Why do you think you're really single?

[Ieris]

I love my freedom too much

[HiCrunchy]

I'm gonna be blunt here, it's because I am not attractive. If I was attractive, even marginally, I'd have little problem getting dates, but since I'm not, I don't. There's a reason I've only been on one first date in my life and have had only one relationship in my entire life.

 

I have a great personality, I am financially responsible, I'm educated, but none of that matters because the first thing people see when they look at me is an unattractive woman.

 

You can improve your looks though right. Enhance the parts you love, and minimize flaws.

Maybe some makeup tutorials.

If you have acne maybe some medications to treat it.

Take biotin to better skin.

Thread eye brows and peach fuzz.

 

If this is the only thing holding you back, then you are so lucky! You can improve it and your golden. Good luck

[CryForNoOne]

My standards are too high. I'm 45 and have a 3 year old daughter now but still want to date the same women I was attracting 15-20 years ago. I have a baby face so they always think I'm younger than I am but after we sleep together and things get more serious they run away.

[ZA Dater]

We sound fairly alike. I'm quirky, my ex even mentioned it in his last contact.

 

I'd LOVE to be able to fill my life the way you have. How do you do it?

 

 

 

I get involved in various work related projects, my "job" if you can call it that spans various different things and cumulatively they keep me busy and when I am not doing that I am integrally involved in arranging events for a social club I run and when I am not doing that I am working on my novel and writing general interest pieces.

 

 

Its not the answer I can tell you that, just today I woke up and felt really lonely, all the above I think amounts to nothing more than a coping mechanism of sorts. I don't have many friends but I know many people.

 

 

I firmly believe based on the many pointless dates I have been on that dating is only worth it if you really like the person sitting across from you and for me that's very rare. I'd love to get laid, but I also realise that is becoming a seemingly impossible idea because I simply don't meet anyone I really like and when I do they aren't ever single.

[ZA Dater]

Looking at the totality I think it goes back to early days and lack of learning, or example in, how to stimulate females sexually, not sex itself, but the sexual attraction process. My dad was kind of vanilla in that way, though he married a great lady, and I kinda stumbled around like a blind man during the years when such fluidity and social skills should have been formed, hence was forever 'behind'.

 

Sure, down the road, through trial and error and many failures I finally figured it out a little but it's still not fluid like it is for the guys who can charm the pants or skirt off any woman.

 

Secondarily, religious upbringing and too many rules and believing in both. Totally out of sync for my generation. Women looked at me like an alien.

 

I was just watching an old movie last night about Frances Farmer, a sad story really but one where she was married three times, never lacked for male attention and was, at least as presented in the movie, crazy as a loon. Having seen similar in real life, on both sides of the gender aisle, I think there's something to being 'out there' as a draw. Something raw people like, even if they hate it. Hard to explain but it's definitely something I don't have.

 

Like my best friend recently opined after his wife had one of her normal BPD rants at me, "I don't know how you take it". Me neither. It is what it is. There's a certain peace in being single. I kinda like it.

 

 

 

I can relate to a lot of this. I too have never been able to get them attracted to me and I know that behind feeling well.

 

 

A friend of mine has absolute ease getting ladies but I look at what he has do to get them and the person he has to be and I am simply not that sort of person.

 

 

In short I don't think I have any of the social skills needed to charm a lady.

[Juha]

For me I can get dates but don't want to date who I can as they are usually divorced with kids. I have never been married and would like to get married and have a kid or two. I am in good shape,not fat, workout, and look younger than my age. Does not matter.

 

I am in such a small pool to look for now that I feel I am totally screwed as pretty much no one wants me for a serious relationship because of my age.

I am not going for 25 year olds either, mid 30's they may like me and enjoy my company but won't be serious with me because I am 50 and want to have kids.

 

I am so bummed out that I have stopped bothering since last spring and just do my own thing, have not been on a date in 6-7 months. Pretty much just work and do things on my own, hang out with friends sparingly as they are all mostly married and a few are in serious relationships after divorce..

Don't want to be around them or that right now.

