elaine567 Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 As SMM says screening is key. Six subtle personality traits which mean your partner is likely to cheat on you | The Independent Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 As SMM says screening is key. Six subtle personality traits which mean your partner is likely to cheat on you | The Independent There is good sense in this. Thanks for sharing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. indeed.... Link to post Share on other sites
staggerlee71 Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 I mean, seriously, unless the guy is homosexual or into bestiality, he's cheating with a woman this is either depressing(for you carhill) or funny(because its stereotypical) but if you believe this, its sad Link to post Share on other sites
whatnot Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 I just think about things and having studied evolutionary psychology, I am aware of the human nature of man to desire various sex partners. It's a natural impulse for them. It kind of freaks me out. Not enough to make me distrust them all forever. Just a weird thing that is weird to think about and when you've just began dating a little freaky. Don't throw this out on the first date. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 I don't know how many men actually do cheat on their spouse/gf. There is an old saying out there that if you leave a man alone for 48+hours he will cheat. I suppose it does. Then again, how do we KNOW this about people? Because men admit that they will? Do they answer a survey of some kind and are honest about it? Honestly, as I get older, I realize now that ignorance is bliss. The more I stay out of other people's lives and keep them at an arm's length, the happier everyone is. There could be horror stories going on right in front of you and you have no idea. Should you find out something ... It will change things. And not just about this, it's about a lot of things in life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 Hey OP I thought the stat was actually that around 50% of LTRs will experience cheating (as opposed to 50% of men will cheat). But I couldn't be bothered looking it up. So if we take 50% of LTRs as a starting point... you need to consider how many of the waywards are habitual cheaters vs those who only do it once and learn their lesson. In this respect the habitual cheaters account for a greater proportion and skew things. My own purely non-scientific observation is--from working in an industry of highly paid, frequent travellers--is that it's probably closer to 30 (vice 50) per cent that will cheat. And of those 30, about half are habitual and the other half once of or occasional. I think the odds are way better than you think. Particularly if you don't take monogamy as a given and discuss openly and often what it constitutes and means in your relationships. Just as you cannot assume that that all men are cheaters, you can't assume that monogamy is as important to others as it is to you. Have those difficult conversations and use the outcomes as barometers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 No different than the fact that plenty of women cheat, but I don't let it consume me to the point that I would avoid dating forever. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 Just as you cannot assume that that all men are cheaters, you can't assume that monogamy is as important to others as it is to you. Have those difficult conversations and use the outcomes as barometers. True I think a belief in monogamy is essential for fidelity. If there is no core belief in monogamy to guide actions, then anything is possible at anytime. Justification for cheating can be gained by the thought that monogamy is an artificial man-made concept and not therefore "natural". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 (edited) True I think a belief in monogamy is essential for fidelity. If there is no core belief in monogamy to guide actions, then anything is possible at anytime. Justification for cheating can be gained by the thought that monogamy is an artificial man-made concept and not therefore "natural". [] I agree with you wholeheartedly that we all have a propensity towards monogamy. And it would be better to know that sooner rather than later. But I do think the non-monogamous tend to hide it as it's not socially acceptable. Edited November 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 (edited) [] I agree with you wholeheartedly that we all have a propensity towards monogamy. And it would be better to know that sooner rather than later. But I do think the non-monogamous tend to hide it as it's not socially acceptable. If you're in san francisco or portland or seattle or something, the poly people will very openly advertise themselves on dating sites, because it's more socially acceptable there. For other kinds of non-monogamous, I don't know if there are people anywhere who advertise themselves as "I hope we can be swingers after we get married!" but I really wouldn't know, I don't know enough about that culture. And probably nobody's going to say "I'm a cheater", though they might say "I don't want to be tied down" maybe? Edited November 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edit quote Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 Life involves risks, period. Each time you get into a car or bus, or walk on the road or cycle, you are at risk of a traffic accident. With each morsel of food you eat and breath of air you take, you are at risk of cancer. And yes, sometimes people (of any gender) in relationships get cheated on. The answer is that you do what you can to reduce the risks, and then simply accept that there is nothing in life, including life itself, that does not involve an inherent degree of risk. Frankly, cheating wouldn't be my primary worry considering that it's one of the few things that you can do a LOT to reduce your risk, by honing your people picker and only being in relationships with men who have proven themselves to be ethical and considerate people. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 True I think a belief in monogamy is essential for fidelity. If there is no core belief in monogamy to guide actions, then anything is possible at anytime. I disagree. I do not “believe” in monogamy (in the sense that I don’t subscribe to it; I do believe it exists). Yet I’ve never cheated. Nor do I plan to. I far prefer to be honest and open about my behaviour and my intentions. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 I disagree. I do not “believe” in monogamy (in the sense that I don’t subscribe to it; I do believe it exists). Yet I’ve never cheated. Nor do I plan to. I far prefer to be honest and open about my behaviour and my intentions. Yes I get your point, it is perfectly possible to believe in polyamory or polygamy and not cheat, but those who embark on a monogamous journey and do not fundamentally believe in "one at a time" are capable of anything... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 All, I think you also have to look at the "winnowing" effect. Men and women who are faithful, tend to get married in their 20s, and stay such, and so are off the market. Those that cheat, tend to come back on the market, and so as you get older, it is harder to find a "good" mate. At some point you need to weight the worth of a mate who has cheated in the past, but is now trying to stay faithful. In many ways the whole idea of trying many partners, and then marring I think leads to this. At the time you are ready, there just may not be any positive mates left, or you have such competition, you must compromise. It is not that men and women cheat so much, it is that the one that cheat, come back on the market and so it looks like the percentage goes up. My two cents.............. Link to post Share on other sites
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