Chewbacca1974 Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 Hi all, I’m in my 40’s, ever since I was 17 I have been in and out of relationships. 17 - 31 31 - 39 39 - 40 41 - 43 As you can see, no break at all, 2 months max between each! Just going through a breakup now and struggling moving on, basically I know in the past in this situation I have met someone to get over someone (fill the gap) I don’t want to do that again, this maybe a reason why I struggle to move on etc.... After further investigation I believe it stems from my childhood... codependency I want to reverse this shadow over me..... Can anyone relate to this? Any pointers? Also how long break away from relationships? Chewy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chinadiary Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 God, 100%. Me too. 3 relationships since I was 17. Longest gap was 3 months. I don't want anymore. I can't do this pain again. Enough is enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sdraw108 Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Also how long break away from relationships? Chewy I can answer this part. When you're over the last person. Not before. Link to post Share on other sites
toomanyquestions123 Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Yes ME !! and after further investigations, i realized the need i was seeking to always be in a relationship was a lack of tenderness when i was a child. Dont get me wrong i have 2 amazing parents, but my dad was an army officer whom i barely saw when i was a child and my mother is by nature a very tough person who does not express her feelings ( her father left them when she was young ). I always wondered why after a heartbreak or a failed relationship i never stayed single for a while !!I remember the very next day after a breakup i start looking for a new guy !!! perhaps if i did stay single i would have taken much better decisions !! Now at 27, i finally decided with the help of a therapist to stay single for a while! I encourage you to do the same... If you give some YOU time maybe you will learn stuff about urself and you will know how to pick wisely the next time !!! Link to post Share on other sites
wishyouneverleft Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Hi all, I’m in my 40’s, ever since I was 17 I have been in and out of relationships. 17 - 31 31 - 39 39 - 40 41 - 43 As you can see, no break at all, 2 months max between each! Just going through a breakup now and struggling moving on, basically I know in the past in this situation I have met someone to get over someone (fill the gap) I don’t want to do that again, this maybe a reason why I struggle to move on etc.... After further investigation I believe it stems from my childhood... codependency I want to reverse this shadow over me..... Can anyone relate to this? Any pointers? Also how long break away from relationships? Chewy Honestly I suggest you do what I did after so many pitfalls and downtrodden luck with the last one. GET HELP. Look for someone professional that'll really dig in deep and see what's really going on. Its great to use this site to vent and have a support system, but if you see a pattern lasting that long, like mine, we have to seek assistance from a professional that can offer meaningful insight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chewbacca1974 Posted November 22, 2017 Author Share Posted November 22, 2017 Honestly I suggest you do what I did after so many pitfalls and downtrodden luck with the last one. GET HELP. Look for someone professional that'll really dig in deep and see what's really going on. Its great to use this site to vent and have a support system, but if you see a pattern lasting that long, like mine, we have to seek assistance from a professional that can offer meaningful insight. I did exactly that and the result was based on codependency, stems back from my childhood where my parents were never really affectionate, hence the reason why I’m focused on my partner more than my own self! I am a pleaser, I look at the people round me and make sure they are happy before myself. I need to break this shadow and find my true self... it’s not going to be easy being on my own when I have always had that someone with me or shall I rephrase that.. someone I’m trying to make happy because I look for a loving/affection back.... Like I said.. focus on yourself, which to me means, gym, football, buy clothes etc for once! Anyone else have problems not liking their own company and need a partner to fill that gap? Cheers for the reply people Chewy x Link to post Share on other sites
toomanyquestions123 Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 I did exactly that and the result was based on codependency, stems back from my childhood where my parents were never really affectionate, hence the reason why I’m focused on my partner more than my own self! I am a pleaser, I look at the people round me and make sure they are happy before myself. I need to break this shadow and find my true self... it’s not going to be easy being on my own when I have always had that someone with me or shall I rephrase that.. someone I’m trying to make happy because I look for a loving/affection back.... Like I said.. focus on yourself, which to me means, gym, football, buy clothes etc for once! Anyone else have problems not liking their own company and need a partner to fill that gap? Cheers for the reply people Chewy x Yes i do have this problem i guess. Loving someone else so i can be pleased and be loved back. I want to learn to love myself now so i can get into a healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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