 

Did not realize that so many women were ageists at this point in time..

 

Don't even try anymore, see no sense in wasting my time

 

Pretty much am trying to accept that I have failed and am not going to get what I want now, which is a wife and to have a kid or two.

 

Don't feel like dating just to date anymore or have companionship if I am not going to have kids with them anymore.

 

Obviously I waited too long and screwed myself...

[hotpotato]

I enjoy being alone too much. If i were alone and miserable, id be more inclined to try to date. Instead my single life is filled with hobbies and occasional vacations. I feel like i can be myself when i am alone.

 

Dating also makes me unhappy. My best bet was to marry a high school or college sweetheart, but i didnt have one. I dont like meeting someone, getting happy, getting dumped, repeat. If i want strife, i can do something else.

 

Ive heard people say love can increase your self esteem. Its very much the opposite for me. Ive always come out ferling worse than before.

 

I didnt get dating experience when i was younger. At this point, i feel its easy to not learn at all.

[Mysterio]

My buddy S had been with his wife since 1988 and married hr in 1997. He separated with her in Jan 2017. He is with a new woman I guess since Spring of 2017 or so.

 

I actually try from time to time. The last two romantic prospects are married so it did not get off the ground.

 

For me. I think for whatever reason. The Universe really wants me single at this time. I have no baggage. I just pay bills/work out/so to music-concerts, movies, see friends/family. Thats basically it.

 

Then again my family/friendships are great. No major turbulence. My Parents are alive. My brother is great. I am lucky in that area.

 

I just don't know why emotionally Its a bit big deal to have this one woman in my life romantically. The journey to find some one of this nature has been prickly at best.

 

A lot of us are scared to be alone. I don't think that we will be. I can't imagine if we all here have 80/90 lifespan, that we will just be single for the rest of our lives. There is not strangeness about us or we are not good looking enough. I think we really have to wait it out.

 

As I have said before in other posts. It really feels that for me. My choices are wrong and that the universe will provide and if I go and make that effort. Its futile. It seems that the women that like me for the most part are more compatable with me, than the women I choose. Personality wise. The more I go searching. The more obstacles come about.

 

I think I am single, because I am searching for someone and its moving me away from the woman I would have a chance with and we both would be great for each other. So I am exprimenting for ahwhile. The woman that would make a great romantic match for me. She will just come into my life and scoop me up.

 

Its happened before. Just not as frequently.

[chinadiary]

I get involved in various work related projects, my "job" if you can call it that spans various different things and cumulatively they keep me busy

 

I firmly believe based on the many pointless dates I have been on that dating is only worth it if you really like the person sitting across from you and for me that's very rare. I'd love to get laid, but I also realise that is becoming a seemingly impossible idea because I simply don't meet anyone I really like and when I do they aren't ever single.

 

 

 

I'm a teacher, so work a lot, including private work. I like it, but the people I teach aren't friends.

 

I agree about the dating. I'd rather be at home on my own than out with someone I'm not interested in. And I have zero interest in sex unless it's with someone I love.

[Mysterio]

As a man with sexual imagery in my face from ads to whatever. You would think that I would just jump on any woman in the sense to pursue.

 

For me. I think I need that emotional connection with a woman, before I think of her in a sexual/romantic way.

[Inflikted]

Where do I begin? First and foremost, I can't connect with people, like, at all. I'm extremely introverted and socially inept.

 

While I don't dwell on it that much, I know that I'm physically unattractive. I'm abnormally short, and I have the face of a very young teenager. Can't exactly fault women for not being attracted to someone they perceive to be a small child.

 

And, of course, there's the fact that I'm a complete loser with a dead end life. I work a bottom of the barrel retail job making barely any money, I still live at home despite being a year away from turning 30, and it doesn't look like my life will be turning around any time soon, probably not ever.

 

I used to hope so badly that I could eventually have a "love life", but I've come to see that it's just something that's not attainable for me.

[hotpotato]

There is a strangeness about me, unfortunately. I believe i have add/adhd and was never diagnosed. I did test positive for being gifted. I never quite fit in with anyone. I would want to socialize more if i didnt have a bunch of interests.

