katnisss Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 A year ago, I met a guy who had recently been left by his GF of many years. We were both 29. From the beginning he was clear that he's not ready for another relationship, but we had an instant, intense connection. I fell so hard for him, but promised to give him space and told him that I fully understand. We talked a lot, were physical but also just doing fun things out. A few weeks in he broke down crying though and said it'll take him years to recover. Shortly afterwards he told me that he's sorry we met at the wrong time. Forced himself to keep casually dating others to begin his recovery. From mutual friends I know that he thought I'm amazing and that he was certain I hated him after the episode. I didn't, I was just insecure. We didn't see each other for months but became friends on social media. It turns out we're sharing many interests and we never got to know each other properly. From an acquaintance I know that he's in a LDR now, which gives him space to work things through for himself. In brief personal encounters and emails, he never mentioned her to me, and I didn't mention my flings. I was constantly thinking about him though and it took strength not to reveal that. SO: Am I totally delusional to think we could give it a try when he's in a better place (as he seems to be). I don't want to be the person who interrupts something good, but it could just be his rebound. Help me get some perspective please! I don't know how to approach him without seeming pushy again and I feel I cannot wait until his LDR either falls apart or becomes super serious. Thanks everybody! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 He knew you existed before he started the LDR. You have to conclude he wanted to be with the LDR person. Similarly, that choice shows he picked somebody over you. As fabulous as it all may have been for you, he didn't share your enthusiasm. Sadly, you simply have to conclude it wasn't meant to be & stop holding out hope that you two can ever have a relationship 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 A year ago, I met a guy who had recently been left by his GF of many years. We were both 29. From the beginning he was clear that he's not ready for another relationship, but we had an instant, intense connection. I fell so hard for him, but promised to give him space and told him that I fully understand. We talked a lot, were physical but also just doing fun things out. A few weeks in he broke down crying though and said it'll take him years to recover. Shortly afterwards he told me that he's sorry we met at the wrong time. Forced himself to keep casually dating others to begin his recovery. From mutual friends I know that he thought I'm amazing and that he was certain I hated him after the episode. I didn't, I was just insecure. We didn't see each other for months but became friends on social media. It turns out we're sharing many interests and we never got to know each other properly. From an acquaintance I know that he's in a LDR now, which gives him space to work things through for himself. In brief personal encounters and emails, he never mentioned her to me, and I didn't mention my flings. I was constantly thinking about him though and it took strength not to reveal that. SO: Am I totally delusional to think we could give it a try when he's in a better place (as he seems to be). I don't want to be the person who interrupts something good, but it could just be his rebound. Help me get some perspective please! I don't know how to approach him without seeming pushy again and I feel I cannot wait until his LDR either falls apart or becomes super serious. Thanks everybody! He's where he wants to be. He was clear with you that he wasn't ready for another relationship, cried and said it would take him years to recover. A few months later he's already in a LTR. Why did he pick her instead of calling you to reconnect if he felt the way you do? He didn't. I would move on and leave him and his relationship alone. The best you will get is another sneaky roll in the hay. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author katnisss Posted November 21, 2017 Author Share Posted November 21, 2017 Thanks for the replies. Those seem to be the cold hard facts... I take him by his word that timing was horrible and I know that a LDR (more like LD dating at this point) has more appeal: no feeling of abandonment but still room to recover. Seems like he cannot be entirely alone for a while but is also not ready to live with someone. Alas, I just wish my otherwise rational brain wouldn't constantly trick me into thinking this is temporary. Or I wish for real closure. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 (edited) This is your closure. He is in a relationship with another woman. It wasn't a matter of timing as you can see by how fast he asked the other girl to be his gf. He could have asked you but didn't. You need to start accepting these facts so you can move on from this man once and for all. It isn't that LD dating was more appealing to him it's that the relationship with her is more appealing to him. I hate to say these things that hurt you but you continue to make excuses for why he isn't pursuing you and it's really quite simple. You have to accept the facts so you can heal. Edited November 21, 2017 by stillafool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 You can work things out...............if your OK with being the second option. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts