Author niteandfog Posted December 3, 2017 Author Share Posted December 3, 2017 So my AP stood.up.on me today. I do think there's something going on as his messaging patterns were very different past night and he read my message around 3-4 am . What am I supposed to do from here? Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted December 3, 2017 Share Posted December 3, 2017 So my AP stood.up.on me today. I do think there's something going on as his messaging patterns were very different past night and he read my message around 3-4 am . What am I supposed to do from here? It is still the same process for you... You have no choice except to wait around for him and see if he actually wants or does leave his wife and continue his relationship with you. This is what having an affair is like for most Other women... Link to post Share on other sites
Author niteandfog Posted December 3, 2017 Author Share Posted December 3, 2017 But will he ghost me? I hope he doesn't. I understand if he wants to stay with her or can't leave her or whatever. But I think I deserve at least a good bye Link to post Share on other sites
BrokeInside Posted December 3, 2017 Share Posted December 3, 2017 I did read everything As a cheated husband, even if my marriage was not perfect, it just killed me inside when i did found out my wife was cheating on me since many month. It broke my trust in people and broke me to the ground, i lost my self esteem and she didnt respect our little children in the process. Your daughter will have to see a happy mother and this is going to be priceless ? My mother ended her marriage with three kids, run off with her true love 23 years ago and my sisters still didnt forgave her. My mother was happy but we only got despair into that. The new guy was a total dick with us many times and my mother ended divorced again with another kids in the second wedding. I dont wish you anything, i wish you to be happy, but dont over expect things because you did decide to choose a very destructive path for everyone. in my opinion, you should have leave before the cheating stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author niteandfog Posted December 3, 2017 Author Share Posted December 3, 2017 So after swearing undying love and having a normal day for us... In theory he was going to have "the chat" with his wife. Ever since that last message where he told me that we would meet for our usual run... He hasn't replied. He stood me up this morning... He didn't read my message from last night until 3-4am this morning, and he hasn't replied to the one I sent this morning. This is SO unusual of him. He always wished me good morning/night and well he never reads them and not reply. Do I confront him or just wait? I at least deserve a good bye (if that's what's really happening). Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 3, 2017 Share Posted December 3, 2017 I'm sorry. I'm not surprised, but I'm sure that this hurts. How are you doing? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 3, 2017 Share Posted December 3, 2017 The chat with his wife probably involved him telling her about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author niteandfog Posted December 3, 2017 Author Share Posted December 3, 2017 I'm doing ok...and yes that's my biggest concern that he actually told her about me, I don't know why he would but maybe couldn't deal with the guilt. I'm seeing my best friend as I need someone in real life to confide. The problem is she's very close to my Stbxh .. but I'm just kind of lost. I still have faith he'll at least give me some sort of explanation soon. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 3, 2017 Share Posted December 3, 2017 Either that, or she asked him to stay and he reconsidered. Let's be honest here... This guy has poor judgment and he makes impulsive decisions. I would not be surprised if he flip flopped for a while. Or perhaps, sanity has somehow prevailed and he changed his mind about staying with his family. Time to focus on your daughter and think about what you want for YOUR life now, as a single mother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author niteandfog Posted December 3, 2017 Author Share Posted December 3, 2017 Yeah,I've thought of a possible mental breakdown too. I think eventually he will leave, he says how much it messed him up that his parents were in a loveless marriage until his dad died. Again I don't mind if it's over, I just want a chance to say farewell, good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted December 3, 2017 Share Posted December 3, 2017 (edited) [N]ot sure how long you’ve been involved and what your future plans were. Either way, it could be that he never had the talk with BS, or they did and he promised her to reconcile and N.C., or he needs some space. Such talks are stressful, and even if he loves you, and wants to build a future with you, he may be super stressed out and feel like crap right now. Still not an excuse for going radio silent, but those are the possible explanations I can think of. And yes - IF they had the talk, be prepared for some intense flip flopping. Edited December 3, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator References to other threads redacted Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted December 3, 2017 Share Posted December 3, 2017 Yeah,I've thought of a possible mental breakdown too. I think eventually he will leave, he says how much it messed him up that his parents were in a loveless marriage until his dad died. Again I don't mind if it's over, I just want a chance to say farewell, good luck. You can do that right now. Tell him that because of the silence, you’re assuming he’s changed his mind. See what he says, if anything..