Had a fantastic date, is this okay to send the following day?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I read it as not contacting her a day after the date and because I took until Sunday, she thought I wasn’t arsed? Unless I’m misreading it.

 

I matched her effort and similar response times, so I am confused by that too.

 

Maybe she’s just finding up an excuse to make her feel less of the bad guy in rejecting me, that’s how it feels.. But if that’s the case, I don’t understand why she’d agree there is a connection and that she really likes me, when she could have said she wasn’t feeling it or just ignored me again?

 

I don't doubt she's interested in you, but for some reason I agree, yes, she's trying to shift the blame to you for being the uncommunicative one. She's probably juggling a few guys.

 

Side note, I had no clue until today that "arsed" was a word and means "interested."

[amazonrambo]

I don't doubt she's interested in you, but for some reason I agree, yes, she's trying to shift the blame to you for being the uncommunicative one. She's probably juggling a few guys.

 

Side note, I had no clue until today that "arsed" was a word and means "interested."

 

It’s another word for bothered, british slang. Yeah she’s probably juggling a few guys, might explain her long response times. Heard nothing so far yet and it’s nearly 4pm.

[dumbass2]

Her actions show how interested she is, not here words. You should have been the one saying that YOU didn't think she was interested due to her lack of timely texting. You've shown plenty of interest. You're not setting good boundaries right off the bat. Making up excuses for your lack of texting, in her mind, but not saying the same on your end. Her lack of timely texting is why this thread is at 16 pages after just 2 dates.

 

You asked a question on your last text. If she does not reply today then do nothing. She is probably dating others while you are fixated on her and she might be doing just enough to have you as an option. When dating you should have options in the beginning. When you don't you can come off as too available and desperate. You'll be coming off as desperate if you text or call her without hearing back from her. You should mirror the way others text you. I honestly just don't think she is as interested.

[Imajerk17]

Good grief. This thread since I was last here has added about 40 posts about...what was it again?

 

It's not working. The whole way you are approaching things OP is all wrong. You are basically letting HER take the lead here--how often to text. And then you are sitting on your hands trying to analyse her actions. You're approaching dating as a woman would!

 

I'm not going to try to unwind all this and suggest your next move with this girl (sorry). I will say this though: Guys who are successful with dating don't have these issues because they approach things completely differently. They text her right after the date to make sure she got in safe and/or to say they had a good time. They set up the next date while they are still on the last. They check in with the woman the very next day to see how her day is going. And if she doesn't respond, eh, then they don't worry so much. See these guys already knew that they showed up and did their part, why worry about a woman who isn't doing hers. Plenty of fish out there. These guys don't worry about doing everything perfectly either. They get that if a woman could be interested, then it's pretty easy--the texts don't need to be worded just so or sent at just the right time...

 

You on the other hand are so obsessed with doing things "perfectly" that you are coming across hesitant and contrived, and you are worrying yourself into knots. This has to be exhausting for you. Besides being ineffective that is...

Edited November 30, 2017 by Imajerk17

[amazonrambo]

Good grief. This thread since I was last here has added about 40 posts about...what was it again?

 

It's not working. The whole way you are approaching things OP is all wrong. You are basically letting HER take the lead here--how often to text. And then you are sitting on your hands trying to analyse her actions. You're approaching dating as a woman would!

 

I'm not going to try to unwind all this and suggest your next move with this girl (sorry). I will say this though: Guys who are successful with dating don't have these issues because they approach things completely differently. They text her right after the date to make sure she got in safe and/or to say they had a good time. They set up the next date while they are still on the last. They check in with the woman the very next day to see how her day is going. And if she doesn't respond, eh, then they don't worry so much. See these guys already knew that they showed up and did their part, why worry about a woman who isn't doing hers. Plenty of fish out there. These guys don't worry about doing everything perfectly either. They get that if a woman could be interested, then it's pretty easy--the texts don't need to be worded just so or sent at just the right time...

 

You on the other hand are so obsessed with doing things "perfectly" that you are coming across hesitant and contrived, and you are worrying yourself into knots. This has to be exhausting for you. Besides being ineffective that is...

