Had a fantastic date, is this okay to send the following day?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Just one thing before I move on..

 

Obviously the date was Friday night and I didn't get in touch until Sunday afternoon.

 

However, when I sent that text on Wednesday morning at 10am, she replied at 4pm about the "you didn't really seem that bothered" etc.

 

I didn't reply until 9am the next morning, but I explained why my reply was late as I had an official visit at work. Could this have worked against me replying the next morning or would the same outcome have been inevitable?

 

I know, stop analysing it but I just want to know this before I move on.

 

The outcome was inevitable. She's using the communication lags as an excuse in my opinion.

[amazonrambo]

Yeah, my thing was that two women now have both said you don't get in touch enough.

You do also appear to be very 'smooth'.

Then cool as a cucumber.

 

You are acting as if you are a player.

In my experience anyway..

 

Action speak louder than words.

Act interested if you are.

I think you're going too far the other way with a woman you like.

But it's because you aren't being yourself.

 

Damn, that probably didn't help my case in the restaurant when she teased me about me liking her. I said "maybe I do maybe I don't!". Then she said "No I know you definitely like me!" and I said "You're in my top 3". She jokingly wondered if it was other girls I'm dating, I said no in general. Then she seemed to press a bit on it and I laughed and said "You realise I'm joking".

 

I don't want her to think I'm a player. I wanted a potentially genuine relationship to work out, now she probably thinks I'm not serious..

[amazonrambo]

I will share more thoughts when I get home (I feel like the old me could relate a lot to OP currently). But for now, I would text her something short and keep it classy. Something like “OK thanks for letting me know. Good luck in your search.” And leave it at that. I wouldn’t even text “you have my number you know how to reach me.” She is not worth your time and you don’t want to be with someone who isn’t crazy about you.

 

Hell, you can even never reply and that’s reasonable. However I would be nice and say alright no prob. Do NOT ask her what was missing or why she’s not into you. Have some pride and walk away with your head held high.

 

Btw hate to say this but I think all of us saw this coming from a mile away. Her in between date actions (or lack thereof) was all the proof we needed to know.

 

Don’t beat yourself up. Tweak and move on. Dating is a constant game of retweaking and putting yourself out there.

 

I got blinded my attraction for her. I did say "Okay, good luck. If you change your mind you have my number". I like to have that door open for the future, incase a girl decides with some space she realised she made the wrong choice. But I wouldn't hang around because the chances of that are closer to 0.

 

I'm sure I'll find someone better, always have.. But I can never get to date 3 and I've been on tonnes of dates. Had a couple of relationships in the last year that didn't last long.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Damn, that probably didn't help my case in the restaurant when she teased me about me liking her. I said "maybe I do maybe I don't!". Then she said "No I know you definitely like me!" and I said "You're in my top 3". She jokingly wondered if it was other girls I'm dating, I said no in general. Then she seemed to press a bit on it and I laughed and said "You realise I'm joking".

 

I don't want her to think I'm a player. I wanted a potentially genuine relationship to work out, now she probably thinks I'm not serious..

 

Then stop following all the BS advice from whoever that guy is whose book you said you need to read 12 times!!! It is not working!

[amazonrambo]

If that day you worked until bedtime - fairplay.

If you had any time, you could have replied and shown interest to a woman who clearly likes to be chased.

 

I worked late to the point where a call wouldn't have been justifiable. I could've text yesterday night when I got back but she'll have been in bed early as she gets up at half 6 so I waited until 9am the next morning when I got up.

 

She likes to be chased, I'm guessing.. But I don't like to chase. I'll reach out to arrange a date, but I like it when a girl reaches out to me and she didn't. I felt uncomfortable making multiple calls/texts these last few days, it's not something I do.

[amazonrambo]

The outcome was inevitable. She's using the communication lags as an excuse in my opinion.

 

Makes sense, but says a lot about her that she couldn't just be honest and say she wasn't interested. Think I dodged a bullet, could've been relationship hell.

 

In fact, no wonder on her dating profile she mentions "Looking for someone so I can stop going on first dates". She told me on the first date she was fed up going on a lot of first dates, there must be a reason for that. Either she's too full on or she's incredibly picky. She even admitted to being fussy about me not texting.