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author niteandfog Posted December 3, 2017 Author Share Posted December 3, 2017 (edited) [] The last message I sent him went like this: Good morning my darling! I waited for you until around 850... No biggie, I'm sure you had your reasons (and hopefully nothing major!). Anyways, if you want to chat I'm here for you, I really mean it. I do love you... I hope you have a nice Sunday I guess he's gone silent for 24hrs now. Which on the other hand doesn't seem long enough to go all "well I guess this is over" when I knew his wife gave him an ultimatum of making up his mind by yesterday evening Edited December 3, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Discussion of old thread redacted Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 3, 2017 Share Posted December 3, 2017 Again I don't mind if it's over, I just want a chance to say farewell, good luck. I do love you... If you really loved him, you'd mind if it's over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted December 3, 2017 Share Posted December 3, 2017 If you really loved him, you'd mind if it's over. This line of argument tends not to be helpful. We also get people who'll say "If you really loved him you'd be glad he went back to his wife" "If you really loved him you'd leave him alone" "If you really loved him you wouldn't want to disrupt his family" and so on. And then they'll turn it around to "If you really loved him you'd do anything for him". Leveraging our own ideas of what's right to 'prove' that one person does or doesn't love another just makes people unhappy and defensive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author niteandfog Posted December 3, 2017 Author Share Posted December 3, 2017 If you really loved him, you'd mind if it's over. Of course I mind... I'm literally on edge at the moment... So much that I've been pretty close to tell my husband and his wife the truth. But I always knew he was never for me until he separated. I'd like a explanation sure, but does he even owe me one? It's only been 24hrs, can you imagine how I'm going to feel in 48? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 3, 2017 Share Posted December 3, 2017 This line of argument tends not to be helpful. We also get people who'll say "If you really loved him you'd be glad he went back to his wife" "If you really loved him you'd leave him alone" "If you really loved him you wouldn't want to disrupt his family" and so on. And then they'll turn it around to "If you really loved him you'd do anything for him". Leveraging our own ideas of what's right to 'prove' that one person does or doesn't love another just makes people unhappy and defensive. Fair enough. I'll amend my thought to simply say these to statements are in conflict with one another, for me at least. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 3, 2017 Share Posted December 3, 2017 Of course I mind... I'm literally on edge at the moment... So much that I've been pretty close to tell my husband and his wife the truth. But I always knew he was never for me until he separated. I'd like a explanation sure, but does he even owe me one? It's only been 24hrs, can you imagine how I'm going to feel in 48? Then why did you say you wouldn't mind if it's over? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 3, 2017 Share Posted December 3, 2017 Of course I mind... I'm literally on edge at the moment... So much that I've been pretty close to tell my husband and his wife the truth. Stop panicking. Do nothing Stay schtum. He may have considered leaving and done absolutely nothing as he has changed his mind or chickened out and he is ashamed to face you. If he has told his wife then you may need to reconsider your position but do not do anything at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 3, 2017 Share Posted December 3, 2017 Such is the role of the other woman in an affair... You do not control your destiny and all you can do is wait... Link to post Share on other sites
Author niteandfog Posted December 3, 2017 Author Share Posted December 3, 2017 Then why did you say you wouldn't mind if it's over? What I mean is that if it's over, I only feel grateful for what happened. The past few weeks have been some of the happiest I've ever had. Link to post Share on other sites
Author niteandfog Posted December 3, 2017 Author Share Posted December 3, 2017 Neither him nor the wife have blocked me on SM, to f that means anything :/ Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted December 3, 2017 Share Posted December 3, 2017 Neither him nor the wife have blocked me on SM, to f that means anything :/ I imagine that means they are busy dealing with more important things than SM. Link to post Share on other sites
Author niteandfog Posted December 3, 2017 Author Share Posted December 3, 2017 I imagine that means they are busy dealing with more important things than SM. Yes, and I'm assuming that I haven't been named. If I new my husband had been having an affair, I would demand for that person to be erased of all social media. Link to post Share on other sites
Author niteandfog Posted December 3, 2017 Author Share Posted December 3, 2017 Maybe I'm delusional , but I've always said I believe him. That being said, I can only give him time and space and definitely not be needy! I know that with time, at least he'll come back to give me an explanation, of that I'm sure. Link to post Share on other sites
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