 

Now i have issues with the constant romantic rejection. I believe it has progressed to a phobia.

[Nilfiry]

Because I am too picky and no one is good enough. I have a mental checklist of a few mandatory items, and if any of those are missing, then it is either a flat nope or potential future harem material--and who would want that? I mean, considering I like light blond hair and blue or green eyes, that pretty much narrows my potential targets down to less than 15% of the population because retaining light shades of blond hair into adulthood is a rare trait.

 

I also refuse to relent on matching natural hair color regardless of its perceived depth because I actually do not mind being single at all.

[Mysterio]

Sometimes I really wonder if we are missing out. The older I get. The more I feel like we all should chill out from being the driving force for looking for love.

 

We live a long life. 0-80/90 something. I think as long as we are open. Its bound to find us.

 

I don't know anyone that stayed single for their whole life.

[ZA Dater]

Sometimes I really wonder if we are missing out. The older I get. The more I feel like we all should chill out from being the driving force for looking for love.

 

We live a long life. 0-80/90 something. I think as long as we are open. Its bound to find us.

 

I don't know anyone that stayed single for their whole life.

 

 

 

Absolutely no desire to live that long. Lets not kid ourselves you actually want to find love when you are between 20-40.

 

 

If it never finds me, then so be it. Hopefully I can accomplish enough others things to live a materially nice life.

[hotpotato]

Part of my problem is i dont really need a man. I grew up strong, self reliant. I was an only child for a long time.

 

My last ex said he felt like he was in the way. I already had a life. I had a schedule, hobbies, and goals before him. To be honest,it did feel like a sacrifice to some degree. If someone said it was hard for a man to come into my life and feel like he was adding something, i would agree.

 

I would need to stop with going to the movies, stop the hobbies and goals, stop with solo vacations, etc. I think at first i seem fun and dynamic, then it becomes a liability.

 

Love to me seems abstract. I can get dates. What i get from it in the long run is very unclear. For me relationships have been about being powerless. I have been dumped everytime i tried to date someone. You cant make someone want you.

 

I could write a thesis on why im single. I think i did.

[gimlynick]

Because of a lot of criteria

 

I'm too picky. I need an intelligent, funny, trustworthy, stunning girl who knows what she wants. I wan't that when we walk on the streets people look in our direction and think 'oh such a cute couple'.

I want a girl that is into the same extreme things like I am, so she has to be very sportive and has big aims in life.

She has to be very natural. No make up, nothing nada of that kind of stuff. No jewelry loaded girl, no weird piercings or tattoos.

 

We have to be able to talk about everything, but also be able to sit next to eachother for a very long time without talking and yet not feeling uncomfortable.

 

I want someone who is there for me on my worst moments. Someone that I can trust completely. Someone who understands that a relation is not only love, so she doesn't run away after 5 years because it gets sloppy. I want someone who can join me on the adventures that make my life so interesting.

 

 

I want a person that wants to stay with me the whole time, but that also realizes that that's an unhealthy thing. She has to let me go travelling on my own if she isn't able to join me and she has to let me persue my life goals and motivate me to get them.

 

She has to be bitchy enough to stop me in my doing when it's really necessary.

 

 

 

Another reason is that I just really like to be single. It has so much advantages. I'm 'okay-looking' and have a relative easy time getting sex, so I don't miss out on that ( very important ) subject.

 

But I do miss the sexual intercourse with someone that you're insanely attracted to in all possible ways. That sex is irreplaceable. And just because of that I would love to fall in love again.

[staggerlee71]

Because of a lot of criteria

 

I'm too picky. I need an intelligent, funny, trustworthy, stunning girl who knows what she wants. I wan't that when we walk on the streets people look in our direction and think 'oh such a cute couple'.

I want a girl that is into the same extreme things like I am, so she has to be very sportive and has big aims in life.

She has to be very natural. No make up, nothing nada of that kind of stuff. No jewelry loaded girl, no weird piercings or tattoos.