[amazonrambo]

Then stop following all the BS advice from whoever that guy is whose book you said you need to read 12 times!!! It is not working!

 

Am I not allowed to tease a girl? I thought teasing was okay. I did it in moderation.

[Imajerk17]

I am sorry to hear it didn't work out with this girl. Onward and upward!

 

 

His advice is proven to work, if you know his book completely. There's plenty of success stories. I'm still an amateur with it so I'll be making mistakes. You're best not judging his work from my outcome with this girl. I've only read his book once and he recommends reading it 10-15 times as you only retain 10% of the information you take in. I feel his advice seems to only apply to women who are fully confident with themselves though, who aren't going to be bothered by not being sent a text a day after the date and are not insecure. But I think I'll just make the mistakes myself and learn from it so I come across as natural, not scripted.

 

With the next girl, I'll avoid asking for advice and approach it myself. It worked with my ex and it was enjoyable not over analysing everything, until I eventually did.

 

At least with this girl, I know what I want in person, i.e. a bubbly personality, touchy feely, talkative. I just need them to be communicative between dates, better response time, etc.

 

OP, as far as Corey Wayne is concerned I should be even stronger...

 

I do remember your other threads, and your takes about what was happening with your dates was just CONSISTENTLY wrong. How is he helping you again?

 

It's not just you, it is the other Corey Wayne followers on here. As a group it's astounding how bad your intuitions are about women. CW seems to have you all thinking of everything in terms of "tests" when in reality it's just not so. See a woman who is into you makes it much easier than that. For example, she sure isn't going to not text you back for 3 days to test how "needy" you are. If she waited that long to get back to you she just isn't interested!

 

Moving forward why don't you stop (a) waiting 36--48 hours after a date to get in contact (b) the "gamey" texts about kittens /unicorns/robbing banks, and © the overanalysing every move. All the above is making you look contrived and scripted.

 

I wish you well.

Edited November 30, 2017 by Imajerk17

[some_username1]

Makes sense, but says a lot about her that she couldn't just be honest and say she wasn't interested. Think I dodged a bullet, could've been relationship hell.

 

In fact, no wonder on her dating profile she mentions "Looking for someone so I can stop going on first dates". She told me on the first date she was fed up going on a lot of first dates, there must be a reason for that. Either she's too full on or she's incredibly picky. She even admitted to being fussy about me not texting.

 

She sounds like a right clown.

[olivetree]

Yes! For the love of god, please listen to the men and especially WOMEN that are telling you Corey Wayne gives bad advice.

 

If you want to attract someone compatible to YOU then the best thing you can do is be yourself!

Otherwise, you're likely to end up with someone you're unhappy with in the long run, right?

 

I think it's a good idea to read about relationships rather than attraction.

The former helps you build something solid, true and loving, while the latter focuses on techniques that take you away from being genuine and building a real connection.

[Nothingtolose]

Ugh, I second what everyone else is saying, please don't follow this type of BS mind games advice. It comes down to this: "Show a GIRL you don't care and she'll chase you, show a WOMAN you don't care, and she'll replace you".

 

When I was younger, guys who took a long time to reply, were constantly teasing me (to the point of being annoying/ me not knowing where I stood) etc was a "challenge". Now, those people are just a waste of my time. Nothing makes me lose interest in a guy faster than waiting hours and hours for a simple text back, or the guy having a blasé attitude towards me. I want to hear that someone had a great time, and that they would love to see me again, and propose actual dates and times etc. That's what turns me on now, not someone who makes me feel like I have to jump through hoops to get their interest/attention and that they're some kind of prize that needs to be earned.

[Highndry]

I left it about a day and a half after the second date, but before the second date we had arranged the time/place, then four days went by and I told her I'll see her tomorrow, then we met up. She had every opportunity to reach out to me as I did, I'm not sure why I'm the bad guy. I initiated everything before that, she's yet to at any point.

 

I agree. I have to say, I've read this entire thread and I was shocked by what she said to you about not contacting her enough. It was the last thing I expected her to say!

 

I read it as not contacting her a day after the date and because I took until Sunday, she thought I wasn’t arsed? Unless I’m misreading it.

