Married Men

[may]

I have been seeing a married man for over 2 yrs and he says he loves but but will never leave his wife. Should I start seeing other men? Help I am so in love with this guy I keep hoping to change his mind.

[Tony T]

You will never change his mind. He is not going to leave his wife, probably because he loves her and also because he would stand to lose a lot financially and socially.

 

In addition, he's likely using you as a sexual diversion. Men do that, you know...even the nice ones sometimes.

 

He'll dump YOU eventually once he tires of the affair. Meanwhile you're wasting good years waiting for him to change a mind that won't change.

 

If there's even a tiny chance that he would divorce his wife to be with you, it wouldn't happen while you are willingly seeing him at his convenience.

 

You are the other woman and always will be. If he gets sick, you won't be able to visit him in the hospital. If he dies, you can sit in the back of the funeral home or church but you can count on the fact you won't be in his will. You will mourn all by yourself.

 

So cut your losses and go find a guy who is available for romance, if that's what you want. But get it in your head now...this thing you're involved in now IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN...EVER!!!

[Miss Mojo]

hi may,

 

look at this particular statement you wrote:

 

...will never leave his wife.

 

NEVER means NEVER. i know you really love this man, but you will NEVER change his mind. i would suggest that you wait until he gets divorced to pursue a relationship with him, but he will NEVER divorce her, so i won't suggest that you wait.

 

and besides, if a miracle were to occur and he were to leave her for you, he would probably ending up cheating on you too. the man is married for pete's sake....nothing stops him from fulfilling his own desires.

 

Should I start seeing other men?

 

YES!!!!!!! in this man's eyes, you will always be the 'other woman'. don't you want to be the 'one and only woman' in a mans eyes?

 

don't short-change yourself. find yourself a man who is not married and needs and desires you and ONLY YOU. life's too short to spend pining over a married man, who, if he really loved you enough would not be with his wife....but he will never leave her. doesn't that tell you something?

 

good luck finding a wonderful, single man....there's plenty out there

[Pamela]

I have been seeing a married man for over 2 yrs and he says he loves but but will never leave his wife. Should I start seeing other men? Help I am so in love with this guy I keep hoping to change his mind.

He probably won't leave his wife, BUT you never know. There is always the possibility that things could change. Just look at what happened to me... I don't want to lead you on or give you false hope, but my motto in life has always been "against all odds".

 

I can't recall how many times I thought I was in an impossible NEVER situtation when the circumstances turned around completely.

 

I believe anything is possible if you really want something, but I would caution you greatly here. You see, I GOT what I wanted. The married man who I was involved with did leave his wife for me and we ended up getting married, but later when I realized and saw just how deeply he cared for me and loved me I didn't want him anymore, but I still stayed with him (and stay) out of guilt because I fooled around with other men.

 

I really got myself entangled in a complex web and now I am caught in my own game.

[Miss Mojo]

the only problem is, she could be waiting around for *years* for this man to leave his wife, if he ever does.

 

this guy can't be so fantastic that he's worth waiting for. for starters, he's unfaithful and his loyalties don't seem to lie in a committed relationship. you can't get much more committed than marriage.

 

she would be being unfair to herself to wait, and as you said, you are now in a complex web and caught in your own game....that could just as likely happen here.

 

i think affairs should be called 'unfairs' because they're unfair on everyone involved and there is too much at stake emotionally.

[sparkle]

Eww Pamela. You're actually beginning to sound DISGUSTING to me. YUCK. You definitely beat Rachel and Jennie on this board.

 

I'm curious though...do the guys you date have as low standards as you do?

[Pamela]

Eww Pamela. You're actually beginning to sound DISGUSTING to me. YUCK. You definitely beat Rachel and Jennie on this board.

 

Maybe it sounds disgusting to you. At least I'm not making it up and it is an experience I can draw on. Life isn't always beautiful. Judge others as you would be judged Sparkle.

I'm curious though...do the guys you date have as low standards as you do?

 

What is your definition of low standards?