 

I've asked her out twice and got no response from it. Okay I could have text her the following day but I wanted to phone her and felt Sunday would be the best day for it, especially as it was Black Friday weekend and I run a store in retail. I also set up the date as soon as possible after both dates.

 

I think my problem is learning when a girl is not interested. When you like someone so much it clouds your vision of reality.

 

What's puzzling me is that I don't get how she showed so much interest in me on the last date and it's suddenly all gone because I waited until Sunday to text her, not the following day. Also, that she found it a bit weird that I didn't text her or text her the day after the date, well neither did she.

 

If she's going to be high maintenance and be put off by me texting an extra day late after the date, then I'd rather move on now. If it developed down the line, I don't fancy creating 20 more threads on here about her.

[Imajerk17]

I've asked her out twice and got no response from it. Okay I could have text her the following day but I wanted to phone her and felt Sunday would be the best day for it, especially as it was Black Friday weekend and I run a store in retail. I also set up the date as soon as possible after both dates.

 

I think my problem is learning when a girl is not interested. When you like someone so much it clouds your vision of reality.

 

What's puzzling me is that I don't get how she showed so much interest in me on the last date and it's suddenly all gone because I waited until Sunday to text her, not the following day. Also, that she found it a bit weird that I didn't text her or text her the day after the date, well neither did she.

 

If she's going to be high maintenance and be put off by me texting an extra day late after the date, then I'd rather move on now. If it developed down the line, I don't fancy creating 20 more threads on here about her.

 

[Forgive me for missing this. This thread is so long and I just didn't have time to go back and read every post.]

 

Anyway, OK. You put yourself out there and her nonresponse tells you that she isn't interested. You did your part. And so you now can save yourself some time in thinking about her. That is actually a good thing. No one has his interest reciprocated every time by the way.

 

Meanwhile, people acting like they had a great time on the date and then deciding not to pursue things further, is pretty common with OLD. Maybe she just felt like a good makeout session. Women have needs too you know. Meanwhile maybe she really isn't over her ex or maybe she had a crush on someone else who came around. You don't know. I agree that the nice thing would have been for her to let you know she isn't interested, but that speaks about HER manners and you don't want to date someone flakey.

 

It would do yourself some good, to consider about how you would approach things with the NEXT girl though. You definitely need to stop overthinking, as it clearly is not serving you. As Corey Wayne clearly did not help you, you need to stop taking advice from him too.

Edited November 30, 2017 by Imajerk17

[amazonrambo]

[Forgive me for missing this. This thread is so long and I just didn't have time to go back and read every post.]

 

Anyway, OK. You put yourself out there and her nonresponse tells you that she isn't interested. You did your part. And so you now can save yourself some time in thinking about her. That is actually a good thing. No one has his interest reciprocated every time by the way.

 

Meanwhile, people acting like they had a great time on the date and then deciding not to pursue things further, is pretty common with OLD. Maybe she just felt like a good makeout session. Women have needs too you know. Meanwhile maybe she really isn't over her ex or maybe she had a crush on someone else who came around. You don't know. I agree that the nice thing would have been for her to let you know she isn't interested, but that speaks about HER manners and you don't want to date someone flakey.

 

It would do yourself some good, to consider about how you would approach things with the NEXT girl though. You definitely need to stop overthinking, as it clearly is not serving you. As Corey Wayne clearly did not help you, you need to stop taking advice from him too.

 

I'm not just judging it purely on the makeout session. There were other factors, such as making a lot of physical contact, always asking questions about me, always making eye contact, moving her hair to show her neck. Give me a sign, she probably did it. So you can see why I'm confused!

 

His advice is proven to work, if you know his book completely. There's plenty of success stories. I'm still an amateur with it so I'll be making mistakes. You're best not judging his work from my outcome with this girl. I've only read his book once and he recommends reading it 10-15 times as you only retain 10% of the information you take in. I feel his advice seems to only apply to women who are fully confident with themselves though, who aren't going to be bothered by not being sent a text a day after the date and are not insecure. But I think I'll just make the mistakes myself and learn from it so I come across as natural, not scripted.