 

I matched her effort and similar response times, so I am confused by that too.

 

Maybe she’s just finding up an excuse to make her feel less of the bad guy in rejecting me, that’s how it feels.. But if that’s the case, I don’t understand why she’d agree there is a connection and that she really likes me, when she could have said she wasn’t feeling it or just ignored me again?

 

Good grief. This thread since I was last here has added about 40 posts about...what was it again?

 

It's not working. The whole way you are approaching things OP is all wrong. You are basically letting HER take the lead here--how often to text. And then you are sitting on your hands trying to analyse her actions. You're approaching dating as a woman would!

 

I'm not going to try to unwind all this and suggest your next move with this girl (sorry). I will say this though: Guys who are successful with dating don't have these issues because they approach things completely differently. They text her right after the date to make sure she got in safe and/or to say they had a good time. They set up the next date while they are still on the last. They check in with the woman the very next day to see how her day is going. And if she doesn't respond, eh, then they don't worry so much. See these guys already knew that they showed up and did their part, why worry about a woman who isn't doing hers. Plenty of fish out there. These guys don't worry about doing everything perfectly either. They get that if a woman could be interested, then it's pretty easy--the texts don't need to be worded just so or sent at just the right time...

 

You on the other hand are so obsessed with doing things "perfectly" that you are coming across hesitant and contrived, and you are worrying yourself into knots. This has to be exhausting for you. Besides being ineffective that is...

 

I'm not even done reading as this thread has gotten huge since the last time I read, but I have to agree with Imajerk17. This is my opinion:

 

You waited a full day and a half before contacting her after the 2nd date, and that was a bad move. I always follow up with a woman I'm interested in after the date the same night, usually to say goodnight, I had a good time, whatever, just to show interest and that I'm genuine. Something very brief. I also touch base the following day to keep things moving along, setting up a date, whatever.

 

It seems like you were just hanging out using this "Corey Wayne," or some other dating guru, logic, trying to act like you weren't super into her or needy, and it completely backfired. I am not shocked in the least that she took it as a lack of interest. That's where these blowhard gurus go so wrong, they preach acting disinterested as a way of garnering interest, and it's a failure of a model because it is nothing more than being disingenuous and playing games. Your lack of authenticity burned you, as we had been warning. If a woman's into a man, she's not going to freak out because he contacted her.

[Highndry]

I'm not just judging it purely on the makeout session. There were other factors, such as making a lot of physical contact, always asking questions about me, always making eye contact, moving her hair to show her neck. Give me a sign, she probably did it. So you can see why I'm confused!

 

His advice is proven to work, if you know his book completely. There's plenty of success stories. I'm still an amateur with it so I'll be making mistakes. You're best not judging his work from my outcome with this girl. I've only read his book once and he recommends reading it 10-15 times as you only retain 10% of the information you take in. I feel his advice seems to only apply to women who are fully confident with themselves though, who aren't going to be bothered by not being sent a text a day after the date and are not insecure. But I think I'll just make the mistakes myself and learn from it so I come across as natural, not scripted.

 

With the next girl, I'll avoid asking for advice and approach it myself. It worked with my ex and it was enjoyable not over analysing everything, until I eventually did.

 

At least with this girl, I know what I want in person, i.e. a bubbly personality, touchy feely, talkative. I just need them to be communicative between dates, better response time, etc.

 

You are blowing it with this crap. You are trying to act in a way that's not you. If you can't be yourself, you're never going to make it.

[amazonrambo]

Ugh, I second what everyone else is saying, please don't follow this type of BS mind games advice. It comes down to this: "Show a GIRL you don't care and she'll chase you, show a WOMAN you don't care, and she'll replace you".

 

When I was younger, guys who took a long time to reply, were constantly teasing me (to the point of being annoying/ me not knowing where I stood) etc was a "challenge". Now, those people are just a waste of my time. Nothing makes me lose interest in a guy faster than waiting hours and hours for a simple text back, or the guy having a blasé attitude towards me. I want to hear that someone had a great time, and that they would love to see me again, and propose actual dates and times etc. That's what turns me on now, not someone who makes me feel like I have to jump through hoops to get their interest/attention and that they're some kind of prize that needs to be earned.

