The losses add up

[Chilli]

Haven't read it all but the one in your 20s was the last one you fell in love with pretty well spells out the problem.

 

so does that mean in all these other relationships you haven't been in love with them?

[spiderowl]

Neowulf, I have found that for a relationship to work and for me to feel I want more of it, it needs to cover most of the major areas:

 

1. Emotional connection and depth

2. Physical connection and desire

3. Sexual compatibility

4. Intellectual compatibility

5. Spiritual understanding (not same religion or anything but a sense of similarity in understanding)

6. Relationship goal

7. Financial stability

8. No serious addictions

 

If any of these areas are missing, the relationship is threatened from the start. It is not always possible to tell that some are missing at the start of a relationship. Emotional depth, for example, may be something we start to feel as the relationship deepens. People don't reveal all about themselves on a first meeting after all.

 

What would you say was missing, or we differ on them significantly, these are major issues. What is missing with these women you are giving up on? What are you not getting from them that you need?

 

If the answer to the above is nothing, then it is you who are not getting involved with them. They are offering everything you need except that magic feeling. Someone offering everything is so rare.

Edited November 26, 2017 by spiderowl

[neowulf]

Neowulf, I have found that for a relationship to work and for me to feel I want more of it, it needs to cover most of the major areas:

 

1. Emotional connection and depth

2. Physical connection and desire

3. Sexual compatibility

4. Intellectual compatibility

5. Spiritual understanding (not same religion or anything but a sense of similarity in understanding)

6. Relationship goal

7. Financial stability

8. No serious addictions

 

If any of these areas are missing, the relationship is threatened from the start. It is not always possible to tell that some are missing at the start of a relationship. Emotional depth, for example, may be something we start to feel as the relationship deepens. People don't reveal all about themselves on a first meeting after all.

 

What would you say was missing, or we differ on them significantly, these are major issues. What is missing with these women you are giving up on? What are you not getting from them that you need?

 

If the answer to the above is nothing, then it is you who are not getting involved with them. They are offering everything you need except that magic feeling. Someone offering everything is so rare.

 

Thank you Spiderowl. Of that list, there are a few that aren't being met. But are all those values equal? As you say, finding someone to meet all of them can be an exercise in futility.

 

I just don't know.

 

I go back and forth between being worried I'm being unrealistic, but then.. being generally concerned at my lack of attraction or future thinking. I wish I could figure it out.

 

Thanks again for the insights though.