elaine567 Posted November 28, 2017 Share Posted November 28, 2017 Is this not just classic exit affair stuff? Woman unhappy in marriage, seeks solace in another man and sees a way out... Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 28, 2017 Share Posted November 28, 2017 Classic exit affair... Absolutely. Text book. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted November 28, 2017 Share Posted November 28, 2017 Minor directive. 1. Watch the language. Profanity and vulgarity don't fly here on LoveShack, especially if/when describing members or their actions with it. 2. Report any suspicions of a thread being 'real' or not to moderation, not publicly. Doing so publicly costs a member posting privileges per the announcement at the top of this forum, and every forum. Thanks and please continue! Link to post Share on other sites
Author niteandfog Posted November 29, 2017 Author Share Posted November 29, 2017 Ok, so line is an exit affair, but what about his?? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Ok, so line is an exit affair, but what about his?? Hard to say... Maybe, his marriage is not good and he is actually seeking an escape. Perhaps, he is just bored with his life and he got caught up in the thrill and excitement of it all. At the very least, he is looking for some new and different sex. Maybe, he intends to leave his wife and will follow through with that decision. Or, perhaps he plans to leave his wife but will end up staying and stringing you both along... It's hard to say what his motivation is right now because he has yet to actually leave his wife. Only time will tell what he is all about. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author niteandfog Posted November 29, 2017 Author Share Posted November 29, 2017 Hard to say... Maybe, his marriage is not good and he is actually seeking an escape. Perhaps, he is just bored with his life and he got caught up in the thrill and excitement of it all. At the very least, he is looking for some new and different sex. Maybe, he intends to leave his wife and will follow through with that decision. Or, perhaps he plans to leave his wife but will end up staying and stringing you both along... It's hard to say what his motivation is right now because he has yet to actually leave his wife. Only time will tell what he is all about. Thank you, a very honest and insightful answer Link to post Share on other sites
Maddieandtae Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Don't be concerned about his reasons for leaving his wife. Your focus should be on building a healthy safe environment for you daughter and yourself:) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 (edited) Men rarely leave a marriage over love for another woman. They are wired differently than us. They value the security, social acceptance and comfort of a marriage - and place value on financial objects and means more than women do. A woman will go live under a bridge if it meant being with the man she loves; a man won't leave his home to do that. And if he does, he tends to wake up and go home after the bloom is off the rose. The thing is that even if a man is in a sexless marriage, borderline miserable, angry at his wife or questions if he loves her - underneath it all, men tend to love their wife (or at least feel the honorable thing is to stay with their family) and often use the affair as a way to jolt their spouse (and themselves) into action and fix what is wrong. You see, a man's wife and marriage is typically what they really wanted all along, he just wanted the love, attention, respect and/or appreciation he felt was lacking - from his wife. Often a man may just be angry and did not cognitively realize this or if he did, he did not have any idea on how to fix it. Or maybe, he just wanted to have a little fun. Maybe he felt like he worked so hard, he deserved a little fun on the side, to spice up his mundane existence. Unfortunately the OW gets caught up in the MM's issues towards his wife (and with himself) and believes this new relationship is real, special and lasting. In his defense, the MM typically is not consciously doing this (though some are bad guys and do it on purpose, just for sex). But once the MM realizes it is time to fix his marriage, go back to real life, and especially if the wife learns of the A, the OW is cast aside. Worse, he and the rest of the world do not feel sorry for her since she willingly got involved with a married man. If the woman is married, often she is left with no marriage, home or family while the man fixes his. This is why you should never believe anything that a MM says to you while he is still married, even if he is separated. Take it all with a grain of salt. Former OW. Edited November 29, 2017 by MidnightBlue1980 13 Link to post Share on other sites
grass-hopper Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Men rarely leave a marriage over love for another woman. They are wired differently than us. They value the security, social acceptance and comfort of a marriage - and place value on financial objects and means more than women do. A woman will go live under a bridge if it meant being with the man she loves; a man won't leave his home to do that. And if he does, he tends to wake up and go home after the bloom is off the rose. The thing is that even if a man is in a sexless marriage, borderline miserable, angry at his wife or questions if he loves her - underneath it all, men tend to love their wife (or at least feel the honorable thing is to stay with their family) and often use the affair as a way to jolt their spouse (and themselves) into action and fix what is wrong. You see, a man's wife and marriage is typically what they really wanted all along, he just wanted the love, attention, respect and/or