 

She was the one making me wait hours for a text back. I started doing the same to match her level of effort.

 

After the first date I said that I had a great time and made a reference to her bowling skills. After the second date I didn't do this and went straight to asking her out, I was inconsistent. I just wish I could go back in time a week and fix those small errors, but I figured she could just be annoying down the line and just keep faulting everything.

[amazonrambo]

I'm not even done reading as this thread has gotten huge since the last time I read, but I have to agree with Imajerk17. This is my opinion:

 

You waited a full day and a half before contacting her after the 2nd date, and that was a bad move. I always follow up with a woman I'm interested in after the date the same night, usually to say goodnight, I had a good time, whatever, just to show interest and that I'm genuine. Something very brief. I also touch base the following day to keep things moving along, setting up a date, whatever.

 

It seems like you were just hanging out using this "Corey Wayne," or some other dating guru, logic, trying to act like you weren't super into her or needy, and it completely backfired. I am not shocked in the least that she took it as a lack of interest. That's where these blowhard gurus go so wrong, they preach acting disinterested as a way of garnering interest, and it's a failure of a model because it is nothing more than being disingenuous and playing games. Your lack of authenticity burned you, as we had been warning. If a woman's into a man, she's not going to freak out because he contacted her.

 

I wasn't trying to be "cool". By the time I got back home it was 1am, I was up at 6 for work and had a long and tiring day. I wanted to call her rather than text as I always resort to texting because it's easier. It's better to hear each other's voice, but I assumed she would be busy to pick up on a Saturday night so I waited until Sunday.

[Highndry]

I wasn't trying to be "cool". By the time I got back home it was 1am, I was up at 6 for work and had a long and tiring day. I wanted to call her rather than text as I always resort to texting because it's easier. It's better to hear each other's voice, but I assumed she would be busy to pick up on a Saturday night so I waited until Sunday.

 

You could have texted her after the date, and you could have texted her the next day something like "super busy but look forward to talking soon, hope you're having a great day." That takes what, ten seconds?

[amazonrambo]

You could have texted her after the date, and you could have texted her the next day something like "super busy but look forward to talking soon, hope you're having a great day." That takes what, ten seconds?

 

But then I've been saying the same about her ALL week when she's taken a day to respond.

 

I should have texted her, but my mind was on calling her so I could hear her voice.

 

She's not my type of girl anyway, just a bit too insecure. It's one of the reasons I cancelled the date with this other girl because if I wasn't texting back in quick succession she'd bring it up and it got annoying. I just want a girl who is just happy setting dates and meeting up rather than panicking because I had a busy day at work and I wanted to wait until I was free enough to call her.

Edited November 30, 2017 by amazonrambo

[Highndry]

But then I've been saying the same about her ALL week when she's taken a day to respond.

 

I should have texted her, but my mind was on calling her so I could hear her voice.

 

She's not my type of girl anyway, just a bit too insecure. It's one of the reasons I cancelled the date with this other girl because if I wasn't texting back in quick succession she'd bring it up and it got annoying. I just want a girl who is just happy setting dates and meeting up rather than panicking because I had a busy day at work and I wanted to wait until I was free enough to call her.

 

That's good you realize you're not interested in her. But if you only do one thing from here on out, just be yourself. Following some guru is going to end in disaster. Listen to the women here, if anything.

[Teknoe]

OK Amazon, I'm home from work and cannot wait to write this message to you. As I've said before, I've been in your shoes for the past 10+ years. Overanalyzing, going after emotionally unavailable women, being too passive or being too forward, reading up on Corey Wayne (yes, I did watch my fair share of CW videos over the years -- hell, I'm subscribed to his newsletter)... also like you, I struggled getting to date #3. Had a few 2nd dates, had many 1st dates, rarely had any 3rd dates. I say this all to say... I've been in the same boat as you are... but now I am where you want to get to (in the sense that I am currently in a great relationship). So I hope you take my words of advice to heart. You may not agree with (all of) it, or perhaps right now, but this is my personal experience and what has factually worked FOR ME. And I think it can work for you as well.

 

Waiting until Sunday to text her following the Friday night date was a bit long. It does come off a you following a script or trying to play the game. When you do this sort of stuff, notice how "the game" tends to play you right back. That's partially why you were agonizing here on LS post after post.

