Should I even mention the cheating during mediation for our children?

[d0nnivain]

I think what everybody is trying to express is that if you & your EX can't work out custody & ask the judge to decide, the judge will as the teens what they want & that will have a great influence on the judge's decision.

 

As for the dinners once your wife failed to show up 2x it was foolish of you to continue to delay dinner for her. In your shoes most of us would have made the nice dinner, enjoyed it with the kids & either put a plate in the fridge for her or allowed her to fend for herself. Your choice to repeatedly wait for her & disrupt everybody's meal was foolish. You also can't blame her for the kids not eating if you were the one who was there & not feeding them.

[BaileyB]

You deserve 50/50 custody and I would be surprised if you didn't get it. And absolutely, the court will take into consideration where the children what to live at this age. In fact, the 18 year old would now be considered and adult and is now legally able to love independently, if he so chooses.

 

And finally, after she failed to come home a few times, you were rather foolish to continue waiting dinner on her, hoping that she would come home. Unfortunately for you and your children, she made her choice and it wasn't dinner with the family.

Edited November 17, 2017 by BaileyB

[Myasylum]

That isn't true!

As long as the 18 year old is still In High School... placement, custody, and child support rules still apply.

Matter of fact child support can last though college.

 

Now as far as this "foolish" idea... I think it would be foolish if my kids didn't eat at all, or skipped meals.

 

That's not the case.

 

I don't think it's foolish that my kids had simpler foods such as... soup, pizza, or Mac and cheese for a few months rather than Steak, potatoes, and corn on the cob.

[somanymistakes]

You can't have it both ways. You can't argue that the kids were forced to suffer horribly because they didn't get dinner because Mom wasn't home, and also that you took totally good care of them and they didn't suffer at all.

 

It sucked that she didn't come home and didn't let you know! But if you try to play up that this caused horrible suffering for the children, that will reflect badly on you.

 

You want everyone to see how badly your wife behaved and how she let you down. That's understandable. But in this situation, focusing too much on punishing her undercuts your attempt to show yourself as a good father.

 

And yes, a 15yo and 18yo are going to get some voice in where they stay and go. Especially if they have their own transportation. If they're angry at you they can just walk out of your house and refuse to come back.

[elaine567]

Now as far as this "foolish" idea... I think it would be foolish if my kids didn't eat at all, or skipped meals.

 

That's not the case.

 

I don't think it's foolish that my kids had simpler foods such as... soup, pizza, or Mac and cheese for a few months rather than Steak, potatoes, and corn on the cob.

 

Of course it was a foolish move on your part but I guess it was a passive aggressive gesture to show your displeasure and to punish your wife for showing up late, but the only people it really harmed were your kids...

 

Don't use that as an excuse to bash your wife in front of a judge as it was YOUR job in the household to feed the kids and you chose not to feed them balanced meals... It will reflect badly on you as a supposedly caring father who would walk through hell fire for his kids.

 

"My wife was neglecting the kids so I choose to neglect them even more to spite her..."

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

What do the kids want as a custody arrangement? It sure would be a lot easier on them emotionally if you and your ex would just agree to 50/50 and then let them decide when and where to sleep. My ex and I have 50/50 for our 15 and 16 year olds, but if they want to stay with me on a night that is "not mine" they are welcomed to, and vice versa. Now that the 16 year old is driving they are frequently popping in and out even when I don't have them.

 

As much as you want the world to know what a POS your ex is (trust me, I get this), it's not what is best for the kids and that's really all a mediator will care about.

[MidwestUSA]

Beyond the fact that the kids are old enough to have a say, I'm concerned, OP, that you don't seem to have a grasp on your wife's finances.

 

Without knowing to what extent wife and kids were supported by her family, you have no idea how much you are now looking at being responsible for (alimony, custody).

 

I'd spend my time getting my financial ducks in a row rather than looking for ways to spite her in court.

[Fearful]

The major point of contention my observation is that the OP is still reeling over the wife's cheating on him and he is trying to avoid a situation where she will ruined him the second time by insisting on 20/80 custody as against the 50/50 custody arrangement. The 20/80 custody arrangement may necessitates the OP paying more to the wife for child care as the wife is the Primary Care Giver. Hence the OP detests giving more to his way ward wife considering the fact that the WWW have not been there for the kids through out the duration of her affair so paying more on child care, if tenable will be like financing the wife's affair since her demand for 20/80 arrangement is not in good faith.

 

My advice for the OP is that he should put the interest of his kids first at all point and time and avoid anything that will destruct their psychological make up.

 

The Children are of teen age so OP you have no or little risk of loosing your kids to another man except if you have not been a good father to them. Your Kids will forever remained yours except if they are never yours or your chased them away. Please, your kids first you are the only stable parent they have.

[elaine567]

As it appears the OP has little money and needed to take out a loan just to live after the separation, and he has relied on his wife's' family in the past to finance the kids, is it in fact feasible for the OP to take on more of the child caring role especially as the kids are at or nearing college age?