Had a fantastic date, is this okay to send the following day?

[Teknoe]

Least I have a plan and can move on.

 

I do worry I invaded her personal space at one point. When we were in the escape room and the person was guiding us through it, I put my hand around her lower waist, not on her rear end but close and was stroking her. She seemed receptive and got closer though.

 

I think she’s possibly seeing someone else though and too scared to say. I went snooping to ease my mind and whilst we don’t have each other on Facebook, you can see who she recently added and there was this good looking guy on there. She only has 250 odd friends whilst he has like 2500 and noticed he’s added a lot of girls so most likely he added her. Least I can have closure and assume she just found someone better, so I’ll find someone who’s worth my time too.

 

Why are you so hard on yourself? This filters down into your soul and psyche. She found (in your own words) “someone better than you” ? How about perhaps she found someone she finds to be a better match?

 

Shift your mindset. A subtle shift can make all the difference. Your self worth is not based on your dating life.

[Highndry]

But the thing is, as other posters have alluded to, how many great romances of this century started out with a 10+ page thread on Loveshack wondering WTF is going on? My money is firmly on none.

 

Well said.

[Purepony]

Even if she does respond drop her !

 

That whole texting no reply for days is stupid I had something similar and I just text her to take care

[amazonrambo]

Just an update, yesterday morning I decided to text her what I wanted to and went with “I’ll be silly and send this as I’m guessing from your silence you don’t want to continue dating, which is fine but I had a lot of fun getting to know you and if I am wrong, I’d like that to continue as I felt we had a connection. I’d like to take you out again, without all the walking this time (Maybe you can borrow my size 12 clown feet boots for emergencies). If not, no worries x”

 

She replied in the afternoon with “Hey! I'm really sorry, I meant to text you but I've been poorly. I do really like you and we did have a connection but I just found it a bit weird that you would never text me, especially like the day after a date. I know it might seem a bit fussy but it just makes me feel like you aren't really arsed x”

 

I had a lot on with the big bosses coming to my work and had to stay late so I didn’t reply until this morning.

 

I replied with “Hey, sorry for the late reply as I’ve had a lot on at work with an official visit, which I had to get right! I wanted to wait until I was free to call you so I could hear that voice of yours instead of sending it as a text. I like you and I’m hoping you’re not put off by this and got the wrong impression of me. I hope you’re feeling much better too and if you’re feeling up for it, we could go out this weekend? x”

 

Saturday was a bad day to phone as I was busy at work all day, but maybe I should’ve just text. I didn’t think waiting one extra day after the date to text her would cause a problem as people on here said it shouldn’t be.

 

Do you think I’ve blown this? Makes it seem bad that I’ve taken the following morning to reply now, but I have been busy and mentioned that.

[MidwestUSA]

Is she right? That you never texted her the day after a date?

 

Tell me you've at least texted after you've gotten home, making sure she was home and safe as well.

 

And, sure, you worked late. But you left her dangling after she revealed what is obviously a concern for her. Yikes. How long would it have taken to reply? A lot of this seems like you're trying to play 'cool', way too cool. Is that from a coaches handbook?

Edited November 30, 2017 by MidwestUSA

[some_username1]

This is the girl that took ages to reply to your texts and is now putting it all on you that YOU are the one that isn't interested, right?

 

You have made it clear that you are interested (calling, texts), probably too clear. Seems to me she is trying to justify leaving you hanging around so she doesn't feel bad about herself. At best you may get a few more dates out of her so you can try to 'have some fun'. Just be aware of her trying to play you like a fiddle.

[amazonrambo]

Is she right? That you never texted her the day after a date?

 

Tell me you've at least texted after you've gotten home, making sure she was home and safe as well.

 

And, sure, you worked late. But you left her dangling after she revealed what is obviously a concern for her. Yikes. How long would it have taken to reply? A lot of this seems like you're trying to play 'cool', way too cool. Is that from a coaches handbook?

 

I phoned and texted her Sunday afternoon, but I was working all day Saturday running a shop as it was black friday weekend, so working retail in that period is hectic.

 

I was and should have texted Saturday evening but I wanted to call instead, but thought she might be busy for a phone call as a lot of people are late on Saturday and felt Sunday was the better time. The general opinion when I asked on here was that waiting until Sunday seemed okay to reach out.

