He's already with someone else- (UPDATE: Stalked by his new GF)

[Beachead]

*I posted this under second chances as well but it only got one response and I could really use multiple views/opinions *

 

My ex and I met in the final semester of my junior year, his senior year. We had the most amazing, fairy tale relationship over the spring/summer. I have never been treated so well or felt so loved in my life. I've had boyfriends, but he was my first love. And then he went to college.

 

Even up until the day I helped him move into his dorm he had no doubts about us. He said if anyone could make it, it was us. He said he didn't need to find any other girl because I was everything he could ever want. His school is only an hour and a half away from my boarding school, and 30 minutes from my house. Two days after I dropped him off, he got distant. He started pulling away. After only 5 days, he called me saying he wanted to break up. He was scared of only getting to see me every few weeks. He couldn't handle missing me. He said he was afraid of ever resenting me if he had regrets down the road about not experiencing other girls since I was his first serious girlfriend, he said he felt he couldn't handle a relationship right now and needed time to figure himself out.

 

He assured me he still loved me, it was nothing I did and nothing to do with our relationship and his feelings for me hadn't changed. When we talked in person he cried almost as much as I did. He always had a sheltered life and was a shy, low confidence guy so I can see how college and being on his own for the first time could be a shock. He second guessed his decision a couple of times and I really thought he was going to come back. I fought so hard for a month after the breakup and gave him every reason to try again. He wanted to stay friends and I tried but it was too hard. I told him I needed some time and space to heal and we ended things on good terms and agreed to talk again in a few weeks.

 

Over those few weeks he saw anything I did on social media as being targeted at him, trying to hurt him or make him jealous. I would never stoop that low. When I wasn't talking to him, he found someone else. Only a few weeks after our breakup and he was in another committed and serious relationship. Out of nowhere I was blocked from all of his social media, he deleted all pictures of us and posted one with her. When I asked him about it, he claimed he was trying to protect me and keep me from seeing the post of this new girl which is why he also blocked all of my close friends. It doesn't help that a few of them sent him nasty texts behind my back and he thought I was just as immature as them.

 

I know they were trying to defend me, but it only made things worse and made me look psycho. We ended up arguing and he blocked my number. He and this girl are still together over a month later. He unblocked me but didn't add me back on anything. I had so much hope that he would change his mind, that he would wake up and come back to me, especially because I'm going to college 10 minutes away from him next year and we would be seeing each other every day if we wanted. Seeing him with this new girl crushes me. She's ALWAYS posting pictures with him, he's only posted the one. I just don't know how to move on when I want him to come back so badly.

 

I think it would hurt less if he had stayed single, I felt betrayed that he replaced me so quickly. I have no way of knowing if she's a rebound. I know I need to move on and focus on myself, on moving forward and accepting the fact that it's over. But I think back on our relationship and memories and I can't wrap my mind around how what we had is gone. We were only together for 5 months but I felt more in those 5 months than I did in a 2 year relationship and he never let me forget how much he loved and cared for me.

 

Our connection was amazing and our relationship beyond mature for our age. I miss him so much and I feel like he hates me now. I guess my question is, is there a chance he'll come back even though he's with this other girl? I can't help seeing her as this new goddess, his soulmate, someone so much better than me that he's head over heels for.

 

I know that's probably unlikely but I can't help feeling he's already completely over me and forgotten about me, yet he's still all I can think about almost 3 months since the official breakup.

 

Hey OP,

 

I feel you and how much pain you are in. I've been there.

 

This is what happened. He went to college.

 

You two are young. 20's are a time where you change drastically. Who I was at 20 is not who I was at 23, nor was it who I was at 27..and at 31, I've changed a lot. It's hard to see this from your perspective and also at your stage in life but your ex is young.

 

College is really a time where a whole new world of endless possibilities opens up for someone. We're figuring out what it is we want to be doing in life as we go. We change degrees, we change career paths, we change schools, and we meet 100's of people a year. He is bumping into new girls everyday in his classes, in his dorm, in the local area. There is so much that life is throwing at him right now and it's all new and exciting. While this is going on for him, he has a girlfriend back at home thats waiting on his call, thinking about him, missing him and trying to hold him down when he wants to explore the world. This isn't your fault..it has to do mainly with age, maturity, stages in life..that kind of thing.

