Why do you think you're really single?

[Mysterio]

For me. I won't play the game. If I am not treated well. Also. I don't feel like 80% of the women that I meet or interact with, would be a well match for me.

 

So thats my take. My personality and looks are above 80 in my mind. I am more the Good Guy/Hero, striving to do the right thing. I am not perfect.

 

There is a lot of game playing in dating. Thats what I see. If one is not careful you can get a kid out of it. I for one do not want a child brought into this world, with me and the mom on the outs and raising them that way.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Because I want to be. I don't want to give of myself to another adult human at this point in my life. I don't have it in me; I'm already stretched too thin. I also think I'm going through a bit of a depression and have zero libido at the moment, so that's another thing that makes me completely disinterested in dating.

[Mysterio]

CO, Keep on fighting the good fight. I don't know why I even care sometimes. I have lots of friends and family and I keep making new friends.

 

Or I have to accept that dating/mating is hard and will always be. When I make an effort. The response is an obstacle. When I don't the women that come to me are more compatable.

[CptInsano]

Right now it's a lack of motivation. I just flirted with a woman waiting for my coffee. For some reason I didn't feel the urge to pursue it further, I don't even know why. It's been two years since my last relationship, a few months since I seriously dated somebody, and I have no idea why I'm in this frame of mind.

[Mysterio]

Sometimes I think a lot of us really need a break. Its a long life. We have 80/90 yrs for most people. 2 yrs is a good break.

 

I also don't find a lot of women warm and sweet. Not saying they are all cold, but a lot seem very self centered.

 

I will put it this way. Lets use the following. It feels like to me. There are 4 archtypes of women out there for the most part. Sandy and Rizzo from Grease. Betty and Veronica from The Archie comics. It feels like there are more Veronica/Rizzo in my social environment than Betty and Sandy.

 

Some of my female friends are Bettys. So its more coldness/aloffness than Warm and Sweet. Thats just even if I am not really associated with them as much. Just from observation.

[TunaCat]

I'm gonna be blunt here, it's because I am not attractive. If I was attractive, even marginally, I'd have little problem getting dates, but since I'm not, I don't. There's a reason I've only been on one first date in my life and have had only one relationship in my entire life.

 

I have a great personality, I am financially responsible, I'm educated, but none of that matters because the first thing people see when they look at me is an unattractive woman.

[Mysterio]

My Male friends that are attached. None of them were ladies men or playboys. None of them are torn between their Wives/GF vs other women vying for their affections.

 

They just met a woman that fell into their laps and they did not have to work it as much. Their Wives/GF really want to be with them and have a certain lifestyle. Its not like the men have major gripes with their women for the most part.

 

My singleness is derived of not meeting a great match. I am pretty lucky. My Ex Boss, friends and family. I could never ask for a great bunch.

 

My love prospcts are out of whack and not intune, if I make the effort. Never have I really made the right decision when it comes to my love life.

 

I see a woman I am attracted to. If I act on it. It goes sideways. Its like the Universe is telling me that I should just really wait it out. I even had a psychic tell me on facebook book tell me that I want a woman a certain type and sh has to be a certain way, which was erriley true. She said that I basically have to keep trust my instincts and belive in my heart.

 

So I take that to mean. I have to let it come to me. Yet my mind also says that I have to make it happen. So I am torn most of the time. So for me the reason I am single. I have obstacles and I don't trust women with my heart as much.

[GuitarGuy7]

Why am I still single?

 

It probably has more to do with my personality and lifestyle rather than my looks. Yeah i'm short, yeah i'm not exactly a male model. But I can't be worse off than a tall beer bellied guy who never attempts to dress nice. At least I work out, take the time to dress nice, and I will never have to worry about getting fat. And time and time again, I see rather average to below-average looking guys with cute girlfriends. Even at my old job, all of the guys had girlfriends and none of them were exactly lookers.

 

 

The reason i'm still single is because

 

When I was younger, I couldn't talk to girls at all. I avoided women throughout all of high school because deep down, I was afraid of rejection. I had been repeatedly shunned and outcasted by women as a 12 and 13 year old boy. I was accused of being a creep and stalker, and to be honest I didn't know any better. All I wanted was their love but they ignored me and as a result it messed up my confidence all the way until I was 20. The only way to deal with the pain was to simply ignore the source of it, and that was women. So I ignored women throughout the rest of my teenage years.

 

I wasn't able to have a conversation with girls my age until I was 20.

