Me and My Girl

[William]

Moderation merged two threads on a similar topic and, as the thread starter identified their affair partner as married and chose OM/OW as the forum to discuss the topic in, that choice is retained. Please continue discussion of this topic in this forum in accordance with our guidelines and do not start new threads on it. Thanks!

[chinadiary]

She's looking for a father figure. Married unhappily in her early 20s. Now after a married man almost old enough to be her grandfather.

 

Unfortunately for her, she doesn't know yet she's bitten off more than she can chew.

 

I am genuinely not trying to be rude, OP, but your life is a slo mo car crash, and I have no doubt that if you are able, you will drag her in, just in time for the impact.

 

If not for yourself, for the sake of your children, your wife (how ever much you despise her now, presumably you loved her once) and yes, for this 20 yr old, sort yourself out.

 

Spend time with your children. MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT.

Decide once and for all if you want to work on your marriage with your wife. If not, separate.

THEN if you separate, get with the girl.

 

Your kids are going to be so damaged by all this. It's them I feel sorry for.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

Your kids are going to be so damaged by all this. It's them I feel sorry for.

 

So true . There is no regard for the children in any of this saga. Just "me, me, me."

[jjgitties]

What you're not understanding is that we already know this. How have you given your wife a chance to provide the same ego boost you're getting from this woman? Now that she's "in heat" what's your new excuse for why she's so awful?

 

I'm not trying to disrespect you, but we don't need you to tell us why men "develop friendships with other women." We get the whole ego boost thing. The "dopamine" from "new love." Being made to feel like you're sexy and fascinating. It's sustainable though; all of that fades away just like it did in your marriage. The best way to keep this feeling going is only engage in short term relationships for the rest of your life so you're always in the honeymoon phase and your partner is always making you feel like you're the best thing since sliced bread.

 

I don't think you are not disrespecting me at all. And what you posted makes perfect sense.

 

As I said, this is therapeutic (at least for me) to be able to put down into words some things. (And yes, I do think the replies help me not embarrass myself as its really good to get a woman's point of view on these things as it's things you can discuss with women you know in real life).

 

But its seem a little one sided and unfortunate a lot of women on here get all steamed up with my posts and take it so personally. How many times do we see a gazillion of women posting on here, "ohh.. poor me, I am sleeping with another MM and I don't know what to do about it.." I don't go attacking them and taking it personally because they cheating on their husbands.

 

It's unfortunate not more men who are in my shoes chime on as I would be more interested to hear if other guys going through mid life and experience the similar things.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I don't think you are not disrespecting me at all. And what you posted makes perfect sense.

 

As I said, this is therapeutic (at least for me) to be able to put down into words some things. (And yes, I do think the replies help me not embarrass myself as its really good to get a woman's point of view on these things as it's things you can discuss with women you know in real life).

 

But its seem a little one sided and unfortunate a lot of women on here get all steamed up with my posts and take it so personally. How many times do we see a gazillion of women posting on here, "ohh.. poor me, I am sleeping with another MM and I don't know what to do about it.." I don't go attacking them and taking it personally because they cheating on their husbands.

 

It's unfortunate not more men who are in my shoes chime on as I would be more interested to hear if other guys going through mid life and experience the similar things.

 

How many threads originated by cheating women have you actually participated in?? There's no difference at LS between the treatment of cheating women versus cheating women .

[jjgitties]

Cooler? Dweeb? Honestly, given enough time, 'your girl' may just realize she's more mature than you. Enjoy reliving your tween years while it lasts!

 

Can I tell you thing, when another straight man who hardly knows your ex tells you your ex-husband is a better looking and cooler guy than your current person, its probably not a bad to listen.

 

Anyways, I should probably not continue to speak about her ex-husband. Unfortunately, he is no longer with us. He was a pretty good and cool guy back then .. from what little interaction I had with him.

 

all the best,

jj

[chinadiary]

...and your children?

 

If we're talking stereotypes, leave it to the women to ask about them.

 

Where is your concern for your children?

 

If you have time to spend with this girl, why can't you spend some time with your children. They need their father a lot more than she needs a father figure.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

How many threads originated by cheating women have you actually participated in?? There's no difference at LS between the treatment of cheating women versus cheating women .

 

Oops, I meant cheating women and cheating men . I hate the inability to edit posts!

[jjgitties]

How many threads originated by cheating women have you actually participated in?? There's no difference at LS between the treatment of cheating women versus cheating women .

 

as a matter of fact, i think i did this morning. and i didn't bash in her ego or judge her morals or personality about what she is doing with her life. i gave her what i think was pretty good advice.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

as a matter of fact, i think i did this morning. and i didn't bash in her ego or judge her morals or personality about what she is doing with her life. i gave her what i think was pretty good advice.

 

Camaraderie.

[chinadiary]

Still ignoring your kids then.