 

How did he make it look easy? Well..you are out of sight/out of mind and this new girl he is dating is someone he gets to see everyday. He actually isn't dealing with the breakup at all, but rather burying it under the aura of the college experience. The good news here is it means, you are going to heal and be over this with time while he a blast of thoughts about you will hit him 3-4 months down the road when his semester ends, and he comes back home to a place that reminds him of you. I have a good feeling, this is when he will reach out (If he does, it's important to remember that it won't work out).

 

Unfortunately, when he made all these promises to you, he didn't know this would happen because he never experienced this in his life hence why I say he's young. Even if the relationship doesn't work out with this new girl, he's going to meet others in the next 3-4 years.

 

I know this is tough to hear. It's like someone smashed you in the stomach with a hammer and took all the wind out of you. It's a rude awakening.

 

But the good news hear is the same will happen for you. You're going to meet a lot of great people in the coming future and your life is also going to change and you will also grow as a person. In a few years from now, you will look back at this and He is your first love. Your heart just took it's first real but it is relativey unscathed and strong enough to mend itself. Keep in mind, you were with him for 5 months out of your entire life. If you were fine without him before, you're going to be fine without him afterwards.

 

Do not carry any hope. This is very important. Treat this as, it's over and you will never see him again. Don't reach out to him. Take him off of social media so you don't have to see updates that will hurt you. Now is the time accept that it's over and to begin investing your energy into taking care of your broken heart. Nobody knows what will happen in the future but as of right now, this is your optimal move.

 

I promise you in 1 year, you're going to be okay.

Edited November 27, 2017 by Beachead

[hope18]

Hey OP,

 

I feel you and how much pain you are in. I've been there.

 

This is what happened. He went to college.

 

You two are young. 20's are a time where you change drastically. Who I was at 20 is not who I was at 23, nor was it who I was at 27..and at 31, I've changed a lot. It's hard to see this from your perspective and also at your stage in life but your ex is young.

 

College is really a time where a whole new world of endless possibilities opens up for someone. We're figuring out what it is we want to be doing in life as we go. We change degrees, we change career paths, we change schools, and we meet 100's of people a year. He is bumping into new girls everyday in his classes, in his dorm, in the local area. There is so much that life is throwing at him right now and it's all new and exciting. While this is going on for him, he has a girlfriend back at home thats waiting on his call, thinking about him, missing him and trying to hold him down when he wants to explore the world. This isn't your fault..it has to do mainly with age, maturity, stages in life..that kind of thing.

 

How did he make it look easy? Well..you are out of sight/out of mind and this new girl he is dating is someone he gets to see everyday. He actually isn't dealing with the breakup at all, but rather burying it under the aura of the college experience. The good news here is it means, you are going to heal and be over this with time while he a blast of thoughts about you will hit him 3-4 months down the road when his semester ends, and he comes back home to a place that reminds him of you. I have a good feeling, this is when he will reach out (If he does, it's important to remember that it won't work out).

 

Unfortunately, when he made all these promises to you, he didn't know this would happen because he never experienced this in his life hence why I say he's young. Even if the relationship doesn't work out with this new girl, he's going to meet others in the next 3-4 years.

 

I know this is tough to hear. It's like someone smashed you in the stomach with a hammer and took all the wind out of you. It's a rude awakening.

 

But the good news hear is the same will happen for you. You're going to meet a lot of great people in the coming future and your life is also going to change and you will also grow as a person. In a few years from now, you will look back at this and He is your first love. Your heart just took it's first real but it is relativey unscathed and strong enough to mend itself. Keep in mind, you were with him for 5 months out of your entire life. If you were fine without him before, you're going to be fine without him afterwards.

 

Do not carry any hope. This is very important. Treat this as, it's over and you will never see him again. Don't reach out to him. Take him off of social media so you don't have to see updates that will hurt you. Now is the time accept that it's over and to begin investing your energy into taking care of your broken heart. Nobody knows what will happen in the future but as of right now, this is your optimal move.

 

I promise you in 1 year, you're going to be okay.

 

Thank you so, so much for this. You're right it's hard because he's off living life with zero reminders of me while I'm stuck in a place full of reminders of him and no new people or distractions.

[Beachead]

Thank you so, so much for this. You're right it's hard because he's off living life with zero reminders of me while I'm stuck in a place full of reminders of him and no new people or distractions.

