Ex wants space

[askier]

My ex wants space from me.

 

I asked her if we can talk. She says no. I think it's because she's hurt.

 

I have been in NC for 2 months now. I do stalk her profile sometimes and notice that she likes every picture of four guys. One is her ex bf, one of them is one she dated briefly before me and the third guy is one who was interested in her(she told me about it once).

 

It just infuriates me that she says she is hurting and can't talk to me(she says she will talk later), but is liking every picture that these guys put up. In my head, I sometimes get thoughts that maybe she is trying to date one of them/talk these guys into dating. Then I think I'm just thinking too much about this.

 

Do you think this is a sign I should not talk to her?

Edited November 27, 2017 by askier

[ExpatInItaly]

My ex wants space from me.

 

I asked her if we can talk. She says no. I think it's because she's hurt.

 

Do you think this is a sign I should not talk to her?

Well, yes. She has specifically told you she wants to space from you and she has turned down your offer to talk. What she does on social media is secondary.

 

For your own good, you need to stop monitoring her online activity. It will drive you insane.

[SpecialJ]

You must respect her space to show her you respect her. What did you do to hurt her so much that she wants no contact?

 

I told my last ex that I needed space right after the breakup, and he refused to give me any. He wanted to be friends immediately, even though he dumped me. This made me feel like he was being selfish and only caring about his guilt and needs instead of also considering mine.

 

Know what happened? After I asked for space a few times and he kept finding ways to reach out anyway, I couldn't deal with him anymore. So I told him I had had it and would be blocking him, and then I didn't talk to him for EIGHT months. And I needed every minute of that time.

 

If he hadn't pushed me when I told him I needed space, I probably wouldn't have blocked him or been out of touch for as long.

 

You shouldn't be taking her request as a "sign" or "suggestion." You should be listening to her telling you what the right thing is for her right now, or she will resent you further. Tell her ok, and that you will give her space but will be available to talk when she's ready. Then let her come to you.

 

And then, you focus on YOU! You stop checking her social media. You take a good look at yourself, figure out if there's any work you want to do on yourself or hobbies you want to devote time to or other challenges you want to try, and you take a break from thinking about her and what she's doing. I bet you'll start feeling better pretty soon if you focus on yourself, and then if you still want to talk to her and she reaches out, you'll be in a more confident place to discuss things.

[bluecastle]

Exactly what SpecialJ says. She's asked for space—give it to her, plain and simple.

 

Social media is so, so toxic in these moments. She could be liking these photos for a million reasons—none of them matter, none of them change that you two shared something that is real. Stay away from there—believe me, I know that's easier said than done—but within days you'll find yourself feeling better. Dig deep in yourself, cultivate who you want to be regardless of where you two stand, and all will fall into place.

 

Best of luck.

[PegNosePete]

I have been in NC for 2 months now.

Really? Because almost every other word you write is about how you are NOT in NC with her.

 

Do you know what NC means?

[d0nnivain]

I agree with PegNosePete. If you have asked to talk & you can still see her social media you have not even begun NC. Disconnect in all ways. You should not know who or what she likes. For now leave her completely alone.

[rickwman]

I'm assuming that she is your ex girlfriend, not wife. Trust and honesty goes a long way in establishing a firm relationship foundation. Be honest with her and express how you feel. Give her the space she needs if she is hurting but is unable to tell you. I'll pray that you both reveal your true hearts to one another so you can freely give and forgive one another.