CryForNoOne Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 (edited) My ex and I have a 3 yo daughter. We were together for 3 years but broke up more times than I can count. We broke up for good 19 months ago. She immediately shacked up with another guy for about 1 year and then branch swung to the next guy for the last 7 months. I deliberately decided to not date at all for over a year and just started casually dating again about 4 months ago. For the first year or so, she wanted absolutely nothing to do with me, and went to great lengths to make co-parenting a living hell. She suddenly got nicer when she started dating the new boyfriend - I think he had some influence on that. About a month ago, things started getting really odd. Her mom messaged me out of the blue one day and said that the "peddling dinosaur" (her nickname for new BF) was on his way out. Sure enough, the next day my ex tells me they had a big fight. About a week later, when it's my turn for custody, she asks if she can come down to LA (she lives about 2 hours away) and stay at my place. We agree that it will be strictly platonic and both of us kept our word. Other than a little cuddling, nothing happened other than stuff like a trip to the aquarium and pretending to be happy family for a weekend. She reconciles with him like a week later, so I assume all is fine again. Well a few days ago she calls me and tells me that she can't take it anymore and starts confiding all sorts of details and comparing our relationship to theirs. She tells me she needs to get away and asks if she can stay with me in LA again. I agree provided the same conditions as last visit. Last night we started talking about places to go and what to eat this weekend. I think we both led each other on a little bit, and now we're going wine tasting, staying at a beach house, and going to our favorite Mexican restaurant in Santa Barbara. This is not shaping up to be a platonic weekend at all. Then she drops the bomb... This morning she texts me "I broke up for him for good." I said "wow" and just told her I just want her to be happy. Really hard for me to say anything and keep any objectivity. Part of me desperately wants to reconcile with her. Part of me wants to run for the hills and never look back. I know the last thing I want is to get back together with her in a way that is fleeting. I refuse to be a doormat for whenever she's lonely. Yet if we are ever to reconcile, we need to take baby steps to see if it can work. Not really sure how to handle this weekend. She's coming in about 4 hours... Edited November 18, 2017 by CryForNoOne Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 (edited) tough call man. I know what you mean about the mixed feelings. 80 percent of you tells you to run/stay away while the other 20 percent says how can anything eventuate if you don't start with at least some casual contact. Not sue what to say but I think if I was you, I'd act relaxed on the outside but very watchful and reserved on the inside. Hard to do I know. Let her say everything and make the emotional slip-ups. All you should be doing is just keeping things very simple and light-hearted. But also guard your heart at the same time. I do think the other issue here is how she has monkey-branched again. This girl needs to be single for a couple of years to sort her crap out. I think you should watch from a far for a good few months before following through on anything. Also, you want her coming to you because she likes/wants you. Not because she considers you to be less of a jerk than her Ex. Sorry if that sounds harsh but that could be her mindset. Edited November 18, 2017 by marky00 Link to post Share on other sites
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