 

Yes, but the advantage you have is you are actually processing the breakup. You are grieving, feeling, healing, trying to understand things etc. In several months, you will have learned quite a bit from this experience which will ultimately contribute to you becoming a better version of yourself. You'll be someone new who will have more tools to take care of yourself. It all matters. Every experience, bad or good in life.

Edited November 28, 2017 by Beachead

[hope18]

Hey all,

How do/did you cope with your ex dating someone new? My story is in my previous post if you want to read it for background info. I don't know how to handle seeing him with someone new. Especially since he moved on within only a few weeks and is already serious about this girl after telling me he still loved me but needed to be alone and was confused and couldn't handle being away from me etc. they've been together for over a month now, I've been NC with him but can't stop picturing him talking to and treating her the way he did me. He moved on so quickly I feel like I have whiplash. I can't stop picturing her as everything I'm not, as this perfect girl he's madly in love with and going to last forever with. I know that's probably not likely as he never really gave himself time to process our breakup, plus he still has a lot of maturing to do and jumped into this relationship only a month-ish into his freshman year of college, but I can't help these thoughts. How did you deal?

[d0nnivain]

How are you actually seeing him if he's away at college & you are home? If you are still connected on social media, disconnect: unfriend, unfollow. If you have mutual friends, block. Also avoid places you know he's likely to be

 

 

If it's only in your mind's eye, when the visions come it, say to yourself I have to stop this. He's moved on. It's not healthy for me to dwell. Then do something, anything, to distract yourself & take your mind off it. Calling a dear friend or doing something active would be best.

[amaysngrace]

I pity the fool

[hope18]

How are you actually seeing him if he's away at college & you are home? If you are still connected on social media, disconnect: unfriend, unfollow. If you have mutual friends, block. Also avoid places you know he's likely to be

 

 

If it's only in your mind's eye, when the visions come it, say to yourself I have to stop this. He's moved on. It's not healthy for me to dwell. Then do something, anything, to distract yourself & take your mind off it. Calling a dear friend or doing something active would be best.

 

I saw pictures she was posting about two weeks ago until I blocked her and all mutual friends. Now it's pretty much just my head, I'm such an overthinker I'm not one of those people who can just shut it off, would give anything to be that person. I guess he gave me hope for so long that he would come back so imagining him with someone else hurts and has been so hard to wrap my mind around.

[wishyouneverleft]

What sucks is our families are close. Therefore, once I visit them for events like my cousin's baptism, there's a chance I may met the new boyfriend. Thinking about it, I'd be on the floor, borderline destroyed. But in reality, time will tell what actually transpires.

[rushed]

Shortly after my ex and I broke up we both started dating other people. He would mention dating someone to me in passing (he was still getting some mail at my place and would come by to pick it up), but I never thought too much about it.

 

And then one day I saw pics of my ex and his new girlfriend together on my facebook posted by a mutual friend. It was the strangest feeling seeing that. It wasn't really jealousy, but it was a feeling kind of resembling hurt and finality. Even though by this time I was already in another relationship with my current boyfriend, I still felt weird seeing my ex's pictures with another girl. It's a feeling that is hard to explain.

 

Anyway, when I think about my ex now, I usually think of all things we disagreed on and I feel really fortunate that I no longer have to deal with those things with him anymore.

[hope18]

Anyway, when I think about my ex now, I usually think of all things we disagreed on and I feel really fortunate that I no longer have to deal with those things with him anymore.

 

I'm sorry you had to go through that, it's seriously awful. I wish there were bad parts of our relationship so that I could focus on those and take your approach. Everything was seriously perfect, I almost wish it wasn't so that this could make more sense to me.

[Beachead]

I'm sorry you had to go through that, it's seriously awful. I wish there were bad parts of our relationship so that I could focus on those and take your approach. Everything was seriously perfect, I almost wish it wasn't so that this could make more sense to me.

 

That's the thing OP, it wasn't perfect. If it was, this wouldn't have happened. He was always this person. There were things that he knowingly/unknowingly wanted like seeing what was out there in the world beyond the relationship you two shared. And when the opportunity presented itself, he revealed this to you. Unveiled what he really wanted deep down inside. We are defined by the choices we make and our actions..not what we tell people. The truth is, he wasn't invested in it like you were.