 

I didn’t want to seem too eager either, mostly because I’d be waiting a whole day for a text back and I didn’t want to put in considerably more effort than she was doing.

 

I hope I haven’t messed this up because of waiting one extra day! If she gives me another chance, I’ll just have to reach out more than I’ve been doing and be more open in my communication.

 

Do you think this is dead in the water or can it be rectified?

[amazonrambo]

This is the girl that took ages to reply to your texts and is now putting it all on you that YOU are the one that isn't interested, right?

 

You have made it clear that you are interested (calling, texts), probably too clear. Seems to me she is trying to justify leaving you hanging around so she doesn't feel bad about herself. At best you may get a few more dates out of her so you can try to 'have some fun'. Just be aware of her trying to play you like a fiddle.

 

I did get that impression and I wanted to say to her that she’d been keeping me waiting a whole day at times to reply, but thought it was too negative to say.

 

Are you saying that she’s not actually interested and possibly using this as an excuse to distance herself?

 

I mean I can understand where she’s coming from. After the first date, I texted her the following day and I usually text girls that same night or next day. Just this time I waited an extra day and she thought I wasn’t bothered.

 

At least I’ve asked when she’s free so I’ll see what happens today. Just hope I haven’t blown it by texting the following morning after she text yesterday afternoon, but I explained I had a lot going on at work.

[Yosemite]

I replied with “Hey, sorry for the late reply as I’ve had a lot on at work with an official visit, which I had to get right! I wanted to wait until I was free to call you so I could hear that voice of yours instead of sending it as a text. I like you and I’m hoping you’re not put off by this and got the wrong impression of me. I hope you’re feeling much better too and if you’re feeling up for it, we could go out this weekend? x”

 

What was her response to this?

 

I don't think you've blown it. I think you need to listen to her here. So, she's saying that she wants more contact and texts between the dates. That means after a date, text that night saying, "tonight was great, thanks for coming out, see you soon." And also send some conversational texts over the next couple of days.

 

Also maybe set up a date for a weeknight so that you're seeing her more than once a week.

[some_username1]

I did get that impression and I wanted to say to her that she’d been keeping me waiting a whole day at times to reply, but thought it was too negative to say.

 

Are you saying that she’s not actually interested and possibly using this as an excuse to distance herself?

 

I mean I can understand where she’s coming from. After the first date, I texted her the following day and I usually text girls that same night or next day. Just this time I waited an extra day and she thought I wasn’t bothered.

 

At least I’ve asked when she’s free so I’ll see what happens today. Just hope I haven’t blown it by texting the following morning after she text yesterday afternoon, but I explained I had a lot going on at work.

 

Others seem to be seeing her side BUT as far as I recall (I've only skimmed a few pages) you sent her date plans amd she didn't reply for ages. That is very disrespectful in my book. Also that 'guess what?' text (which was pretty lame admittedly ) never got a timely reply. You haven't been conversational over text but you have called and texted. Who calls anyone in this day and age?! That alone tells her you are interested.

 

So cool your jets at this point. How long do you think it takes to reply to a text message? With greatest respect to you OP do you think if it was...say, David Beckham texting her she would be too ill to respond? Do you think SHE has a 10+ page plus thread on loveshack wondering what this guy is playing at by only texting her the day after a date?

 

So, my take on it is you need to change your mindset. You asked can it be rectified or saved- that phrasing implies that it is on you to reverse some sort of damage you have done. You could have handled some bits better but look at what you have both put into this:

You have set up the dates, called and texted, apologies for the walking

She has just turned up to the dates and taken ages to reply when you have given her a concrete date offer.

 

It is totally on her at this point to chase you. Sorry, but if it was me "I was iiiiiiiill" wouldn't be cutting any ice.

[amazonrambo]

What was her response to this?

 

I don't think you've blown it. I think you need to listen to her here. So, she's saying that she wants more contact and texts between the dates. That means after a date, text that night saying, "tonight was great, thanks for coming out, see you soon." And also send some conversational texts over the next couple of days.

 

Also maybe set up a date for a weeknight so that you're seeing her more than once a week.