 

With the next girl, I'll avoid asking for advice and approach it myself. It worked with my ex and it was enjoyable not over analysing everything, until I eventually did.

 

At least with this girl, I know what I want in person, i.e. a bubbly personality, touchy feely, talkative. I just need them to be communicative between dates, better response time, etc.

[Imajerk17]

I'm not just judging it purely on the makeout session. There were other factors, such as making a lot of physical contact, always asking questions about me, always making eye contact, moving her hair to show her neck. Give me a sign, she probably did it. So you can see why I'm confused!

 

His advice is proven to work, if you know his book completely. There's plenty of success stories. I'm still an amateur with it so I'll be making mistakes. You're best not judging his work from my outcome with this girl. I've only read his book once and he recommends reading it 10-15 times as you only retain 10% of the information you take in. I feel his advice seems to only apply to women who are fully confident with themselves though, who aren't going to be bothered by not being sent a text a day after the date and are not insecure. But I think I'll just make the mistakes myself and learn from it so I come across as natural, not scripted.

 

With the next girl, I'll avoid asking for advice and approach it myself. It worked with my ex and it was enjoyable not over analysing everything, until I eventually did.

 

At least with this girl, I know what I want in person, i.e. a bubbly personality, touchy feely, talkative. I just need them to be communicative between dates, better response time, etc.

 

Yes I can see why you are confused. Appearing interested on a date, including all of the signs you just mentioned above, is no guarantee of anything though.

 

As far as Corey Wayne being helpful to you, I am not going by whether this girl liked you or not. No one gets every girl. I am instead going by this thread going to 230 replies, or put another way, 115 posts per date. In general following Corey Wayne seems to have you trying too hard to be smooth, and it is coming off contrived. IIRC other Corey Wayne fans seem to have similar issues as the above. Those are not good things.

[GemmaUK]

I'll put in my 2 pence worth of thoughts.

 

I think she is quite attractive - as you have said OP.

I think she is used to a man contacting her more often than you do and so she has scaled back based upon your texting. She likes to be pursued - which gives you much more free reign actually.

The reason I think this is that you had that other date set up but the lady ended up saying she hadn't heard from you so assumed it wasn't happening.

 

She said she was ill, that makes you feel low and I think she didn't really know what you were thinking so wasn't up for replying really as she wasn't feeling upbeat.

 

She has been positive in actions on dates though, the only things is she tried to let you know she was in pain and that walking in heels is not her thing.

Maybe she doesn't even like walking - I know one acquaintance who will not walk anywhere.- but she would most likely have hailed a cab just for herself to be honest!

 

You seem to like her - give it a go and text her tomorrow with or without a reply - step up. She kisses you, hangs her arms around you neck, lingers, reciprocate by texting her more often.

What she does makes you feel wanted doesn't it? So, you now know she would feel wanted if you contact her more.

Win win for you both isn't it?

 

And start including her in what to do for dates so she has a heads up what to wear or can say she would rather do xyz.

 

And this coming from me who is no texting fan.......but I do get it!

Some people 'need' a good morning text, me? Nah! Wait until you have something interesting to tell me, sometime after 10am....

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm not just judging it purely on the makeout session. There were other factors, such as making a lot of physical contact, always asking questions about me, always making eye contact, moving her hair to show her neck.

 

Huh? Where did you learn this is a sign of interest? By this logic, every girl in a ponytail is trying come on to men.

[amazonrambo]

I'll put in my 2 pence worth of thoughts.

 

I think she is quite attractive - as you have said OP.

I think she is used to a man contacting her more often than you do and so she has scaled back based upon your texting. She likes to be pursued - which gives you much more free reign actually.

The reason I think this is that you had that other date set up but the lady ended up saying she hadn't heard from you so assumed it wasn't happening.

 

She said she was ill, that makes you feel low and I think she didn't really know what you were thinking so wasn't up for replying really as she wasn't feeling upbeat.

 

She has been positive in actions on dates though, the only things is she tried to let you know she was in pain and that walking in heels is not her thing.

