sandylee1 Posted November 16, 2017 Share Posted November 16, 2017 The reasons... She's no longer pining for you. You wonder why she's up for sex with this guy and wasn't with you. It's a hit to your ego. Even if he isn't better looking..he's likely got a good body as a security guard and can provide or fill a physical need for her....even if it's just short term. You realise she's removing herself as an option. You fear the 24 year old may not be suitable or compatible in the long term Good old jealousy. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 The reasons... She's no longer pining for you. You wonder why she's up for sex with this guy and wasn't with you. It's a hit to your ego. Even if he isn't better looking..he's likely got a good body as a security guard and can provide or fill a physical need for her....even if it's just short term. You realise she's removing herself as an option. You fear the 24 year old may not be suitable or compatible in the long term Good old jealousy. Not sure about the body, but the rest is spot on! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 The reasons... She's no longer pining for you. You wonder why she's up for sex with this guy and wasn't with you. It's a hit to your ego. Even if he isn't better looking..he's likely got a good body as a security guard and can provide or fill a physical need for her....even if it's just short term. You realise she's removing herself as an option. You fear the 24 year old may not be suitable or compatible in the long term Good old jealousy. Sometimes body and looks have nothing to do with how well a man can perform sexually. The absolute best sex I've ever had in my life was with a man who was severely overweight. I was never into overweight guys but after sex with him I was like a heroin addict. It took me forever to get over that guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 Sometimes body and looks have nothing to do with how well a man can perform sexually. The absolute best sex I've ever had in my life was with a man who was severely overweight. I was never into overweight guys but after sex with him I was like a heroin addict. It took me forever to get over that guy. By good body, I didn't necessarily mean he wasn't big. Security guards are usually pretty big guys .... and I've had great sex with a big guy myself. He was brilliant every time. It feels nice and made me feel well protected with a big guy too. That rugged attraction is a good feeling. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chinadiary Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 You said in passing she was ill when you cheated on your wife. What kind of ill? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 Lyme disease. OP felt that she was malingering, and she probably was a little... but, she is clearly feeling better now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 It's probably also difficult to come to terms with the possibility that another man could be seeing your son more often than you do ... if she has a boyfriend move in with her. It's possible you thought that as she wasn't interested in sex with you... she would continue to be uninterested and therefore you wouldn't have to worry about other men being around. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author What-2-Do Posted November 19, 2017 Author Share Posted November 19, 2017 This woman you had the affair with, was she also cheating on someone by being with you? Maybe that's why you don't know if she's trustworthy? How does she feel about trusting you? No, she was single when we started talking and seeing each other. We had a really difficult talk last night which was hard for both of us. She is insecure that I still have communication with my ex which I completely understand. She has trust issues and is afraid I will screw her over. She gave me an ultimatum last night which I am going to agree to. It's in regards to my ex. I cannot have any contact with her at all unless it revolves around our son. If she finds out we are still talking and it's not about our son then she's gone. Link to post Share on other sites
chinadiary Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 That's fair enough. I really hope you're able to do it. You could throw away a good woman if you're not careful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author What-2-Do Posted November 19, 2017 Author Share Posted November 19, 2017 I did not post that to suggest she was an "innocent". I think the OP is correct to not trust her, not necessarily that she will cheat she may do, she may not, but I guess she will soon get fed up and go on to other things. They are always "so mature" until they aren't... Seems to me that in big age gap relationships it is the older man that gets hurt, whilst the woman in her early twenties just moves on. Of course this may just be a fun, "filler", exit affair type relationship for the OP anyway so no real harm done. I disagree. I'm in love with my new g/f and she's great. I want nothing more than to be with her and to continue building what we have. Looking back at the advice given on here where people said I needed to be single for 6 months to a year before dating and I blew it off. I now see why everyone mentioned that. It is still hard to be 100% over my ex. We were great together for so many years but we were so wrong for each other