Do you dare share your problems or bottle them up inside.

[Fair]

I feel increasingly like I'm being to made to feel like a 'bad person,' for even hinting I'm having a bad day. And everywhere I look I feel worse. All those fb memes where people state they don't want negativity or drama and woe to you if you try to disturb their bliss.

 

Because people are like this, it pushes you back into an isolated bubble, and this despite the fact that I've just had the worse year of my life with three deaths in the family, the loss of my pet, and the news that my brother doesn't have much longer to live due to his diabetes. Now I've got anxiety and a full out panic disorder that has me off work, and too afraid to leave the house without the help of pills! And still no one calls to check up on me, or comes around to visit.. or anything! Not because I try to burden them with my problems, either. But they all know what has happened to me through the grapevine on FB. They know I lost nearly my entire family in one year and am about to lose the last one.

 

Does anyone else know how I feel? I just need to know I'm not alone!! Because I feel so alone right now I don't even want to get out of bed. How do you cope? Yes, I'm about to start counselling, but I know from experience that's only a band aid. Real healing comes from knowing you're actually loved and cared for.

Edited November 27, 2017 by Fair

[d0nnivain]

Real healing is from loving & caring about yourself. It's not external.

 

Social media is kind of like marketing -- it's all supposed to be a good spin on everything. When you are sad or upset, stay off it. Find somebody to talk to & open up to IRL.

 

Counseling will help especially if it can lead you down a path of self soothing.

[Physx]

Everyone deals with these types of things differently. Some of your friends may be assuming you *want* to be left alone at this time. As donnivain stated, stay off social media with the negativity, but do try to talk to friends about it and make it clear to them that you are in need of support. The true friends will be there for you.

 

It might also help you to find support groups for your condition right now. They can help provide you with support and even techniques they use to help them cope.

 

You can also head to a site like meetup to build new relationships and new hobbies to take your mind off of things.

[carhill]

IME, it's not necessarily the counseling that helps, rather the tools a competent counselor teaches which assist in how you process the emotions you currently experience and will continue experiencing throughout your life. I hope your counselor addresses those tools in session. Be clear in your goals and what you want. You're in charge of that stuff in counseling. The counselor is a facilitator and guide.

 

Day to day, I'd focus more on the real and re-energize or establish associations which you find productive. I recall, going through death and divorce nearly simultaneously about a decade ago something which really helped me was reaching out to friends not for a sympathetic ear but rather to help them. The process of giving returned benefits which I still receive today, not necessarily from them but rather within myself.

 

To answer your title, guys of my generation don't generally complain or share problems; we deal with them in our 'cave'. Once in awhile some venting goes on over beers or while doing shared activities. My two most common are shooting and fishing. However, that's only with the closest and most trusted of male friends. My experiences with my exW and other various women in life kinda turned me off to sharing problems with women so they get a flat line from me on that front. However, I don't 'bottle them up', rather process them out and decide whether or not they matter and then resolve what remains. The active process was learning to care less which resolved a lot of any potential anxiety. Perfect? Nah. Nothing is perfect. Accept who you are and that you're imperfect and surrounded by flawed and imperfect beings. Welcome to the human race

[Frostedflake]

I'm a bottle it up type. I think very carefully about what I say and put out there to people and kinda calculate their reactions before hand.

There's two reasons for this:

1) If that person can't help me with the problem, why tell them? It just makes both of us feel like crap.

2) I've already considered the reaction I actually want and I'm setting myself up for further disappointment when the person doesn't say/do what I needed to feel better.

 

But that's why we collect different relationships. We've got work buddies, friends, best friends, family, and S/O's. We trust them with different details and different issues for a reason.

[Timshel]

First, Fair, get off facebook...no good will come.

 

Second, you are not alone. Counseling will help immensely if you are honest and not trying to impress/devalue your circumstance, which is quite common. Let it flow and worry not what the counselor thinks, please, that's their job.

 

You are dealing with tremendous loss, make no apologies for the grief and stress that you are experiencing.

 

A few weeks after my husband died, my daughter needed pull ups. I went to CVS (pharmacy) to get them. I walked up and down isles and couldn't find them...so ended up crying right there till a kind soul pulled them for me. I was a mess. Embarrassed and depressed mess.

 

Be still for awhile is my best advice. Being outside in nature, working with my hands, watching the sun move across the trees and an inner strength that I can only attribute to God saved me Fair.

 

Take time for yourself, take walks, look at the natural world around you and then give kindness and hard work whenever you are ready.

 

I wish you the best and I am both sorry for not having an easy answer and for your loss. In time, you will find strength.

Edited November 28, 2017 by Timshel