Maybe she doesn't even like walking - I know one acquaintance who will not walk anywhere.- but she would most likely have hailed a cab just for herself to be honest!

 

You seem to like her - give it a go and text her tomorrow with or without a reply - step up. She kisses you, hangs her arms around you neck, lingers, reciprocate by texting her more often.

What she does makes you feel wanted doesn't it? So, you now know she would feel wanted if you contact her more.

Win win for you both isn't it?

 

And start including her in what to do for dates so she has a heads up what to wear or can say she would rather do xyz.

 

And this coming from me who is no texting fan.......but I do get it!

Some people 'need' a good morning text, me? Nah! Wait until you have something interesting to tell me, sometime after 10am....

 

There was a second girl I had a planned date with who said she thought our date wasn't going ahead, not this girl, unless I've misread you.

 

I used to pursue girls quite a lot and I came across as needy, which put girls off. I scaled it back and it started working, but I think I scaled it too far back.

 

I would also say the wrong things over text or things that would be taken out of context. It's hard to judge the tone over a text! Something like that is enough for a girl to cancel on you, which is why I prefer calling so they can judge what you say easily.

 

Also you can say too much over text. My ex reached out to me everyday asking about my day and it got to the point I couldn't answer properly or repeated myself. Then we got around to meeting up and there was nothing to talk about.

 

I'd prefer to go silent until a date, but I'll probably check in every couple of days with the next girl, send a couple back and forth then say I've got to go and do (insert job). At least she then knows I care but we're not talking too much.

[amazonrambo]

Okay I called her and she text an hour after saying "Sorry I wasn't ignoring you before I was driving home. I do like and I did enjoy our dates but I'm not sure about the whole situation to be honest x".

 

What do I say?

 

Just to note, she has my ex from 2 months ago on her Facebook who's like her profile picture on there. When I got into a relationship with my ex in July, THIS girl I've been dating now had liked that relationship status back then. Should I ask if it has something to do with this?

Edited November 30, 2017 by amazonrambo

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Okay I called her and she text an hour after saying "Sorry I wasn't ignoring you before I was driving home. I do like and I did enjoy our dates but I'm not sure about the whole situation to be honest x".

 

What do I say?

 

Just to note, she has my ex from 2 months ago on her Facebook who's like her profile picture on there. When I got into a relationship with my ex in July, THIS girl I've been dating now had liked that relationship status back then. Should I ask if it has something to do with this?

 

No, do not say anything about that.

 

Just say, "OK, good luck. If you change your mind, you have my number."

[amazonrambo]

No, do not say anything about that.

 

Just say, "OK, good luck. If you change your mind, you have my number."

 

That was actually what I had planned to say. But I was trying to resist the urge to ask what she wasn't sure of etc.

 

It has to be that she met someone else she preferred or just put on an act on the date and realised she wasn't interested. Either that or she realised she knows my ex? I know they're not close friends, I'd have heard of her during the course of the relationship but I think they were that sort of friend who would like each other's statuses.

 

I can't imagine going on a date on Friday night and me texting back on Sunday afternoon had anything to do with it, even though she highlights that. If she said it made her feel like I wasn't really bothered, that doesn't make sense if the text I sent her on Sunday is one of me asking her out. If I wasn't that bothered about her, I wouldn't have text her at all or asked her out again.

 

It has to be that she preferred someone else or she realised she knew my ex who broke up with me 2 months ago.

[guest569]

Just leave it at that.

 

you spend a lot of time agonising over how to be, how to act, what to say, and what not to say. I think she was trying to ask you over dinner if you like her and whether you’re seeing others. You seem too mysterious. A bit of mystery is fine but you also need to be yourself and be open and honest. A little bit of planning and thought about things to say is good, but not to the point of this. Just treat others how you would want to be treated and be yourself.

 

I find that the only way to know if someone is interested is if they keep seeing you.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

That was actually what I had planned to say. But I was trying to resist the urge to ask what she wasn't sure of etc.

 

It has to be that she met someone else she preferred or just put on an act on the date and realised she wasn't interested. Either that or she realised she knows my ex? I know they're not close friends, I'd have heard of her during the course of the relationship but I think they were that sort of friend who would like each other's statuses.