 

We have to be able to talk about everything, but also be able to sit next to eachother for a very long time without talking and yet not feeling uncomfortable.

 

I want someone who is there for me on my worst moments. Someone that I can trust completely. Someone who understands that a relation is not only love, so she doesn't run away after 5 years because it gets sloppy. I want someone who can join me on the adventures that make my life so interesting.

 

 

I want a person that wants to stay with me the whole time, but that also realizes that that's an unhealthy thing. She has to let me go travelling on my own if she isn't able to join me and she has to let me persue my life goals and motivate me to get them.

 

She has to be bitchy enough to stop me in my doing when it's really necessary.

 

 

 

Another reason is that I just really like to be single. It has so much advantages. I'm 'okay-looking' and have a relative easy time getting sex, so I don't miss out on that ( very important ) subject.

 

But I do miss the sexual intercourse with someone that you're insanely attracted to in all possible ways. That sex is irreplaceable. And just because of that I would love to fall in love again.

 

such a long list of non immediate requirements.

when I read a post like this, I relate to it because I was young and thought I was the shiz

I'm older now and have learned that having criteria, is a direct reflection of myself.

[Mysterio]

I like having sex with women that know me. I can't do the FWB or Hookers.

 

I like being with people that know me. For me what I don't like about being single is the lack of physical affection. I hate going daily without it. Take that away and I have no major problems being single.

[HiCrunchy]

Because I am too picky and no one is good enough. I have a mental checklist of a few mandatory items, and if any of those are missing, then it is either a flat nope or potential future harem material--and who would want that? I mean, considering I like light blond hair and blue or green eyes, that pretty much narrows my potential targets down to less than 15% of the population because retaining light shades of blond hair into adulthood is a rare trait.

 

I also refuse to relent on matching natural hair color regardless of its perceived depth because I actually do not mind being single at all.

 

Hmm, sometime I wonder if I have the same problem. I have a similar issue, tho not as specific as yours but I always took as that I know what I want.

But in a sense, I feel you.

[Highndry]

I like having sex with women that know me. I can't do the FWB or Hookers.

 

I like being with people that know me. For me what I don't like about being single is the lack of physical affection. I hate going daily without it. Take that away and I have no major problems being single.

 

Ditto. I couldn't sleep with a prostitute. It's just nasty to think of all the guys before me, etc. Then you factor in STDs - no way. I like to be selective with women. I could do an FWB if she wasn't sleeping with anybody else. That's about the extent of my whoring around.

[Mysterio]

I really don't see women in their 20 to 50's, just being ok with sleeping around and having FWB. For them a FWB is default until they can turn the guy into their BF or SO.

 

I don't see women like that on a whole unless their lives is off kilter.

[ZA Dater]

I really don't see women in their 20 to 50's, just being ok with sleeping around and having FWB. For them a FWB is default until they can turn the guy into their BF or SO.

 

I don't see women like that on a whole unless their lives is off kilter.

 

 

 

I agree with you unless the FWB is accompanied by an a large age difference and a large bank account.

 

 

This thread has been interesting because there are certain common attributed between those of us who are single and battle to date.

[GemmaUK]

FWB for me is a person whom I don't want to date.

 

I now and then talk about one FWB I had but actually there were two - the first was less than a month and he was rich - had a great house, great job - he fell hard and fast really suddenly before I even sensed it and wanted me to move in with him, spend Christmas with his family.

The second lasted about 3 months, the last time I went out with him he proposed to me - he was also very well off and in property investment.

 

I've even had lodgers that fell for me without me being at all interested or giving them any signals at all of interest.

One moved out 4 weeks after moving in claiming he was in love with me and having a nervous breakdown - this was all out of the blue.

I got home from work one day to find him sitting on the stairs in floods of tears.

 

FWB and lodgers are both not people I would date and I wouldn't get into a situation where there could be a potential to be interested in that way in them.

[hotpotato]

I agree with you unless the FWB is accompanied by an a large age difference and a large bank account.

 

 

This thread has been interesting because there are certain common attributed between those of us who are single and battle to date.

 

Ooh what did you notice?