wolfie04 Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 Hello all! First of all, thanks for reading this post. After coping for months after a harsh breakup I decided to move on with my life. My ex and I have been together for almost 7 years - he was my first boyfriend, we have a huge age gap, but that wasn't a problem. First years were, as many of you can relate, of joy, making plans for the future ahead, etc. The thing ended up being a complete lie: I was the only one putting energies towards our relationship, he was seeing his ex wife behind my back (with the excuse of being in good terms with her because of their child), leading me to believe we had a future together while years and years went by and many (too many) excuses to be told over here. I'm not going to play the victim role here, I acknowledge my errors by being blind this entire time to that behaviour of his, or ignoring my friend's warnings on what he truly is. To be honest, the mask of what I believed him to be fell off my face after a meeting with some mutual friends where he bragged about the amazing holidays he had with his ex wife and child (yeah, they are back together after he dumped me, though he denies it), and I couldn't believe what I was witnessing as he was showing pics of all the marvelous places he visited in front of all our friends who knew well we were together for that long time. That happened roughly 5 months after I ended things. That was the kickstart for me to start to see things as they are, to start valuing myself as he constantly led me to believe I was close to meaningless, a failure if I did wrong at my university exams or at work... he distanced me from my close friends (relationships that some are now beyond repair point and some I managed to rekindle back), and even my parents. But still, after all this and telling him off more than once via email, phone or person, he still contacts me. He writes or calls on the pretext of us still being friends, that he cares deeply for me - for a good while I thought that would be possible, but in reality, he's a sort of toxic person as every time I see or talk to him I end up feeling angry, used or believe I'm unworthy. So, instead of doing what I'm used to now - which is ranting via mail or answering sarcastically via phone so he gets the message, I'm here to ask for advice, on what should I do. Am I giving him the wrong message? What part of that I want to move on and have the happiness I deserve isn't he getting? Link to post Share on other sites
trustyourself Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 The best message is no response at all. Only you have the will to do that and move on. Don’t waste more time on this guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wolfie04 Posted November 22, 2017 Author Share Posted November 22, 2017 The best message is no response at all. Only you have the will to do that and move on. Don’t waste more time on this guy. Thanks! Probably I should do that, though I'm fighting with the tiny part of my brain that tells me to answer and rant at him again. I know that won't make me a better person though, nor help me to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 You can always block him from contacting you. I've always found that to be the best solution. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 Yes, I agree that blocking him sounds like the best way forward. Keep in mind that if he was seeing you both simultaneously, he will be used to having it that way, so he is going to try and keep you around because it has worked for him for so long. I also wouldn't be surprised if he tries to make you his "bit on the side" and flip flop between the pair of you. If you find that as disgusting as I do, you will remove yourself from the situation and let him find someone else to screw over. You only need to look at the OW/OM forum to see how damaging these situations/patterns can be. Think about the wonderful opportunities you can have the future now, and don't look back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 Block and ignore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 Another vote for blocking him. No discussion, no explanation. Just block. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wolfie04 Posted November 23, 2017 Author Share Posted November 23, 2017 Yes, I agree that blocking him sounds like the best way forward. Keep in mind that if he was seeing you both simultaneously, he will be used to having it that way, so he is going to try and keep you around because it has worked for him for so long. I also wouldn't be surprised if he tries to make you his "bit on the side" and flip flop between the pair of you. If you find that as disgusting as I do, you will remove yourself from the situation and let him find someone else to screw over. You only need to look at the OW/OM forum to see how damaging these situations/patterns can be. Think about the wonderful opportunities you can have the future now, and don't look back. Totally agree with you, and I find it disgusting as hell if he ever took me for something that disposable. I'm not someone's second dish, nor did I do anything to deserve that treatment - quite the opposite in fact as I felt I was in a committed relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wolfie04 Posted November 23, 2017 Author Share Posted November 23, 2017 I really want to thank everybody who answered my post; I'm going to block him so that way he won't contact me any longer. Perhaps I was naive enough to believe he would change and get the message, but obviously, he's not a normal person. Link to post Share on other sites
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