Had a fantastic date, is this okay to send the following day?

[Lorenza]

I didn't read the whole thread and all the insightful inputs on here, but I just wanted to add one little thing.

 

I almost always ditch guys who come up with date activities all by themselves (some guys don't even ask when I'm free, they just tell me where and when it would happen!). We're two people going on a date and both should have a say in picking the activity/restaurant. This time you seem to be lucky and she doesn't mind your little games, but I feel like a lot of women would like to be asked what they'd prefer to do. Just ask if they like your idea and leave some space for them to suggest an option.

[guest569]

24 hours and you’re declaring it over.. sheesh

[guest569]

I didn't read the whole thread and all the insightful inputs on here, but I just wanted to add one little thing.

 

I almost always ditch guys who come up with date activities all by themselves (some guys don't even ask when I'm free, they just tell me where and when it would happen!). We're two people going on a date and both should have a say in picking the activity/restaurant. This time you seem to be lucky and she doesn't mind your little games, but I feel like a lot of women would like to be asked what they'd prefer to do. Just ask if they like your idea and leave some space for them to suggest an option.

 

I agree with asking her what she wants to do.

 

And what’s wrong with saying that you like her? Don’t you like her?

[olivetree]

I personally love surprises and when my bf says that he has planned an evening or day for us in advance.

All I want to know is what to wear/bring.

 

However, I think you might want to save the surprises for when you've developed more of a relationship with someone so that they feel like it's something special and they've "earned" it, i.e. not something you do for all of your dates.

 

A healthy kind of intrigue/mystery in the beginning comes from simply not oversharing and letting things unfold naturally.

 

Anyway, I hope you hear from her but I do agree that 24 hours silence is not a good sign.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I didn't read the whole thread and all the insightful inputs on here, but I just wanted to add one little thing.

 

I almost always ditch guys who come up with date activities all by themselves (some guys don't even ask when I'm free, they just tell me where and when it would happen!). We're two people going on a date and both should have a say in picking the activity/restaurant. This time you seem to be lucky and she doesn't mind your little games, but I feel like a lot of women would like to be asked what they'd prefer to do. Just ask if they like your idea and leave some space for them to suggest an option.

 

This would eliminate his control over how comfortable HE feels in the setting and how much he can control the Hallmark movie evolution of the relationship he seems to be striving for.

[some_username1]

I didn't read the whole thread and all the insightful inputs on here, but I just wanted to add one little thing.

 

I almost always ditch guys who come up with date activities all by themselves (some guys don't even ask when I'm free, they just tell me where and when it would happen!). We're two people going on a date and both should have a say in picking the activity/restaurant. This time you seem to be lucky and she doesn't mind your little games, but I feel like a lot of women would like to be asked what they'd prefer to do. Just ask if they like your idea and leave some space for them to suggest an option.

 

I have to say this goes against pretty much everything I have read, experienced and heard with regards to dating. Seems that there are a lot of women out there that see the man setting up a date and choosing a venue as all being part of the concept of the man leading the courtship. When I first started out in online dating I used to try and reach a consensus with my dates on where to go and quite often I would hear 'you choose' or even 'I don't like making decisions!'. I eventually adapted to this (it went against my nature) and now, for the first 3 dates or so at least, I ask them what time they are free and as soon as I have that information I decide what we do and where we go and it's worked out better than trying to get an agreement on an activity.

[Lorenza]

I have to say this goes against pretty much everything I have read, experienced and heard with regards to dating. Seems that there are a lot of women out there that see the man setting up a date and choosing a venue as all being part of the concept of the man leading the courtship. When I first started out in online dating I used to try and reach a consensus with my dates on where to go and quite often I would hear 'you choose' or even 'I don't like making decisions!'. I eventually adapted to this (it went against my nature) and now, for the first 3 dates or so at least, I ask them what time they are free and as soon as I have that information I decide what we do and where we go and it's worked out better than trying to get an agreement on an activity.

 

Maybe a cultural thing, but nobody would advice this here where I live, because women here like to take a more active role in relationships

[amazonrambo]

I didn't read the whole thread and all the insightful inputs on here, but I just wanted to add one little thing.