 

I can't imagine going on a date on Friday night and me texting back on Sunday afternoon had anything to do with it, even though she highlights that. If she said it made her feel like I wasn't really bothered, that doesn't make sense if the text I sent her on Sunday is one of me asking her out. If I wasn't that bothered about her, I wouldn't have text her at all or asked her out again.

 

It has to be that she preferred someone else or she realised she knew my ex who broke up with me 2 months ago.

 

It's not about the Sunday text.....that's an excuse. Try not to obsess over the "why." If she preferred someone else or knew your ex, it doesn't even matter because you have zero control over either of those things anyway.

[amazonrambo]

Just leave it at that.

 

you spend a lot of time agonising over how to be, how to act, what to say, and what not to say. I think she was trying to ask you over dinner if you like her and whether you’re seeing others. You seem too mysterious. A bit of mystery is fine but you also need to be yourself and be open and honest. A little bit of planning and thought about things to say is good, but not to the point of this. Just treat others how you would want to be treated and be yourself.

 

I find that the only way to know if someone is interested is if they keep seeing you.

 

Yeah, I always judge their interest on whether they want to see me again, or I try to.

 

I guess I was too mysterious and I wish I could go back and say I liked her in that moment. I did say it in the text the other day that I like her and want to get to know her, but I guess her mind was made up.

 

It was going so well and we had such a great connection, which she agreed with. I'll focus on dating other girls, but I hope by backing off that she'll come back at some point as she was one of those rare girls you just click with in person. I'm not counting on it, but would be nice.

 

Meh

[amazonrambo]

It's not about the Sunday text.....that's an excuse. Try not to obsess over the "why." If she preferred someone else or knew your ex, it doesn't even matter because you have zero control over either of those things anyway.

 

I guess so. I was myself on those dates, unless being too mysterious put her off. I didn't exactly act mysterious with everything, there were things I were open about but there were times I'd get her to guess, sometimes we'd play 20 questions with each other, etc.

 

But yeah, whatever put her off, I just acted myself so obviously we weren't a good match.

 

I've gone out on so many dates this year that never get past date number two, I wish I knew why Feels like a curse.

[some_username1]

I think you have been suckered in a little bit OP. You said she was bubbly, touchy-feely, talkative- I desire those qualities too, a lot of men do. Those are charming qualities and in combination with a pretty face can make a man feel like he is king of the world in her company and that can be addictive, which I guess is why we desire these qualities and girls like this have no shortage of options. I have to say that all the girls I have met who are like this (and there aren't many) underneath the charm actually had some serious character flaws that made them not very nice people. One in particular was very much like the girl you describe. She drove me nuts because she was so engaging on our dates, she seemed seriously into me, yet outside of the date she was cold as ice. Barely heard a peep from her. This is why I place more importance on what happens between dates because extrovert girls with a magnetic personality have invariably learnt how to use that magnetism to win people over. It is just part of who they are. I guess you could use the phrase 'natural-flirt', the effect is similar.

 

So I would take any signs of interest on the date with a pinch of salt. Her wishy washy responses don't really deserve any response, she is throwing you crumbs. Contrast your attempts to be mysterious with her line about 'not sure about the situation' and how it has got you jumping through hoops- she is obviously a master at work

 

As the poster above says- there is no point asking questions, it really doesn't matter what the answers are. If there was a connection like she claims she would be making all this a lot easier for you.

 

Save your energy and put it into finding a girl who actually replies to your texts in a timely manner and who doesn't make you question her behaviour or her interest. Good luck.

[GemmaUK]

Yeah, my thing was that two women now have both said you don't get in touch enough.

You do also appear to be very 'smooth'.

Then cool as a cucumber.

 

You are acting as if you are a player.

In my experience anyway..

 

Action speak louder than words.

Act interested if you are.

I think you're going too far the other way with a woman you like.

But it's because you aren't being yourself.