 

I didn't date when I was 20 or 21 because emotionally, I was too messed up to date. I had been on Tinder for 4 months, was being repeatedly ghosted by everyone and it completely destroyed my confidence. It got to the point where I was having meltdowns simply because women were ignoring me. Any more sort of rejection would have destroyed me.

 

 

I'm a naturally introverted person. Some people love to talk, they love getting to know other people. They like going out and going to events, they like meeting people and have all the confidence in the world. I'm not that kind of guy. I don't like to talk, I would rather be at home on the computer.

 

When I see a girl I like, I have to force myself to be talkative even though that's not my natural state. I have to man up and approach her because I know she's not going to do it.

 

I have to pretend to be this cool and confident guy that I am really not. I have to take the lead, I have to go in for the kiss even though iv'e never kissed anybody in my life. The reason why I have to do all of this is because men don't have the luxury of non-hesitation.

[staggerlee71]

Your single because you have not wanted or figured out how to be giving, on a regular basis, when it feels like your being taken advantage of.

 

 

You have not wanted or tried to consider, anothers feelings when it sucks for you.

 

you are single because its easier and comfortable to manage your world and not have to deal with the fact anothers world may need comprise, empathy,understanding, clarity when you don't see it that way.

 

its easier to be single!! you only have to deal with the way you think and not another brain, another perspective.

 

Single is good, but relating to another human wont come easy.

 

it will be unrecognizable if you are single a long time

[alphamale]

There is a lot of game playing in dating. Thats what I see.

there is a lot of game playing in all aspects of life, not just dating.

[staggerlee71]

game playing NOT transparency

[bluefeather]

Because then I wouldn't be able to meet other women.

[Cobra_X]

For me. I won't play the game. If I am not treated well. Also. I don't feel like 80% of the women that I meet or interact with, would be a well match for me.

So thats my take. My personality and looks are above 80 in my mind. I am more the Good Guy/Hero, striving to do the right thing. I am not perfect.

 

You are game playing, and it's the wrong game.

 

My Male friends that are attached.

They just met a woman that fell into their laps and they did not have to work it as much. Their Wives/GF really want to be with them and have a certain lifestyle. Its not like the men have major gripes with their women for the most part.

 

My singleness is derived of not meeting a great match.

I see a woman I am attracted to. If I act on it. It goes sideways.

 

You lack aggressiveness. Even if you sit back and wait for the "Universe" to hand you something perfect... It will eventually fail due to your lack of masculine thinking.

 

Get off you butt and go get what you want. The universe doesn't owe you happiness, and most women don't want a passive man.

[Mysterio]

Cobra X. I see what your saying. However. I think I need to qualify the women a bit more. Until I know they are single. Whats the point in making an effort.

 

I can tell you this. All my male friiends or at least 6-8. Did nothing to get their mates. It all fell in their laps. No major courting. It was more the women that made an effort towards them. My Male friends were just going about their lives,and their Wives/GF zeroed in on them.

 

I guess my main problem is status. I see a woman. I think GF potential. I get wrapped up with it. Its a bit of both.

[chinadiary]

Becaus I'm anti social and won't take on the family responsibilities of my partners. Brutal truth.

 

I'm an introvert. I don't like drama. I tolerate my own families because I have no choice. I'm not taking on any extra. I just can't do it.

[chinadiary]

Sometimes I think a lot of us really need a break. Its a long life. We have 80/90 yrs for most people. 2 yrs is a good break.

 

I also don't find a lot of women warm and sweet. Not saying they are all cold, but a lot seem very self centered.

 

I will put it this way. Lets use the following. It feels like to me. There are 4 archtypes of women out there for the most part. Sandy and Rizzo from Grease. Betty and Veronica from The Archie comics. It feels like there are more Veronica/Rizzo in my social environment than Betty and Sandy.

 

Some of my female friends are Bettys. So its more coldness/aloffness than Warm and Sweet. Thats just even if I am not really associated with them as much. Just from observation.

 

 

 

 

What you see as an observer isn't necessarily what you'll get in a relationship. I'm a teacher, and as a result can seem domineering. This doesn't follow through into my relationships. I have zero desire to control my partner, haven't got the energy or the inclination, and I'm very warm and nurturing.

[hotpotato]

Im too weird and quirky.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I thought of another one today. I feel better about myself when I'm single.

[ZA Dater]

Well I think the same thing is true in every sphere of life, there are followers and conformists and when you are neither of those people tend to look at you with a certain degree of indifference.

 

 

I am mostly single because I simply refuse to do things I don't enjoy in the hope I might meet someone doing those things. For years being single and dateless was all over me like a rash I couldn't get rid of but lately I find myself simply not caring, having gone on so many bad dates I couldn't really care less, especially when seldom if ever have I been wowed to any degree.