 

Not sure yet as I sent this a couple of hours ago this morning. She’ll be working so going off yesterday, I could expect a reply around 4pm when she finishes teaching.

 

Yeah I got you. I did this on the first date but not the second, partially down to black friday weekend and then when I finished work on Saturday night, I wanted to call but seemed bad timing and wanted to talk to her over the phone when I knew she was free (originally she changed our date from Saturday to Friday which made me think she was busy that night).

 

The texting during the week part I’ll do more of. We went four days before the second date with no contact, but I figured this was okay as she wasn’t really texting much previously.. So I think if she takes hours to reply, I’ll try and span out a conversation over the course of a few days, even if we send a reply to each other once a day and the contact is there.

 

I hope she gives me another chance. Might try and call her around 8pn tonight if I get no response, might make me look keen but it seems to be what she likes and that’s how I usually am! I just need to stop trying to act cool about everything and I’ve changed my normal self too much.

Edited November 30, 2017 by amazonrambo

[amazonrambo]

Others seem to be seeing her side BUT as far as I recall (I've only skimmed a few pages) you sent her date plans amd she didn't reply for ages. That is very disrespectful in my book. Also that 'guess what?' text (which was pretty lame admittedly ) never got a timely reply. You haven't been conversational over text but you have called and texted. Who calls anyone in this day and age?! That alone tells her you are interested.

 

So cool your jets at this point. How long do you think it takes to reply to a text message? With greatest respect to you OP do you think if it was...say, David Beckham texting her she would be too ill to respond? Do you think SHE has a 10+ page plus thread on loveshack wondering what this guy is playing at by only texting her the day after a date?

 

So, my take on it is you need to change your mindset. You asked can it be rectified or saved- that phrasing implies that it is on you to reverse some sort of damage you have done. You could have handled some bits better but look at what you have both put into this:

You have set up the dates, called and texted, apologies for the walking

She has just turned up to the dates and taken ages to reply when you have given her a concrete date offer.

 

It is totally on her at this point to chase you. Sorry, but if it was me "I was iiiiiiiill" wouldn't be cutting any ice.

 

It’s not the first time she hasn’t been timely with replies, as everyone will know on here. She’s taken a day to reply to some or 6-12ish hours so I figured she wasn’t that much into texting. Who calls this much nowadays? Not many, because most people rely on the easiest form of communication and I wanted to put the effort in. I used to just rely on texting but I like showing confidence by calling. I know most guys won’t be doing this so it puts me a step up on other guys she could be dating.

 

Everyone uses the “beckham/brad pitt” analogy, but not every woman is going to respond in the same time frame. There’s always women who are going to play hard to get even with guys they like, or reply instantly, etc, so not everyone is the same. If Taylor Swift texts me I’m not going to drop what job I’m doing just for her. I know this because I REALLY like the girl I’m seeing now and I don’t drop what I’m doing to reply back.

 

She probably put her defences up and used being ill as an excuse for her not replying to me, but she could’ve just ignored me altogether.

 

I’ll change my way of thinking anyway, let’s hope I’ve not ruined it.

Edited November 30, 2017 by amazonrambo

[some_username1]

It’s not the first time she hasn’t been timely with replies, as everyone will know on here. She’s taken a day to reply to some or 6-12ish hours so I figured she wasn’t that much into texting. Who calls this much nowadays? Not many, because most people rely on the easiest form of communication and I wanted to put the effort in. I used to just rely on texting but I like showing confidence by calling. I know most guys won’t be doing this so it puts me a step up on other guys she could be dating.

 

Everyone uses the “beckham/brad pitt” analogy, but not every woman is going to respond in the same time frame. There’s always women who are going to play hard to get even with guys they like, or reply instantly, etc, so not everyone is the same. If Taylor Swift texts me I’m not going to drop what job I’m doing just for her. I know this because I REALLY like the girl I’m seeing now and I don’t drop what I’m doing to reply back.

 

She probably put her defences up and used being ill as an excuse for her not replying to me, but she could’ve just ignored me altogether.

 

I’ll change my way of thinking anyway, let’s hope I’ve not ruined it.