 

I almost always ditch guys who come up with date activities all by themselves (some guys don't even ask when I'm free, they just tell me where and when it would happen!). We're two people going on a date and both should have a say in picking the activity/restaurant. This time you seem to be lucky and she doesn't mind your little games, but I feel like a lot of women would like to be asked what they'd prefer to do. Just ask if they like your idea and leave some space for them to suggest an option.

 

Apart from the activity setting, I was doing just that.. Asking "When are you free to get together" for date 1 and 2, but I was told on here it was better to suggest a day and time and be more assertive with it.

 

Plus, I've always been told to lead the date in where we go. If she does not like suggested activity then I would change it.

[amazonrambo]

24 hours and you’re declaring it over.. sheesh

 

I phoned her at 2:30pm on Sunday and texted her around an hour later asking her out. It's now nearly 10pm on Monday and no reply. 30 hours later and she hasn't responded, I just get the impression she's gone off me now and I know for a fact if I came onto these forums and had not replied to a girl after 30 hours, they'd suggest I'd blown it and that I wasn't interested.

 

I'll give it until Wednesday evening and I'll try one more phone call. If nothing then I'll drop a text saying I've noticed something is up but I'd like to see you, let me know when you're next free to meet up. I feel like saying sorry about all the walking we did and that I hope that hasn't put her off, but if so I understand.

[amazonrambo]

I agree with asking her what she wants to do.

 

And what’s wrong with saying that you like her? Don’t you like her?

 

Whenever I've straight up told a girl I like her after a couple of dates, it's like they realise they have what they want and give up, like the challenge of getting me is done.

 

How would I go about asking her what she wants to do if she ignored my last text? I'm worried about reaching out again, incase I look needy, etc.

[amazonrambo]

I personally love surprises and when my bf says that he has planned an evening or day for us in advance.

All I want to know is what to wear/bring.

 

However, I think you might want to save the surprises for when you've developed more of a relationship with someone so that they feel like it's something special and they've "earned" it, i.e. not something you do for all of your dates.

 

A healthy kind of intrigue/mystery in the beginning comes from simply not oversharing and letting things unfold naturally.

 

Anyway, I hope you hear from her but I do agree that 24 hours silence is not a good sign.

 

Going off the timestamp, I got 25 hours silence from my text before our second date and I was all ready to take my friend instead. I was wondering if it might be the same length of wait for a reply this time, but nearly 30 hours isn't good. I don't get how she went from being all over me, acting like the most interested girl ever and kissing my face off to completely disappearing

[amazonrambo]

This would eliminate his control over how comfortable HE feels in the setting and how much he can control the Hallmark movie evolution of the relationship he seems to be striving for.

 

All I've done is try to act natural on the dates. Just because I threw in a few smirks, cheeky smiles, etc doesn't make me a bad person if done naturally. If I didn't do that sort of flirting, she'd just see me as a friend and there'd be no romantic spark. I know that because I've not done those things with previous dates and I get the no spark line.

 

She never reacted badly to any of it, she reacted positively which is why I did it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Whenever I've straight up told a girl I like her after a couple of dates, it's like they realise they have what they want and give up, like the challenge of getting me is done.

 

How would I go about asking her what she wants to do if she ignored my last text? I'm worried about reaching out again, incase I look needy, etc.

 

I wouldn't reach out again, OR write her off just yet. You already know she's not a timely texter. Maybe she just feels like she has plenty of time to reply since it's not until Friday?? What's the longest she's gone so far without getting back to you?

 

If she was REALLY into you, she'd have texted back by now, but that doesn't mean she's not up for casually dating you (and others). She said she doesn't want to get married.....does she actually even want a relationship or just dating around? You two might not even want the same things.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Going off the timestamp, I got 25 hours silence from my text before our second date and I was all ready to take my friend instead. I was wondering if it might be the same length of wait for a reply this time, but nearly 30 hours isn't good. I don't get how she went from being all over me, acting like the most interested girl ever and kissing my face off to completely disappearing

 

To quote the fine men of Flight of the Conchords, "a kiss is not a contract."

[StephenV]

Going off the timestamp, I got 25 hours silence from my text before our second date and I was all ready to take my friend instead. I was wondering if it might be the same length of wait for a reply this time, but nearly 30 hours isn't good. I don't get how she went from being all over me, acting like the most interested girl ever and kissing my face off to completely disappearing

 

I understand that to you this is a worrying sign, but anything could have happened. She might have severe period pains. She might have the flu. She might be depressed about something. Her cat might be ill. She might just not want to talk to anyone. She might be busy with work. Her phone might be broken.

 

What might be helpful for you is to stop checking timestamps/your phone in general. Put the phone down and do something that takes a couple hours. Play Xbox. Go for a run. Watch a film. Go to the shop. Read. Sleep. Have a bath. Call a friend. It's unlikely that she'll never respond to you again.

 

Don't say "I've noticed something is up" - that's insecure and makes you look it. Wait another couple of days/a day since your last message and either call and text ONE MORE TIME if she hasn't done so by then. If you then hear nothing, you have to leave it alone. I wouldn't even text again, but I know you seem to like her so that's my suggestion.

[amazonrambo]

I have to say this goes against pretty much everything I have read, experienced and heard with regards to dating. Seems that there are a lot of women out there that see the man setting up a date and choosing a venue as all being part of the concept of the man leading the courtship. When I first started out in online dating I used to try and reach a consensus with my dates on where to go and quite often I would hear 'you choose' or even 'I don't like making decisions!'. I eventually adapted to this (it went against my nature) and now, for the first 3 dates or so at least, I ask them what time they are free and as soon as I have that information I decide what we do and where we go and it's worked out better than trying to get an agreement on an activity.

 

Yeah, I find this to be the case in the UK. Women like a leader here. They want the guy to lead the interaction and where they'll be going. People seem to think that because I do this, that she has NO choice whatsoever. If I'm taking her to bowling and she doesn't like that, I'm not going to say "No, we're going", I'm going to ask what SHE wants to do instead.

 

My date never questioned any places we went to, which is why we stayed there for a couple of hours.

 

When I took her to the greek restaurant, when she looked at the menu she said to me "It's a good job I like Greek food, everything is greek!". If she didn't like it, we'd have gone elsewhere.

[StephenV]

To quote the fine men of Flight of the Conchords, "a kiss is not a contract."

 

I agree. Many a time I have viewed a kiss, a hand-hold, whatever as a solidifying gesture. It isn't. People may feel one way in the moment, and another in another moment. People change their minds all the time.

[StephenV]

All I've done is try to act natural on the dates. Just because I threw in a few smirks, cheeky smiles, etc doesn't make me a bad person if done naturally. If I didn't do that sort of flirting, she'd just see me as a friend and there'd be no romantic spark. I know that because I've not done those things with previous dates and I get the no spark line.

 

She never reacted badly to any of it, she reacted positively which is why I did it.

 

The 'no spark' line isn't down to that. My last two relationships (both two years+) just started off with us talking and spending time together. No cheeky smirks, etc. If someone likes you, they like you. It doesn't matter how many cheeky smiles you throw in. I'm not a girl, but I doubt that the amount of cheeky smirks someone throws in makes someone like someone. Not all women like cheeky guys, some women like introverted guys, deep guys, intellectual guys, sarcastic guys, etc.

 

I do think you've spent too much time looking at things online regarding dating. While there are some helpful hints, it's best to not make this your baseline of behaviour.

[StephenV]

When I took her to the greek restaurant, when she looked at the menu she said to me "It's a good job I like Greek food, everything is greek!". If she didn't like it, we'd have gone elsewhere.

 

This doesn't sound like a good line, to me. Sounds like she accepted/tolerated it.

[amazonrambo]

I wouldn't reach out again, OR write her off just yet. You already know she's not a timely texter. Maybe she just feels like she has plenty of time to reply since it's not until Friday?? What's the longest she's gone so far without getting back to you?