[Blanco]

Unless they need to be kicked.

[Blanco]

And OP, I'm a straight guy, so maybe I can provide some of that insight you're seeking from men: I think you're being a dog, a creep, and a lousy father.

 

It's pretty clear what's happening. You're 50; youth is gone. You hate your marriage, and in a grander scope, sort of hate your life. It all seems hopeless and bleak, so the easiest supposed fix is to start acting in self-destructive ways: Having an emotional affair, laying the groundwork for a possibly physical affair; courting a woman who is far too young for someone your age and would have more in common with your eldest child than with you. Even a lot of your posts here seem self-aware that you're going to incite angry responses, which I think appeals to you in this self-destructive context.

 

But you can fix a lot of this by being an adult. File for divorce. Tell your wife that it's over. It's going to suck, but it'll be way worse when you inevitably get busted by your wife doing things that a married man should not be doing.

 

As it stands right now, you're doing the classic thing that a lot of cheaters do. You're pinning the blame on your partner for your behavior. Based on your first thread, it seems like this has long been your way of handle adversity, so clearly that hasn't actually solved anything.

[treehugger12]

I understand being in an unhappy and lonely marriage, I’ve been in your shoes but without children, late 40’s and married 25 years. You miss that connection and feeling of being needed, wanted and desired. But please take it from me, this is not the route you want to go, I had the opportunity several months ago and couldn’t resist the temptation, he preyed on me for 3 weeks. We had a 3 week fling. He too was married. I quickly became so addicted to him and took me several months to get over, thank goodness it didn’t go further, I think we both realized it needed to end. But it messed with my mind for months. You don’t need this in your life right now!! Fix things at home, get divorced or work on your marriage and kids. You getting involved with this young girl is going to make one ugly tangled web. Unless.... you really feel like you can “just” be friends with this young girl, you need to make it very clear, that you are married with children and it cannot go any further then just friends. If you want to be friends with her, then you need to tell your wife about your “friend”. But from what it sounds like from your posts you have other things in mind. Be very careful with your actions, I wish I would have, I didn’t know what I was getting into... I was in the fog.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I understand being in an unhappy and lonely marriage, I’ve been in your shoes but without children, late 40’s and married 25 years. You miss that connection and feeling of being needed, wanted and desired. But please take it from me, this is not the route you want to go, I had the opportunity several months ago and couldn’t resist the temptation, he preyed on me for 3 weeks. We had a 3 week fling. He too was married. I quickly became so addicted to him and took me several months to get over, thank goodness it didn’t go further, I think we both realized it needed to end. But it messed with my mind for months. You don’t need this in your life right now!! Fix things at home, get divorced or work on your marriage and kids. You getting involved with this young girl is going to make one ugly tangled web. Unless.... you really feel like you can “just” be friends with this young girl, you need to make it very clear, that you are married with children and it cannot go any further then just friends. If you want to be friends with her, then you need to tell your wife about your “friend”. But from what it sounds like from your posts you have other things in mind. Be very careful with your actions, I wish I would have, I didn’t know what I was getting into... I was in the fog.

 

Great advice, but I don't really think OP cares enough about anything or anybody in his life (including himself) to give a **** about what decisions he makes at this point. It doesn't even sound like he'd care about getting caught. It seems like he so preoccupied with whether or not he can pull this off that if something bad happens, so be it, at least he knows he's still "got it."

[jjgitties]

at least he knows he's still "got it."

 

Dear CautiouslyOptimistic, I ain't got nothing. This will lead to nowhere. Its just a temporary ego boost just to feel young again or feel something. I am not about to sleep with a married 20 year old. ;-)

[chinadiary]

Dear CautiouslyOptimistic, I ain't got nothing. This will lead to nowhere. Its just a temporary ego boost just to feel young again or feel something. I am not about to sleep with a married 20 year old. ;-)

 

 

Meanwhile you are staying out, abandoning your kids who you seem to have not a seconds concern for. Why have them if you have zero concern for their wellbeing?

[chinadiary]

Dear CautiouslyOptimistic, I ain't got nothing. This will lead to nowhere. Its just a temporary ego boost just to feel young again or feel something. I am not about to sleep with a married 20 year old. ;-)

 

 

And yet elsewhere on this site, you're starting threads such as 'Sex on a first date'.

 

 

I have such a bad feeling about all this, mainly in relation to your kids and your wife, and I don't even know you.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

And yet elsewhere on this site, you're starting threads such as 'Sex on a first date'.

 

 

I have such a bad feeling about all this, mainly in relation to your kids and your wife, and I don't even know you.

 

I don't think he started that thread. But he did start one about dating someone much younger. Dating. Dating. Dating. Not just a friend.