appreciation he felt was lacking - from his wife. Often a man may just be angry and did not cognitively realize this or if he did, he did not have any idea on how to fix it. Or maybe, he just wanted to have a little fun. Maybe he felt like he worked so hard, he deserved a little fun on the side, to spice up his mundane existence. Unfortunately the OW gets caught up in the MM's issues towards his wife (and with himself) and believes this new relationship is real, special and lasting. In his defense, the MM typically is not consciously doing this (though some are bad guys and do it on purpose, just for sex). But once the MM realizes it is time to fix his marriage, go back to real life, and especially if the wife learns of the A, the OW is cast aside. Worse, he and the rest of the world do not feel sorry for her since she willingly got involved with a married man. If the woman is married, often she is left with no marriage, home or family while the man fixes his. This is why you should never believe anything that a MM says to you while he is still married, even if he is separated. Take it all with a grain of salt. Former OW. This spoke volumes to me today 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Men rarely leave a marriage over love for another woman. They are wired differently than us. They value the security, social acceptance and comfort of a marriage - and place value on financial objects and means more than women do. A woman will go live under a bridge if it meant being with the man she loves; a man won't leave his home to do that. And if he does, he tends to wake up and go home after the bloom is off the rose. The thing is that even if a man is in a sexless marriage, borderline miserable, angry at his wife or questions if he loves her - underneath it all, men tend to love their wife (or at least feel the honorable thing is to stay with their family) and often use the affair as a way to jolt their spouse (and themselves) into action and fix what is wrong. You see, a man's wife and marriage is typically what they really wanted all along, he just wanted the love, attention, respect and/or appreciation he felt was lacking - from his wife. Often a man may just be angry and did not cognitively realize this or if he did, he did not have any idea on how to fix it. Or maybe, he just wanted to have a little fun. Maybe he felt like he worked so hard, he deserved a little fun on the side, to spice up his mundane existence. Unfortunately the OW gets caught up in the MM's issues towards his wife (and with himself) and believes this new relationship is real, special and lasting. In his defense, the MM typically is not consciously doing this (though some are bad guys and do it on purpose, just for sex). But once the MM realizes it is time to fix his marriage, go back to real life, and especially if the wife learns of the A, the OW is cast aside. Worse, he and the rest of the world do not feel sorry for her since she willingly got involved with a married man. If the woman is married, often she is left with no marriage, home or family while the man fixes his. This is why you should never believe anything that a MM says to you while he is still married, even if he is separated. Take it all with a grain of salt. Former OW. I agree, but also add, men tend to value "faithful" women. When given the choice between a faithful wife or a MOW/OW the wife will almost always win out. Unlike women, who tend to thrive on competition with other women over men, men tend to scare or shy away. Some that don't become controlling of MOW/OW. All in all, most men don't like drama, this is why they ghost affairs. It's fun until it becomes too dramatic. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Vivir Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 I also concur with MidnightBlue. Posts like hers can be startling, yet poignant for people like me, who have struggled to care more for him/herself than for the MP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author niteandfog Posted November 30, 2017 Author Share Posted November 30, 2017 He probably realized early on how clingy you are and decided not to allow it to go further. OW like you tend to put their marriage at risk. Most cheating husbands want an OW who is attached (married) and who has very low demands and even lower expectations. It also helps if she doesn't intend to divorce - hence an OW who makes no demands. Your clingy version likey has him backing off to protect himself/his wife finding out! Maybe you missed the updates in the thread, but the clingy/needy one is indeed him not me. He does absolutely nothing to protect his wife from finding out. Latest antics were holding hands in public for 15mins while walking through town (and it wasn't an empty street), stopping for kissing and he even lifted me and carried me for a bit. He's also started his separation process, sure I have no hard evidence for this but there are a few pointers that he's probably not lying. His communication pattern changed when they were having the fights over the weekend. There were no posts on either of their accounts of how the weekend went (they went to the closest biggest city to do some Christmas shopping), she posted an old photo of their daughter and there were no comments on his end, he also changed his profile picture and the same can be said. And yesterday I saw her walking past my house, she definitely looked sad/broken/a bit of a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author niteandfog Posted November 30, 2017 Author Share Posted November 30, 2017 Did he stay after running club tonight - to see you alone? Yes indeed. That's when all the hand holding/kissing in public happened. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Maybe you missed the updates in the thread, but the clingy/needy one is indeed him not me. He does absolutely nothing to protect his wife from finding out. Latest antics were holding hands in public for 15mins while walking through town (and it wasn't an empty street), stopping for kissing and he even lifted me and carried me for a bit. He's also started his separation process, sure I have no hard evidence for this but there are a few pointers that he's probably not lying. His communication pattern changed when they were having the fights over the weekend. There were no posts on either of their accounts of how the weekend went (they went to the closest biggest city to do some Christmas shopping), she posted an old photo of their daughter and there were no comments on his end, he also changed his profile picture and the same can be said. And yesterday I saw her walking past my house, she definitely looked sad/broken/a bit of a mess. the bolded above really highlights how twisted and sick affair relationships are. How unhealthy is a relationship that kicks off with you watching/spying on his wife's social media, looking hopefully for any sign that the MM's marriage is suffering. Seeing his wife walking down the street looking sad and broken and instead of feeling any normal human compassion for her, all you think is "oh good, his wife looks like she's in misery, I'm winning!" I guess if your real lucky maybe you will get to see his kids crying too. That should be satisfying. Sorry for my sarcasm but you think your having some sort of love affair of the century (based on your previous post of kissing him in the rain and gazing to the sea or whatever) meanwhile their are real people who are being horribly hurt so that you can live your fantasy. Broken hurt families are not romantic, they're tragic. Your affair with this man is not romantic it's shallow,selfish, egocentric, and it's built on sand. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 the bolded above really highlights how twisted and sick affair relationships are. How unhealthy is a relationship that kicks off with you watching/spying on his wife's social media, looking hopefully for any sign that the MM's marriage is suffering. Seeing his wife walking down the street looking sad and broken and instead of feeling any normal human compassion for her, all you think is "oh good, his wife looks like she's in misery, I'm winning!" I guess if your real lucky maybe you will get to see his kids crying too. That should be satisfying. Sorry for my sarcasm but you think your having some sort of love affair of the century (based on your previous post of kissing him in the rain and gazing to the sea or whatever) meanwhile their are real people who are being horribly hurt so that you can live your fantasy. Broken hurt families are not romantic, they're tragic. Your affair with this man is not romantic it's shallow,selfish, egocentric, and it's built on sand. Could not agree more. It was also my first thought. OP, I don't know how you can watch this woman walking down the street looking sad and broken and not have a crisis of conscious. I guess you are winning, but at what consequence. His wife is feeling the consequence now, you will suffer your consequence later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author niteandfog Posted November 30, 2017 Author Share Posted November 30, 2017 I do feel guilty, I really do, but on the other hand what's done is done. Like today, I spend all morning and some of the afternoon in his house , if I'm heartless he's just as heartless as I am (if not more). Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 the bolded above really highlights how twisted and sick affair relationships are. How unhealthy is a relationship that kicks off with you watching/spying on his wife's social media, looking hopefully for any sign that the MM's marriage is suffering. Seeing his wife walking down the street looking sad and broken and instead of feeling any normal human compassion for her, all you think is "oh good, his wife looks like she's in misery, I'm winning!" I guess if your real lucky maybe you will get to see his kids crying too. That should be satisfying. Sorry for my sarcasm but you think your having some sort of love affair of the century (based on your previous post of kissing him in the rain and gazing to the sea or whatever) meanwhile their are real people who are being horribly hurt so that you can live your fantasy. Broken hurt families are not romantic, they're tragic. Your affair with this man is not romantic it's shallow,selfish, egocentric, and it's built on sand. It's as if the OP is actually getting off on the wife being in pain. There really are people in this world who have no soul yet Karma will always find them. Link to post Share on other sites
QuestioningSoul Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 I find both of your actions incredibly cruel. And no, not what's done is done... you choose daily to do it. Stay out of her house at least. I'm out of this thread. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Minor directive. 