[amazonrambo]

I think you have been suckered in a little bit OP. You said she was bubbly, touchy-feely, talkative- I desire those qualities too, a lot of men do. Those are charming qualities and in combination with a pretty face can make a man feel like he is king of the world in her company and that can be addictive, which I guess is why we desire these qualities and girls like this have no shortage of options. I have to say that all the girls I have met who are like this (and there aren't many) underneath the charm actually had some serious character flaws that made them not very nice people. One in particular was very much like the girl you describe. She drove me nuts because she was so engaging on our dates, she seemed seriously into me, yet outside of the date she was cold as ice. Barely heard a peep from her. This is why I place more importance on what happens between dates because extrovert girls with a magnetic personality have invariably learnt how to use that magnetism to win people over. It is just part of who they are. I guess you could use the phrase 'natural-flirt', the effect is similar.

 

So I would take any signs of interest on the date with a pinch of salt. Her wishy washy responses don't really deserve any response, she is throwing you crumbs. Contrast your attempts to be mysterious with her line about 'not sure about the situation' and how it has got you jumping through hoops- she is obviously a master at work

 

As the poster above says- there is no point asking questions, it really doesn't matter what the answers are. If there was a connection like she claims she would be making all this a lot easier for you.

 

Save your energy and put it into finding a girl who actually replies to your texts in a timely manner and who doesn't make you question her behaviour or her interest. Good luck.

 

Ah wow, that speaks volumes. Yeah she was as good as cold as ice and I just think she was a natural flirt. I only know of her what she showed me on the dates, I have no idea how she is with other people. Minus the kissing, she could be like that with everyone.

 

Yeah her actions didn't match her words. Why claim there was a connection and she really liked me but doesn't show it?! I can't be in a relationship with someone who can't communicate honesty.

[amazonrambo]

Yeah, my thing was that two women now have both said you don't get in touch enough.

You do also appear to be very 'smooth'.

Then cool as a cucumber.

 

You are acting as if you are a player.

In my experience anyway..

 

Action speak louder than words.

Act interested if you are.

I think you're going too far the other way with a woman you like.

But it's because you aren't being yourself.

 

The other girl I didn't get in touch with for two days before the date. I just don't like talking over text between dates, I use texting for logistics incase I say something wrong and talk her out of liking me.

 

I'll just have to reach out a bit more with the next girl in the future.

[amazonrambo]

Just one thing before I move on..

 

Obviously the date was Friday night and I didn't get in touch until Sunday afternoon.

 

However, when I sent that text on Wednesday morning at 10am, she replied at 4pm about the "you didn't really seem that bothered" etc.

 

I didn't reply until 9am the next morning, but I explained why my reply was late as I had an official visit at work. Could this have worked against me replying the next morning or would the same outcome have been inevitable?

 

I know, stop analysing it but I just want to know this before I move on.

[Teknoe]

I will share more thoughts when I get home (I feel like the old me could relate a lot to OP currently). But for now, I would text her something short and keep it classy. Something like “OK thanks for letting me know. Good luck in your search.” And leave it at that. I wouldn’t even text “you have my number you know how to reach me.” She is not worth your time and you don’t want to be with someone who isn’t crazy about you.

 

Hell, you can even never reply and that’s reasonable. However I would be nice and say alright no prob. Do NOT ask her what was missing or why she’s not into you. Have some pride and walk away with your head held high.

 

Btw hate to say this but I think all of us saw this coming from a mile away. Her in between date actions (or lack thereof) was all the proof we needed to know.

 

Don’t beat yourself up. Tweak and move on. Dating is a constant game of retweaking and putting yourself out there.

[GemmaUK]

Just one thing before I move on..

 

Obviously the date was Friday night and I didn't get in touch until Sunday afternoon.

 

However, when I sent that text on Wednesday morning at 10am, she replied at 4pm about the "you didn't really seem that bothered" etc.

 

I didn't reply until 9am the next morning, but I explained why my reply was late as I had an official visit at work. Could this have worked against me replying the next morning or would the same outcome have been inevitable?

 

I know, stop analysing it but I just want to know this before I move on.

 

 

If that day you worked until bedtime - fairplay.

If you had any time, you could have replied and shown interest to a woman who clearly likes to be chased.