 

MY EXAMPLE: With my GF, after our very first date, she texted me as I was driving home "Hey __, I had fun tonight! Thanks for coming out all the way here. Have a safe drive home!" (Note: I drove to her neck of the woods, a good TWO HOURS AWAY, to have a 4th of July date).

 

As soon as I got home, which was midnight, I replied to her text. "Hey __, glad I came out. Sorry if this text wakes you up but just wanted to say I had fun too. Good night!"

 

That text to me came out naturally and I didn't consult LS, any of my friends or Corey Wayne. It's how I would speak and so I wrote it. Very low "brain power" used so to speak -- i.e. in other words, sustainable. You cannot sustain a certain image of yourself that doesn't come naturally. If you have to conjure or think of all possible outcomes (like you did here) then that gets really draining really fast. And frankly, ain't nobody got time for that!

 

MY EXAMPLE: Following our first date, it was 4:50 PM the next day when I initiated a text with her. She hadn't initiated a text of any sort with me but I said to myself, "I would like to contact her, so I will." It was as natural as breathing. I didn't get caught up in the game so to speak, or worrying about any silly 24-36 hour texting rule.

 

Know what I texted her?

 

The night prior on our date we were on the ferris wheel. I took a picture of the skyline as we came to the very top. I sent her that picture and wrote "When getting high on the 4th of July takes on a whole new meaning!"

 

I'm big on puns and silly stuff like that so again, as natural as breathing for me. It also was a fun text and wasn't mundane like "how's your day going?" Not saying you did that but again, capitalizing while the iron is hot. You can't wait nearly 2 days to communicate.

 

She replied and at that point it was like I broke the ice. I could almost feel her going "Oh wow, he does like me" or "Oh wow, he does want to keep this going." She responded with LOL and asked how I was doing. We had 2-3 texts back and forth before I asked her out on a second date. On our first date she mentioned that she's into hiking, so I kept that in mind. I offered a 6 mile hike for our 2nd date and she followed up right away by offering me 3 dates: either one in mid-late July, mid-August or mid-September. It kind of made me laugh that she offered the August and September dates, as they were so far away and often times, when it comes to a second date, you gotta strike while the iron is hot. I, of course, accepted the mid-late July offer.

 

We then texted a bit here and there leading up to our 2nd date, but it wasn't a ton because I wanted to get to know her better in person and vice versa. But like watering a plant, you have to text just enough to keep the connection going and growing because it would be 2 weeks between dates.

 

Morning of date 2: she drove to my place and I drove her to the hiking place. She obviously did not wear makeup and had on hiking clothes. We both were not dressed to the nines. It was us as natural as can be. On that hike we had a good conversation, connecting more.

 

Following the date, we caught breakfast at this near 5 star breakfast spot. It was her first time there, being out of town. Then we hugged good-bye around noon. I wasn't even thinking or worried about a kiss. So yes, two dates in and no kiss yet. In the past, this would trip me up or get in my head. But thankfully I've learned to let expectations go and just go with the flow. When the moment is right, it will happen.

 

Anyway, on her two hour drive home I texted her "Thanks for coming out! I had fun. Have a safe drive home!"

 

Basically, the tables switched and now it was her turn to drive the full two hours back. And it was my turn to text her in the middle of her drive to drive safe and that I had fun.

 

Needless to say, when she got home she responded in kind.

 

I then set up a 3rd date for early August, and the rest is history. We eventually became an official couple in early September. She later told me that she knew she really liked me following the hiking date.

 

Here's a fascinating little female perspective from my GF.

 

The smallest gestures make all the difference.

 

Yes, she was flattered that I drove two hours to see her for a first date. But what really impressed her and made her see me in a potential BF light was when I went hiking 6 miles with her, encouraging her to continue on and making sure that she plowed through it. She also liked that I saw her without any makeup on and that I treated her the same as I did on date #1. It instantly made her comfort level with me expand by a good amount. And she felt it was sweet that I helped her through the hike. She felt like I would be a good partner. She found me attractive but it was that second date that really pushed her in the "I want to keep seeing this guy direction."

