Why do you think you're really single?

[Mysterio]

FWB for me. They don't know you well. You are just able to tap into their Sx Groove for the most part.

 

I had one, but I got rid of it quickly. I am a BF type of guy. I to this day, don't see the thrill of being with a lot of women. I just don't see a lot of them gung ho about things of that nature.

 

Most women are trying for a LTR. Not hook ups. The ones that are. They usually have messy lives.

[GuitarGuy7]

Not gonna lie, i'm single because I sit in my room all day playing Sims. Kind of hard to meet people when you're not using online dating, or not going out.

 

I love that game!

[hotpotato]

I dont meet a lot of people. I go out and do things, but theyre female dominated or people are already there with their partners. Its very unlikely ill meet a single guy at a restaurant on fridays or at the movies. I dont like clubs. Im through with online dating.

[No_Go]

Because it is just too awesome and enjoyable to be single to have an urge to move from this status.

 

Over the years I tolerated relationships. I felt miserable but stoically stayed in because that's what I thought I'm supposed to do. I stayed 5 (five!) d*mn years from day 1 to day 'final' of this relationship adventure (changing the dudes 3 times). I achieved the following: 1) lost friends 2) lost hobbies 3) became less efficient at work 4) spent money that I could have invested in something meaningful AND most importantly 5) lost the ability to fall in love. The final one came possibly from the fake 'lovey' expressions and actions in the relationshipy times, that created love-aversion in me. I imagined this love aversion is just a result of getting old, but heck I was only in 27-32 during that soul-crushing time.

 

A blessing in disguise happened and I found myself single in 2017. I literally got my blood flowing back into my veins. I reconnected with dear friends, revived forgotten hobbies, got better at work, invested in what I liked to, and fell in love! Literally the first date that wasn't 'headed to a relationship prison' made me fall in love again. I realized I'm still my old self, still able to experience emotion, still able to enjoy life!

 

I'd need some day to venture back into the un-single state, so I thoroughly enjoy my single days while I can Next year I'd need unfortunately to settle with someone because it's time to have children, and it makes me sad but happy in the same time because I had my year(s) of single bliss.

[hotpotato]

Its me again lol

 

More reasons.

 

I dont find most men attractive.

 

Also, one of the most salient things about a relationship to me is that it ends. People say i make up scenarios in my head like

 

"Ill get dumped then ill have to see him at the gym "

 

But to me its a very real risk. Ive been dumped everytime i have tried to date someone. I cant just shake it off.

 

I recently thought abt how much fun it would be to have an ice skating date. We would laugh and fall together. Then i thought abt the relationship ending. I started feeling like i had dodged a bullet.

 

The more i am single, the more the benefits of a relationship seem abstract. However, the idea of being dumped is very real to me. Thats not a good combination.

 

Some say its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I dont know if i feel that way.

Edited November 29, 2017 by hotpotato

[Mysterio]

Sometimes, some of us have to chill and enjoy being single.

[HiCrunchy]

Its me again lol

 

More reasons.

 

I dont find most men attractive.

 

Some say its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I dont know if i feel that way.

 

I also don't find most men attractive, ftm...

 

 

 

yes, Yes, YES.

Agreed. Whoever came up with that quote must have always been a dumper and never a dumpee....

Edited November 29, 2017 by HiCrunchy

[OatsAndHall]

For me. I won't play the game. If I am not treated well. Also. I don't feel like 80% of the women that I meet or interact with, would be a well match for me.

 

So thats my take. My personality and looks are above 80 in my mind. I am more the Good Guy/Hero, striving to do the right thing. I am not perfect.

 

There is a lot of game playing in dating. Thats what I see. If one is not careful you can get a kid out of it. I for one do not want a child brought into this world, with me and the mom on the outs and raising them that way.