1. Watch the language. Profanity and vulgarity don't fly here on LoveShack, especially if/when describing members or their actions with it. 2. Report any suspicions of a thread being 'real' or not to moderation, not publicly. Doing so publicly costs a member posting privileges per the announcement at the top of this forum, and every forum. Thanks and please continue! OK, did some more reading and will add one more directive, a common sense one... 3. Further commentary in violation of our civility and respect guidelines will earn participants at least 7 days vacation (suspension) from LoveShack.org. This includes the common covert implications bright minds use to insult and degrade people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 (edited) I just want to say that I agree wholeheartedly with midnight blue's post. I say this as an MM who developed feelings for the OW, became obsessed, fell in love, etc, etc.... all the usual c*ap......nd then took a long time to get over her, had a breakdown at some point and felt guilty got OWs pain, etc.. But did I ever plan to leave my marriage? No way! Never entered my thought processes. Why? See midnight's post. It's there in black and white! I'm a man - this is how we're wired. And we can love more than one woman at once. And as midnight alludes to, I never intended to hurt the OW or future fake. I thought she saw it exactly the same way as me - an amazing adventure that would have to end one day. Only on D- day, did I find out that we were poles apart on this and that she had secretly been waiting for me to leave my W all along. Many tears were shed by many people. Hard lessons hard learned for everyone. It's never a good idea to get involved with a married man. Edited November 30, 2017 by jenkins95 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author niteandfog Posted November 30, 2017 Author Share Posted November 30, 2017 He was basically crying with joy today because he met me. He explained that he actually never wanted to marry, he only did it to try to fix the mess/ make her happy. He regrets that deeply. They just got married last year but had been together for I think 10/11 years (children are pre wedding). He's supposedly leaving her on Saturday, or at least going to tell her that it's definitely over. He know where he's going to stay and he was planning to tell his mom today. He also said he was witness of how his parents stayed together for the kids and how their lives were miserable, he said he doesn't have any intention to do the same. I told him I have absolutely no intention to marry him, but stay together as long as our love lasts. Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 He was basically crying with joy today because he met me. He explained that he actually never wanted to marry, he only did it to try to fix the mess/ make her happy. He regrets that deeply. They just got married last year but had been together for I think 10/11 years (children are pre wedding). He's supposedly leaving her on Saturday, or at least going to tell her that it's definitely over. He know where he's going to stay and he was planning to tell his mom today. He also said he was witness of how his parents stayed together for the kids and how their lives were miserable, he said he doesn't have any intention to do the same. I told him I have absolutely no intention to marry him, but stay together as long as our love lasts. op, I know it's hard because of the emotions involved,but really think about what this guy is saying. It makes no sense at all....and you know what? you are a mother, and your child needs to be a huge part of all you do. This guy, sorry to say, sounds like a loser. A real loser. He's like a little boy trying to get away form his big, bad mean "mommy" . Is that really god for your child? If he divorces her, that leaves a space wide open for another "mommy", as guys like this usually can't do well on their own. Do you really want to add that responsibility to your plate? Of course you can say you won't get that deeply involved,but my guess is that before you started up the A, you would have said you would never cheat on your spouse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author niteandfog Posted November 30, 2017 Author Share Posted November 30, 2017 op, I know it's hard because of the emotions involved,but really think about what this guy is saying. It makes no sense at all....and you know what? you are a mother, and your child needs to be a huge part of all you do. This guy, sorry to say, sounds like a loser. A real loser. He's like a little boy trying to get away form his big, bad mean "mommy" . Is that really god for your child? If he divorces her, that leaves a space wide open for another "mommy", as guys like this usually can't do well on their own. Do you really want to add that responsibility to your plate? Of course you can say you won't get that deeply involved,but my guess is that before you started up the A, you would have said you would never cheat on your spouse. I was my STBXH's mom, I totally was he even admits it, so I don't think I want to be in a similar relationship whatsoever. That being said, I don't see any similarities between both of them (they seem to be polar opposites). and actually no... the fact is that I've always been open to an A, I know I would have had one 6 years ago, 4 years ago in business trip and a year ago when I had a massive crush on someone else... I did think about it, but either never had the proper chance or chickened out. Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 I was my STBXH's mom, I totally was he even admits it, so I don't think I want to be in a similar relationship whatsoever. That being said, I don't see any similarities between both of them (they seem to be polar opposites). and actually no... the fact is that I've always been open to an A, I know I would have had one 6 years ago, 4 years ago in business trip and a year ago when I had a massive crush on someone else... I did think about it, but either never had the proper chance or chickened out. I see. I'm sorry but I have nothing else to say. I just can't get my head around your mindset. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 I see. I'm sorry but I have nothing else to say. I just can't get my head around your mindset. Yeah it's best to leave her alone and wish them well. There's nothing LS can do with this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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