 

Well, you may not be dropping everything to text her back but you are making it VERY clear to her (at least by what you have said on this thread) that you are interested and interested people will do that in some form or other. But I have to say, just going by what you have said, that I don't see the interest from her side- apart from showing up on dates that is. From my own personal experience it is easy for a girl to turn up and have a good time, where you find out where you stand is in the time between dates because that is when she could be glued to her phone chatting to every guy with an internet connection.

 

My advice would be to ask yourself what your standards of behaviour are? Do you even have any? Or does it depend on how good looking they are? You seem to be giving this girl a hall pass. If it were me, no matter how good looking they are, at this point I would put my trust in my belief that I had made my interest clear and let them come to me and if they didn't then too bad for them.

[amazonrambo]

Well, you may not be dropping everything to text her back but you are making it VERY clear to her (at least by what you have said on this thread) that you are interested and interested people will do that in some form or other. But I have to say, just going by what you have said, that I don't see the interest from her side- apart from showing up on dates that is. From my own personal experience it is easy for a girl to turn up and have a good time, where you find out where you stand is in the time between dates because that is when she could be glued to her phone chatting to every guy with an internet connection.

 

My advice would be to ask yourself what your standards of behaviour are? Do you even have any? Or does it depend on how good looking they are? You seem to be giving this girl a hall pass. If it were me, no matter how good looking they are, at this point I would put my trust in my belief that I had made my interest clear and let them come to me and if they didn't then too bad for them.

 

My standards are if we're going on dates, I don't care what happens in between. Obviously when I text something that warrants a reply, I'd like one. I'm not used to a girl taking the time she does to reply, as every girl I've dated has been quick but if there's a date confirmed then those other problems can get by.

 

I did give her an opportunity to confirm her rejection in me, by mentioning that I felt we had a connection, etc. She could've just ignored me but she said she felt there was a connection too and really liked me, just she thought it was weird that I took the time I did to text her after the date and she felt I wasn't arsed about her.

 

I'm guessing that's why she might have ignored my date request, just to see if I was interested enough to pursue her after not hearing from her.

 

I do worry she could be high maintenance. First about the walking and secondly about the texting. Yeah I could have done something about both and I made mistakes but that shouldn't be the be all and end all. If she claims this connection and she really likes me to be true, then we'll be going on a date.

 

Anyway, I'll see if she responds back and if not I'll just send her something tomorrow that it's better to leave it here and leave her alone if she's not wanting to meet up again. Not the best thing to send but I don't want to follow any rules again and just say what I'm thinking. If she actually is interested in me, she won't want me to disappear.

[clia]

She replied in the afternoon with “Hey! I'm really sorry, I meant to text you but I've been poorly. I do really like you and we did have a connection but I just found it a bit weird that you would never text me, especially like the day after a date. I know it might seem a bit fussy but it just makes me feel like you aren't really arsed x”

 

I had a lot on with the big bosses coming to my work and had to stay late so I didn’t reply until this morning.

 

I replied with “Hey, sorry for the late reply as I’ve had a lot on at work with an official visit, which I had to get right! I wanted to wait until I was free to call you so I could hear that voice of yours instead of sending it as a text. I like you and I’m hoping you’re not put off by this and got the wrong impression of me. I hope you’re feeling much better too and if you’re feeling up for it, we could go out this weekend? x”

 

I don't feel like searching back through your thread, but if I recall, you always reached out at most two days after the date to set up another, right? I personally think that's totally reasonable. And she typically took ages to respond! Why would you continually text someone who takes more than a day to respond? I guess maybe you could've reached out a little more after you had set up the date, but it doesn't seem like there was that much intervening time.

 

You might say something like "I apologize if there was any misunderstanding, but since it typically took you quite a while to respond to my texts, I didn't think you were that into texting." But you shouldn't apologize too much, I don't think. I mean, sheesh, she could've texted YOU, right? And I assume she somewhat knows your work schedule?

 

I suspect she had a date with another guy on Saturday night who she decided she liked better than you.

[amazonrambo]

I don't feel like searching back through your thread, but if I recall, you always reached out at most two days after the date to set up another, right? I personally think that's totally reasonable. And she typically took ages to respond! Why would you continually text someone who takes more than a day to respond? I guess maybe you could've reached out a little more after you had set up the date, but it doesn't seem like there was that much intervening time.