 

If she was REALLY into you, she'd have texted back by now, but that doesn't mean she's not up for casually dating you (and others). She said she doesn't want to get married.....does she actually even want a relationship or just dating around? You two might not even want the same things.

 

She told me marriage wasn't important, but if she got married she wouldn't change her name and would make it double-barrelled.

 

Looking through my texts, there's been a couple where she's only taken a few hours, quite a few where she's taken 18-24 hours.

 

The longest response time prior to this was before our first date. I texted Wednesday (15th) at 11pm and she replied on Friday at 1:30pm, so around 40 hours.

 

I had the impression she was dating around because I noticed she was online on the dating website we met. When she moved our second date from Saturday to Friday, I assumed she was trying to fit another date in too.

 

Reason why I don't think it's casual is because she told me on our date that she was tired of going on lots of first dates and wanted to find someone she could go on multiple dates with.

[amazonrambo]

To quote the fine men of Flight of the Conchords, "a kiss is not a contract."

 

I know, but on the first date when I slightly pulled back she gripped on to my neck not letting me go like she was sucking my face off. On the second date, her head kept lingering near mine and she was looking into my eyes a lot. She had the opportunity to pull away and say "I need to get my tram" but she lingered there.

 

Not just focusing on the kissing though, anyone can kiss anyone if they're attractive for them. She gave me plenty of other signs she was interested.

 

When we waited for our escape room and sat on the sofa in the waiting room, she was sat shoulder to shoulder with me and rested her arm on my leg. When we finished the room and the woman was talking to us, I had my arm around my waist and she gripped onto my hand.

 

I'm worried that we acted too much like a couple and it might have scared her off by going too fast, but she was reciprocating this and accepted what I was doing.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think you also need to consider she could be just tease who likes to make out. She seems to send you some mixed signals.

[Imajerk17]

Wow, 170 posts on this thread and only 2 dates so far. This works out to so far 85 posts per date.

 

I am sorry this isn't looking good OP, but for all the analysing done in this thread, what you need to realize is that at the end of the day, MOST *first* dates don't lead to seconds. And seconds often don't lead to thirds. This includes many seemingly great dates not going anywhere. I'm really not seeing how much more analysis is needed here.

Edited November 27, 2017 by Imajerk17

[amazonrambo]

I understand that to you this is a worrying sign, but anything could have happened. She might have severe period pains. She might have the flu. She might be depressed about something. Her cat might be ill. She might just not want to talk to anyone. She might be busy with work. Her phone might be broken.

 

What might be helpful for you is to stop checking timestamps/your phone in general. Put the phone down and do something that takes a couple hours. Play Xbox. Go for a run. Watch a film. Go to the shop. Read. Sleep. Have a bath. Call a friend. It's unlikely that she'll never respond to you again.

 

Don't say "I've noticed something is up" - that's insecure and makes you look it. Wait another couple of days/a day since your last message and either call and text ONE MORE TIME if she hasn't done so by then. If you then hear nothing, you have to leave it alone. I wouldn't even text again, but I know you seem to like her so that's my suggestion.

 

My plan originally was to wait until Wednesday evening and call her around 8pm when I'm finishing at work, as calling is confident. I'm 100% expecting it to go to voicemail, so I was wondering whether to leave her a voicemail or just send it as a text THEN delete her number so I'm not tempted to make further contact.

 

I would either say over voicemail or text "Not sure what happened earlier in the week but look, I'd still like to see you, so let me know when you're next free to arrange a date. I'm also sorry for making you walk so far in heels and hopefully that hasn't put you off".

 

Not sure about the apology, but I'd feel like if that was the issue, which I'm certain it is, then at least she knows I'm sorry. And if I get no reply, at least she's seen/heard I was apologetic and it leaves a better impression of me rather than the ass that made her ankles bleed in her heels.

Edited November 27, 2017 by amazonrambo

[amazonrambo]

I think you also need to consider she could be just tease who likes to make out. She seems to send you some mixed signals.

 

Over texting sure, she takes what would be considered as a lack of interest by her response time, but she has agreed to dates. In person, she's completely different and more than makes up for it.