 

And if you don't belive me, would you have done this to him? Nope.

 

Take comfort in knowing this was always going to be the result no matter what. Nothing you could have done would have changed that. You could have been girlfriend of the year and it still wouldn't have changed anything. At best, maybe postponed it a little while longer. But, if it wasn't college, it would have been something else that would have made him end it. Perhaps he would have met a girl locally. Perhaps he would have met someone else down the road.

Edited December 2, 2017 by Beachead

[elaine567]

When I met him he was SO insecure about himself for many reasons. I built up his confidence so much but clearly the insecurity remains.

 

I am not sure that insecurity does remain.

You built him up to be confident in himself, so confident he used it in college to flirt with other women and get into a new relationship and leave you behind...

He doesn't actually need you any more.

It is not an uncommon scenario actually.

[Wobugan]

Dear,

 

Work on you, grieve heal and move on. It is the Only thing you can do.

 

Everything Will be alright, trust me.

[hope18]

Hey all, anyone can read my former posts from a few weeks ago to get background info on my situation. Right now I just need to vent and be given feedback. I have stopped checking their social media, it had been almost two weeks. Before I stopped looking, my ex’s new girlfriend had been stalking my social media and copying anything I posted.

 

If I posted a selfie she would post one within an hour. If I posted a beach picture, she posted one immediately after. If I posted a picture with my brother, she posted one with her and hers immediately after. I even posted a picture of the TD garden one day because I went to a game and she copied that too. Anyways, I stopped caring and checking. However, my closest friend still follows her. Today I posted a cute screenshot of a text conversation where my best guy friend said he was missing his ex and still loved her but their timing wasn’t right. (Don’t worry I got his permission and cropped his name out before posting the screenshot, I just found it sweet and worthy of VSCO lol).

 

Anyways, ten minutes later my friend texts me “she’s done it again”. Only minutes later she had posted a text screenshot between her and someone else where she was saying how happy my ex makes her and how much she loves him and how she’s never letting go. She must have assumed what I posted was in relation to my ex.

 

I shouldn’t let it get to me, however it is really frustrating that she’s THAT insecure that she still has to check my social media daily and copy me/try to hurt me 2.5 months later. I blocked her now from seeing my account. It’s just beyond frustrating because my relationship with my ex was extremely mature up until the end, we had nothing but respect and trust for each other and I never felt the need to check up on his other ex.

 

We had our own lives outside of our relationship, it was healthy. This girl however is constantly stalking me, posting pictures of them almost every single day with radio silence on his end, copying my posts and trying to rub stuff in my face as if it’s some middle school competition. She is clingy and obsessed with him and I think the reason it frustrates me so much is he doesn’t see this side of her. He’s blind and probably sees her as a perfect princess because they’ve only been together less than three months.

It hurts because he threw away a beautiful, mature, respectful and trusting relationship for something easier and someone much more immature just because I couldn’t physically be there with him and he couldn’t handle it.

 

He deserves better, even if it’s not with me. And she needs to grow up and stop trying to one-up me or make me jealous, watching my every move. She’s in college not sixth grade. Good luck to him if he ever tries to leave her, maybe it will show him her true colors but I’m not going to put my life on hold to find out. I’m moving on. He can figure her out for himself in time. (Just to repeat for people who may say stop checking her social media, I have stopped checking it, the only reason I found out she was still doing this was because of my friend who I asked tonight to stop giving me updates.)

Edited December 20, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Why in the world is your social media still public for anyone to see? Just make it private so she can't see it. Seems like you're feeding off this in some way.

[hope18]

Why in the world is your social media still public for anyone to see? Just make it private so she can't see it. Seems like you're feeding off this in some way.

 

All of my social media is private except for VSCO where it is not possible to have a private profile. She has been blocked on everything else from the get-go and my other accounts have always been private. But even when you block someone on VSCO they can still see your photos/posts, they just can't interact with them.

[ByMyself01]

Girl, just get you a new boo and move on. Leave the petty girlfriend to be petty. Guys usually grow tired of girls like that anyways. If he stays with her, she is more than likely to become the crazy ex or baby mama which is why most guys avoid women like that. She's a psycho and has too much time on her hands so he must not be making her too happy or spending enough time with her. She may be upset that he brings you up or something. It just means she's not secure in her relationship or you wouldn't even be a thought.