 

I pretty much fall into this same category at this point in my life. I am single because I have no patience for anything that I even perceive as a game. I have cancelled a half-dozen dates over the last few months because I didn't feel like the communication between myself and the women was consistent or genuine or because there was giant red-flag straight off of the bat. On four different occasions, I have had a woman toss me on the Rolodex after we met; they texted me continually for awhile, we had good conversations and they were flirty and fun. And then they disappeared for a week and wondered why I cancelled date plans with them when they suddenly popped back up.

 

And yes, I am truly spooky about becoming intimate with a woman because getting them pregnant is a huge possibility, even with protection. I ended it with a woman awhile back because I refused to sleep together unless we had two forms of birth control in the equation. She became upset because she didn't want to get back on birth control pills or an IUD and I told her that a condom wasn't enough protection.

 

And, in all reality, I am comfortable being alone. I have a good, set routine that makes me happy and helps me to unwind from my job. If I have to choose between sitting at home and playing video games or going out on a date with a woman who has been flaky with communication, video games will win.

 

I've also been pretty turned-off when it comes to meeting women in RL around here as I have set up date plans with three of them just to find out they were married or they had a boyfriend. Bad friggin' news there.

 

I will keep on trucking and putting myself out there but I won't jump head first into the dating game unless I feel like the woman is genuinely interested and isn't going to waste my time.

[SevenCity]

It's not by choice. It's not finding the right woman.

 

I've been hell bent on finding a girlfriend for the last 1.5 years. I've dated a lot (38 - 42 year old range), but was met with women who showed obvious reasons why they were single. I try not to let it cloud my judgment about new ones, but it has made dating a chore. It's gone like this:

 

1) Meet a girl who could potentially be a gf

2) Date for a month to several months only to have them:

 

- Cry hysterically after telling her I enjoy rough sex (when she asked) if the woman is into it (previous trauma) (one)

- Expect me to pay for everything, all the time (most)

- Constant need to be out having fun (almost all)

- Throw temper tantrums (a few)

- Be completely selfish in bed (many)

- Make a mess of my house (most of them - after complimenting me on how clean it is)

- Have a complete lack of financial responsibility (almost all)

- Project an entitled attitude (the better looking, the more entitlement)

- Complain about exes and project it onto me (many)

- Refuse to close the bathroom door when using the toilet (one)

- Repeatedly break into the bathroom when I was using the toilet (one - had to lock the door)

- Get up in the middle of sex to "pee". Gross (a couple) and keep the bathroom door open (one). Yuk.

- Expect every meal to be out (many), again with me paying (most)

- Make unreasonable demands on my time

- Go into detail about previous sexual experiences (a few)

- Throw my past relationships in my face when I was stupid enough to share - not gonna do that anymore (a few)

 

I'm at the point now where I doubt I'll find one worth more than a few months. Dating is such a chore for me now. I've been in relationships most of my adult life and this is the longest stretch I've been single. I think as you get older the good ones are already taken.

 

In fairness, all my dating had been from online (various sites)

[Mysterio]

As I have come to realize in my my life why certain things are the way they are.

 

I think that those of us here are single, because we won't let life bring us an ideal partner in our own time. Basically we are semi impatient.

 

When I think about my life. I usually only have romantic interest towards me, when I don't make it a priority. Although so far its been short lived. The women that have come towards me, are more ideal than the ones that I go for. in terms of what I like to do etc.

 

For example. On a physical level. We are on par. looks as well. At least they are single. When I make the choice of woman to go for. Those women are attached in some way. All the women are physically different in my view.

 

I don't know why its so semi chaotic when I try to take the reins of my love in hand. Its like the universe is saying chill.

[Mr.Me]

I don't have unreasonable expectations either. All I want is smart, funny, pretty, reliable and a few shared interests but those things are elusive. The next 40 years of my life are going to be a daily struggle for me and I'm not looking forward to it and I don't know that I even want too try. Somewhere along the way the person I'm supposed to be with has made a mistake and chosen something or someone else.