 

You might say something like "I apologize if there was any misunderstanding, but since it typically took you quite a while to respond to my texts, I didn't think you were that into texting." But you shouldn't apologize too much, I don't think. I mean, sheesh, she could've texted YOU, right? And I assume she somewhat knows your work schedule?

 

I suspect she had a date with another guy on Saturday night who she decided she liked better than you.

 

I reached out a day after the first date, but yes I did take an extra day to reach out after the second. I also thought it was reasonable and she had every opportunity to reach out to me as well. By the time work finished and Saturday night came around, calling her on Sunday felt like the best idea.

 

She didn't always take a day to respond, it varied between 6-12 hours or so as well. We had a period of 4 days of silence before the second date, where I admit I should have reached out, but I did eventually.

 

Yeah, that was my gut feeling. She moved our date from Saturday to Friday and I instantly assumed it was a date with someone else.. But why even respond to me? Why tell me that she agreed there was a connection and that she really likes me? It was the perfect opportunity for her to say "I wasn't feeling it" or just ignore me again.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

My standards are if we're going on dates, I don't care what happens in between. Obviously when I text something that warrants a reply, I'd like one. I'm not used to a girl taking the time she does to reply, as every girl I've dated has been quick but if there's a date confirmed then those other problems can get by.

 

I did give her an opportunity to confirm her rejection in me, by mentioning that I felt we had a connection, etc. She could've just ignored me but she said she felt there was a connection too and really liked me, just she thought it was weird that I took the time I did to text her after the date and she felt I wasn't arsed about her.

 

I'm guessing that's why she might have ignored my date request, just to see if I was interested enough to pursue her after not hearing from her.

 

I do worry she could be high maintenance. First about the walking and secondly about the texting. Yeah I could have done something about both and I made mistakes but that shouldn't be the be all and end all. If she claims this connection and she really likes me to be true, then we'll be going on a date.

 

Anyway, I'll see if she responds back and if not I'll just send her something tomorrow that it's better to leave it here and leave her alone if she's not wanting to meet up again. Not the best thing to send but I don't want to follow any rules again and just say what I'm thinking. If she actually is interested in me, she won't want me to disappear.

 

I agree with this. And leave the clown shoes comments out of it. (Seriously, have you learned nothing from us this thread??) Also, lead with confidence, not "I'll be silly" which already sets the tone that you're feeling no confidence.

 

I'll agree with you that she seems like she could be quite high maintenance. I'm not sure why she expects YOU to text all the time when she doesn't/won't.

 

Your needs matter here too, remember that. It's not just about "winning the girl." It's about finding a good match for you and part of that is not keeping you guessing constantly.

[amazonrambo]

[/b]

 

I agree with this. And leave the clown shoes comments out of it. (Seriously, have you learned nothing from us this thread??) Also, lead with confidence, not "I'll be silly" which already sets the tone that you're feeling no confidence.

 

I'll agree with you that she seems like she could be quite high maintenance. I'm not sure why she expects YOU to text all the time when she doesn't/won't.

 

Your needs matter here too, remember that. It's not just about "winning the girl." It's about finding a good match for you and part of that is not keeping you guessing constantly.

 

The clown shoes comment is a reference/inside joke to our first date, a comment she made to me. I'm entitled to say that.

 

I already sent that message yesterday and she replied, but I wasn't able to reply until this morning, which I said: “Hey, sorry for the late reply as I’ve had a lot on at work with an official visit, which I had to get right! I wanted to wait until I was free to call you so I could hear that voice of yours instead of sending it as a text. I like you and I’m hoping you’re not put off by this and got the wrong impression of me. I hope you’re feeling much better too and if you’re feeling up for it, we could go out this weekend? x”.

 

This is now her chance to prove that what she said about her feeling a connection and really liking me is true, by agreeing to go out.

 

If not I'll just say tomorrow that it's best I leave it as I feel like I'm doing a lot of guessing and I only want to pursue someone who's interested enough to go out on dates with me.