 

I'm really not sure how any of this will hit home with you, even if just on a subconscious level. But know that I read Corey Wayne's book and while he has some good principles, after a while I stopped watching his videos and reading his book and just did me. Nobody knows you better than you. And if you feel like you don't, then I suggest setting aside some time to figure out who you are. I experienced quite a bit of personal growth in the past year that has helped me to figure out who I am better. This involves TWO "oh boy super high potential!" dating relationships that fizzled out fast (one on my end and the second on her end), being ballsy enough to quit my job and look for better (and got hired on my first interview), removing toxic "friends" from my life and going to the gym 4 nights a week and being with my "gym support group." All these factors led me to work on me, to invest in me and as a result it increased my overall confidence. And confidence attracts other people.

 

I kind of cringed at some of your texts. For example, "I want to hear that voice of yours" (or however you wrote it, forgive me for not double checking). And too much apologizing. Don't be anybody's doormat. You can be nice and not a doormat at the same time. I just feel in the texts you've shared and the hesitancy that it was clear she had all the power and you had none of it. Instead, you allowed yourself to languish and suffer. This is something you're just going to have to work out on your own.

 

But once you get over the hump or have that AH HA! moment, like I did over time, it'll blow your mind what a difference it will make. In your life in general... your dating life merely becomes an extension of that and serves as a perk.

 

I'm sure I'll find someone better, always have.. But I can never get to date 3 and I've been on tonnes of dates. Had a couple of relationships in the last year that didn't last long.

 

You will find someone better. Someone more compatible. But since you say you've never been on 3 dates, it might be time to switch things up. I gave you some examples from my own life and how I tweaked certain things. As Einstein once said, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

 

My biggest tip? Drop all the guru work, stop overthinking things and just live your life. When the time is right, you'll be ready. In the meantime, your job is to prepare yourself as best as you can for that moment. I know you said that clown shoe joke was a callback to an inside joke you two shared on an earlier date but CONTEXT, bro. The silence from her was deafening. That is not the time to use a self deprecating inside joke. It came off to me as very contrived and thought out. And like you were trying too hard to be clever or cute. Just be more straight up next time. A little mystery is good but so is honesty. One of my issues, like you, I was too much of a jokester with my dates and crushes. Everything should be done in moderation.

 

In closing, this is one of my favorite quotes. And it makes a lot of sense especially for situations such as yours:

 

“The best chance you have if you want to rise to the top is to fear nothing, and work hard. One thing you’ll discover is that life is based less than you think on what you’ve learned and much more than you think on what you have inside you right from the very beginning.”

 

In other words, while learned experiences are awesome, a lot of times we have it in us from the very beginning. We just need to trust ourselves and learn to fall on our own. All this minute analyzing is crippling. You want to find a girl who will love you for you. You should be natural and not have to overthink things.

 

Anyway, I've rambled on far too long. I sincerely wish you the best.

 

PS- maybe keep your next dating excursion private. I never once posted about my GF while we were dating and it worked out fine for me. I think the term "too many cooks in the kitchen" holds a lot of weight. We search for answers from strangers but end up clouding our heads with too many voices. Just do you and keep it mum. Best thing I ever did with my dating life! It's worth a shot -- what have you got to lose?

 

PPS- But *DO* post an update when you eventually get into a happy relationship That's the time to share IMO. But not during the dating stages. Trust yourself and enjoy the process. Good luck!

[Imajerk17]

Great stuff Teknoe!! I am really happy to read your last post here, you always seemed like a genuinely good guy and I am glad to read that you are in such a fulfilling relationship.

 

OP read the above post. Then read it again. There is GOLD in there.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

A little mystery is good but so is honesty.

 

The best sentence from Tek's whole speech . So true. AR, I've read this whole thread, but still don't have a handle on "who you are" at all, aside from the fact that you're pretty insecure and you put a lot of effort into planning fun dates. And you must be handsome because you get a lot of first dates. Other than that, I don't know, because you seem to spend so much time on trying to "win the girl" instead of just being yourself and finding a girl who is good for YOU.