for so many as well. I stuck around for as long as I could and left like a coward. I regret hurting her the way I did and I know she will now forever have trust issues with men and it's my fault. My intention was not to crush her but my selfishness and indecisiveness got the best of me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author What-2-Do Posted November 19, 2017 Author Share Posted November 19, 2017 Not sure about the body, but the rest is spot on! Definitely NOT the body that's for sure. But, I guess a penis is a penis so there can be something there. Not to boast or anything but I own a fitness gym and workout 6 days per week and have for 20+ years so I'm in better shape than 98% of guys my age and even 20 years younger. Sexually, my wife and I were great together WHEN we actually had sex. Although, sex with my new g/f is even better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author What-2-Do Posted November 19, 2017 Author Share Posted November 19, 2017 By good body, I didn't necessarily mean he wasn't big. Security guards are usually pretty big guys .... and I've had great sex with a big guy myself. He was brilliant every time. It feels nice and made me feel well protected with a big guy too. That rugged attraction is a good feeling. This guy isn't in shape at all. He's a frail person at best. I actually would feel better about myself if he was a good looking buy. I'm actually embarrassed for her because he is literally Paul Blart Mall Cop. Not saying that to make myself feel better but several of her friends have messaged me asking what the hell is she doing with this tool? Link to post Share on other sites
chinadiary Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 Definitely NOT the body that's for sure. But, I guess a penis is a penis so there can be something there. Not to boast or anything but I own a fitness gym and workout 6 days per week and have for 20+ years so I'm in better shape than 98% of guys my age and even 20 years younger. Sexually, my wife and I were great together WHEN we actually had sex. Although, sex with my new g/f is even better. I think you're MASSIVELY over inflating how important looks are to women. Sure, it makes up part of an initial attraction. But in a LTR, it's personality, love, caring, sense of humour. Try to switch focus to the lady you DO have or you'll lose 2 women, back to back. I can't imagine having to deal with that! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 No, she was single when we started talking and seeing each other. We had a really difficult talk last night which was hard for both of us. She is insecure that I still have communication with my ex which I completely understand. She has trust issues and is afraid I will screw her over. She gave me an ultimatum last night which I am going to agree to. It's in regards to my ex. I cannot have any contact with her at all unless it revolves around our son. If she finds out we are still talking and it's not about our son then she's gone. Sounds like she's starting to wise up to the folly of a relationship with a married father. Hmmmm, who'd have guessed that would happen? I'm curious what her friends and family think about what she did (basically stole another woman's husband)/how the relationship started. Do they accept you? Do they even know you were married and your relationship is a result of cheating? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author What-2-Do Posted November 19, 2017 Author Share Posted November 19, 2017 You said in passing she was ill when you cheated on your wife. What kind of ill? Here is the funny thing.... Well, not funny but it shows her real character. She did have Lyme Disease. We were pretty much at the end of our relationship and she got sick. I then, stayed around for another 18 months or so while she was 'sick." Why I say it's funny is that she said she was sick right up until the affair and then suddenly she was PERFECTLY CURED and has no more Lyme Symptoms what-so-ever for 6 months now. She was one that was always a hypochondriac complaining about chronic headaches etc on a daily basis. This is why I didn't really believe her when she first started getting sick because she cried wolf for 14 years on a daily basis so you learn to tune it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author What-2-Do Posted November 19, 2017 Author Share Posted November 19, 2017 I think you're MASSIVELY over inflating how important looks are to women. Sure, it makes up part of an initial attraction. But in a LTR, it's personality, love, caring, sense of humour. Try to switch focus to the lady you DO have or you'll lose 2 women, back to back. I can't imagine having to deal with that! This is great advice. I agree in a LTR looks only go so far. However, physical attraction needs to be there. Also, this guy is a 40 something year old mall security guard who has never been married, no kids, no real previous relationships, and I'm pretty sure still lives at home with his mother. He's clearly got ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to offer. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 This is great advice. I agree in a LTR looks only go so far. However, physical attraction needs to be there. Also, this guy is a 40 something year old mall security guard who has never been married, no kids, no real previous relationships, and I'm pretty sure still lives at home with his mother. He's clearly got ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to offer. So then why does it bother you? I would think you'd be more bothered if he was "all that." This confuses me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chinadiary Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 This is great advice. I agree in a LTR looks only go so far. However, physical attraction needs to be there. Also, this guy is a 40 something year old mall security guard who has never been married, no kids, no real previous relationships, and I'm pretty sure still lives at home with his mother. He's clearly got ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to offer. In your opinion. Not in hers. Shes with him for a reason. You say you have a hot, younger woman. And yet YOU are the one on here, obsessing about your ex. She's off having a good time with the guy you deem lesser. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 This is great advice. I agree in a LTR looks only go so far. However, physical attraction needs to be there. Also, this guy is a 40 something year old mall security guard who has never been married, no kids, no real previous relationships, and I'm pretty sure still lives at home with his mother. He's clearly got ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to offer. That's for your ex wife to decide... Clearly, he has something to offer because his mere presence has managed to get you all tied up in knots over the relationship... Which, may have been her entire purpose, all along... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
chinadiary Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 That's for your ex wife to decide... Clearly, he has something to offer because his mere presence has managed to get you all tied up in knots over the relationship... Which, may have been her entire purpose, all along... I dunno. I couldn't shag a loser, just to hurt an ex. It'd still be me, feeling all the slimy disgust... Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 That's for your ex wife to decide... Clearly, he has something to offer because his mere presence has managed to get you all tied up in knots over the relationship... Which, may have been her entire purpose, all along... I'm trying to put myself in his shoes, and I guess maybe it's a feeling of, "wow, if that's who she's going for, maybe I'm not as great as I thought! Does she consider him better than me? I should check myself!" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 I dunno. I couldn't shag a loser, just to hurt an ex. It'd still be me, feeling all the slimy disgust... I couldn't either, but I don't imagine that she's looking at him as a potential long term partner right now... Not as much as she is looking to have a little fun and get back at her ex-husband, just a little bit... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chinadiary Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 I'm trying to put myself in his shoes, and I guess maybe it's a feeling of, "wow, if that's who she's going for, maybe I'm not as great as I thought! Does she consider him better than me? I should check myself!" Well, I'm with her on that! There's a lot more to life that a guy being built. I know that's what he seems to value but... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author What-2-Do Posted November 19, 2017 Author Share Posted November 19, 2017 That's for your ex wife to decide... Clearly, he has something to offer because his mere presence has managed to get you all tied up in knots over the relationship... Which, may have been her entire purpose, all along... I think this is honestly what's gong on. She swears up and down that she hasn't slept with him and isn't at all ready for a sexual relationship and she's simply just seeing him. It doesn't really matter I guess. A few of her friends messaged me and said she's only seeing this guy to make me jealous. Who knows? Yes, my new g/f is way better looking and way more fun than my wife ever was. Yes, my marriage sucked really bad for the past 4 years. Yes, I'm jealous for whatever reason about my wife having a boyfriend. I really don't think I want to get back with her though because I was miserable for so long. I honestly think it's some weird jealousy that I'm feeling making me think it would be worth giving the relationship one my try. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 I think this is honestly what's gong on. She swears up and down that she hasn't slept with him and isn't at all ready for a sexual relationship and she's simply just seeing him. It doesn't really matter I guess. A few of her friends messaged me and said she's only seeing this guy to make me jealous. Who knows? Yes, my new g/f is way better looking and way more fun than my wife ever was. Yes, my marriage sucked really bad for the past 4 years. Yes, I'm jealous for whatever reason about my wife having a boyfriend. I really don't think I want to get back with her though because I was miserable for so long. I honestly think it's some weird jealousy that I'm feeling making me think it would be worth giving the relationship one my try. You're not over her. You thought you were because of the allure of the hot young thing, but you're not. Link to post Share on other sites
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