[some_username1]

My standards are if we're going on dates, I don't care what happens in between. Obviously when I text something that warrants a reply, I'd like one. I'm not used to a girl taking the time she does to reply, as every girl I've dated has been quick but if there's a date confirmed then those other problems can get by.

 

I did give her an opportunity to confirm her rejection in me, by mentioning that I felt we had a connection, etc. She could've just ignored me but she said she felt there was a connection too and really liked me, just she thought it was weird that I took the time I did to text her after the date and she felt I wasn't arsed about her.

 

I'm guessing that's why she might have ignored my date request, just to see if I was interested enough to pursue her after not hearing from her.

 

I do worry she could be high maintenance. First about the walking and secondly about the texting. Yeah I could have done something about both and I made mistakes but that shouldn't be the be all and end all. If she claims this connection and she really likes me to be true, then we'll be going on a date.

 

Anyway, I'll see if she responds back and if not I'll just send her something tomorrow that it's better to leave it here and leave her alone if she's not wanting to meet up again. Not the best thing to send but I don't want to follow any rules again and just say what I'm thinking. If she actually is interested in me, she won't want me to disappear.

 

Bingo. I think you have your answer right there OP.

 

There is a bit of a trite saying that is bandied around here and it annoys me because even though it is trite it still usually turns out to be on the money: "interested people act interested"

 

Time will tell though....

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

The clown shoes comment is a reference/inside joke to our first date, a comment she made to me. I'm entitled to say that.

 

I already sent that message yesterday and she replied, but I wasn't able to reply until this morning, which I said: “Hey, sorry for the late reply as I’ve had a lot on at work with an official visit, which I had to get right! I wanted to wait until I was free to call you so I could hear that voice of yours instead of sending it as a text. I like you and I’m hoping you’re not put off by this and got the wrong impression of me. I hope you’re feeling much better too and if you’re feeling up for it, we could go out this weekend? x”.

 

This is now her chance to prove that what she said about her feeling a connection and really liking me is true, by agreeing to go out.

 

If not I'll just say tomorrow that it's best I leave it as I feel like I'm doing a lot of guessing and I only want to pursue someone who's interested enough to go out on dates with me.

 

Atta boy .

[Eternal Sunshine]

I have to say that if a guy let 4 days go by without contacting me, I would lose all interest.

[amazonrambo]

Bingo. I think you have your answer right there OP.

 

There is a bit of a trite saying that is bandied around here and it annoys me because even though it is trite it still usually turns out to be on the money: "interested people act interested"

 

Time will tell though....

 

Yeah, time will tell. Not expecting anything, she says she felt a connection and really likes me but her actions need to prove it.

 

If I don't hear anything by tomorrow evening I'll drop a final text message about leaving it and that I don't think she's too interested and I'm only wanting to pursue something with someone who wants to meet up. Not in those words exactly but along those lines, then I'll delete her number again and move on. May not be the wisest of moves, but will give me peace of mind.

[amazonrambo]

I have to say that if a guy let 4 days go by without contacting me, I would lose all interest.

 

I left it about a day and a half after the second date, but before the second date we had arranged the time/place, then four days went by and I told her I'll see her tomorrow, then we met up. She had every opportunity to reach out to me as I did, I'm not sure why I'm the bad guy. I initiated everything before that, she's yet to at any point.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I left it about a day and a half after the second date, but before the second date we had arranged the time/place, then four days went by and I told her I'll see her tomorrow, then we met up. She had every opportunity to reach out to me as I did, I'm not sure why I'm the bad guy. I initiated everything before that, she's yet to at any point.

 

I agree. I have to say, I've read this entire thread and I was shocked by what she said to you about not contacting her enough. It was the last thing I expected her to say!

[amazonrambo]

I agree. I have to say, I've read this entire thread and I was shocked by what she said to you about not contacting her enough. It was the last thing I expected her to say!

 

I read it as not contacting her a day after the date and because I took until Sunday, she thought I wasn’t arsed? Unless I’m misreading it.

 

I matched her effort and similar response times, so I am confused by that too.

 

Maybe she’s just finding up an excuse to make her feel less of the bad guy in rejecting me, that’s how it feels.. But if that’s the case, I don’t understand why she’d agree there is a connection and that she really likes me, when she could have said she wasn’t feeling it or just ignored me again?