[OatsAndHall]

I have been very conscientious about explaining to a woman what I want out of a relationship in the early stages. I do know that this viewed as a turn-off for many women but I find a way to work it into a conversation and just lay things out there. I am clear with them about my deal breakers and I let the chips fall where there may.

 

I am single by choice at this point as I know what I want in a relationship and won't settle for less. I don't think that what I ask out of a relationship or potential partner is unreasonable and I am more than understanding of people's quirks. But, at the heart of it, I want a relationship that helps to ease some of the stress in my life and not add to it. I know that relationships take work but I'm just not willing to deal with drama anymore.

[Popsicle]

I wish I knew the answer.

 

Exactly, I don't know. I'm open to it but haven't met that special person yet. In the meantime, I'm just living my life.

[Buriall]

This guy explains my thoughts precisely about being single

 

 

 

[LurkerXX]

I know ts something about me and always has been. But when I am happiest about who I am and what I am doing, I seem to have negative attraction to men. When I am down, I attract men, but ones I know better than to touch with a 10 inch pole....users and controllers.

[chinadiary]

Some of the reason I'm single is that it took me SO long to mature enough to want a full time, live in relationship. By the time I was ready, my ex was comfortable with part time. And his nasty adult daughter caused problems. But she's a separate issue.

[SerCay]

Because:

 

- I don't like just clinging on to the first one I meet, JUST to be in ANY form of a relationship

 

- I love myself enough to have the confidence to wait till I meet a person who I am in love with and see a future with

 

- I am happy as I am, and do not need a relationship to feel fulfilled

 

- I am OK with the thought that I might have to raise children by myself if the right guy doesn't come along, as said, I am happy by myself

 

- I love my life and don't need validation by externals just for validation purposes. Any relationship will be an added joy, not a needed validation.

 

 

Having said all this, I would also like to express my discontent about modern society. Why do so many people feel the need to be wondered WHY I won't date? I do not understand what people's obsession with relationships is.

And the fact that they dare to verbalize it, annoys me even more.

Luckily, my friends and family are not like this...it's always the colleagues, or acquaintances.

[HiCrunchy]

It's not by choice. It's not finding the right woman.

 

I've been hell bent on finding a girlfriend for the last 1.5 years. I've dated a lot (38 - 42 year old range), but was met with women who showed obvious reasons why they were single. I try not to let it cloud my judgment about new ones, but it has made dating a chore. It's gone like this:

 

1) Meet a girl who could potentially be a gf

2) Date for a month to several months only to have them:

 

- Cry hysterically after telling her I enjoy rough sex (when she asked) if the woman is into it (previous trauma) (one)

- Expect me to pay for everything, all the time (most)

- Constant need to be out having fun (almost all)

- Throw temper tantrums (a few)

- Be completely selfish in bed (many)

- Make a mess of my house (most of them - after complimenting me on how clean it is)

- Have a complete lack of financial responsibility (almost all)

- Project an entitled attitude (the better looking, the more entitlement)

- Complain about exes and project it onto me (many)

- Refuse to close the bathroom door when using the toilet (one)

- Repeatedly break into the bathroom when I was using the toilet (one - had to lock the door)

- Get up in the middle of sex to "pee". Gross (a couple) and keep the bathroom door open (one). Yuk.

- Expect every meal to be out (many), again with me paying (most)

- Make unreasonable demands on my time

- Go into detail about previous sexual experiences (a few)

- Throw my past relationships in my face when I was stupid enough to share - not gonna do that anymore (a few)

 

I'm at the point now where I doubt I'll find one worth more than a few months. Dating is such a chore for me now. I've been in relationships most of my adult life and this is the longest stretch I've been single. I think as you get older the good ones are already taken.

 

In fairness, all my dating had been from online (various sites)

 

I have to admit some of these made me laugh a little. The bathroom door thing and the getting up in the middle of sex to pee. These small things are totally fixable (or tolerable) in the grand scheme of things, and if you like them as a person otherwise then I wouldn't break a relationship over it.