[hope18]

Girl, just get you a new boo and move on. Leave the petty girlfriend to be petty. Guys usually grow tired of girls like that anyways. If he stays with her, she is more than likely to become the crazy ex or baby mama which is why most guys avoid women like that. She's a psycho and has too much time on her hands so he must not be making her too happy or spending enough time with her. She may be upset that he brings you up or something. It just means she's not secure in her relationship or you wouldn't even be a thought.

 

Yeah I'm moving forward, it sucks because I still know he deserves better, even if it's not me. When we were together he frequently reminded me how thankful he was that I was never clingy or immature or obsessed and that we had our own lives aside from our relationship as well. She seems to be everything he told me he hated, but I'm not going to sit and wait for them to crash and burn. People are telling me "wait and watch them breakup and him come running back to you realizing what you had was rare for your age" but honestly I don't think I want someone who left me to see if he could find better and ran at the first real bump in the road instead of trying to make things work. His loss, if he tries to breakup with her good luck to him because she's already acting psycho when things are supposedly going "so well".

[Jdoublenn]

BLOCK. BLOCK. BLOCK.

 

If you didn't like her stupid little game, why are you letting it continue? LOL

 

EDIT**I read the end, but I'm still confused as to why you let it go one so long..

 

I understand being sad and missing your ex and possibly wanting to see what his new gf was up to, but after the third copied pic she should've been blocked.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

All of my social media is private except for VSCO where it is not possible to have a private profile. She has been blocked on everything else from the get-go and my other accounts have always been private. But even when you block someone on VSCO they can still see your photos/posts, they just can't interact with them.

 

I really have no clue what that is (even after Googling it), but do you HAVE to use it?

[hope18]

BLOCK. BLOCK. BLOCK.

 

If you didn't like her stupid little game, why are you letting it continue? LOL

 

EDIT**I read the end, but I'm still confused as to why you let it go one so long..

 

I understand being sad and missing your ex and possibly wanting to see what his new gf was up to, but after the third copied pic she should've been blocked.

 

I thought maybe it was in my head and just a weird coincidence until tonight. And I'm not going to lie, part of me feels good that she's immature. I had built her up in my head to be this beautiful and perfect girl he was going to marry (ridiculous I know) but now seeing this side of her has helped me begin to move on with some satisfaction that at least I have never and would never stoop to that level. Clearly something is missing in their relationship or he's still hung up on us, otherwise she wouldn't be so insecure and determined to one-up me or rub their happiness in my face. Oh well, not my issue to try and decipher anymore. Best of luck to him!

[hope18]

I really have no clue what that is (even after Googling it), but do you HAVE to use it?

 

It's basically a photography app. No I do not have to use it but it's something I enjoy and I'm not going to stop using something that makes me happy because his new psycho gf wants to be insecure. If she wants to be jealous and obsess over me she can go right ahead, but I refuse to feed into it and give her any satisfaction.

[HumanMachine]

It's basically a photography app. No I do not have to use it but it's something I enjoy and I'm not going to stop using something that makes me happy because his new psycho gf wants to be insecure. If she wants to be jealous and obsess over me she can go right ahead, but I refuse to feed into it and give her any satisfaction.

 

It’s quite simple really, either stop using the app or deal with her ‘stalking’ you.

[hope18]

It’s quite simple really, either stop using the app or deal with her ‘stalking’ you.

 

Like I said before, not going to stop using something I enjoy because she wants to be petty and immature. I'm also not going to deal with her stalking me because that would require reaching out to either him or her and I'm not going to waste my energy or give them the satisfaction. I mostly wrote this post for a good venting session. For me the only solution is let her obsess over me and see how great I'm doing, her insecurity will ruin their relationship especially because when we were together he told me that clingy, immature and insecure girls were a turnoff for him.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

It's basically a photography app. No I do not have to use it but it's something I enjoy and I'm not going to stop using something that makes me happy because his new psycho gf wants to be insecure. If she wants to be jealous and obsess over me she can go right ahead, but I refuse to feed into it and give her any satisfaction.

 

But you are feeding into it, a lot, by posting about it on a public forum. I suggest you never look at her social media again. That would be truly not feeding into it.