[Highndry]

The best sentence from Tek's whole speech . So true. AR, I've read this whole thread, but still don't have a handle on "who you are" at all, aside from the fact that you're pretty insecure and you put a lot of effort into planning fun dates. And you must be handsome because you get a lot of first dates. Other than that, I don't know, because you seem to spend so much time on trying to "win the girl" instead of just being yourself and finding a girl who is good for YOU.

 

I agree, he just needs to be himself and let the relationship come to him instead of trying all sorts of tactics to win her over. As mentioned, you can't fake it with women or men for that matter, the true person will always come out. As a man, if I found out a woman was working off a script in terms of her contact with me, etc., I would be turned off. I don't like games.

[guest569]

 

She's not my type of girl anyway, just a bit too insecure. It's one of the reasons I cancelled the date with this other girl because if I wasn't texting back in quick succession she'd bring it up and it got annoying. I just want a girl who is just happy setting dates and meeting up rather than panicking because I had a busy day at work and I wanted to wait until I was free enough to call her.

 

That is so hypocritical!

[Teknoe]

Great stuff Teknoe!! I am really happy to read your last post here, you always seemed like a genuinely good guy and I am glad to read that you are in such a fulfilling relationship.

 

OP read the above post. Then read it again. There is GOLD in there.

 

Thanks! Yes, I remember your posts in all my threads over the years, lol. I appreciate your kind words. It took me over a decade but I finally cracked the right formula. I hope OP will as well.

 

 

The best sentence from Tek's whole speech . So true. AR, I've read this whole thread, but still don't have a handle on "who you are" at all, aside from the fact that you're pretty insecure and you put a lot of effort into planning fun dates. And you must be handsome because you get a lot of first dates. Other than that, I don't know, because you seem to spend so much time on trying to "win the girl" instead of just being yourself and finding a girl who is good for YOU.

 

Yeah, straight up honesty speaks volumes. There is something about a person who knows what he/she wants and goes after it. Win or lose, at least you go out with guns blazing. I too got the overwhelming sense that OP was too caught up in tactics and winning her over. Rather than respecting himself and believing he's more than worthy enough to be in a loving relationship. I had that tactic/winning the girl mentality for over a decade. After a while it just clicks. You got to be you.

 

Hell, my GF has already seen my massive video game collection and she's a very casual gamer. Her reaction? She thinks it's majorly cool. Part of that I'm sure is that she's really into me and that I introduced it to her casually. Girls will often follow your lead. Act strong and confident and they will go along if they like you at all.

 

OP, a lot of your texts and posts screamed the opposite of that, I'm sorry to say. But you want honest feedback right? I saw you apologizing a lot when you didn't need to, and also poking fun at yourself. Please don't do that next time. It tends to turn girls off more often than not.

[bene]

Damn, that probably didn't help my case in the restaurant when she teased me about me liking her. I said "maybe I do maybe I don't!". Then she said "No I know you definitely like me!" and I said "You're in my top 3". She jokingly wondered if it was other girls I'm dating, I said no in general. Then she seemed to press a bit on it and I laughed and said "You realise I'm joking".

 

I don't want her to think I'm a player. I wanted a potentially genuine relationship to work out, now she probably thinks I'm not serious..

 

A lot of good advice has been given already but I just wanted to stress a woman’s perspective that this type of teasing would be a turn off for me. It sounds like straight from a PUA manual, negging or something. This exchange alone would turn the tables for me if I was on the fence to start with.

 

If you really would be a player and you would be able to make this approach work to get laid - fine. But it sounds like you are not this type of person and you want a real relationship. This kind of teasing doesn’t serve the purpose and you are doing yourself a disservice by following advice to build a persona that is really not you. In my opinion it is never a good idea to put the other person down, even jokingly. The key for genuine relationship is feeling secure around each other. And no, it doesn’t have to mean “boring”. I’m not saying that you can’t have playful banter put be aware that you don’t know the person enough yet. You can take it as a rule of thumb that you should not jokingly say negative things about yourself or your date. Self depreciating humor can also be a double edged sword, use it too much and people will wonder if that’s really what they should think of you.

 

Trust your own gut more and be genuine expressing your interest. This doesn’t mean that you won’t have unsuccessful dates, but when you meet the right person they will see the real you. If you are scared of appearing needy then a little common sense goes a long way to recognize whether the interest is mutual.