[NuevoYorko]

Dear CautiouslyOptimistic, I ain't got nothing. This will lead to nowhere. Its just a temporary ego boost just to feel young again or feel something. I am not about to sleep with a married 20 year old. ;-)

 

You are very disrespectful about women in your life. I have a daughter in her early 20s. I get a bit hot under the collar reading about your interactions with this young, married adult. You only speak of her as a “thing” that helps you bolster your sad illusions. She might as well be a bottle of booze.

 

Though young, she’s a grown woman and responsible for the choices she makes; still, I hope she gets clear of this wreck sooner rather than later.

 

Sad old guys with marriage problems preying on young women to “make them feel” some way are a dime a dozen, a worn out cliche. Why not choose to be a man, take ownership of what you’ve done and are doing to ruin your family and yourself, leave this woman alone and make the changes you need to.

[jjgitties]

Meanwhile you are staying out, abandoning your kids who you seem to have not a seconds concern for. Why have them if you have zero concern for their wellbeing?

 

 

What!!?? I dive them to school and drive the pick them up from their activities and events whenever I am available.

 

Why I am not around as much is because my spouse likes to live in a big place in the burbs closer to her mother and I work downtown. So my commutes are a killer. And then on top of that when I work late, I don't get home until 8 or 9pm at night. There is a price to pay for all the nice things you want in your life. Nothing comes for free. Especially if its nice. ;-)

[jjgitties]

And yet elsewhere on this site, you're starting threads such as 'Sex on a first date'.

 

 

I have such a bad feeling about all this, mainly in relation to your kids and your wife, and I don't even know you.

 

Nope..I don't think that was me. I usually try to wait at least until I get to know someone really well and feel comfortable with them as a person before I consider sex. Usually a few months. (Though, its okay to fantasize and have a fantasy life).

[jjgitties]

You are very disrespectful about women in your life. I have a daughter in her early 20s. I get a bit hot under the collar reading about your interactions with this young, married adult. You only speak of her as a “thing” that helps you bolster your sad illusions. She might as well be a bottle of booze.

 

Though young, she’s a grown woman and responsible for the choices she makes; still, I hope she gets clear of this wreck sooner rather than later.

 

Sad old guys with marriage problems preying on young women to “make them feel” some way are a dime a dozen, a worn out cliche. Why not choose to be a man, take ownership of what you’ve done and are doing to ruin your family and yourself, leave this woman alone and make the changes you need to.

 

Lets get this straight. I am not preying on her or stalking her and never did. She initiated the be-friendship and I accepted.

 

But its true what you say in the other part. I am a sad old guy (though I try to do my best to not come across as a drooling old geezer) who does like the company of a younger women because it makes me feel young again. What can I do -- I can't turn back time. At the same time, I am not going to block her and unfriend someone I kind of like hanging out with as a person and turn to hanging out with women "my own age" because its socially proper.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Lets get this straight. I am not preying on her or stalking her and never did. She initiated the be-friendship and I accepted.

 

But its true what you say in the other part. I am a sad old guy (though I try to do my best to not come across as a drooling old geezer) who does like the company of a younger women because it makes me feel young again. What can I do -- I can't turn back time. At the same time, I am not going to block her and unfriend someone I kind of like hanging out with as a person and turn to hanging out with women "my own age" because its socially proper.

 

What's not socially proper is hanging out with ANY woman who is not your not wife, especially when your wife doesn't know about it.

[wmacbride]

I'm in a similar situation. Currently going thru a divorce and dating a much younger woman. I'm 41 and she's 25. Yes, we are in different stages in our lives but honestly things are AWESOME. We joke about the age gap but we both want similar things out of our relationship together. She's also super intelligent and already has her first masters degree and working on her 2nd before starting her PHD.

 

That may, in fact, be a differentiator for our relationship though because guys her age are still living with their parents with no direction in life.

 

Can it work? YEP.... Will it work??? Who the hell knows unless you take the chance.

 

Sorry, but in this situation, this advice is not applicable. You are honest with this women. You are getting divorced.

 

He is not.

 

The op sounds like he is perfectly willing to lie to this woman, pretend he isn't married because it's what HE wants, and to hell with what sort of fallout it could have for this young woman.

 

Op, many women and men actually value fidelity and have zero interest in being with a married man. If you want to damage her emotionally and mentally, then it's full steam ahead for your self centered self.

 

If you want to treat her with he same respect you want for yourself, than stop and really think about what you are doing. This woman wasn't put on earth as a salve for your wounds or to eb your quasi therapist.

 

How about you straighten your own life out before you drag someone else into it ( and btw, and man who stays away all the time and is hardly ever home -and by his own choice ( how about you actually say at home with your children instead of taking classes in Flemish art appreciation ?), is a pretty crappy father. I have a feeling your are hardly the victim you portray yourself as . My guess? Your got sick of have to be responsible a man child along with her actual children and it shows.

 

You are also a liar, which is evidenced by your own words.