 

Also, when you gotta go, you gotta go lol.

 

Maybe you should really think over what you find important in a person rather than nitpicking small habits about them that bother you. It may help you out in the long run.

 

Good luck.

[RecentChange]

- Get up in the middle of sex to "pee". Gross (a couple) and keep the bathroom door open (one). Yuk.

 

I have to admit some of these made me laugh a little. The bathroom door thing and the getting up in the middle of sex to pee. These small things are totally fixable (or tolerable) in the grand scheme of things, and if you like them as a person otherwise then I wouldn't break a relationship over it.

 

Also, when you gotta go, you gotta go lol.

 

Maybe you should really think over what you find important in a person rather than nitpicking small habits about them that bother you. It may help you out in the long run.

 

Good luck.

 

Hahaha TOTALLY.

 

Clearly SevenCity is having a hard time imagining how it would feel getting deep dicked with a full bladder.

 

It's not unusual for my husband and I to have sex for a few hours..... Believe me, both of us will have to use the restroom eventually.

 

I had no idea that this was a "deal killer" for some people.

 

IDK, I am not single and rarely have been.

 

A good relationship is not only about finding a suitable partner, but also being a good partner.

 

That means knowing when to pick your battles, what to compromise on, how to communicate and negotiate etc.

 

There are a lot of things I simply let roll off my back. Bad treatment, disrespect etc aren't on that list, but little things like tidiness and or different hobbies get stashed away in the "don't sweat the small stuff" box.

[healing light]

Get up in the middle of sex to "pee".

 

I recently started having sex and I have to say that while most positions I've tried are fine, there are one or two where it feels like he is hitting my bladder the entire time when he goes deep. Maybe it's the position with the woman's anatomy.

[LurkerXX]

Healing light, I was thinking also the rough part of that. People need a little more awareness of anatomy.

[ZA Dater]

As silly as it is I ponder this question many times a week.

 

 

Ultimately I think for me its down to simply not having much of a social life, I never really have had one to be honest. A friend of mine hangs around with 20-23yo's (he is older) he invites me out often but I just simply don't have any interest in going. I don't connect with people easily socially, when it comes to business I have no issue but then there is an objective in mind.

 

 

Sure, I can try get dates and sometimes I do but almost never are they anything to get excited about and for the most part the people don't interest me on any level at all. Date 2 never happens for me, I have never met up with the same person more than once which tells you how poor my impression must be!

 

 

Ultimately you choose to be happy or otherwise, yes the right person can add to that but the wrong one can equally add more unhappiness. I do wish I got to experience what others have in terms of being loved and wanted, its a huge regret I have and yes, people say but you are young, perhaps yes that's true but its difficult to explain no history, history seems important to lesser and greater degrees.

 

 

I will say this though, dating and one ultimately failed pursuit made me a better person and for that I am thankful.

[alpha__waves]

Simple, two-pronged conundrum:

 

1. I never meet available, attractive women in my regular goings-on in life.

 

2. I'm too ugly for Tinder / online dating.

[RecentChange]

Simple, two-pronged conundrum:

 

2. I'm too ugly for Tinder / online dating.

 

If thats your photo on your profile - this statement is hog wash!

[alpha__waves]

If thats your photo on your profile - this statement is hog wash!

 

Well, it's going on five years since my last date... let's put it that way. I'm very much not up to snuff for the Tinder / Bumble / OkCupid crowd.

 

I don't think I'm a bad looking guy, necessarily. I like what I see in the mirror in the morning. I put good effort into grooming, dressing decently, going to the gym, and all that. The standards are so high on dating apps, though, that I'm firmly in "ugly guy" territory. My hobbies/passions (making music & seeing shows, cooking and cuisine, road tripping and travel) aren't interesting enough to make up any ground, either.

 

I don't bother much with dating apps anymore after trying pretty hard for a number of years. The ROI is just abysmal, and the whole experience makes one feel bad.