Converting to a partner's faith because of the relationship

[major_merrick]

I'm facing a decision regarding my future and possibly getting involved with an ex that I am very close to. He is part of a small sect of Christianity that has a unique set of beliefs, and they consider me to essentially be a non-believing heathen. I believe in God, just not the same way they do. In order to have a relationship with him and become part of his household (if that is what I want) I would have to officially convert to following their spiritual path.

 

My problem is, I just can't be convinced that their beliefs are the truth. They have some interesting regulations about how women are supposed to dress, groom, and behave. They support their statements with verses from the text, but I don't see that it adds up.

 

So...is it possible to simply say that I convert to make the relationship work, or do I somehow have to convince myself of their point of view?

[Els]

I'm a bit confused - how will this work with your two girlfriends, will they be affected by it?

 

Personally I wouldn't even do it for a monogamous partner, let alone a polygamous partner. If they want to be with me, they must accept that I am entitled to my own beliefs, just as they are to theirs.

[d0nnivain]

I couldn't tolerate any religion that is so strict & dogmatic in its teachings. If they can't accept anybody except their own kind, you really have to think long & hard about your SOs' ability & willingness to compromise about any aspect of life. This particular "religion" also sounds very repressive. Are you sure it's a religion & not a closed-minded cult.

[LivingWaterPlease]

If you officially convert to your ex's religion won't you have to take vows stating you believe in it? What all is entailed in converting?

 

How could you maintain your personal integrity when stating you believe something that you really don't believe?

 

Also, like a previous poster, I thought you had a couple of girlfriends. How would they feel about you becoming involved with an ex boyfriend and does the boyfriend know you have two girlfriends?

[No_Go]

I guess it is extremely common people to convert to please partners, and in the same time it is very sad and soul-crushing to state that you belive in something that you don't. I have been through extremely bad times because of my ex's religious beliefs and his desire o convert me 'naturally' -i.e. make me a believer. It never worked. At all. The only thing that he achieved in his attempts was to make me 100% convinced in my choice not to belong to a formal religion, ever. I like to toy with spirituality and ideas coming from religious books but my interest and level of involvement end there.

 

I honestly think you're reliving the past ('what if you stayed with him'). Better focus on what you have now, keep your relationship with him as friendship and keep your own identity, religious and otherwise.

[major_merrick]

I couldn't tolerate any religion that is so strict & dogmatic in its teachings. If they can't accept anybody except their own kind, you really have to think long & hard about your SOs' ability & willingness to compromise about any aspect of life. This particular "religion" also sounds very repressive. Are you sure it's a religion & not a closed-minded cult.

 

The word "cult" could be used for this particular group, although it doesn't really bother me. My ex is aware of my beliefs as we discuss them often, and I think he understands that my conversion would mostly be formal. As for my girlfriends, it isn't really a religious issue. His group doesn't really acknowledge that intimate relations between girls is "real," and so there isn't a prohibition on my having girlfriends, or on them interacting with his wives. I'm still in love with him after all these years, I love my GFs too, and I suspect that my GF#1 is in love with his first wife and their relationship is growing past the "friendship" level. I'm trying to work out a situation where everybody wins and is happy.

 

As for my personal integrity, my feelings are still evolving on that. If I take vows that I believe something when I don't, I think it mostly comes down to what the consequences would be, if any. My morality has always been pretty flexible, as I've done what I needed to do to survive and get what I want. Which, in the end, is my main problem with religion

 

Conversion would involve making a declaration of faith, and submission to the authority of the religious body. I would have to make a couple of minor changes to how I dress and groom myself, but other than that my life wouldn't change much. I would have to fulfill some extra duties, which I've already been told would involve joining the security team.