A little confused

[Nice person]

Hi, well I've been friends with this girl from school for 2 years. We used to have a crush on each other before we got to know each other but that passed. We're great friends, I consider her a best friend and we can talk about anything and we totally trust each other.

 

During our friendship, I feel like we've developed strong feelings for each other. You could say we love each other a lot, but not in 'that' way. She said to me that she had strong feelings for me, but only as a friend.

 

I seem to get 'more than friends' signals from her though.

 

Our friends always ask us, "Is there anything going on?" etc etc. But I just say we're friends. Deep down, I feel like there's more there.

 

I told her my feelings for her recently but she reiterated and said 'not in that way'. I tried to block it off and continue on as friends, but I can't shake the feeling. I can't deny it.

 

You see, she's a very religious Christian and I'm an agnostic. She obviously has strong views towards contraception and sex, but I feel like I'm willing to accept her views as 'terms of a relationship' but she has set her ideals of when and who she'll eventually marry.

 

I don't fit into those ideals. For a start I'm not Christian but does that mean she could possibly have feelings for me but she's just denying it because I don't fit into her predetermined ideals?

 

I will always love her as a friend but I'm not sure if my love for her is also growing in a different direction.It could be just me trying to find someone and unconsciously putting her as the role of the 'someone'.

 

Should I just accept what she says and just try to forget about it? It's really bugging me and any views would be gratefully accepted. Thanks.

 

Nice Person

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Should I just accept what she says and just try to forget about it?"

 

You bet your butt you should. There's no doubt she has strong feelings for you but she's smart enough to know she can have strong feelings for lots of people and SHE will decide with whom goes how far. She has pegged you as a very dear friend and that's the way it's going to stay.

 

She has been very honest with you. If you keep annoying her with trying to upgrade this friendship, you will destroy the whole thing. So back off and go find a willing romantic interest.

 

Religion probably does play an important part in this. It sounds like she has pretty strong ideas about her faith and for her to get serious with someone who doesn't believe in a deity similar to hers would be compromising an important part of her essense. She's not going to do it.

 

Smarten up and spare your feelings. Be kind to yourself. If you become more and more attached to her, you only make it much more hurtful to you when she does find a romantic interest and starts discussing him with you.

 

If you don't want her as strictly a close friend and buddy, forget her. And let me also caution you that one day she will get married, have children and become so caught up in her new life she will have little or no time for you. Furthermore, you will have to respect the sanctity of her marriage and back off the friendship in a major way.

 

So consider all this now and find yourself someone who is more compatible with you emotionally and philosophically. That's what it's all about anyway.