car. And yet, there are pages and pages of this thread about how HE is uncertain of reconciling his wife because she drove him to the affair with her actions. Where does OP own up to his own actions where he cheated and broke up his own marriage? Is it because his wife wants to reconcile - and he’s apparently not that interested because he’s getting great sex with OW - that gives him the free pass from owning up to his own actions?

 

I don’t mean to come off harsh but I acknowledge this post is harsh. However, for God’s sake, please leave your wife alone. She deserves better than a man who would cheat on her, leave her and then dance “reconciliation” as some earned prize if she improves herself. Hopefully, with the new year, she will get clarity that she didn’t drive you to cheat. You chose that. She may have emotionally or physically checked out and she has to own that. But you need to own your cheating and the type of partner that you were before she checked out.

 

And for goodness sakes, out of respect for my gender, stop hooking up with women until you have a better handle on yourself and who you want to be.

 

Sorry, OP. I am usually very gentle but this thread blew me away.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I guess I am confused...

 

What to do cheated on his wife, left her for the other woman and then had the gall to show up on Christmas with the BS son and OW in the car. And yet, there are pages and pages of this thread about how HE is uncertain of reconciling his wife because she drove him to the affair with her actions. Where does OP own up to his own actions where he cheated and broke up his own marriage? Is it because his wife wants to reconcile - and he’s apparently not that interested because he’s getting great sex with OW - that gives him the free pass from owning up to his own actions?

 

I don’t mean to come off harsh but I acknowledge this post is harsh. However, for God’s sake, please leave your wife alone. She deserves better than a man who would cheat on her, leave her and then dance “reconciliation” as some earned prize if she improves herself. Hopefully, with the new year, she will get clarity that she didn’t drive you to cheat. You chose that. She may have emotionally or physically checked out and she has to own that. But you need to own your cheating and the type of partner that you were before she checked out.

 

And for goodness sakes, out of respect for my gender, stop hooking up with women until you have a better handle on yourself and who you want to be.

 

Sorry, OP. I am usually very gentle but this thread blew me away.

 

Yeah, this pretty much sums it up. Although, I do think he feels a bit more remorse now than he did when he first cheated/left his wife.

[What-2-Do]

Yeah, this pretty much sums it up. Although, I do think he feels a bit more remorse now than he did when he first cheated/left his wife.

 

I feel terrible for what I did. However, our marriage fell apart because my wife no longer was a wife. I tried everything I could to change it and nothing worked. At the end of the day I ended up cheating because of it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I feel terrible for what I did. However, our marriage fell apart because my wife no longer was a wife. I tried everything I could to change it and nothing worked. At the end of the day I ended up cheating because of it.

 

You had another choice. You did not have to become a cheater.

[What-2-Do]

You had another choice. You did not have to become a cheater.

 

I wish I could go back and change that fact but I can't.

[stillafool]

A mutual friend of my wife and I was trying hard to get us back together by playing match maker. She didn’t know the situation with my gf but just felt we needed to get back together. I’ve had time to think over the past few days and emotions are all over the place. I wish my wife would go back to her old self but unfortunately I think she will only change to @win” me back and then go back to her old ways.

 

Why do you HAVE TO BE with either woman? Why can't you be alone until you figure yourself out?

[Just a Guy]

Hi What-to-do, having read through your thread I can only offer one bit of advice to you, take it or leave it. What I have to say is that you have created a catch twenty two situation for your self. The only way out for you is to forsake both your wife and your GF as neither seems to got the bill as far as you ate concerned. I would suggest you read the thread started by Ilovepuppies. You will see that although he still loves his wife dearly, he has found that he cannot continue to live with her. He is letting her keep their house and apart from a few personal items, he is leaving everything to her including a costly car if I remember correctly. He has also decided to continue to support her financially till her home business takes off and she can support herself. Also read the post written by anika in that thread. She, too, ended up doing something like that for her ex husband with whom she had a very difficult time because of his mental and physical health issues.

 

The best thing for you is to distance yourself from both your wife and your GF and live a single life attending IC till you have overcome your own flaws. After that start dating afresh and find a woman nearer your age and definitely more mature than your GF. You can continue to maintain cordial relations with your wife because of your child. Just think about this. Warm wished