 

 

Yes, I would like to have that companionship but it would have to be someone who "moved" me in some way and that's not easy, I have met them from time to time but there is never any sort of mutual attraction.

 

 

I guess I don't really "get" dating and never really have, I sacrificed that when I pursued studies and from young I had an over riding objective and I am still pursuing that.

 

 

The significant downside is doing everything on my own because the very reason I cant get dates is the same reason which means I don't make friends easily, I don't really connect with people easily in a social environment. This can become irritating because I am left with few choice but to fill each day with "objectives" to keep myself busy so I don't fall into the "I am lonely I would love to have some company" scenario.

 

 

I consider myself lucky though, I have met some amazing people, people who really impressed and wowed me and those experiences almost make up for the bad ones. Those experienced also left me sad in some respects because I know if I was more "normal" those people might actually like me as much as I like them.

[chinadiary]

 

The significant downside is doing everything on my own because the very reason I cant get dates is the same reason which means I don't make friends easily, I don't really connect with people easily in a social environment. This can become irritating because I am left with few choice but to fill each day with "objectives" to keep myself busy so I don't fall into the "I am lonely I would love to have some company" scenario

.

 

 

We sound fairly alike. I'm quirky, my ex even mentioned it in his last contact.

 

I'd LOVE to be able to fill my life the way you have. How do you do it?

[HiCrunchy]

Many reasons I suppose?

 

I am not attracted to many men so my pool is more narrow

My "type" is not generally attracted to me

I am a bit on the shy side and more introverted

I don't like dating culture or games

I am more conservative and won't have sex with someone who isn't my bf (not having sex with someone that I am "dating casually")

I think I might have unresolved feelings for my first love and still would like him to come back to an extent

I may be depression which makes having a relationship with me more difficult

 

As a human tho, I think that I am an amazing catch and am an attractive, loving, affectionate girlfriend.

[GemmaUK]

I'm currently single by choice.

 

I go on dates now and then but there has been nothing to write home about.

 

IRL those who approach me are in their 30's and I would prefer to date someone around my own age (48).

On OLD when I sign up I get my age or much older but I'm not attracted as they look much older than stated age in their pics, look much older or are out of shape when I meet them. I'm slim and don't find a beer gut attractive as yet - maybe I will as I get older.

 

Not just that though, it's personality and values.

The past couple of years I have dipped in and out of OLD and been given rules over what to wear (an ex of mine had an issue with me wearing

earrings and tiny half inch hoop earrings came up as 'an issue' on a recent date),, what to do with my hair - it's curly, sorry, that means it might still be damp when I leave the house to meet you for an early hike (another recent one), then you find out what I do for a living and there's something wrong with that too. One guy though I wasn't wearing any make up, told him I was and he went off on one about how I shouldn't - seriously? Ugh!Tiresome!!

 

I don't want that for me, I'm not a child. I dress perfectly well, perfectly respectably and good grief I would rather get to know someone than have him tell me what I should be doing when I'm not even asking!! Lol!

[carhill]

Why do you think you're really single?

Looking at the totality I think it goes back to early days and lack of learning, or example in, how to stimulate females sexually, not sex itself, but the sexual attraction process. My dad was kind of vanilla in that way, though he married a great lady, and I kinda stumbled around like a blind man during the years when such fluidity and social skills should have been formed, hence was forever 'behind'.

 

Sure, down the road, through trial and error and many failures I finally figured it out a little but it's still not fluid like it is for the guys who can charm the pants or skirt off any woman.

 

Secondarily, religious upbringing and too many rules and believing in both. Totally out of sync for my generation. Women looked at me like an alien.

 

I was just watching an old movie last night about Frances Farmer, a sad story really but one where she was married three times, never lacked for male attention and was, at least as presented in the movie, crazy as a loon. Having seen similar in real life, on both sides of the gender aisle, I think there's something to being 'out there' as a draw. Something raw people like, even if they hate it. Hard to explain but it's definitely something I don't have.

 

Like my best friend recently opined after his wife had one of her normal BPD rants at me, "I don't know how you take it". Me neither. It is what it is. There's a certain peace in being single. I kinda like it.

[Highndry]

I wish I knew the answer.

[whatnot]

I'm so narcissistic there's just no room for anyone but me. On the upside....I can't bring myself to hurt another human being. Again.

 

 

bottom line....I'm just scared ****less of any connections with a woman.

Edited November 22, 2017 by whatnot